I feel really lost currently, and i would love some advices/words

>>18302804
>but i still have about 7k in debts.
>And its what stopping me from killing myself, because even if i die, i will not leave a mess for others to clean up.
>not my family.

Not to let it encourage you or anything... but if you die they can only claim what you own... they can't chase anyone else for it
(though shady people try the police can shut that down pretty fast)

I'm similar, dropped out after just turning 18, almost killed myself, hypnotherapy helped my depression and ended that (still have some side affects like anxiety but no randomness sadness, and not an emotionless slab of meat either, I get rationally upset over situational circumstances :) )

Anyway, what I thought was... I want kids. This came because in hypnotherapy, long story short I went back to a memory of 7 y/o me getting beat up, and I spoke to him and told him it's all gonna be okay. It all felt real and I was laughing and crying simultaneously as I was sat in the therapist's chair (not a classic therapy chair).

So now I do everything I do for the younger me, and/or for my future children. Not for myself, I think myself is a waste of space, but for others I can be a great help.

>>18302815
Adding to this (same guy), keep looking for jobs or ways to make money. I'm currently making a little off tipped bets (search football fella on Facebook) and a shit job with 2-5 shifts per month, but I'm gonna make it work, for them

File: 1475640345191.png (2MB, 1520x1126px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1520x1126px

>>18302804
you are not alone. This is what many young men feel and face in the west in this modern dystopia.

I was depressed for about 4 years after my military career ended, my wife cheated and left me, took the house and the kids, both fucking dogs.

Please believe me when I tell you there is a way out. It's not a popular way to go, the world will shame you for it if they learn what path you're on.
But as you've probably noticed, you get shamed by the world no matter what you do, basically just for being born male. Don't listen to them.
You've tried following the rules and norms of society and it has done nothing but shat in your face for it.

You need to find the truth of the world, it will both hurt your feelings and set you free. Feelings do not matter, freedom fucking does.
Find and take the red pill, it's the only choice.

File: Sorrow is but an illusion of the mind.png (19KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]

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Place your faith in the Emperor.

>>18302825
I fucking love you

>>18302813
my parents and i signed a bond for the study,
and my parents is liable for rest of the debt.
so, they are liable to pay for that,
though it's not a big number to put my family in a financial crisis,
but i feel responsible to it even if it's 1k debt left.

oh, and right now, when i burnt out my savings, i'm starting to take money from my parents to sustain my living,
which make me feel even worse than ever,
in fact, i feel the worst in my entire life right now.

>>18302815
I don't plan on going any therapy or at the very least get diagnosed.
What i wanted is just life to stop going against me.
I wanted to look for a job, and couldn't find it,
fine, i will get a lower paid job,
nope, life decides to say no,
very well, i will get a hard but low pay job,
nope, still nope,
great, i will work at a chained fast food then,
sorry dude, when you're in a slump, the only logical thing for life to do is bring you lower than being in a slump.

which make me started to think,
why am i struggling for anyway?
just to stay alive and have more chances to struggle more?
why do i even live if i don't enjoy living?

Heck, if i won a lottery right now,
it will solve all my problems,
but don't stop me from these suicide thoughts,
merely postponing my death.

>>18302804
I really like that picture, is it your own art?

That angel of death is calling for me also.