How do you best maintain relationships/friendships when one person

>>18301743
just don't talk about money ? why would you even do that ?

>>18301743
I have friends who are spending on what they don't have. If your friends are one of those people, forget it, they can do better but chose not to and thinks you are showing off.
There's really not much you can do for those people. If you really care for them, help them to be better. Buy them a book about finance. Try Dave Ramsey's Totally Money Make Over. Only $10 on sale on his website.

I have a friend who is much better off financially than me, and we were friends way before we ever entered the workforce. Basically, sometimes it's slightly annoying when he keeps pointing it out not-so-subtly, but I don't let it come between us because we connect and understand each other on a different level. Just connect with your friend on the things that you have in common, and don't flaunt the things that you don't have in common.

>>18301755
This. If you don't talk about it, don't flaunt it and don't act judgey towards people, there shouldn't be a problem. I know this from experience.

>>18301755

It's not me talking about money.

>"Anon what did you do this weekend"
>"Oh well I went on a trip to San Diego, let me tell you about the dog beach and how there was a cool seagull playing with the dogs"
>"God anon some of us cannot afford to go to San Diego and go on vacations I have to work extra hours to hit my quota and you don't even know what it's like to have a baby and I have to eat potato skins for dinner tonight"

I mean, you asked me what I did. I said I went to San Diego. I didn't talk about the nice hotel I went to, I didn't talk about the expensive food I bought that you couldn't. But clearly I need to walk on eggshells.

That's just the day's discussion that made me post this, but it constantly happens in similar discussions.

If I walked in and said "haha I just spend $25k on a portrait of Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog," of course I'd be a dick.

>>18301823
If your friends are that salty, you're probably better off without them.

>>18301823
You have low EQ

What you should do in that scenario is downplay your trip and let them hear what they want to hear. Then shift conversation topic to them.

>>18301836
You're a moron. There is nothing wrong with what OP said, he was answering their question, and not in a way that implied he was bragging or flaunting his money. He shouldn't have to make shit up and I have no idea how you think he could possible 'downplay' what he did any more. He said as little as he could without coming across as cold, distant or disinterested in talking to the friend.

>>18301836

What's EQ?

>>18301836
This, although to be fair the friend sounded overly salty too.

I get laughing about the rich complaining when their horrible day is better than that the majority in the world could dream about but when you ask a basic question and follow up with bitching about how horrible your life is, you're a bigger problem.

>>18301836
>>18301892

So I really need to lie to people when they ask me a question about my life to make them feel better?

What's the point in being friends then?

I'm accepting of the fact that there are people out there that have it much better than me. I don't panic every time I hear they exist.

>>18301907
No need to lie, just downplay the things. Limit the details that might make it sound too awesome for them.

>What's the point in being friends then?
Now that's a legitimate question. If you have to be so careful talking about basic shit with your FRIENDS, you probably should find new ones.

>I don't panic every time I hear they exist.
The situation is completely different. Can't compare "I am starving and there are people who don't" with "I am cool that the guy got a huge yacht while I only have a nice car."

>>18301844
You're a moron. Travel is one thing that people with time and money can do easily that people without cannot do at all. Spending $1k on flights and hotels for a weekend trip is something that would break a lot of people's monthly budgets. I get that it can be done cheaply, but clearly that was not the case for OP.

>>18301823
I don't think it's the money necessarily that's the issue in this case. He's starting a family and you're chilling on the beach in a different city. You have different priorities and made different choices. In that particular case, just remind him that the grass is always greener, and he'll get the satisfaction of being a parent.

>>18301907
If they were your real friends, you wouldn't have to lie to them because they wouldn't get buttblasted from an answer like that

>>18301934
>You're a moron. Travel is one thing that people with time and money can do easily that people without cannot do at all. Spending $1k on flights and hotels for a weekend trip is something that would break a lot of people's monthly budgets. I get that it can be done cheaply, but clearly that was not the case for OP.
So again, you're expecting OP to lie about what he did just to make his friend happy? What sort of friendship is that?

>>18301950
>So again, you're expecting OP to lie about what he did just to make his friend happy?
I don't give a shit, desu. You're just ignorant if you think traveling isn't symbolic of affluence.

>>18301966
I don't think it's not a sign you have disposable income. That's not what I'm arguing against here. What I'm arguing against is that you're implying is that to keep this other person happy, an adult who can't accept that other people may have more money or different priorities, OP should be lying to them and pretending he's as poor as they are.

>>18301907
>What's the point in being friends then?

I'm not sure what you think friendship is but if you're questioning maybe it's time to let go. You're free to cut people out of your life at anytime and make new friends. If you want to talk about travelling and all that with someone who obviously can't afford it and is bitter about it then don't bring it up.

>>18301834

This.Also don't be a jackass and down play your vacations, OP - your friends asked to hear what you did and they get bitter they can't do anything as fun. Besides, even if you did lie or downplay they already know you're more well off than they are.Next time they ask you what you did for fun and they whine about how they can't afford it, call them out, "why did you even ask if you're just going to be salty about it?" They're not your friends if they're just out to make you feel guilty 24/7.

>>18301973
He shouldn't lie to them. He should be approximately aware of things he can do that they can't. It would probably help him if he didn't talk about those things any more than his audience wants to hear about them.

See, here's the problem - they're not venting ABOUT you so much as it is that they're venting AT you.

They don't resent the fact that you're doing well (well most of them probably aren't, not really), life is a struggle and it is difficult for someone in their position to just sit by and try to be happy for you when they are miserable.

Sure, you say that you don't begrudge others who're doing much better than you are but it really isn't the same is it?

"Well I can't afford buy a Porsche 911, but I like driving this BMW just fine" is quite a bit different from "Oh god I hope there's nothing serious with the car - I need it to go to work and drive the kids to school and if I pay for repairs I won't be able to make rent this month..."

Also, lets flip this around - how good of a friend are YOU if you don't know about their struggles and nonchalantly talk about your trips and vacations while they're just trying to stay afloat? To me it comes off as just a bit tone deaf.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to apologize for your life though. When that happens and someone makes a snarky remark about struggling, just return the favor in a measured way:

"Hey, whoa! You asked, so I'm telling. Hold on, so what about you though? What's happening with the baby?"

It's not like they're expecting you to whip out a check, they just want someone to acknowledge their hard work.