Ok, so, let's try this.
I have no desire to wake up, and no desire to do almost anything nowadays.
I used to drink and smoke a lot, but I've reduced this a lot, because I am in a relationship, and my gf really thinks I'm just slowly killing myself, which is kinda true. Now, I just drink casually, and smoke a cigar or 2 by the end of the day. We've met in college, and been together ever since, even though we can't get to see each other every day, which sucks.
I can't get myself to actually want to leave my bed by the morning, and this has to do with my job, which has no connection whatsoever with what I studied for, and the fact that my gf is also feeling shittier everyday, since she can't find herself a job too. I try to help her get through this, but it's pretty hard to punch through my own feelings of uncertainty and, maybe depression. I've bought myself things in order to get to feel a little better and invest my time, but I just can't get around the fact that I have a few hours before I have to go to bed and go to work again. Even if it's a soow sunday afternoon, I will feel bad if I look at the clock and see how much free time I still have.
I don't want to harm her any further, I want her to be happy, and be happy myself too, but I don't know how to be content with how I am and the life I have. Is this depression? I don't have enough money for a doctor right now, and I'm afraid I'd get into trouble in my job for looking for that kind of medical advice.
Any input from you guys is appreciated.
>>18299311
Fake your own death, and move to Mexico.
you should get professional help. I stooped smoking and it really messed with my emotions. I had none. I took a mood stabilizer and ran a 10k and im glad to say im enjoying my life alot more. Being able to be truthful with yourself then sharing that truth with others is liberating
If both you and your gf has free time, try spending it all together. You don't have to do anything, watching YouTube or Netflix and lazing about would be fine.
You say you can't find the desire to get out of bed, but you want her to be happy. Find what you already have that makes you happy, and find what you are easily able to do to add some more happiness to your day. Even talking about nothing relevant can make the time passing more enjoyable.
Personal experience: you are lucky to have someone else there to both share what happiness you have and to make her happiness your own. I don't have that anymore, but I make do with the little things. Because even a single smile a day is better than nothing. And I have had nothing before.
Sorry, fell asleep on the keyboard. Time to go to work, I guess.
>>18299362
I don't know man, I feel like I don't need to smoke anymore, yet I still do.
>>18299364
Nowadays, all our free time is concentrated at the weekends (I guess that's adulthood), so I usually grab the car and go see her, be it at her house or mine. She had a small breakdown recently, and I'm glad I was there to hold her...
Yet I find it hard to feel happy in the middle of the week, specially when I'm caught up the work routine.
Pop a Viagra and nut in ur girls mouth. When's the last time your girl butter on your dick and you make her lick it off
>>18300607
Last time we fucked was last time we saw each other. Sex isn't everything in life, you know?