Hey /adv/ In a relationship of 4 years, my gf and I have been

>>18296674
>my fault due to insecurities and such
Fix your insecurities? Either by ignoring them (fake it until you make it) or by sharing your insecurities with her so she can maybe help you.

Also to have a fight you need two sides of conflict. Sometimes simply surrender is the fastest way how to end a war.

What do you fight about?

Any relationship can be saved when both sides wish to do so.

We fight because I'm insecure about potential cheating and infidelity and being secretly not loved or something. She doesn't really back down ever from an argument and it keeps going on for a long time now. Lately we argue because she spends all day abd all night talking to one guy, for hours on end in voice chat and will send innocent selfies for fun and I get jealous and scared, and my jealousy and fear has ironically made me pretty distant with her for like a year now. So she spends all this time with this guy abd said she thought she might have feelings for him but is pretty sure it's just excitement for a friend who won't fight with her. But she could be wrong.

She's willing to give me a chance to not fight with her and make things better but she said if it doesn't wirk she'll need to take a break with me while I try to fix myself because this is too stressful for her and she's sick of it. Meanwhile while I'm trying to be better she spends all her time talking to thus other guy and I feel pretty marginalized and it makes me feel intensely jealous and scared making the whole thing 5x harder for me to not start a fight. I pretty much can't fuck up and start another fight because she's sick of "having hope for me and being let down" and though willing to give me another chance feels very cynical about it

>>18296802
So she is in fact emotionally cheating on you.

It is fine for your girlfriend to have male friends and hang out with them once in a while or even go out for dinner together if all is well-communicated.

You are however also part of the relationship and if that kind of behaviour is not what you want then you should simply tell her that it is a breaking point for you. It is not normal that she talks this much to one guy and sends selfies "for fun". It really isn't.

>>18296674
she's out there hunting your replacement and have you convinced you are the bad guy. you need to find someone else but don't tell her you are looking. do it, detach emotionally from your gf and leave abruptly.

>>18296893
I mean yeah it makes me jealous and concerned but I dont think that right now when we're trying to recover from a solid 1.5 years of fighting is a good time to start bringing this shit up. Like I get her position, if I were feeling how she feels I'd wanting to find other guys to talk to and finding someone to talk to for once who wont start a fight or make you feel like shit would be a godsend. Id talk to them constantly. Im just saying this should be something Id be really concerned over in other circumstances

>>18297043
I fucked up and kept arguing with her for years. I either accept it and try to fix it with her so she gets back to the point of really liking me and hope that it actually happens that way or give up and break up with her. Maybe she will replace me, yeah. But if Im not with her I'll probably just stay single for awhile anyway. So if she ends up replacing me yeah it'll suck and i'll likely be surprised when it happens and itll hurt emotionally, but I could atleast try?

>>18297077
It would make sense to talk to a good amount of different people in a specific way to deal with the issue.

Sending selfies and spending that much time with 1 particular guy means there is something more going on, at the very least she is developing feelings/emotions toward that person. I have been in the situation myself (from the p.o.v. of your girlfriend) and what she is doing now will only keep developing further up to a point where you are basically being cucked.

The reason you are fighting is because you are insecure. If she really loves you she would do whatever she can to change that feeling. She clearly is not. Hence, the logical outcome is that the fighting will never stop and that you will only get more and more insecure.

You can't "accept it and get back to the point of ..." because you are you and the biggest issue you have is insecurity. She is either simply cheating on you, be it real or emotionally, or does not know who you are and does not understand you. In either scenario you should cut your losses and realize that your personalities/needs/views don't match OR be very very straight and frank with her and tell her that the behaviour she is engaging with does not work for you. That way you can have her decide for you if you don't feel in a position to make the call yourself.

>>18297077
>if she ends up replacing
She is already in process so acknowledge this and protect yourself instead of dragging it out with arguments which have changed nothing in her quest to lure men right under your nose. If you want to stay single fine, in fact I recommend that instead of jumping into something else, but you need to be the one to make the decision to leave or she will make it for you. LEAVE and stop being disrespected and fucked with and manipulated.

but you're aware that you're the problem, right?
she isnt cheating, its just in your mind. but if you suspect someone constantly that they cheat on you.. guess what, maybe eventually they do, just for the fact that they are super annoyed by your accusations and maybe come to the point to think, well, he doesn't believe me anyways, I just could have some fun instead.

so well. man up. dont be a pussy. believe her when she tells you, that she doesnt cheat and stop being such a betafag. dont lose her just b/c you cant stop being such a betafag.

>>18297112
Incorrect. She choose to be with him, a guy who clearly is not ok with that kind of behaviour.
Instead of just leaving him or dealing with his insecurities, she further amplifies those feelings by engaging in emotional cheating as she is talking and sharing much more with this other guy than with her own boyfriend without seeing any issue with it.

Accepting the behaviour she is engaging in, sending selfies and talking non stop to the same guy day and night, is what makes people beta.