I need a girlfriend. I just don't see the point of trying

>>18293934
Also why do I lose interest in people I fuck? Happened several times, I slept with a girl I knew for some time and than every bond between us just dissapeared for me. Even we had nice times that night...

help

>>18293946

Biology. Its our nature to pump and dump. Society has changed, and continues to change rapidly over each generation. Biology remains firm over tens of thousands of years.

Unless the female is making every effort to prove her womb and potential offspring are worth your priceless protection/nuturing, your biology demands that you find another female and spread your genetics to them as well. Thats because pumping and dumping gives you the best probabilty of genetic success (ie your offspring survive long enough to spread the genes further). Its the most effective strategy for males. Only when a female with exceptional traits comes along are we designed to slow down/stop and begin protecting/nuturing them specifically rather than playing the genetic numbers game.

Embrace your humanity.

>>18293934
I hate to write a cliche, but your post has "fear of intimacy" written all over it. You look for friends but keep them at arms length. You get close to girls and then "lose interest". You carefully (if unconsciously) choose as your most intimate friend someone who is sexually unavailable and therefore no threat to your isolation.

Figure out why you choose to put a fence at a comfortable distance around you, and you're halfway there.

>>18293934
You remind me of my boyfriend a lot, so I'm sorry if I am projecting. Correct me if I am wrong.

I got this very strong impression that you are very uncomfortable with yourself. I feel like you don't let people near you because you don't like yourself, and you're afraid of what they will see if they see who you really are. Like you lack of purpose and meaning within yourself, you lack of love for yourself, you're not proud of who you are.
It is very hard to find a meaningful connection when you don't share who you are deep down. It is very hard to be loved and to love (both romantically and not) when you don't really express yourself.

Again, I am really sorry if I am projecting super hard.

>>18294015
>>18294028
Well you are both right to some extent, but I only have trouble letting people I don't like to myself. I don't understand people who open up to someone who they barely know, I just got to know the person a bit. I just got to know that they are able to understand me. But you've both hit a nail...my only relationship I ever had was a ldr. We broke up shortly after I came to her after a year of daily texts.

I'm taking what you wrote to my heart, but what can I do about it? If your boyfriend is like me, doesn't he open up to you atleast? I guess I'm that type of person who wants to handle all his shit himself, but still lusts for intimacy, that's a fucked up circle. I always wanted someone who is a bit damaged, "ex" from the past relationship had some psychological issues and I was just glad that I could be there for her. You know, I just love when I can take care of someone who I love.

>>18294067
Oh fuck, I just read about what the fear of intimacy is. Well, atleast I have a diagnose.

>>18294075
It all seems to fit the puzzle now as I'm reading about it. I don't know why am I like this though. It was always like this. My parents were good to me when I was a kid, they fought sometimes and this and that but I guess they were trying to be good parents after all. Anyway even when I was like 10 or 13 I pushed them away from me. I didn't want them to come by the bus when we went on a school trip to wave at me, I didn't want them to come see me play piano at a school concert. I just wanted to everything by myself.

Where the fuck does it come from? I wasn't abused or anything...

>>18294075
Based on the "fear of intimacy" and what all I know about that lesbian friend I think that she's suffering of the same issue. I now see why we are such a good friends.

>>18294067
My boyfriend has very superficial relationship and justifies it to himself with a lot of "I don't like people" rhetoric. He's very charming and fun to be around, but doesn't really bond with anybody.

Even with me, he had a lot of issues especially at the beginning.
We met in April and we spent a month basically being attached to the hip. I was unavailable when we met (was talking to an ex), but by the end of May it was clear that we were a good match. We were getting closer, more romantic and more intimate. I decided to make myself available, and I cut contact with the ex - at that point, when things could actually get real, he suddenly stopped giving me attention at all and isolated himself. Eventually we moved past this and started dating, but he never talked to me about his feelings. He was very closed up, I had to interpret the way he felt and he never showed me affection.
It took him a year and half to tell me he loved me. It took him a year to talk to me properly about the way he felt about himself or about life, or to let me see who he really was.
I went through a lot of shit to be with him. I would go through all that a thousand times, but it was hard.
He never had a meaningful relationship before, he never let anyone love him and never really loved himself much.

>>18294110
I only invest my time in people who I'm interested in. Those who I don't like I just ignore.

There is a good deal of literature on loneliness and on the other side, genuine dialogue. Here is one from Dumm's Loneliness as a Way of Life:

>The word “alone” is formed of the compound of two words, “all” and “one.” The All—the absolute containment of the inside on the outside; the One—the absolute containment of the outside on the inside. Floating through undifferentiated space, and yet pregnant with a sense of self, we fly into a universe both unmarked and yet totally defined. We are motivated; we are lost in space. “I am all one,” we say, triumphant and desperate. The All One condemns us to being no more than a weed in the wall at the same time as it allows us to be the most powerful of sovereigns. For being alone is not only the worst we can experience; it is also the inevitable moment of some of our greatest experiences. In the solitude of ourselves we learn something that is otherwise unavailable to us—how to become who we are. This is no small accomplishment. This other experience of being alone is what Ralph Waldo Emerson once called self-trust, and it leads to a way of life that is worth our while, despite the pain we may experience, the heartache of thinking that we will never know another as we know ourselves.

Marcel on Genuine Dialogue:
>In the atmosphere of genuine dialogue, he who is ruled by the thought of his own effect as the speaker of what he has to speak, has a destructive effect... Because genuine dialogue is... constituted by the authenticity of being, every invasion of semblance must damage it.

>>18294139
It's easy to mistake Dumm's statement as a simple reaffirmation of social deviance, especially when the deviants in question are looking for ways to condescend further those who reject them.
//
Marcel offers what seems to be a truism, but is truly difficult in practice. To converse genuinely is difficult exactly because we do not want to be alone, so we grandstand, posture, and exchange only the lowest common denominator.
There is posturing even here, anonymously. The wise sage, the sober cynic, the righteous indignant - masks that are yearned for in the absence of knowing themselves. It is lonely in the sense that this gravitation towards personae implies a discomfort with oneself, a schism between real and ideal that finds its bridge in virtual space.

>>18294139
nice

>>18294003
Biology is fucking humanity, then. Any healthy woman has access to almost any level of man now and the unhealthy ones are the only ones that are decent enough in personality, making a whole bunch of unhealthy nice people who are worked to death for being nice while mean pretty people get to keep making money for being mean and pretty and putting out more mean pretty people like them.

Makes me think of The Invention of Lying, except it's working is reverse for nasty chicks now because guys are running out of choices as girls are free to be single as long as they want or be full gay now.

>>18294239
Just watch The Founder, world is run by mean people. That's nothing new.

>>18294130
You sound like an asshole.

>>18294248
Saw that one, too. Perfect example of how people do business in America. Better copyright that idea if it's good or it will be stolen.

>>18294320
why?

>>18293934
You need to live for yourself. If you live got someone else and have nothing going yourself it'll just destroy the relationship

>>18294406
I've got things going for myself. I just don't see the point in doing them for myself.

I feel you anon.

You don't need a gf, you need to sort your shit out.

>>18293934
I'm completely the same anon. I've recently understood that relationships are a numbers game. As everything in life, you keep doing it and you'll get rewarded. Never give up, life is as difficult as it already is. I'm alone right now, but I'm not lonely. So you should also stay strong. Good luck!

>>18294523
But how can I be with someone who I don't care for? It's totally against everything I stand for, I can't make myself spend time with someone who I don't like.

>>18294551
You will develop a close relationship with someone eventually. That's all I can tell you. We're all human and you are as well.

>>18293934
Same boat, wish I had a solution.

>>18294643
>>18293934

Don't use a girl to make your life worthwhile. If you don't like who you are alone, no girl is gonna fix that. You gotta fix it by yourself.

>>18294651
THIS

>>18294651
But I don't have any trouble with myself. I just am, I don't keep positive or negative feelings about myself.

>>18294782

Then you are not in same boat as OP, dude. Literally read his first two sentences.

>>18294885
I am OP. I don't hate myself, I don't overly love myself, I just don't see a point.

>>18294915

Sorry, the thread was old enough for me to think you had left.

And I never said you hated yourself, though. I said only you can make your life worthwhile. A girl won't make it worthwhile.

>>18293934
You sound depressed more than anything.

Talking from personal experience here you need to sort out yourself and be happy with your life before you go out and try dating nobody wants to date someone who is a mess

and secret tip here giving a woman all the attention and affection she wants is a bad idea you always need to leave her needing it not expecting it