Is it true that if one wants a partner one has to be comfortable

You don't NEED to be comfortable in your situation in order to find a partner, there's a lot of thirsty desperate people out there who find someone.

But it's healthier to find a way to be content with your life, partner or not than to depend on someone for your happiness. If you depend on your partner for your mental well-being you have a high chance of becoming clingy, too jealous or you might get dragged into a toxic/abusive relationship you don't have the mental fortitude to get out of.

As a rule of thumb you shouldn't base your happiness on anything, object or person , but on your own mentality and ideology, this way it will be almost impossible to have it taken away from you by the many misfortunes you will inevitably encounter in life.

>>18292599
That's what I'm talking about. I'm not the thirsty one necessarily I want someone I can be close to/ teach and learn from. Obviously, sex does matter, but it's not the main thing I want. A lot of people rush these relationships and I don't want to force myself to take anyone. I hope you do understand my stance

>>18292599
There's just this feeling of need of companionship that friends and family just cannot give you. It's more hardwired I presume.

You don't need to be in an ideal situation, because no one ever really solves their whole life. Even if you feel like you have, new problems are bound to arise.

What's really important is that you're actively working to address the problems you do have. As long as you aren't completely stagnant and complacent, I think girls can respect you.

Also, you're 20? Dear God. You're a baby. You are so young. Take your time, and enjoy your youth while you can. Most people won't want to settle down and find "the one" at this stage anyway. Embrace your (relative) freedom while you still have it.

>>18292619
I'm aware that I have a lot of time ahead, but there also comes a time when all the proper women/men are taken. How does one not miss that train? I need a frame of mind that can help me go through this.

>>18292634
Pfft, half those "proper" people will end up divorced in roughly five years anyway. No one has to adhere to a strict rubric for life, and nobody can. Everyone's path ends up being a little different. My parents, for example, were married for 17 years, divorced, and met new people they loved in their 40's.

>>18292610
Well you did say that you still have these thoughts that keep coming up and drive you to depression so obviously you're not perfectly content with your life without a partner.

But this is how most people feel, really. As >>18292612 pointed out there's a desire for a partner most of us have, you're nothing out of the ordinary. You can work on both things though, making your life as it is pleasant and trying to find a partner. And if you do want to find a partner the passive approach is not the greatest. I'm not telling you to install tinder now and go hit on women in bars, but you should try to be sociable, to go out often with your friends and to meet and be friendly with new people.

Regarding the need of companionship it's true that it's a natural feeling you can't shake off with ease, but there are some people out there who are perfectly content being alone. I'd like to consider myself one of them, I haven't had a serious relationship in years and haven't dated anyone in over 6 months, but I don't feel a need for it at the moment. But to achieve this I did a lot of mental gymnastics, meditation and believing, so I guess it's not realistic for most people to be perfectly happy without a partner. I also read and watch a lot of fiction and I think that helps too to some extent.

>>18292673
Luckilly, I'm not actually that passive. I do go out a lot, but it seems that there's rarely a person that I would really like. It does start from physical attraction, but after that I really start hovering away from the people that don't seem to look at the World the way I do. It's just me. Maybe I'm sometimes too elitist. Maybe I should just get a pet or something.

>>18292571
>I'm getting scared of never finding that one
This is common OP but you have to realize that it's ok to be alone. Before you get into a relationship you should be comfortable with yourself because that's more important than anything anyone else can give you. Also you're 20 so you have plenty of time to find someone!

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>>18292735
This!

Look, I'm old and crusty, and my kids are probably just a little younger than you, OP. I'm very happily married and my wife's a legit housewife.
I never expected I'd be married. When my career path started really advancing and I was still single, I decided to enjoy my life, build it into something I could enjoy and be proud of. Surround myself only with family and friends who truly loved me, a smallish network, and enjoy the things I enjoy wholly.

THAT is the attitude you need to attract a spouse. Most women from developing countries are too wrapped up in their own world to want to work through the series of compromises and guided mutual growth that a committed marriage requires to be successful. They either figure it out too late or latch onto men they'd never consider before they become appropriately self-aware of the passage of time.

The point of building a life together is to do so happily. To do that, you have to cultivate the ground early. Build up your life into something you love, devote yourself to that, and to your network of family and a few friends, if any. Doing that lays the groundwork of learning how to succeed in a relationship, anyhow, you will attract a women of quality equal to the quality of your own self and the life you lead.

You have time. You might not meet the right one for some time, years, maybe. Men are like canned goods. We last. Women are like fresh fish- they go off way sooner. Quit pressuring yourself. You need to enjoy the life you have, not focus on the life you haven't achieved or earned yet.
Don't be a bitch about it, either. You have to work for the important things, earn them, gain the experience of successes and some failures. Those experiences are important.

>>18292778
Developed, not developing. Dammit.

>>18292673

>to achieve this I did a lot of mental gymnastics, meditation and believing

Hahha I've been doing this my entire life. Since I was 13 years old infact. I'm 27 now, /fit/, decent looking, and successful. But I still have never had a relationship before. I meditated so much that truly believe it now, I really fucked my self in the head lol

>>18292571
No.

>>18292778
Happy to see someone have a next to perfect life. Gives me hope to keep on

>>18292778

How old were you when you first started dating and got married?