What makes men so afraid and anxious when thinking about approaching

False rape allegations

Sperging out and having the girl hate you/dislike you/think of you as weird

>>18287465
Because their pronunciation and spelling is all wrong. It make them self-conscious.

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Approach unattractive women for practice first.

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>>18287465
The joke's on you! I become so afraid and anxious when thinking about approaching anyone... Do I get a (You)?

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>>18287468
You joke/exaggerate, but in today's feminist youth culture, guys are put on blast if they come off even a little bit "creepy" to any girl.

If you have any decent friends who are girls you'll see this all the time. I know a bitch who constantly bitches about weird guys hitting on her irl or through Instagram or whatever. She's not even super attractive, and I doubt every single one of those guys she talks about was being genuinely creepy.

So basically, to answer OP's question, I hate the idea of being mocked behind my back more than the idea of being rejected. It's not about Sarah McTightAss walking away or giving me a fake number, it's about her laughing to her friends about that creepy guy she sees on campus who hit on her that one time.

Fear of rejection

Fear of coming off creepy

Fear of embarrassment

There's the factor of you not knowing how the girl feels about being hit on until you do it. Some are quite flattered by it, even if they aren't interested. Some don't want to interact with a stranger at all when they are out.

I'm not going to play the "menz are so oppressed!" card, because in most areas, we have it better than women, but when it comes to things like romantic interest and interaction… it's so much easier to do as a woman. You can go your whole life without initiating and still somehow get into a meaningful relationship. A man who never finds the courage to do this will be alone for life. You never have to worry about your advances being seen as creepy or threatening, because even if the dude isn't interested, he's never going to be offended that a woman spoke to him.

I know there are women who aren't considered attractive who don't get to reap the female advantages in this arena. I know fat women who talk about how it feels when other women are always talking about being hit on, or how men agonize over doing it in a non-creepy fashion, and they're like "this thing that is apparently a universal phenomenon has literally never happened to me." So, I don't want to overgeneralize. But, overall, the average woman has a lot more men interested in her than the average man has women. This is most apparent in online dating.

the solution to talking to hot chicks is to be either black out drunk or view them as inferior.

A lot of men have self esteem issues and they cant talk to hot chicks, just remember, they're people that shit, piss and fart like us too.

A good tip would be to find and unattractive trait about them and use that as leverage to boost your confidence when talking to them

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>>18287525
>Fear of coming off creepy
This is it for me, because I will not just feel like I failed in that moment, but that I have failed as a human being.

>>18287468
fpbp
I've heard too many horror stories to risk ruining my life over the vaginal jew

>>18287543
who gives a fuck if you come off as creepy. some girls subtly like that shit. Also, i've come to realize that almost every girl will be a tiny bit creeped out.

It has something to do with our hookup culture nowadays. You cant just go up to a chick on the street and pick her up without being creepy. it has to be in the right social setting (i.e. bar). Even in bars some chicks will find you creepy. Just embrace it, chicks love greasy dudes, and if they don't, then they aint banging you cause they're probably fucking mormons

NO woman feels offended or angry at a guy for approaching her and showing interest if he does it in a educated manner.
Even if she turns you down like a bitch, which very rarely happens, she will still love the fact that some guy has made her feel validated.

Women feeling offended about a guy approaching them simply does not exist unless you approach women like an uneducated ape.

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>>18287568
Then educate us!

>>18287568
People in this thread are exaggerating about the "MEN GET CONVICTED OF RAPE JUST FOR ASKING A WOMAN FOR THE TIME CREEP SHAMING IS AN EPIDEMIC" bullshit, and most women are indeed how you describe them, but there are definitely some woman who find any kind of approach offensive at all. Like, who legit equate it with violating somebody's space and rights. I've spoken to some of these people who are candid about these views.

It's a small number, though.

>>18287465
I never understood people who were afraid of talking to their crushes. I love it. This is something everyone should enjoy, and theres that awesome chance of maybe even making her yours. There is absolutely nothing to fear. You want it, go get it.

>>18287492
This is actually accurate.

>>18287489
Fuck (you)

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>>18287465
>>18287468
>>18287481
>>18287489
>>18287492
>>18287525
>>18287535
>>18287543
>>18287547
>>18287568
>>18287789

These are not men and all they have are bad excuses that make them feel better about not growing balls even though they have the right code in their DNA. Men are not afraid of talking or hitting on woman. The beta boys gets shamed when they try, often because they are unattractive, and this instills the fear these boys have in them. It's natural selection, determining which genes are the best for humanity to keep in the game.

>>18287465
Being creepy/rejection/embaressment, girls punch above their league socially and can cause shit and also act in ways that we find utterly irrational/makes no sense. Its like fighting a cornered animal despite the fact that we are effectively the cornered animal.

Also the off chance that she will be nuts and accuse you of rape.

>>18287901
>>18287465
For reference I have a girlfriend to give some valididity, it was very difficult to intially (before dating) talk to her as we weren't friends before although we are pretty much best friends now. She also originally had absurdly high expectations that she dropped when she got more mature, which is also a factor for approaching attractive girls.

>>18287904
Is your gf 8/10?

>>18287465
I dislike threads like this because they don't differentiate between approaching a rando on the street and hitting on someone in an Approved Social Setting like a bar. If you're doing the former, be advised that components of your 'approach anxiety' (I hate that phrase so much) are probably your conscience and common sense screaming at you in unison.

You know what's great for isolating the part of the phobia that actually doesn't make sense? Speed dating. Every woman there got dressed up with the specific intent of being awkwardly hit on by strangers, and paid for the privilege.

It sucks because I'm looking for an actual connection with someone yet the guys who talk to me act all scared of saying something wrong. Come on dude I wanna know you! Your fake niceness is boring and it's not who you really are.

>>18287939
You could actually say it word for word in real life, it would ease up the tension for the guy 100%.

>>18287939
This
Faking niceness is what most guys do due to being insecure. Though better than nothing i guess.
I don't blame them though, even if i don't understand why act different in the first place just to ruin things later.
I usually act all natural. But that's just me. Haven't seen others do the same.

The potential to be crushed. Like willingly walking into a firing squad when you have the choice not to. Believe it or not men have feelings too, and getting rejected is an existential level crushing event that even the smallest fish to us humans experience. "No, you are not good enough to propagate your DNA with me."

>>18288058
What a stretch

If she says no you just move on to the next, it's not like you will lose a limb

>>18288058
This.
If a guy wants a serious relationship, he's usually not direct and will hide few stuff until he gets to know you better.

>>18287825
>hurr durr, I'm a realz alfa male who's never had approach anxiety ever

>>18288058
You are right, but you need to understand that this reason might really have been the problem in ancient human generations, however I think nowadays women have much more reasons not to have sex with you for variety of reasons - like media discourse, insecurities and so on.
So always think about what program in her mind rejects you, so to say.

>>18287939
>>18288056

Everyone "fakes niceness" when they first meet somebody or talk to a stranger. Do you expect the dude to just walk up to you acting like a dick instead of displaying common courtesy?

>>18287825
No. Just no. Wrong.

>>18288085
Guy here. I am totally aware of it being normal ( i am 056 ). I just usually am natural because i don't want to fake into a relationship and end up in a bad one. Happened before.

>>18288083
Women naturally have picky mate selection, because they evolved to be the choosers of who passes on their genes. Getting pregnant is a 9-month project, so they couldn't just let any caveman knock them up. They had to weed out the ones they didn't like and go for the top of the group in terms of strength, looks, status, etc.

It hardly has anything to do with society or the media. If anything, girls are easier nowadays considering the widespread availability of birth control and the rise of feminism dissuading "slut shaming"

>>18287465
Ego, our perception of who we are and our value to the world around us. Most of us have relatively fragile egos and every time we approach a woman it's a test of whether we have value. The stakes are higher when it's a woman we really like and are unsure of about our feelings toward us.

>>18287465
Ive heard it said that stress is your body's physiological response to a challenge. Your heart rate increases, and your senses become more keen, your brain works faster. Its a preparation.

Unhappy or unconfident people feel the stress and they become anxious and scared.

Happier more confident people feel stress and they become charged and primed.

Perception perception perception.

>>18288093
I disagree, back in the days if a man could provide a woman with resources to survive, he would most probably get her. Despite his looks or even status. But men always chose the beautiful females because, well, they never provided any function besides being a mother, which is enough I think. This is why women are better looking than men in general. Therefore, female attraction is not hardwired to looks and DNA.
>It hardly has anything to do with society or the media. If anything, girls are easier nowadays considering the widespread availability of birth control and the rise of feminism dissuading "slut shaming"
You don't understand what I wrote.
In todays society, our brains are bombarded with too much different information on how they should behave in this or that situation, also information about how to look and what to do in general, which moral principles to follow etc.
So a caveman woman could be entirely focused on traits of her mate, like this animalistic confidence (which I think is what attractive male really is) and not on herself.
However, in todays world most people think mainly about themselves and run the analysis of their behaviour, to see how it fits in patterns of others.
So I think sometimes women could even reject you because you are too attractive to them.

OP, that's not true, A LOT of guys, probably the majority, manage to stay chill and relaxed when talking to attractive girls.

>>18288131
Absolutely delusional.

>>18287465
No fear, I just understand that isn't my field. Always have and no "you're just scared" comment is going to change that. Imagine you have someone who plays baseball really well; gets home runs and strikes players out. All around star.

That level of girl is futbol. First off, we call them soccer. Second, it's a foot only game when we're used to hands, yadda yadda. Sure, it may be a challenge to some but most like to stay within their own competitive field so they don't look stupid stepping outside of it.

That's the point here, right? Trying to make guys look stupid for some reason?

>>18288139
You are delusional. That guy ain't lyin.

>>18287825
Fake and gay

Also you're projecting hard as a cock

>>18287465
I'm short and balding and I've had enough of beautiful women bullying me.

I tried approaching a girl once by going up to her saying hello and looking her in the eyes, got slapped in the face. Not doing that again.

>>18288448
Try not living in a fucking ghetto.
>>18288180
>This delusion

>>18288172
>Reasonable post, no (you)s

The main stay of a troll thread

>>18287924
I don't believe the whole "it's bad to hit on women anywhere but pubs and clubs!" thing. Like, those just aren't my scene. They aren't my personality. I don't club. I do go to pubs, but just to have a drink with my buddies, not to try to do the whole "go home with somebody" thing. I don't judge people who do that, it's just not me.

I'd much rather meet a woman in a natural environment. Like, we bump into each other at the bookstore, a grocery store, transit, a park, campus, etc. If they aren't comfortable being approached, I'll take their body language cues right away and leave them alone, it's not like I'd ever pressure anybody to talk to me.

>>18287939
This is good advice. This is my main problem.

I mean, it's not that I'm "pretending" to be nice, I do think I'm nice. But I'm still not being my authentic self, because I'm editing everything I say because I want her to like me. Too afraid to use my kinda dry and absurd humour, because I don't know if she'd misinterpret it or think I'm weird. Too afraid to do friendly teasing, because I don't know if I'd offend her.

And in the end, they always lose interest.

It's so hard to internalize this advice, though. I think I do better with each girl, but I'm still always holding back.

So I see some conversation about "approaching a woman properly." Would it be proper to be completely straightforward and just say, "Hi, I noticed you from over there and I think you're really cute. If you don't mind, could I get your number and take you to lunch sometime?" Another thing I've considered is just finding something to compliment. "Hey, I just wanted to say I really like your hair. Where did you get it done?" etc etc. I know I'm probably thinking about this way too much but I don't have a whole lot of experience. Only had 1 gf before and she's the one who really pushed the relationship forward.

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>>18288131
>>18288180

Please tell me this is a joke.

>>18288648
I think these blunt approaches work better in places that women EXPECT to be approached, but let's say you are on the street or some setting other than a bar/club, the girl will most likely have her guard really high and it'll be difficult.
It definitely CAN and has been done god knows how many times before, but to have good chances of pulling it, you will need massive charisma and a strong aura of confidence and indifference.

I also avoid complimenting them directly. Calling them cute, pretty or hot is not a good idea in my opinion, an attractive girl has many guys telling her she's cute/hot or whatever, she knows she is and validating her with a compliment like this won't make a difference if she's not really into you anyway, all it's gonna do in the end is feed her ego.

I think being subtle and as natural as you possibly can is the best way to go about it when not in a bar/club, and even sometimes even in bars.
What i did, was force into my mind that:
-->If she rejects you, it doesn't really matter, there could be a variety of reasons for her to do it in that moment that don't have anything to do with you or your appearance.
-->Talk to her like an equal, not like she's above you, just because she's attractive doesn't mean she's a better human than anybody else. She pisses, farts, shits and scratches her intimate parts when no one is seeing just like every other human. She could be some lunatic bitch too, but that's what you should expect from most women.
-->If she turns you down in an uneducated manner, mocking you or telling you to piss off, which VERY RARELY happens, (decent) people are way more likely to think how much of a low class bitch she is, rather than laugh at you.
-->Don't take yourself so seriously and learn the power of being ALOOF and INDIFFERENT. If you think it's awkward, it'll be awkward, if you don't really care too much and don't expect anything other than just talking to another person, no outcome will ever bother you.

So here's the thing. I don't actually have a problem approaching anyone. No matter how beautiful physically. The problem starts when I realize the person is both beautiful inwardly and outwardly. My crush, who I now feel is basically a fading or dying crush (unrequited) she was the whole package, in and out. So I was afraid..

And now, there's a girl at my job, probably has somebody, I dunno yet. But when I saw her I recognized I was attracted to her. However I don't have a problem talking to her, I was actually deliberately ignoring her because somehow in my stupid male brain, I had hopes that things might work out with my crush, pff..

So, basically today I wanna ask my coworker about her because why not. But a part of me feels like I shouldn't for work related reasons? meh..

>>18288786
Alright, that makes sense.

It seems the only piece I'm missing is the actual approach. It's easy enough to talk to a girl when you have a reason. If she's your waitress and you start making small talk, if she's your cashier checking out your groceries, if you're standing in line next to each other. But let's say you see an attractive girl in a normal, everyday setting and you'd have to visibly go out of your way to talk to her. Then what?

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>>18287465
I can't speak on behalf of other guys, but if I talk to an attractive girl and there's chemistry then I get stuck in FUCK MODE. FUCK MODE is annoying when you're not going to get fucked. I feel like women take more pleasure being stuck in FUCK MODE, or at least have a higher tolerance.

>>18287465

First of all you enter a conversation with a hot chic with high expectations her personality is on par with her looks. Generally it's not.

Another major reason is seeing those fucking losers who are fawning over her from a distance (ever worked in an office?). I remember one poor girl at a callcentre who must have been sick of every single person under 30 trying it on with her. Johnny Bravo's to Fritz the cat's every stereotype under the sun took a stab at her.

In my case some attractive women will just want to be left alone. If you're introverted and keep to yourself and she has any interest in you she will at least make it known.

The truth is if you're doing anything remotely productive with your life a 8.5+ is not going to be an immediate priority and she'll see that and place a higher value on you than anyone who's getting in her face.