I was bullied a lot as a kid. I had suicidal ideations/fantasy's

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Now I’ve thrown away the last of my weed stuff, and I'm completely done running from my problems. I have a therapist I used to see that I am planning on talking with about this. But my issue is, I have these dark thoughts about what I want to do to some people that fucked with me, and continue to fuck with me to this day. People I thought were my friends. People that were my fucking family. I can't help myself from feeling this way, and it takes my mind off more important matters. I don't know how to deal with this shit now that I don't have an easy solution like getting high.

tl;dr: I don't smoke weed after using it for years to deal with a past of getting bullied from my peers, friends, and family. Now I have dark thoughts and lingering resentment towards people who fucked with me. I can't stop myself from thinking this way.

so what exactly do you want advice on?

>>18284101
>Now I have dark thoughts and lingering resentment towards people who fucked with me. I can't stop myself from thinking this way.

pretty much this. I know my thread sounds vague, but I know a lot of anons here can relate to my situation, at least to a certain degree. How can I stop having this lingering anger towards these people?

>>18283605
How did you get bullied? What did they do to you?

>>18284109
Describe these thoughts to me, anon.

What are the dark thoughts you are having?

I think you should avoid contact with the people who have wronged you. You can't undo the past, but you can control what happens in the future. Distance yourself from them, and make your happiness your #1 priority. You did really, really, really, really well to stay in school despite the drugs and the deleterious influences. Make your career and your happiness your main purpose. As for anger, personally I find going hard in the gym is a good and safe way to direct my anger.

The only way you will stop feeling the anger, resentment and sadness is by confronting the people who wronged you about it. They need to answer for what they did, and they need to understand what they did. Once you are emotionally ready for that day, you should avoid them.

You should read the Count of Monte Cristo. I had a somewhat similar (but probably not as extreme) as experience as you, and the book was a fun escape. I found myself relating quite a lot with the protagonist, and I think you will too.

>>18284110
I got shit on in a lot of group settings, I was the guy who was the butt end of every joke that would awkwardly laugh along but hated it.

Sometimes, people turned it up a notch.

>9th grade
>running joke starts, anon is voted off the island every lunch, everyone tells me to go away and don't sit with them
>awkwardly laugh, but still sit with them
>ring leader tells everyone as soon as anon sits down, let's all get up and leave
>i get there, they do this, and move literally 20 feet away from me as a group
>group of about 30 people mind you, only 3 still stuck around with me
>the 27 people then laughed and mocked me while I sat staring at the ground
>called out to the people who stuck around with me
>hey, do you guys want to come sit with us?

My family did essentially the same thing to me when I was younger.

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>>18283605
vengeance is your divine right op...
its in the BIBLE!!!

GOD smote his enemies and you are made in HIS image

thoughts are never "dark" op...
merely revelations provided to you by GOD.

>>18284116
>>18284121
I fantasize about watching one person in particular slit his wrists and slowly bleed out while I laugh at him and kick him in the face repeatedly.

I have a fantasy of going back in time, putting on some J pop, pulling out a gun, and just unloading on people.

I know it's fucked and edgy as fuck but I can't help it

>>18283605
Therapy.

I guess all those shits iced at school shootings were bullies or supporting bullying. Serves them right imho. Just saying.

>>18284155
I know Columbine shooters killed randoms.

Even back then, I never would have gone through with my fantasy of shooting up my high school, but if I did, I'd have a list of targets ready to go

>>18284181
Yes but I was referring to OPs statistics from his lunch. Only a few people stood down. So its most likely, is what Im saying. Civilians die in every war. Disclaimer I dont condone shootings or war, but both happen, and Im glad if the bad people happen to be wiped by it. Feels good.

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>>18283606
>But my issue is, I have these dark thoughts about what I want to do to some people that fucked with me, and continue to fuck with me to this day.
They're still going? That might explain why you can't get over it. Try to deal with that first.

>>18284121
>The only way you will stop feeling the anger, resentment and sadness is by confronting the people who wronged you about it. They need to answer for what they did, and they need to understand what they did.
Bullshit. Healthy people don't have to get back to bad people to feel better. You can deal with this without them. They may have to face their own mistakes one day. And so what if they don't? It won't matter to you either way unless you let it matter.

>>18284734
If you're asking if I get bullied anymore, no I do not. But getting bullied growing up, all throughout grade school, is what is continuing to fuck with me to this day.

Bullies (and most other people who act shitty towards other people) are almost as pitiful as their victims. They never learned a better strategy to raise their self worth than putting down others, so if you want to be angry at someone, be angry at the surroundings that shaped them in the sorry mess they are, but the people around them were shaped by the shitty system that supports one-upmanship and other idiotic behavior, and so on. Focusing your anger on the easy target is simplistic crap not too different from the attitude that caused this crap. Although from practical point of view, it doesn't make much sense to be angry at people or events from the past either way. Come on, you study psychology, so it all should be obvious.

I had a pretty similar time growing up and most of it started in fifth grade too (although my family was more passive than actively trying to make things worse, and I never went the druggy way) and well ... shit happens. There is absolutely no benefit for you from looking back when you can shape your own future instead.

>>18284137
Change your personality

>>18285290
insightful advice, thanks m8. I think my magic level is high enough for that.

You're in school, make sure that your life becomes your revenge fantasy. Do everything you can to make sure that you're happy. Pick up a hobby, get a good payroll, anything. Once you feel statisfied with your life, look up all the people that fucked you over on Facebook, or try and find other information about them. Pick the ones that look like they're fucking miserable, write them a letter/message/e-mail them and explain to them that you're glad they're miserable, you're happy, and if you want to be dramatic you can end with something cheesy like: "You made me feel like shit for my entire life, but now I realise that you were even more worthless than me" or something like that.

The best thing is, that's not going to be something that they can ignore. It's probably going to be in the back of their mind for a good long while. Manage your expectations though, there's probably going to be people you hate that are better off than you, just beat the ones down that are obviously not well off.

>>18283605
>>18283606
Kill'em all, OP.
Kill'em all