Sexual orientation

There is nothing wrong with not having any particular interest in sex, and you sound like you put effort into pleasing your partners despite that. Why do you have such low self esteem ? It seems like your problem is less that you think you're asexual and more that you seem to not value yourself at all.

I have no idea about being asexual and what's it like so I can't comment on that or offer advice on that, but I couldn't let your post slide. You're not worthless and you're not a loser if you don't want to have sex, that's perfectly within your right to say no, and if you're ready to compromise for your partner, they should be ready to compromise for you

>>18282604
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. I probably do have low self esteem, I don't have a lot of people in my life, mostly just my parents and my bf. So I have to live with my own thoughts...not that I mind. I think my sex problem is a real problem though.

I don't want to compromise with him forever though. I think he's just too sexual for me, I don't want to deprive him of sex any longer. He deserves happiness...something I can't provide.

>>18282615

My personal advice would be to see a professional about your state of mind and not try to hunt for a label online, or self diagnose. They should help you figure out what is going on in you, and wether or not you are the way you think you are. It's not necessarily something you can find out by yourself, especially in your state of mind (you seem very emotional and inclined towards self flagellation, sorry to say).

About your boyfriend, don't unilaterally take that decision. You should have an open conversation with him about the subject. Maybe you are overestimating how heavy the situation weights on him ? Either way, you can't take a decision out of concern for him without consulting with him about his feelings. But don't use the term asexual, just say you have a very low sex drive or something.

If however you want out of the relationship because you yourself feel uncomfortable with your incompatibility, then do so and be honest about the reason.

But whatever you do stop hitting yourself over the head girl, you're not going to get any farther by calling yourself names. Happiness comes in many forms and you should not consider yourself an hindrance to your partner's happiness - sex isnt THAT great, even coming from someone that loves it.

>>18282597
Hello, different anon here. Being asexual (or however you want to define/label yourself, if at all) is normal. It's not positive to say "I know this isn't normal". It perhaps sounds a little flippant, but most people love chocolate, but a minority are indifferent or actively dislike it. It's less common, but still normal.

It's not something to "fix" because it's a part of who you are. If you consider yourself a "loser", then you perhaps have other issues that you need to address, because being asexual does not make anyone a loser.

Regarding your boyfriend, you need to be fair to him. Talk with him about it. As you said, the relationship might not last because he will probably want sex. However, if you can be more confident in your asexuality, you can start a future relationship with your partner already knowing this about you. Then there are no expectations of sex or bad feelings of pressure and hiding an integral part of yourself.

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>>18282647
You've made a lot of good points. Should i see a specialist of sorts? Like a psychiatrist? Or just go to my normal doctor?

I will talk with my bf later today and let him know my thoughts. Personally I feel the relationship will still end. We have talked about sex previously back when I first stopped having consistent sex and it is very important to him. Regardless...thank you anon.

>>18282728
Ah that's true about chocolate, funny enough I also don't like it. But you are right, "not normal" is probably not a good term to use.

Sometimes I feel like a loser because I don't leave the house for long periods of time, other than for work. I also don't have any friends. Would you consider playing a large amount of video games "escapism"? I've been told that's what I'm doing.

>>18282731

Yes I meant a psychiatrist. Not because there's something wrong with you, but because they're here to help people that need to delve deep within themselves to go to the root of things.

Unless diagnosed as such don't consider yourself mentally ill, chances are you're probably not, just very confused.

Good luck with everything.

>>18282742
Okay, I understand where your feelings about being a loser come from. Please don't get these feelings mixed up with your asexuality!

If you consider yourself a loser for staying in and playing video games, what would you rather do? Or are you happy doing what you do? If you are trying to conform to what you think "society" sees as "normal" then you're not living for yourself, and your happiness and well-being are going to suffer.

>>18282742

People can play a lot of videogames for a lot of reasons, so it's a hard thing to consider a symptom of anything. And there's nothing necessarily wrong with escapism if it's practiced responsibly. Do you skim on your duties or otherwise avoid unpleasant things at the expense of your life ? If so, then that is unhealthy. But if your are otherwise perfectly functional whatever you do with your free time is your business.

It would probably help you to look for friends, even if only online tho. You seem to think ill of yourself because you don't have any, so interacting with people more regularly might help your self esteem. I'm a relatively shy and associal person, I prefer to stay in except to work and I don't particularly seek out social experiences, but I have a small shell of very good friends, and they do wonders for my mental sanity. Even us loners can't exactly live completely alone, because humans are just social by nature.

So you should probably work on that, I think it'd help you have a more positive outlook on your life.

>>18282597
Hello op. Lots of girls have problens with their libidos. Even professional doctors are not sure how females libido works.

But you should check other options before you claim the unicorn status: asexual.

So the definition of asexual is somebody, who is fully capable of having sex (in your case, properly wet, no problems reaching orgasm, pussy lips properly enlarged and full of blood and spreaded and pulsing feelings in your loins), but he/she simply dont crave it.

So do you qualify for this statement?
Also some other things impairing libido:
>fat
>no sport
>bad diet
>emotional issues (molested as child / rape scenarios / abused)
>birth controll
>various anti stress / happy pills
>hormonal imbalance
>stress

So your best bet is to firstly find some pron and fap. If that does nothing, go to your regular doctor and at least want to have blood test for various hormonal inbalances. And your last bet is psychiatrist.

Also take note that feeling inferior just because you are different from norm is stupid. Disregard that feeling.

As with your bf, dont prolong the inevitable.

Good luck op, i hope you will discover your sexuality soon, because there is no worse feeling than to lead some guy on, hook him on sex and after few months let sex die and with it the relationship.

And if you really are asexual (imho very improbable), there are posts from other asexuals here so you can even find somebody to live with without the annoying sex part.

But seriously, go see doctor first.

>>18282758
Thank you, I will find a psych to help me. Thanks again.

>>18282768
Video games make me happy, but I play them non stop it seems. I don't neglect my duties though, I walk my dogs and clean the house and cook...but every time I try something new like biking or gardening or drawing I gravitate back to games because they are just so much more entertaining to me. I can't get away.

>>18282773
Thankfully no I am responsible about my duties but video games dominate my life. Is there any way to stop it? It's like an addiction to me, I fear it will get worse without my bf there judging me. If we break up.

I have made some friends online but they aren't real friends, just people I play online with. It staves away true loneliness I think, but how long will that last? I am glad to hear that you lead a successful life even as a loner, it gives me hope. Thank you.

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>>18282798
Yes I am able to get wet and orgasm properly from sex. I just don't like sex. I have zero want for it, I could go the entire year without it but obviously my bf wouldn't want that lol.

I am 5'10" and 128lbs, I love walking but maybe should do more. My job is physically active, I obtain 10k steps daily from work alone. My diet is horrible...lot of fast food. No bad incidents in my life, my parents very loving and supportive. I have an IUD for birth control. No pills or drugs for me. Maybe stressed from work though.

I will definitely see the psychiatrist though, that seems to be my best bet.

And thank you...youre right, being different isn't a bad thing.

>>18282814
>IUD
Found the problem. Which one exactly? Name?

Just google it yourself: name of your iud and libido as second word. 9999 stories about ladies with killed libido.

Here just some stories to read
http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/anyone-using-mirena-iud-have-low-sex-drive-mine-almost-non-existant-o

>>18282847
Skyla is mine, and although I think it's contributing to my problem, I've had this issue since I hit puberty. I only got the IUD a year ago. Thanks for the link though I'm checking this out now.

While medication may have some effect, it doesn't invalidate earlier advice and considerations :)