I'm close guys, mulattofag signing in, Ive been with a 275lb

>>18278228
I cant help but feeling so anxious whenever i feel the way i do now, but i refuse to accept some sort of medicine and have always had a clean record.I just wish i had a way out, and with it a new chance. but whenever im gone for long i think about loose ends, and unreasolved issues.

File: Deathconsciousness_reissue.png (36KB, 494x494px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 494x494px

>>18278234
but no matter how I play it in my mind, i really do just love the younger sister, and have grown to resent and hate my S.O 275 without a doubt if i ever finally got that last push i could kill her and our kids,without issue. I dont want your pity, I would wish that on a Advice board you tell me what you would do if you were in this same situation.

Where will killing them get you?
Think about that.

But really, you really feel bad about your life.
Have you ever been with another girl? I don't mean sexually, but emotionally, too.

When was the last time you REALLY felt alive and happy?

File: 1410666198035.gif (2MB, 295x254px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 295x254px

>>18278228

>calling her "275"

>>18278249
fuck, like Killing everyone but the Younger would give me back what they took from me. But its easy to think that thier deaths would get me nowhere.
I do
Thats where the younger comes in,My emotional connection to her is beyond that of anyone i have met, she understands me better than most.
Thats what i say with waiting, i THINK that if i wait ill feel alive and happy in the military, I havent felt alive and happy truly for the past 4 years

>>18278261
Well, you could join military, but you could also move somewhere else, find a job, forget about 275 and start a new life.

>>18278272
fuck, Ive thought about that. and it wouldnt be to hard for me to live alone. but That whole starting from nothing level experience is what scares me. Im scared of waiting and then acting as i will,Im not a retard or an Idiot. But ive already committed this far and wonder if i have what it takes.
275 is very hard on me for what she calls "The wait" she was going to be a doctor when we met, and she pushed it aside for me when i first left. I was gone for a while and underage back then, Im not in a much better position now. except im older and bolder.She is always passive aggressive cause i have told Younger that i love her, which caused a real drift in our faux-relationship to the extent that she is scared of me leaving her and always trying to guilt trip me with past instances. when things were better and i went outside and i used to smile alot and love. but then i stopped everything for her. and she expects me to be a stay at home dad forever

>>18278283
i know this is alot and im duping it all at once, but im felling moody and trying to just share something ive kept locked away and inside for a long time,And know that there are details i wont share that make this all the worse. Implying my age- Implying my level of education- Exposing im a hopless military brat mulatto that was either going to shoot guns shoot balls or die anyway
And im just looking for death at this point. but if someone ever knocks on my door ill deny anything that denotes me as a person or my rights

>>18278283
Then just leave, without saying anything, don't even show your intentions in front of her.
As for the Younger, ask her if she wants to come with you, if she has a good job, or can't leave for some reason, don't push her. And if she and her sister are in good relationship she might tell her that you are leaving, so be careful.
This can all end up very good for all of you, just think what is the best thing for you, and for everyone else.

>>18278297
>Exposing im a hopless military brat mulatto that was either going to shoot guns shoot balls or die anyway
Why do you think that?
And why do you think being a mulatto has anything to do with, well, anything?

>>18278300
See? but i dont have a car. I dont have anything. I dont believe in begging. and maybe that puts me lower than even beggars. I know that younger wont go with me, Life sadly isnt just a game, but Im at the point where i dont care whats good for me as long as i get the satisfaction. whatever it would come.

>>18278305
Cause my whole life has truly devolved into being big,strong,lightskin,decent looking and potential 3rd gen military as my best qualities

>>18278307
You don't need a car, and you don't need to beg.
Go to another town, find a job, there's even this:

http://wwoof.net/

If you can ask someone to lend you some money, do so.

>>18278305
Im not a sad neet feeding off the govenment or anything, I sell homemade food all night making about 200-400 dollars at bars that know my face,name and attitude love me, but dont know my age in the slightest-Thats also where the whole "Mulatto meat" thing comes in, Im easily mistaken as a grown man

>>18278315
lol. No friends no money no lenders hahaha even no ties with my younger siblings who also "HAve no money"

>>18278313
Why?
You really need to ease up. There's a lot of hatred in you, because of your past, present, your surrounding and most importantly, yourself.

>>18278317
Well, how old are you?
And you mentioned education, what about it?

>>18278325
aww man, Im sorry, im just,Truly this is the first time ive actually talked about my feelings without reservation

>>18278331
Well, you had to do it sometime.

>>18278330
to "yung" to drink alcohol
Ive got free VA funded college after i finish highschool with an alternative "equivalent" to savescumming type of schooling
My only weak subject is math with the rest always being easy as hell to me

>>18278338
Then try to finish the school. It would be best for you to find another place and ditch the 275, but if you don't finish school, you're fucked.
Can't you ask someone? Those people from bars you mentioned?

>>18278350
The way i am, that would cause me to easily lie and lie and lie, and besides, Those people arent people, they are hungry drunks and customers

>>18278350
And school isnt even a question if i continue to live however i do.
I can gurantee that if i live i will get a hs and college degrees quick as hell. I only need electives for the HS

>>18278354
Well, you need to do something, you're intelligent and capable, you're just holding yourself back.
Could you ask someone from school for a help, students or teachers?

>>18278364
if i knew anyone anon, Ive got no friends
I know i need to do something anything, I cant do nothing, But i feel so lethargic and i dont know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes. Thats why even though i would love to end this Im sure i wouldnt do anything as i just feel defeated before i even begin

>>18278369
Do teachers know your situation?

Also what do you enjoy doing in life?

>>18278377
I enjoy working towards a goal like more money more health etc. But that falls under what ive been raised with by military on both sides.

Ive been just playing vidya that can run on a shitty laptop that overheats.
I like my caring and playing with my kids but i feel no attachment and am very artificial with them.
275 wont let me just chill though so im in a constant mindset of fight or lie/die
I pray that one day i will have the luck of them all dying around me. with the pretense that i never reach the pluck to kill them myself. And if im a coward i could just continue a husk and be free in 4 years as an Officer-cause enlisted is honestly a trap and the VA will pay me monthly just for going to college

>>18278377
And i havent talked to a teacher or otherwise in a good 2 years
When i was 15 and my son was 1 i took a alternative highschool far north the first time i left and got a full 17 credits in one month-But thats cause the system they had was not used to being abused by me. I was cheating or anything but you could literally open the documentation again if you got the test wrong and then just proceed to retake the test over and over again until youve got that class-rinse wash repeat 17 credits

>>18278389
How much until you're finished with high-school?

>>18278392
literally just electives, i finished everything else with a good gpa

>>18278392
So far ive atleast uncovered that i could be happy if i just had a sicko likeminded cutie or some cult of friends who are successful but fucked up

Cause i dont think i could be true and honest otherwise. I'd just be artificial and fake

>>18278395
Do you think you could handle staying until you finish them?

>>18278400
You can always try to find such people.

>>18278408
But where to start even?

>>18278410
Anywhere, school, bars, whatever. It would be better to find someone of your age, for better mutual understanding and connection.

>>18278403
As long as my will holds, cause i dont know what ill do next, Staying until i finish leaves behind a Ultimate betrayal of me leaving without them-Loose ends.
Me leaving now and finding something has the same effect.
And although i write this. I am reaching a realization.
Why should i care about them-If im willing to kill them, then they are already dead to me. if im willing to kill her whole family and practically "Enslave" younger- than truly i hate everyone and what im feeling isnt love but baseless attachment or maybe even obsession. I have these kinds of convorsations with just myself. But Anon, having your input has made me realize what my self query wouldnt have ever. I dont love these people and i never did

>>18278412
im never out of the house unless the sun is already down. And its rare to see anyone younger than 28 at a bar nowadays

>>18278415
You can even try Facebook, to find someone near you.
>>18278414
Yes, and can you see the aftermath of possible choices?

>>18278422
And which one do you think is the most lucrative?

>>18278424
ugh fuck, youve got me again, as the answer is simple and honest,Killing them would put me in a state of not money making,hypothetically dealing with younger and then dying=No money

>>18278424
But satisfaction is what i seek, and in most ways not reason. I want to do something now. And im willing to sell my soul without limit to be free

>>18278443
You know that if you leave you'll be happy? At first maybe afraid, and puzzled about what to do next, but you'll be able to live your life as you see fit.

>>18278453
Leaving always does make me happy

But then i feel guilt and evil, with an introspective of What kind of man am i to do such a deed? Leave behind a family of women inlaws, son and daughter for my own freedom. I feel like that price is my own soul,and the guilt always sends me back home

>>18278459
And what does killing them make you?

Don't you think that you'll be happier knowing that they are safe?

>>18278469
Even in killing they would at least meet an end, a peace as i see it.

>>18278472
But you would still be a murderer.
If you leave you're free, you're free to do what you like, free of feeling guilt, you can go and never look back, you can live the life you want.

>>18278480
I thank you for being my conscience right now, 275 is home and ive got no longer to deliberate on how i feel

Ive now got a new edge and outlook

>>18278485
Alright. I was happy to have this conversation.

>>18278490
If im on again, ill call it a "Be my Conscience" thread.But the feeling is mutual

>>18278490
I needed this, and you were there for me, so feel good. and thank you

>>18278498
>>18278505
Happy to help. And good luck.

>>18278342
Enjoy your ban

> but i just finished Planescape Torment and have nothing to do.
Give tips, I keep getting stuck