I've been in a sexless relationship for over four years

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Dude go date someone else before you get frustrated and mistreat the relationship.

>>18275434
I've been considering it, but I really want to try and maintain the relationship. Outside of this one issue, we almost never argue, so I would really like to find some kind of way for us to move past this.

It's not like I'm making demands or shouting at her, for the past two years, I've been just asking if she's been trying to work past it. The last two months, literally all I've asked is to try and stick a finger in for a little bit. I've gotten the answer "I'll try this week," for about four weeks now.

I'm not a woman, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't take a month of preparation to try and stick a finger in your vagina for a few seconds.

>>18275451
You are right that it shouldn't take weeks.

What it really comes down to is that you care more about this than she does and you will be the one left frustrated and angry over this, which will lead to you mistreating her.

If she isn't willing to help satisfy your needs then you must find someone who will. Don't pretend to be nice and stay with her while trying to control her actions.

BLOWJOBS
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>>18275472
Is there anything you can recommend that would help me deal with the frustration? Something that doesn't involve escorts? If there's anything I can do on my end to try and preserve this, I'd like that to be an option.

>>18275478
We've tried it. She gags every time. My dick is literally the average 5.5 inches, and she can't make it halfway down the shaft without nearly vomiting because the thought of them grosses her out. Usually it's about two minutes of her trying to suck, apologizing, and then three or four minutes of trying other ways to stimulate me before asking to stop.

>>18275491
Holy shit you're getting played, you don't have to put the whole thing in your mouth for a bj to be good. She can even just put in the head and work the shaft/balls and it can be good.

>>18275498
Tried it as well. Lasted a few minutes before asking to stop.

>>18275491
I already told you to find a new girl, thats the only way to ensure you have sex with someone
that you are dating is to make sure that you date someone that is wanting your penis inside them.

>>18275500
Yeah, you're definitely getting played.

>>18275501
I'm sure it's an answer, I don't deny that, I'm just trying to do what I can to keep this going. I really do love her, and don't want to lose her over something as stupid as this.

I just want to see if there's any other options before I take a step that drastic. I'm sure it's easy enough to tell someone online who is sexually frustrated to dump their girlfriend, but I've been dating her for four years, and known her since middle school. She was literally the only person who kept talking to me after a bad breakup years ago, even losing her best friend, my ex, in the process.

>>18275525
ANON THERE IS NOTHING STUPID ABOUT YOUR NEEDS NOT BEING MET. DO NOT SHAME YOUR HORMONES AND FEELINGS.

>>18275546
IT DOESN'T HURT TO ASK.

>>18275547
My caps may have been unnecessary. I once dated a gril who had some emotional hangups around sex and it never. got. any. better.

I may be sensitive now but I know that her inability to engage in an intimate relationship was not my fault and this is not your fault either.

This does not make you a misogynist pig or whatever.

>>18275559
I'll keep that in mind. We have another vacation planned in October this year, so maybe after then I'll take it into consideration. At the moment, it's not the answer I'm looking for, but that doesn't mean it's not on the table.

My sarcasm aside, I do appreciate the input and personal experience.

>>18275565
I hope I was some help. I know it wasn't the advice you hoped for but I hope that regardless of what happens you have some compassion for yourself and her, for it sounds unfortunate more than anything else.

Here's my opinion: She doesn't sound like a very good person. I'm saying that because she clearly has no eye for your needs, and because she moved across the country. Does she visit you? No, she does not. Does she pay for your expenses occasionally? No, she does not. Dead-end jobs are everywhere. She could have gotten one closer to you. She picked her career over you, and left you to pick up the slack while investing zero effort.

It's been four years, mate. You tried. There's no shame in backing out of a frustrating relationship that's not going anywhere. I'm not someone who treats sex like a commodity that you have a right to because you invested in it. I DO treat it as a biological need in a relationship, and as a key part of a healthy relationship. She is treating it unhealthily. If she wants to be an old spinster, let her. But you are a person with wants and needs, and it's time you start looking out for #1.

Looking at your other posts seems to confirm this: She seems to put absolutely no effort into the relationship. Sure, you don't argue. Of fucking course you don't, because you don't need to. In fact, I'm sure YOU don't argue. She just says "I don't want to do this". And that's fine, but then you should just go do it with someone else.

You love her, sure. But what I'm looking at is an unworkable relationship. This LDR thing isn't working for you, and when you're together it isn't working, either. You say you don't want to break up, but you came here looking for advice. And we both know what has to happen: She has to change, or you have to leave. It's that simple. Because from the sound of it, the problem isn't you. You put in the effort, and she simply doesn't want to meet your needs.

You need to talk to her. Not in october, but now. You need to explain to her that this relationship isn't working right now. There's no magic bullet to solve this. It's hard, unpleasant, and will most likely end up hurting her. But she's a grown woman, for fuck's sake.

>>18275500
I spent five years on a girl like this. 16 months after we finally broke up for good, she met the woman she's now married to.

>>18275974 this, or become a celibate temple keeper

>>18276000
And even my lesbian sweetheart actually finished me off occasionally (3 times a year, maybe). Your girl asks to stop every time, mate. Where's the love at?

Leave her. Leave and find somebody else who wants to fuck you.

I speak from experience. I was in a sexless relationship for several years and by the end of it, I was pretty much asexual myself because there was no point in having a libido. I convinced myself it was normal, we actually lived together but regularly went several months with absolutely no sexual contact. Everything else was fine, we had a very successful life together but the lack of physical contact made the entire thing empty and hollow.

I ended up meeting somebody who I had nothing but lust for and we have a completely different relationship because of this. We're completely in love, we're open with each other and we have this intimate connection that feels perfect. You cannot have that without regular intimacy.

Your girlfriend might have bigger issues which mean she doesn't feel comfortable with sex. Is she confident about how she looks? Has she ever had a negative experience involving sex? You might want to really get down to the reasons why she doesn't want sex before ending the relationship but ultimately, my advice would be to leave if it doesn't improve. You will only end up cheating on her if not (whether it be emotionally or physically).

>>18275974
This.

OP here.

I kept the thread open after going to sleep last night. I'll keep these replies in mind, and think I'll go through with it if nothing improves after our next vacation. As >>18275974 said, I see sex as more of a biological issue, so i think the reason it's bothering me so much isn't sexual frustration, but because I'm seeing little chance of us remaining together if we can't have basic intimacy.

Thanks for the opinions, everyone.