Vent, write letters you will never send, ask for advice.

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>>18250878

Abbie

You are a boring whore with a horrible personality.

All you have to offer is your loose pussy and you're not even that fun in bed for someone who is a massive slut who will fuck anyone who shows any type of interest.

I jerked off my cousin

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It's time to get up and hit the gym, W. Find some motivation. Let's go, girl. Those gains aren't going to make themselves. Fuck.

>>18250878

contact fagging?

I hate that I will never be able to get the balls to ask out this girl. She's one of the nicest girls I've ever met, and I don't think I'll find anyone else like her.

>>18250920

it wouldnt matter if you did find someone else liek her, you still wouldnt have the balls.

I don't know why I still hurt myself over you. It hurts, but I'm gonna have to block you out of my life for a while. I need to fix myself and this is one those steps I must take. Yes, it hurts, but I've been hurting since the day you left me. I know you're in pain as well, you just don't show it. I hope you go far in your education, because I now see that it's very important to you. I know you won't fuck around and be a ho because you're not like most girls. You're a good girl raised with good morals and good parenting and I got to see that first-hand. I'll contact you around 6+ months from now, when I'm stronger and better. Until then...

-J

>>18250894
Kys slut

I wish things could have been different.

>>18250878
So there is this girl we already went out 2 times.
We always end up talking for like 6 hours + and everytime if our "date" ends she says that she enjoyed it and that we should do that again.

She never asks for a "date" herself and everytime i feel like i disturb her if i ask her.

Outside of our meet ups we almsot never chat our do anything else.
We are using messages only as set up for dates.

So it feels really strange just messaging her and asking her if she wants to do something.

>>18251217
Yup. Not a day goes past that I don't wish things had panned out differently. I believe that had I tried harder we would be getting married. I've never felt the desire to commit to anyone, rather I've shrugged off many advances and opportunities. (You) on the other hand, got me hook, line and sinker. I have hope that we can both fix ourselves, then maybe we can rekindle what was/might be a relationship were the mundane brought so much joy. If there was a way for you to understand that the things I've done, I've needed to do. Here I am, time has passed and the experiences were fleeting and unfulfilling. However, the lesson has been learned, and a line drawn under a dark period. I'd enjoy it if you'd accompany me on the new path.

Fuck your fake ass forced apology. The only reason why even tried to make amends is because your brother guilted you into it.

I get it, I'm the bad guy. I do everything wrong. Not much I can do to change your mind of that, despite the contrary but fuck it, I know I'm better than you think I am at least.

I haven't been Mr. Likeable growing up but you know something? You're inconsiderate, you have a limited sense of responsibility and accountability and your temper's not only grown WORSE THAN MINE but you allow him to harbor one just as shitty as yours and it shows. Punched walls, broken dishes, kicked fences and the like. I built up tools for how I can do better in the future, you only talk about how others should while not working on yourself. You don't only do the job SOMETIMES, you know, every day you have to try to BE better.

You need to seek professional help. Fuck your spiritual fucking garbage, because clearly that shit doesn't work. You need psychiatric intervention from trained professionals and you need to accept that you fucked up too in terms of how you either deal with others or disregard their feelings, their pain and everything that doesn't fit into the narrative of your woke-and-proud "it gets better" delusion you assert is the story of your life.

Let's be honest, you're pretty goddamn selfish for an empath and one day you're going to get slammed with your own guilt.

Today there was a big marathon run in my country.
I've seen people achieve their goal, being happy.

I'm not happy. Never really have been.

My goal for the past few years has been to "not be/feel alone".
I haven't been able to achieve that.

I know those "every failure is a step towards succes" quotes, but when you've been failing at one specific thing for over 10 years, it's getting to the point where you can't see yourself ever getting there. I don't have an unlimited amount of energy to spend.

>>18251425
>I know those "every failure is a step towards succes" quotes, but when you've been failing at one specific thing for over 10 years, it's getting to the point where you can't see yourself ever getting there.

Well that one hits like a truck.

>>18251105
Please don't put your initials. I'm a J and I would hate for a certain person to think I wrote this about them.

Some people are not fit for life.
It would be better for everyone if they were euthanised as soon as possible.

>>18251435
I should probably be euthanized if I can't find my value in 3-4 years but I assume this is about people who can barely function let alone as contributing members of society rather than people who try and still get a bum rap.

To everyone who listens to my thoughts. I'm very fucking sorry. My mind is in shambles right now, I'm ashamed of my thoughts most of the time. I'm trying to become a better person mentally, but it's hard. I don't act on any of my wicked thoughts, I'm just feeling really fucking unloved by the world right now. I deserve everything that has been told to me, I know it. It's just that it's tiring sometimes. Some things that happened I still cannot understand. Fuck, I can't understand shit, really, but I'm fine, thanks for maybe asking. No, I'm not fine, but I'm alive, so that's something, I guess. Not doing anything too, which is awesome. Sometimes I wonder if I'll act on my sick thoughts, but that ain't the case for sure. Fuck me. Sorry again. I hope our future encounters go better.

stop thinking about what happens in the future - it only destroys your present moment

enjoy the moment as it is and make it as awesome as possible - no need to tell yourself that tomorrow's monday and work week starts again.
enjoy sunday evening, get cozy, comfy and relax

stop fucking thinking so much


- Anon

>>18251483
Good philosophy.

>>18250894
I truly don't have the motivation or energy to do any of this. I just want to lay in bed and die.

>>18250904
>>18250878
what is contact fagging? I don't know either

I wonder what kind of people are the admins of the site

>>18251483
Sunday-Monday's literally the only time I effectively HAVE a weekend and I'm fucking pissed because people I live with had to make me feel like shit.

All I can think about is how much I don't want to be here and that'll probably wash away Monday, which I usually end up sleeping off and I have shit to do Tuesday-Saturday.

>>18251507
why did they make you feel shit?
(op of that post here)

>>18250878
I'm so fucking sick of women and dating people, every relationship I've ever been in has ended terrible, they've always dumped me and then whored themselves out while I'm alone. I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I've lost all motivation and hope of any happy future. I am now just trudging along as an empty shell of a man. I've been out once since my last break up, and I even managed to bang someone that night but it didn't change anything. What I want from life is a loving relationship but I don't think that's possible anymore, everyone woman I've met from my generation is a fucking hoe

>>18251511
Because I tore down something ratty and moldy only to find out it had sentimental value.

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Why do other guys always have to treat dating like some sort of manipulative game, trying to get women to sleep with you as if they were some sort of animal?
All these "how to get the girl" shit just comes off as blatantly sexist. It's one thing if you are a high school teenager and you don't know how dating really works yet, but when you are a full grown man trying to "game the system" so the girl falls for you it's just pathetic.

It's not even that fucking hard and you fags always over-complicate it.
>meet cute girl in class/bar/grocery store
>"Hey, you wanna [appropriate first date activity according to social status and age]?"
>if yes, "Sweet, wanna give me your number and we can sort something out?"
>if no, "Oh, I see. Well it was nice meeting you anyway, have a good one."

>>18251555
Most men want points to brag to their friends and anyone who wants companionship is a virgin faggot.

>>18251563
Spotted the misandrist

>>18251578
I'm a guy. I enjoy the company of guys that wanna get their rocks off, but I don't enjoy those who invalidate other guys simply for not banging as much puss as they have let alone who they banged.

>>18251406
Initial s to whom?

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>>18251604
Leaving it to the wind.

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>>18251206
Very rude. You must be deeply insecure

>>18250894
Kid, I like your moxie.

So I'm gonna tell you something I heard recently.

You wanna know what the secret to keeping yourself motivated? Think out loud. Yes, I know talking to yourself sounds like dreck but you'll have to maintain some self-talk to be your own coach and keep yourself engaged. Sometimes it can be positive, sometimes it can be punishing. It all depends on whether or not you feel like you might be hitting your goal or feel like you can go beyond.

If you already knew, disregard but keep up the good fight. All progress is good progress.

Hey, >>18251105 ... what >>18251434 said. Keep the initials to yourself. That's not what this board is about and it would be a shame you'd attract unwanted attention to someone else. Thanks

>>18251635
Thank you~ I'm going to try this.

Prior to meeting you, I'd given up on anything that could be called friendship, love or romance. I wasn't bitter about it, I'd simply spent too much time alone to remember how wonderful and valuable such things are. I couldn't imagine it being worth the effort.

I know, we initially didn't even talk beyond introductions, but as you looked into my eyes with a smile and gave me your name, I can swear something changed right then. Not in many years had I reacted to another person the way I reacted to you. My eyes would pan along as you moved, and my ears would perk up as you spoke. I wanted to know you and I couldn't see why. I still don't, but does it matter? You woke me up and shook me, screamed into my ear that my life and my person is something to be shared.

You started tearing at a wall I'd spent years unwittingly building, and stumbling out from behind it has so far been pretty great. It's like feeling the breeze on your cheek when opening the door to the balcony after spending a weekend drinking alone and playing video games with the blinds down in the middle of July. I'm still a bit hung over, but I'm starting to think I'll manage.

You have yours, and I've accepted the fact that we will never have the relationship I'll occasionally imagine for us, but the thought of you will still calm me at my worst, and brighten me even at my best. That'll have to do.

I think you've changed my life. I'll never tell you this, but I wish you could know.

G, i missed you really bad. After my comeback it was really sad to see what happened to you. You are not the same person anymore, i wish we could go back to how things used to be, but it seems like we are not the same people anymore. Yet i still miss the girl you used to be.

>>18251217
Regret is part of human nature, even the most fulfilled looking people have some.

>>18251637
where is the logic in that? If you put an initial at least someone won't think it's for them. If you wish to write ''a letter to s.o. who will never read it'' you should put your initial and the person you are writing the letter to, at least that's my opinion. That way less people will think it's for them. Many people here have sad tragic stories well lol I guess that's why we are here and the letters sound usually like that ''You hurt me, I feel" or "I am sorry I never meant to ..."or "I wish we could talk" and there are many many people who can associate with the letter and think it's about them either because they have a guilty conciense or because they are waiting for an appology that is never going to come, so you will delude much more people if you don''t put initials :)

>>18251723
I think you just have a guilty conscience and think you're being targeted here and just want to make it sound like it's a courtesy in order to vindicate yourself if not use the topic as a jumping point to make amends you're afraid to initiate by yourself.

Then again, I'm just speaking out of hurt.

I FUCKING HATE THESE FUCKING DOGS I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD HATE AN ANIMAL BUT I DO I GET THEY ARE RESCUE PUPS BUT JESUS CHRIST THEY ARE INSUFFERABLE AND STUPID AS HELL I WANT THEM TO DIE

I'll be an old man soon. I don't think I can deal with it.

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Sometimes I feel great because of all the progress I've made so far, where I've come from.

And then I feel like shit because I'm almost 24 and still no gf.
I feel like everyone can just come and laugh at me for this, as if they're saying "Look at this loser trying to get a gf, what an idiot"...

>>18250885
OMG

>>18251266
What have you done or did you need to do?

>>18251773
Getting a girlfriend is far from everything, I'm sure more serious things will come into your life that you will have to worry about more, trust me.

being sick and tired isn't really a good excuse for being so eerily quiet lately. just fucking talk to me, I wont be mad about anything.

I want the online girls to fuck off from my community I'm in. All they do is fish for attention, trying to get as many people as possible to orbit them like it's some sort of lifetime accomplishment.

I also want all the stupid guys in my group to grow some fucking balls and to tell the girls to fuck off. It's horribly pathetic to watch a bunch of my friends lose their way over some dumb cunts online.

>>18251773
Keep making progress. Anyone who pisses on that is a selfish self-serving asshole that dismisses who they don't like.

A girlfriend isn't a status symbol anyway. Significant others are referred to as "partners" for a good reason and one who can't support your better-minded decisions is anyone but.

Not gonna spin some "it gets better" pie-in-the-sky bullshit like "you'll find someone" or "good things come to those that wait" because I think it's aimless drivel. What I can tell you is that women like men who have something constructive to keep themselves busy outside of themselves and men who are ambitious enough to face difficult moments with gusto. You'll attract someone when you're driven and well maintained.

Focus on you and keep getting better at it, because no one else is gonna give a shit but that doesn't mean your relationships with others is for naught. It just means other people have enough on their plate and sometimes other people only believe you're destined to fail. Don't waste time trying to please or prove the latter wrong.

>>18251748
I am speaking out of hurt too. You got e wrong. I was just stating arguments from observation on the thread and my point still stands about writing initials, why not?

It's been 3 weeks. Your sister says that you are dropping out of college. She also says that you're hanging out with idiots. You changed. Like a switch has been flipped. I wonder if you still think of me in a good way. I wonder if you still care. I miss you a lot. I want to talk to you. I'm too prideful. I hope you get your shit together. I still care. Hell I still love you. One day we will talk again I'm sure of it. You hurt me and I forgive you. Be happy.

~LJ

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I'm an immigrant from Argentina living in the united states.

Me and my family moved here when I was 14 because my dad wanted a "better future" for us.

I'm 26 now, and can't standing being here anymore.
ever since we first arrived, I've never felt welcomed. I have always felt out of place in this country. I speak the language well, but I don't feel like I belong here. I remember hearing a presidential speech along time ago about how america has a place for everyone; but I don't think that includes me.

I'm going to be graduating soon in medical science from PSU and I have been planning on leaving without telling my mother of father or brother.

the worst part about it is them, they act like the are not Argentinos anymore, they want to act American, and they want me to do the same and speak to them in English and instead of Spanish.

All I think about most days is StarCraft 2 and Mar Del Plata, Argentina.

and my grandmothers cooking.

I have grown a deep hatred for my father for making us leave. We where doing well in Argentina and my mother was a local municipal chief of office. We did well, she was involved in politics in order to help our country and my dad owned a chain of pharmacies.

and we throw it all away to come live in America.


I fucking hate my father.

>>18251850
as a generate J who goes by a different initial, I know of someone who comes to this board (or who has in the past) and I don't want them thinking I'm behind your posts, or any other J's post. I'm sorry if I came off too strong, I'm not trying to control you but I'm speaking from a worried/paranoid/broken heart here and I apologize in advance if I seemed rude. That was not my intention. This post: >>18251637 was mine for reference.

>>18251866
Haha what's really gonna bake your noodle later is when you leave and things aren't any better for you in Argentina.

>>18251882
>things aren't any better for you in Argentina.

because you know that to a certainty.

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I really wish I do something better than lying all day in bed and watching TV shows. It's so fucking terrifying to think that I'm fucking my spine up with shitty postures and my eyes too with the content strain. I'm looking for a job currently and hopefully I get something that keeps me busy and I don't spend as much time lying in bed like a fucking wanker

The only reason you decided to stay is because you have no other place to go. You say you love me but instead you just show how greedy and self centered you are. I cannot even leave for a bit because you freak out if no one is there doing your crap while you say you are busy doing more important things.

>>18251800
I needed to stand up, lead by example and not let them fall into old bad habits and destroy everything they touched. If i had continued to thrive as i was, and brought them along everything would have worked out.

If I reach a breaking point on the job, I want to make sure it's just me cursing out my boss and storming out the building.

Nothing more. Nothing less. No phonecalls, just my final check and my tax forms and I look for another job.

>>18251888
How long have you been a jobless fucking wanker?

>>18251910
Been there anon

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>>18251954
I've had my tolerance not to do that die a little each year. Whatever's left is probably as stable as a balcony with wood rot.

>>18250878
God I fucking give up on trying to form romantic relationships. Everyone thinks it's easy as females doing so but every dude I go out with gives mixed signals, only wants sex, or is completely disinterested no matter how much I attempt to be chill/give them space/wish them a good day. I'm not hideous but I can admit I'm not the most attractive person every but fuuuuuuck.
Done with all this just becoming a cat lady or some chick in her 80's with 3 iguanas on a leash in the park.

>>18252025
>or some chick in her 80's with 3 iguanas on a leash in the park.
That's fucking metal

>>18251969
Agreed

>>18252025
Can we do this together?

Just noticed a former co-worker broke up with her fiance.
I kinda want to hit her up, but I'm not sure if it's too soon.
She also has two kids, so I'm not sure if that makes her easier or harder

I'm "in love" with someone I've never met.

I don't know how bad that situation was for you or how it affected the way you think, the way you feel, or who you are.

But I want you to know that in the midst of all that chaos, something really magical happened.

We had a connection that was pretty special. Every time I thought it was best to turn away from you, you said something I've only heard myself say...and sometimes, you did something that reminded me of the girls I've loved and cared for before.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though our relationship dynamic was made to be dangerous, as we were conditioned to distrust each other, to not be open, deep down, we're really something special.

I don't want to let go of that but I don't see you around anymore, and we don't talk. I think you might even be avoiding me.

But I don't want to let go.

This is unique, this is rare. These things don't just happen. Let's explore this.

A part of me actually still wants the love letters here to be you. How fucking stupid is that.

It's probably because I spent most of today finally having decent orgasms for the first time since you left.

I discovered what turns me on now isn't what it used to be.

It's the memories of how you treated me at your best - or, more accurately, how I wanted you to treat me. Or feel about me.

You didn't.

>>18252146
Internet puppy love.

Some folks you're better off not knowing.

you should have told me you weren't single, especially since i paid for our date, im great with your kids and i clearly love you. we're into the same stuff and we're in essentially the same situation financially! REEEEEEEEEEEEEE GOD DAMMIT I'LL BE FOREVER ALONE! FUCK!

>>18250878

Caught me looking at her again.

Doesn't matter how crowded it is, whether she's on another floor and can barely be seen through the railings, or shit, even if she's right behind me.

Something clicks and I end up looking right at her.

And she's looking back.

I like her but I don't like this. Did she catch me looking at her, I did I catch her looking at me? Is she looking because I'm looking, is she creeped out by me?

I try not to overthink, not to care about other people and to understand that this wondering is pointless because I can't read her mind and unless she tells me, I'll never really know.
I try to think like that and most peoples opinions don't matter to me.
Hers does though, and it fucking sucks.

>>18252162
I got crush on them in real life. Not the internet. I barely even use social media.

I'm not saying it is real love or anything.

But my feelings for them were the strongest thing I had felt in years, maybe ever. And they've saved my life more than once.

Maybe it's just gratitude.

On some level, I think I'm afraid that I won't ever feel so strongly again.

I just wish things would go right more than once every few years. I wish I had someone to talk to other than my therapist. I wish I wasn't an ugly, socially retarted loser. And the only thing I'm decent at is completely useless without connections and massive amounts of my parent's money which doesn't exist. I can't even function properly without paxil. And the one thing that would've made life a little bit better was a total joke, but I'm an idiot for getting my hopes up in the first place.

It can't be that hard to get a girlfriend...

Can it?

>>18251662
This is beautiful. Initials?

I need to trust my instincts more.

>>18252172
Oh shit! What's up me?

Seriously, had the same situation with a girl from work a few years ago. I'm still obsessed with her and I've even moved to another country.

If I had the chance to go back I would talk to her and just get it over with. I'd rather know that she hates me than live wondering "what if".

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Hi, it's me again. Sorry in advance for my potty mouth. Who knew a mermaid would learn to curse like a sailor

Fucking hate how depressed and sad my moonbeam is. She deserves better than what my older sister and I experienced. She's with her father and it makes me happy my mom and step dad are no longer coming into her room screaming at her for no reason. She doesn't need to hate or hurt herself. She is so radiate and beautiful. I yearn for her to be so happy that people gag from how normal she is.

I'm angry at the fact the last guy I was around had me convinced she did it to herself. Guys are so manipulative that way.. Her guy manipulated her, my guy towards me. We were both in sad, depressing situations where we would kill someone for their happiness and it screwed us both over.

Fuckin REEEEE

Give me all the hardships but leave my Luna to be happy. She has had too much at her age. She's too young to grow up this fast. Allow her to be young and naive. I'll pick up the pieces no matter how many times it takes. She's the moon in my night sky when he took the stars away.

Allow us to love without out mother's toxic influence wrecking our brain's. Men aren't pigs, not all of them. Nor women, not all of them. Amen.

/vent

my next door neighbors of 15 years are moving away, albeit only to new part of town, but I don't know how to say bye.

N,
I wanna tittyfuck you and come in your mouth, then you either swallow it in front of my eyes or spit it onto your tits. Frankly, you are the first woman I'm attracted to that has big tits and no ass.

J,
You're either extremely nice/incorrupted or you're pretending, I guess we'll see.

I can't do this. We need to break up, we have for a long time. It isn't healthy for either of us to always feel like this, we don't have any good times anymore. I keep putting it off because I don't want to hurt you but this is already hurting us so bad. We're going to drift apart eventually, I always thought I could wait until I left but I can't take it any more. Hate me all you want but I'm going to find myself again, without you.

I'm going through community college at the age of 26. I have a history of depression and am currently on meds for years. I've spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out a major/career to go for, I'm even taking a class right now that helps figure things out, plan it out, and such. It points me towards things like chemistry, detective, and biology. The problem is I have no desire/motivation for a career. The idea of spending most of my time working only pushes me away. Throw in the fact I have to spend a good sum of money and years of taking classes I hate doesn't help. Money has never been a driving point for me so the aspect of making six figures or in a nice place doesn't interest me. All I really want is the ability to live a simple life either by myself or with a roommate. No kids, no huge luxuries, just basic needs and a little extra for fun (computer stuff mainly/games).
I have worked in the past and although I can do it, working a full-time schedule makes me quickly start hating the job and myself.
I'm open to advice for motivation, career, etc.

K
I wish you didn't live in my city. Seeing you makes me feel like total shit, mostly for things that are my fault.

D

G,

You're a fucking manipulative cunt and an attention whore. Was the only reason you even considered me was to have a constant affection fountain that you could access whenever you needed validation? You are so impulsive it's similar to a retarded toddler. I hate these bullshit mind games you like to play and I'm fucking done. I'm pissed at myself for playing them for so long but I'm moving on now. Your dad is perfectly justified for being an ass to you and I'm sorry to disappoint him by leaving. FUCK

M, I miss your hugs.

I thought improving my life was supposed to make me feel better. Why the hell am I even trying anymore? Im starting to think I'm too broken.

Oh my GOD I literally just put it together.

You lied and cheated every time you were employed.

You came back when things started going to shit at work. Apologizing. Promising things would be better. Your epic "truth-telling" sessions. The sex.

The hug before you left, whispering into my hair, "You're my best friend."

You are a piece of SHIT.

If you EVER fucking try to talk to me again. I will hurt you.

We both know I can.

Stay the fuck away from me.

*FEELINGS GONE.*

>>18252089
>>18252099
Sure thing. Fuck bitches get paper at this point. Amiright?

>>18252479
You don't have to prove anything to anyone. People who can't understand your journey will only impede it. People who can't respect your growth will continue to stunt it.

The hardest part of life isn't cutting people off. It's knowing who you have to cut off.

>>18252513
I-I'm not sure lol I'm a girl.

Can our motto be, "fuck submissive men and get money to feed our 3 leashed iguanas" instead

>>18252520
I am female. Just "fuck ya all" on my end lolololol

not really sad, just disappointed really.

you put in a lot of time trying to build a relationship with someone. you both share the same feelings for each other and it appears to get more serious each week.

however shes still hooking up with other guys when im not around (including some kid I went to high school with that she brings up sometimes.)

i just don't understand why she bullshits and says she loves me, that's all. it confuses me more than i am upset over it.

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You will never know how sorry I am.

>>18250878
I'd like to experience more romantic affection. It's frustratingly diffcult for me to get as much as I need.

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The entire world owes me an apology.

>>18252587
Why?

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Was I really born in Argentina? From Him?

Do you know how awful the quote "I'm from Buenos Aires and I say kill them all." is now if I say it?

>>18252586
I feel that

>>18252607
baby move over here and try some of mine

>>18252387
Fuuuuck initials?

>>18252656
I'm a guy, friend

You kissed her because you weren't sure who you wanted. You tell me you know now, but you seemed so sure before you kissed her. I'm scared that something will happen to where you aren't sure who you want all over again. Yet you won't tell me what made you not sure, so I can't even try to fix whatever drove you away in the first place.

>>18252672
I'm a lady, fuckboy

>>18252683
I sexually identify as an attack helicopter, shitlord

>>18252683
>I'll be your guyfriend
Fixed. Where you at?

I'll omit names from this to protect their privacies

SheAnon,

It's no secret that I love you, and you've told me that you loved me too, but I find myself confused. You've verbally stated to me that you want to keep being just friends, yet we openly flirt with each other, I receive suggestive pics from you on Snapchat, and we even act all romantic when we hang out, I need a clarification. I need to know how you feel about me, is it really love, or are you just humoring me? After all these years, is it possible that you've been lying to me all along? I have to know. So, please, tell me. I love you, do you love me?

My insecurities keep getting the best of me. My depression and anxiety are making me think the worst. You feel distant more than ever. I don't think this is gonna work out now that I've moved away. I want you to be the one. I don't believe in soul mates or that something is meant to be but i don't think we can make it forever. I don't believe you when you say you see a future. Your eyes don't say it as gay as that sounds. I had to dig it out of you. I think you don't want to be alone. I know I don't. I'm fat and unattractive and I'm scared no man will ever want me.

This sounds dumb but you never send me memes anymore. You never say goodmorning or goodnight without me initiating it. I'm convinced you wouldn't text me at all if I weren't the one texting first. I don't want to be alone and I love you more than I can express but when I see you tomorrow I think I might end it. Even typing that makes me want to die because you're all I have. My only friend the only person I talk to aside from my mother and sister. You're all I have and yet I think I should let you go. I'm not good enough for you I'm paranoid and clingy. We've been together over a year. It feels like a waste to throw it away.

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I have to compress my feelings for her because frankly, I don't know her.. I don't know anything about her personality -other than the fact that we both meet at the same music event every year, I mostly just have snippets of info.

But it feels creepy trying to understand her more when she is clearly ignoring me in a real empty way. But I'm probably cringy as fuck to her now..

I'm waiting a whole year to meet a girl I have a crush on because my brain is hardwired to behave like a dumbass demisexual time machine I guess..

>>18250878
I am actually contemplating suicide out of fear of my own apathy keeping me from being happy in life from no matter what I do.

Let's just say I'm Frankenstein's monster and I'm looking for my creator.

How does one stop themselves from thinking of the worst possible outcome?
One of my close friends has been having health issues and went to the hospital to see if its anything serious and the doctors referred them to a neurologist.
It's not going be anything serious, is it?

>>18252756
<3 I've always wanted to fuck a disabled guy

>>18252769
Well then, which one are you?

You're going to have to get in line... the entire world wants to fuck me.

Kitty and Bunny are up first though.

>>18252757
Realize that if he dies, assuming that there is no afterlife, he would be at peace, and you would be mourning over something that no longer exists, also keep in mind that if you didn't know him, his death would mean nothing to you.

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Trying to re-watch a show I used to love and it is bringing back bad memories of a girl i used to like as of right now I can't get past the first minute without thinking about her.
Has this happened to any one else? Does this get any better if I try to continue on or should I just quit? It is really hard to forget about all those moments with her and how it all ended.

>>18252802
>mourning over something that no longer exists
That's exactly why people mourn

Also just so were all clear, my ex is the one that said "... He fucks like a God too."

So, take that however you want.

I'm kinky as fuckkkkk

>>18252806
That wasn't my point, but I will admit, it sounded stupid as hell.

I meant that the person who died no longer cares about you, and that person now only exists as a shell and a concept. Therefore, you are upset over a mere memory.

>>18251818
Initials?

>>18252850
her name starts with an S if that helps.

I just don't know what to fucking do. she wants something serious and Long term but also hangs with other people when she goes out.

Andrea

I hope I never run into you in the future. I hope we never cross paths when we are done school and end up back in [city/town omitted]. I will be married by then and you will forever be the bitch that stole my heart then crumpled it with no second thought or remorse.

You weren't that great at figure skating but to me you were perfect.

Also, Jake deserves all the cuts on his arm. He never even tried to go down the river, he always crossed the stream like you did. Too bad you're not together anymore, seems like a perfect (albeit bloody) match.

I legitimately fear mass immigration will severely harm western civilization(and others who follow suit such as Japan and Korea), and being in the minority or called racist because of this its starting to give me extremely unhealthy and depressive thoughts.

>>18252817
Memories are depressing anon. You dont seem like you're helping this person. The "hed be at peace" bit was the best you had. The rest just seems like itd be making things worse.

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>>18252756

>>18252802
Honestly I'm not scared about the part where they die.
I'm more scared about the part where they get diagnosed with some uncurable illness that slowly causes them to deteriorate.
That's what I'm thinking about when I think "worst possible outcome"

Am entrepreneur chasing my dream, working hard to get new business off the ground.

I spent close to a month planning a photoshoot to launch new designs, searched and paid for a location, got photographer and hired a model. Spend 2 weeks communicating a lot with the model, discussing concept and wardrobe with her. Explaining the theme and what I'm looking for. She's all smiles and yes yes yes.

Yesterday we did the shoot. Fucking tiring but we got some good shots. I'm super excited to start editing the photos and blasting it out on Social media. Paid the photographer and model who accepts the money and goes off. I pay for the location which is damn expensive but worth it cos it's beautiful. Super relieved all this is over. Go home to rest.

Middle of the night, get a long-ass fucking text from the model going on and on about how her family is very strict and she is the black sheep for taking design school instead of science and how she now wants to review all the photos and decide which ones I can use and which ones I have to crop out her face.
I'm like..
WHAT.
THE.
CUNTING.
FUCK.
We talked for 2 weeks, I went through every detail with you. You said nothing about this then. You said nothing about this while we are shooting. You say nothing even after taking my money. Now you got paid you suddenly want to dictate what I can or cannot use for my business?!
I'm pouring my savings into this endeavour. How could she take my money in good conscience and suddenly spin around with this utter bullshit?!

Then she says she didn't tell me cos "oh she forgot about her disapproving family". If they were such a big deal and you're the black sheep, how could you conveniently forget?!

She apologises and realizes she's being a bitch about this. Meanwhile I'm wanting to shoot myself for forgetting to bring the model release form for her to sign during the shoot. I have message histories of her agreeing to do this but am not sure if it holds up if shit goes south.

fuck. fuck.

I think it's cute you idiots think the amount of drugs I take constitutes "heavy drug use".

MAYBE 20mg of morphine a day orally... which is what? 15mg hydrocodone? Basically 2 pills worth a day?

Please tell me how that constitutes HEAVY use?

I don't even want to take the opiates anymore. I would much rather take adderall because it helps SO MUCH more. Like... holy shit, I have lived my entire fucking life being miserable with no energy at all. I find a medication that pretty much solves all my problems and you faggots won't let me have it.

But weed right? That's so much better. Alcohol? Totally fine. Benzos? You would rather me take fucking benzos despite NONE of those meds do fuck all for me.

I'm pretty dam close ready to start smoking just to spite you faggots. And seeing how everything I touch turns to gold, then I'll be setting the example for what's "totally cool" is to smoke. Or I'll just overdose on drugs in spite because god fucking knows I don't want to live anymore as it is.

>>18252947
and the best fucking part?

I have AT MOST 10 years before my parkinsons/alzheimers kicks in so it's not like I'm going to "ruin" my fucking body by taking drugs... BECAUSE NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT MY BODY IS TOTALLY FUCKED ANYWAYS.

Might as well make it worth it while I fucking can.

Do you retards really think making someone miserable on purpose is going to build character? That this was going to work out in a positive way?

Have you ever thought about being fucking nice to me for once? Being straight?

I'm not going to get a job. I'm not going to stop doing drugs. I'm not going to go fucking outside. I'm just going to fucking wait until I finally am able to say "fuck it" and kill myself because that's all I want to do.

>>18252724
You sound like my girlfriend....shit

>>18252954
>>18252947
mayyybeee the ECT will do something. Maybe it will fix my fucked up chemical levels. Maybe it will give me energy. I fucking doubt it though.

I'm half expecting there being an identical twin of me being out there living a real life while I sit here being fucking miserable.

>>18252954
I think there's a few more things I want to see before I do the deed. I do think I'll off myself before Avatar 2 comes out. Don't need to see that shit.

>>18250878
I'm mad as shit and wishing for this one bitch to text me first so I can have a little bit of fun being vague and shit to her.

She never fails to send me messages for me to interpret as hints and dream about being with her. That in of itself is enough for me to wake up. But she isn't doing it now. Why?

ffs just send me anything woman i'm so bored

I really dislike you brother, i really wish i could work for you again but your business became so big that my remaining time is not enough for you

You're a fucking broken human being. You're the first person I've ever used the word "heartless" to describe, asshole. I wish I could say I know you'll die alone, but you won't. You'll find someone else that will do what I did and try so hard to please you when they get scared of you. You abandoned me when I literally was in the hospital with heart failure, and didn't care when I got out afterwards. I must have weakest willpower of anyone on the goddamn planet, because I still don't hate you. I still want you in my life, which is clearly a big fucking mistake. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met, so I know it's not that you didn't understand when I explained to you what was going on with my health and how some things aren't fixable. And what did you do? Fucking stared at me. Didn't say anything. Just stared. Why, because your health shit is worse? Your completely treatable disease is still somehow worse than mine, is that it? You feel like I'm competing with you? Because you were still mad that I had talked to you with "disrespect" earlier are you fucking kidding? I'm sorry, I'm not used to someone having zero fucking reaction when someone they supposedly care about shares extremely shitty news. Wow. I don't know how you're able to compartmentalize as well as you do. People need to be warned about you. No wonder your own parents called you evil - I thought that was extreme but they weren't fucking kidding. Why did you ever even let me in? What did you possibly get out of me? I think my best friend was right, you just wanted someone to fawn over you and tell you it's so amazing all the shit you went through growing up. I think it surprised the shit out of you to discover it's possible someone else's life could suck more than yours. But you really don't care. Why does this have to be a competition?

If someone threw acid on your face tomorrow, I'd laugh and we'd never speak again.

You know, I forget exactly where I got the digits 330011 but during that time I saw a lot of "vin diesel" "triple x" "xxx" so I put those numbers into the porn sites and got the clip you guys wanted me to see.

Yes, I know what and where the fucking clit is. It's been a couple years since I've had sex but I'm not a complete virgin, you guys know that right?

It's weird though... that the government is not only uploading porn directly for me but they are also making it. The girl that looks exactly like Emma Stone. the petite girl with grey hair that's dressed up in an outfit directly from my art, and of course the "THIS IS A CLIT" video.

The thing killing me now is that there are people watching me look at porn. Worse, watching my masturbate. That absolutely kills any fucking erection I have when I remember that (which is fucking always.)

ALSO ALSO, it's weird you guys are telling me to cum on her stomach... in dark souls and hinted at in gamegrumps.

This is so weird.

When is this going to go down though? Please let it be somewhere nice and not where I am now olololol. will it be before or after my vasectomy? Will it be after you've revealed what is going on?

I really want to a haircut before. Also, hair removal.

Pretty please?

Lots of hints of the reaper.

So, when am I going to die?

I want to make the suicidal thoughts stop but I don't know how. I don't feel safe by myself but I don't have any friends I can confide in.

>>18253054
Ewwwww...dude... Nobody wants to see that

Look, I know you liked me when we were in High School but I don't think it was gonna work. You're a beautiful woman now with two children, but even back then I didn't think you were the kind of girl I'd be into.

Not so much into god-fearing women, or at least not the ones who have to use religion as justification for or against actions. Knew a girl like that in Middle School. Would bang, but her mom was a bitch and she herself was fiscally irresponsible. You're not, but I guess I just prefer secular girls is all. I get more of a glimpse of them rather than masking their actions behind what God wants and all that.

You take care of those two boys though, you're doing good at motherhood.

you know, i would probably date you if you listened to what i had to say.
it's just so fucking disheartening that you don't care. it makes me want to close myself off. and here i was thinking that once i could let my guard down around you. good grief, I'm too foish for my own good.

Sometimes I wish some people were a little grateful for what they have. If you can read this post, it probably means you have a decent set of eyes (or able to wear glasses/contacts), and at least one working hand because you can scroll through the posts. So, at the least, you can surf the internet, which is awesome because the internet has tons of funny and epic shit

>>18253142
Oh, but I did. I know and heard what you said to the rest of the guys about me. You could've smacked me on the shoulder talking about it but no.

Fuck you.
If you were deeply that wanting for my attention, you would've confronted me right then and there.

I closed myself from you now because A. You'd rather fuck around with all of them than me, and B. you didn't give me what I asked for during that day. If you can't give a busy man his snack from the fridge and leave it on the fucking shelf for later, then you are not worth my attention.

Maybe someday I would forgive you. It'd be a waste of life to hold a grudge forever, and you have a great ass. However, denying me a snack and talking shit behind my back just makes it seem like you're worth jack, mack.

>>18253170
you're fucking retarded.

t. not a

>>18253142
Sometimes, with enough effort, we finally bring it on ourselves.

I didn't believe love could be unconditional, I didn't believe feelings could last, I didn't believe in anthropomorphising the universe, and I didn't believe in soulmates.

Now I wake up every morning wishing today is the day the universe brings us together, so I can tell you I love you, that there are parallels between us I can't ignore, that I feel connected to you on a level I didn't think possible.

I don't want to forget you just yet. I want us to try to get this right.

I was in a good mood awhile ago and agreed to go to an event with a friend (ticket cost $40). Tomorrow night is the event and I really cant be bothered going. Turns out none of our other mutual friends are going (its just his other group of friends I've never met) plus I'd have to meet them their as I wont be able to go in together with them.

I'm not really keen to go and strongly regret agreeing months ago, plus if I don't go its a waste of $40. Should I still go? Would it be rude if I just didn't turn up?

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>>18253209
Well, then, you're certainly B, bitch!

Yeah...fuck you for ruining my Sunday.

You're a piece of shit and a dismissive one at that. Even if what I did was wrong to the person you're defending, you can't deny the shit that caused it to happen was blameless. That isn't ego gymnastics, that's stress building up to an explosive point.

>Girlfriend cheated on me three years ago.
>One of my closest friends finds out a year later and doesn't tell me.
>3 months later I get kicked out of my mom's and move in with her.
>Friend tells me via phone call a couple months after I move in, a week after my birthday.
>Pissed, in disbelief, broken, no idea what to do with myself.
>Drop friend for waiting until I moved in with her to tell me.
>Nowhere to go so I try to work it out with her.
>Deep depression for a couple months.
>Have mental breakdown at work, on antidepressants and anti anxieties for 2 years. Still with GF.
>Develop horrible social anxiety, can barely speak to family and friends much less strangers.
>Spend most of my time alone, start training kickboxing and BJJ in free time.
>Antidepressants stop working and are killing all of my emotions so I stop taking them.
>Back to deep depression.
>Start smoking weed constantly, eating shrooms regularly.
>Lose job, can't afford gym membership or drugs so both of my outlets are gone.
>No motivation to train anyway.
>Stop doing all drugs, taking Klonopin daily.
>Spend 6 months depressed as fuck.
>Get a new job, cunt boss, shit pay.
>The other night finally come out with friends to a club.
>Drug overload, eighth of shrooms, 2 lines of ketamine, 2/10 of molly.
>Spend half an hour (feels like hours) zoned out staring at a brick wall.
>K and molly wear off just as shrooms start to peak.
>Get up and start to mingle.
>Out of fucking nowhere.
>See girl literally so gorgeous I almost forget that I'm high.

Before I continue, it's worth mentioning that shrooms make people's faces look creepy as fuck to me and that I'm not a very romantic/corny person. Psychadelics kill my sex drive. This is a minor detail, but whatever.

>>18253311
cont.
>Anxiety disappears.
>Introduce myself, tell her I like her look.
>Hippy chick, dressed to impress in short shorts and tube top. Showy for me but whatever. Face and hair completely distract me from tits and ass.
>Chat for a bit, flirt back and forth, dance a little, go about our business, I’m not one to cheat and GF was supposed to meet us at the club.
>I love my life at this point, I’m literally going back and forth between dancing upstairs and running around like a retard outside, two things my self-consciousness has kept me from doing for the last 3 years. Best mushrooms I’ve ever eaten.
>GF never shows up, me and friends leave, still tripping so I forget about hippy chick for a while.
>At some dude’s house I’ve never met before.
>More drugs.
>GF finally calls, drunk as fuck, pissed about some nonsense.
>Shows up at house, kills my buzz bitching about her night.
>(Maybe it would have been better if you came out with us like you said you were going to instead of bullshitting until 3am).
>Whatever, glad she didn’t.
>It’s late, we go home, drugs wear off, I fall asleep around 7am.
>Wake up at 2 in the afternoon, feel great as I usually do the day after doing shrooms, this usually lasts the whole day if not a couple days.
>No molly hangover, rare.
>An hour later, no more euphoria.
>Harsh reality check.
>Remember why I’m depressed.
>Remember why I got depressed in the first place.
>Realize I was tripping balls so hard I didn’t even think to get hippy girl’s number.
>Worst of all, realize I feel trapped in a shit relationship and have no way out and I blew off an awesome chick and the opportunity to look for new happiness for cheating GF who ruined arguably one of the best nights of my life.

>>18253321
cont.

I’ve gotten used to feeling like shit, I’ve essentially been contemplating suicide for the last two and a half years. I thought after having such a great night I’d feel better, but I can confidently say, as of right now, I wanna fucking die. I just want out, I’m tired, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t even want to be happy at this point, I just wanna fucking die. I don’t care about my relationship, I don’t care about the chick at the club, I don’t care about MMA, I’m done. Don’t want advice, just haven’t talked to anyone about any of this before. Goodnight, faggots.

(If I get broken or if I feel broken, I rush to the aid of others and emphasize positive qualities about them to make sure they don't suffer the same pain as me. Everyone needs a voice of reassurance. Mine is from a place that might have been missing in my life. Don't relive my mistakes, I will fight destroy yours)

>>18253015
holy shit, story?

Y'know, politics aside, Arab women ARE quite sexy.

Wish more of 'em were secular though. Heard a lot of them breeded with the Spanish.

I know I'm a footfag, but I wanna sniff a lot of female feet. Attractive females by my tastes, The point isn't if they smell nice or not, the fact I can attach a face to the smell is all I need.

https://youtu.be/rCfTlR8fXVs

>>18253366
They actually did.
It's kinda why the stereotype of hispanics being caramel colored exists. Not to mention how the sexy ones seem to have pharaoh-like eyes.

Shecanas with Arabian mixed in are some of the best fucks in the world.

I just ordered Etilaam and Etizest. Kind of apprehensive but looking forward to it.

Why is it so expensive to die?

Just burn my corpse in a bonfire or something, I don't care.

>>18253404
This one's nice

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>>18253441

i finally feel like i've reached my breaking point. I survived every addiction known to man and now that im sober and my life is slowly getting better all i can think about is blowing my next paycheck on a shotgun and smearing the walls with my brain. I don't think i can keep going on like this. A decade of substance abuse has left me emotionally stunted and im pushing away my partner of 5 years and i don't even know if i still love him. I don't know if i love anything at all anymore. All i do when i get home from work is sit at my desk and sob. the funny thing is is as im typing this i look down and see the suicide hotline. i think im gonna call them.

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I want to be more confident and talk to women and try to get into a relationship but I don't want to start a relationship with someone who's going to call the cops if she finds loli and shota on my computer.

A gun is too messy.

Ended up getting '"help", and it did, but like most "come to Jesus" moments, it wore out long before the next session. I try to tell myself there's more to life than porn, work, and making the car not-a-piece-of-shit, but I'm not finding it. A companion of sorts is so clearly the solution, and yet...

I've found one. She's finally back on the radar, but her blip might not be there long. He treated you like shit and you left him, and DAMN am I proud of you. I'm glad you're finally getting to the point where you can move on from the hell the last 3 guys have put you through.

I want to be another guy for you. But not the 4th one. I don't want to be one who showed up for, and stayed for, the sex. I don't even expect it. I just want some time with you, and just you. We could literally Netflix and chill (reee-) and I'd cherish every moment. I hadn't smiled in months until I saw you again.
I know he talked shit that can't be taken back, but you know I never bought into it, you know I think no less of you. I just want some time, an evening when we're both off, and we can relax a bit, talk about anything we want, and get to know each other.

But you're on your way out, aren't you? I get the balls to walk back to the doors and sit down with you, hear that you're doing alright, but you're thinking of leaving. This town might be too small for you, the shit's been stirred up and you can't handle the stench any longer. I hope you reconsider, but I can't just suddenly show interest again and expect you to drop everything and let me have a shot.

I'll miss you. I hope you don't go. I'm can't think of anything to motivate me to wake up and eat actual food if you're not here.

A knife isn't clean either, but at least it doesn't get on the walls.

aimee

you are too smart for me. Not only are you a borderline genius, we are just too vastly different. I'm sorry for obsessing over you

>>18253438

because capitalism, friend

>>18253684
Go back to Russia you commie scum

Dear J

sorry for bullying you throughout our friendship. and sorry for being mean to you for being emotionally detached and saying things that hurt my feelings... I know it's just your weird personality and flaws that stick out... although i dont agree with what you had said about you not being in the wrong and that others needed to grow a backbone was no excuse to be a dick. i know you have a lot a problems emotionally and you dont like dealing with it so you call others out and drink a lot, but i guess it was your flaws i liked most about you. we both have the same flaws. i shouldn't have developed feeling for you when i knew you you were married. i should've been more of a friend to you and told you upfront when i first started crushing on you so we both could have talked it out and laughed about how ridiculous it was like friends and adults do. Instead i kept them close to my heart and all the little moments with just pals passing time shouldn't have meant more than it did... including the negative stuff we'd both said to each other that hurt my feelings... J... I'm sorry i got so jealous of that other person who was only a friend that I let it affect my attitude towards you so much... I'm an idiot...! I still care about you J... romantically I'm afraid... but the friendship, of just you and me, meant so much to me. I've been selfish all throughout. Selfish for ghosting you three times without telling you the truth each time... I'm selfish for having the urge to want to start talking to you again... I want to see you, talk with you... laugh and drink with you... and sadly kiss you

>>18251866
Que puta, ya hiciste un hilo y no te es suficiente?
Deja de lloriquear y compórtate como un hombre, la vida es mierda estés donde estés pero por lo menos en los Estados Unidos va a ser un poco mejor que en Argentina así que ponete los pantalones y deja de llorar

>>18251913
All these 4 years of going through my degree program. Internships here and there but nothing permenant

>>18252927
This is why, in business, we have something called a contractual agreement.


Could have avoided this, anon.

Everything was going great until I was at that party without you, I made out with another girl, I didn't even enjoy it and I was thinking about you and how I should stop the whole time. I lied to you because I know it would be the end of the relationship and I can't stand that, I keep saying that if I just press forward and leave this behind us it will all be okay. I feel I'm abusing your trust and being selfish but I also feel that the fact that I feel so awful shows how much I care about you and that this can be okay if we just move on.

>18254000
and I feel as if I can't be the same ever again

but maybe that's good
because I can't believe I did this
and if I'm going to change I will change for the good
I will love with all the torrents of the wind and rain
I will use my own pain and self hatred to make your life amazing
you are my everything
I love you

>>18253142
Try again when we're sober.

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https://youtu.be/3ZfG1_h-sP8

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A cool friend of mine of 2 years I met in college really wants to hang out at night for drinks, which I'd love to. We have done this once or twice before, but it was rather short-lived as I had to leave early.
Overall I didn't go out much in college up until now for being an introvert with a bit of social anxiety.

Things are getting better now and I'm more willing to go out, meet people and have drinks, but I can't drink as I'm on antidepressants and anxiolytics.
My friend doesn't know this and I wouldn't want him to know either because he's confessed to me before that I'm basically a source of inspiration to him and maybe the most supportive friend he's had 'till now.

He probably thinks I have it all together, but I don't. I cry often , sometimes to the point of hyperventilation. I have good days, but also really bad ones, and he has no idea of these.

I think I'd just be crushing his spirit and shattering his morale if I told him, so instead I keep giving out excuses for not being able to hang out for drinks and partying.

I'm doing it for you, man.

I jerk off to my girlfriend's cousin (15)
She has great tits for her age
She sat on my lap before and felt me get hard and rubbed on it more.

I need to stop

a day doesn't go by where I don't miss you more and more. I hope that someday you'll find it in yourself to forgive me.

>>18254143
Same

Was going through some old pic. Found some of me and this girl I was really infatuated with. In one of them she was looking right at me with her arm on my shoulder with the biggest smile on her face. She looked so happy to be with me, I even looked happy too.

Hey asshole

You told me plans were off and then changed your mind an hour or so later when my mind was settled into doing something else. Just because you're flaky as fuck doesn't mean I don't wanna hang out anymore.

Who the fuck "uncancels" plans anyway?

>>18254000
It wont be..
Confess, because this is exactly how cheaters mentally resolve it.
They don't wanna destroy their cozy cirumstance, so they cling to stability.

One mistake this deep isn't enough to destroy the love of someone who is truly into you. It will hurt, trust will have to be rebuilt, but your honesty will be rewarded in other ways. If you hold on to it and say nothing, by the time you do, it will feel like that ENTIRE time, you were unworthy of trust. Even worse, you feel unworthy of empathy for your sake.

Right now, she trusts you not truly knowing the real you. It would be better if she trusted you knowing you are imperfect, than you sitting around giving her the illusion you're perfect.

Nobody is perfect, not even those of us who give ourselves the illusion we're incapable of such behavior. The truth will set you free.

Yesterday I wanted to kill myself because I felt like a useless depressed piece of shit. I want to break this cycle.

>>18254384

And if she ends it because of this it's for the better? I want to believe you anon. But that option seems so dark right now I don't know.

CLING I WANT YOU BACK I KNOW YOU SAID YOU WANTED SPACE BUT I'VE HAD THREE MONTHS WORTH OF SPACE AWAY FROM YOU HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU WANT MORE AWAY FROM ME

>>18254445
Anon listen, in the end the choice is yours.. you don't have to take my advice..

I have been hurt deeply by someone who I loved with all of my life, all 100% of me. I would have given my very last blood cell that she may live, and I die. I loved her so much, that it destroyed me when she was gone. Lost 5 years of my life I will not get back. But within the brief period we spent together, I forgave her for a lot, and her me. But it was sadly, very long distance, and believe it or not, we only met one time in person, for a day.

I wasn't psychologically or emotionally prepared for a lot of what she did to me. It didn't go as far as full on fucking someone else, but it cut deep because we were both very very compatible.

I forgave her. No promise your partner will forgive you, no way to measure indolence, empathy, or sacrifice. But you will note, no matter what the outcome, truth will set you free. Getting it out of your system, is like emptying your soul of backed up shit that does not belong there. We were made to be more resilient.

The choice is yours.

>>18250878
I'm a guy & I'm straight, but I kinda wanna try something with a guy just out of curiosity.

>>18254489
Then go be a fag. Live your life

Soon to be 23. No gf, no friends, live with mother while trying to finish my country's equivalent of high school (5-year long depression delayed my graduation). I have to spend at least another year like this, and then what? My country is screwed regardless, what's the fucking point? And the girl I chatted with on a dating site dumped me before we even met because she couldn't tell the difference between me and an axe murderer. I swear the only reason I go on is because my parents are supportive and want me to succeed. If they died, so would I. My extended family is non-existent anyway.

But the worst thing is that I know I have untapped potential yet my cynical and pessimistic nature never allows it to surface. I can barely study without getting depressed about my empty life. This isn't me. I was supposed to have friends and go to university or have a job at this point. I'm a fucking manchild and it's killing me.

I used to be a normal kid, very sociable, tons of friends and a happy family(without a dad but that didn't matter for me because I never knew better), that changed when my family got broken because my mum met a new guy and they didn't like it. Since that moment everything started to get fucked up. Started to play more videogames and don't care about sport, my friends and I stopped hanging together, I lost my social skills...
2 year later I started secondary school and got really bullied for three first months and then my stepdad died by cancer. Stopped going go school, going to the park so I was alone. That lasted three weeks. Then I returned and when they tried again I snapped, nobody outside my class knows what happened to me and I became an hermit who didn't care for friends anymore.
When I was on the next grade I thought I had a crush on a girl(I didn't understand what was I feeling at that moment), it was a disaster, the girl really humilliated me at the end... There I stopped feeling whatever is supposed to be Love.
Now I'm 25, haven't managed to get a job and when I try to study something I sabotage myself at the end so I don't finish the course.
I hate my mind.

>>18254504
Fml it's full of typos... sorry.

let me come home

>>18250885
Same man

I can't move on from my ex and I feel fucking retarded.

We were only together for four months and we've been apart for seven months now. It doesn't make any sense to be hung up on such a short relationship for this long.

We ended on good terms. Her career just took her to another state. I think that makes it harder to move on. But I still feel like there's something wrong with me for having not moved on by now.

>>18253266
:) initials?

>>18252897
You are not in the minority. Your side is winning elections, in some cases by significant margins like with Brexit.

Even I try not to get attached to women, I can't help but smile when I talk to one. They are so different and interesting some times.

>>18253354
First post covered the important parts but I guess the sequence was basically like this:
>got with an incredibly smart and good looking guy
>he was all-in, super attentive and caring
>but sometimes slightly an asshole to other people
>wasn't a huge problem, i wrote it off as a side effect of parental abandonment
>he was always nice to strangers so i figured he wasn't totally damaged
>i made him feel admired for all the things he had accomplished
>listened to his whining and complaining about life, told him i understood
>would do things for him because i'm a doormat, and he was intimidating
>didn't mind that he witheld affection as punishment, because my parents did that too
>he lied about shit but would make it seem like it didn't matter
>if i disagreed with what he said, he would flat out ignore me when i spoke to him, even in front of other people
>i thought i was nuts because everyone else respected this guy and thought he was totally normal
>suddenly shit got real for me (hospital)
>he instantly peace'd out
>came back when he thought i recovered
>blamed me for being needy, saying he didn't have time for drama
>sorry, I didn't know that suddenly developing HEART PROBLEMS counted as drama
>and i only messaged him twice during my month long health clusterfuck
>he had no sympathy, saying his very treatable inflammation issue has given him more strife than i've experienced
>confronted him
>never been that scared of someone in person before
>his eyes looked like he was genuinely going to hurt me
>i mentally shut down
>apologized to him because again, i am a doormat
>he accepted my apology but is still treating me like shit like i did something wrong
>don't have the guts to leave him, even though he's a shitty person
>his stare makes me scared
>not sure i can do better than him anyway
If he lost the ability to glare at me, I think I'd be able to handle it, hence the acid comment. He looks scary and I got myself into a shitty situation.

1. If I prefer to learn with examples of how something is done versus a vanilla explanation how something is done, does that make me a hands-on learner?

Hey L got my shit fixed lets fuck

>>18254761
hmmmmmmm

You overthink shit wayyyyyyy too much get that worked out. You also have anxiety, depression and possibly ptsd. Didn't tell you this in the relationship because I didn't want to be a dick. Please see a therapist or talk with your mom because you don't deserve to feel like horseshit. I don't want to see you go down the same path that I did, because it sucks.

What could my life possibly be?

You guys can't possibly tell me I'm a for real alien.. right? You keep hinting at it, even to things like Starlod. That I'm some kind of space prince...ss. (christ even that right there. How do you guys do this mind control shit?)

It has to be just that I was born in another country.

But look at everything going on... how could I rule out anything? You make it seem like I'm the King of this Earth and I'm about to take my throne.

>>18250883
same,man

I have an odd sense of humor. I think of funny things all the time but I never share them with anyone. When I do manage to make someone laugh, it's only a sensible chuckle. I wish I could be gut-bustingly funny to as many people as possible.

>>18254845
OMFG leave him. Imagine having kids with this guy and him walking out on THEM because he "doesn't have time for drama." Like, your kid is screaming because he's hungry, how the fuck is that drama? Ohhh, because it's not about YOU.

Yeah. Leave.

>>18254957
Jking, I love you

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55KB, 448x443px

How come I can't have a real friend. I have a fiancee and she is amazing, but I have no friends. I went to a family event this past weekend, and I realized I couldn't think of anyone who would come to a party if I threw one. I have been able to attract women my whole adult life, but I have no friends to speak of. Did I always subconsciously want it this way?....

Lmao, you really changed your icon to his waifu? Do you realize to that he has manipulated you to make you like him? Seems like whenever he likes something, you automatically like it. Both of you are quite pathetic, and bitchy selfish cunts. Too bad it's too late to tell you that. Have fun sucking each other's dicks.

>>18254655
I would think you were my ex if you hadn't added the "we ended on good terms" bit

>>18254461
Wish someone would text me some shit like this. I'd smile. But that would mean I'd have to be liked.

>>18255184
Oh yeah forgot to add this: and ___ I hope your IBS somehow kills you or at least gets extemely severe, You deserve it. And ___ I hope your little brother doesn't turn out like such a piece of shit like you.

>>18250878

My life is shit and I wish I had the balls to end it.

My mother passed two weeks ago from a sudden heart attack. She always kept teasing me about 'showing my girlfriend to the family', despite being told multiple times that I didn't have one. I'm ugly, my romantic encounters with the opposite sex were very random and scarce throughout my life, and never once have I had a relationship. I don't have friends, I don't party and I don't even work.

I'm a genetic failure. My father stands at less than 175cm and I'm not much taller than he is, my teeth are yellow and in terrible condition, my eyesight sucks and my hearing is not perfect either. I feel like a down syndrome retard, I will never truly experience what living is despite some people's best attempts to trick me into thinking I'm doing what they are. All my relationships eventually rot away since either of the parties stop talking to the other. My college semester is in ruins, my finantial situation is unstable, and my mother died without ever seeing me with the girl she always dreamed of. My father is a crybaby, nigh-illiterate, and I'm the product of a man that should never have reproduced in the first place.

It fucking sucks to be genetic waste. I wish I could be like the other people, I wish I could know what it is like to date through highschool and to dream of whatever the fuck teenagers dream of and to experience life the way it's meant to be experienced. All of you 'I'm sad because my gf broke up with me' are some ungrateful fucks that have no idea what I'd give to be in a relationship for a single day. Yet I'm the typical beta faggot that cares way too much about companionship and the rare girl that's attracted to my body eventually is turned off when she realizes what kind of guy I really am. I've been affection starved my whole life and I'm confident I'm beyond saving by this point. I will forever envy every single one of you.

I super kinda don't want to have sex with someone if they have HIV... aka purple.

I'm assuming I don't have it then?

Also I don't really want to have sex with someone that has a penis... just saying. I don't exactly find penis attractive. Why do you guys think that I do? I know you have been testing me to see if I was gay or not and clearly I'm not.

There is not ONE thing I find attractive about men.

Talk to me! Anyone! I don't care who it is, send me a message. I can't fucking take it. These desperate and pathetic attempts to make friends. My self-respect is circling the drain. Is it too much to ask for a simple conversation? If anyone here is near Maple Ridge let me know. I just moved here and need some friends.

>>18254942
Sir, you got yourself the script for a movie!

>>18251441

Sounds like you're experiencing intrusive thoughts anon. Google it, they're often found in people with OCD but not always. I suffer from them too, realizing that they're simply jibberish is the only way to beat them.

Of course you'll never act on them, the only reason they come into your mind at all is because they're the polar opposite of anything you'd ever do, some of your biggest fears. And some people's brains(like ours) fixate and obsess on them. Google it, I hope you feel better soon.

Can someone tell me if this is an ok to say? If I should change something?? Anything would help.

I think we should breakup. I'm not in a good place mentally and it's hurting this relationship. I've felt this way for a few weeks and I wanted to try and make it work but its just not going to. I can't tell if it's anxieties and insecurities making me paranoid or if this relationship is just done and we're pretending it's not so we don't have to be alone.

We're too different and I realize it more and more each time we're together. I can't keep up with you I feel too dumb to talk to you. You feel more distant than ever like you've been closing yourself off. We don't have actual conversations anymore and it isn't fun like it used to be. You get annoyed with me easily and you say mean shit without noticing and im starting to think you were doing it intentionally so I'd leave you. It makes me feel like I'm a burden. I'm not happy anymore.

I love you (name). I love you so much that it's TOO much and it's because you're literally all that I have. You're my only friend my only contact to the "outside" and when you don't answer my texts I feel like I don't exist. I'm living text to text with you and I feel like I'm going insane trying to keep you. I'm not trying to blame you, but I know I'm not the only one at fault. I wish it could've worked out because I love you more than you know and I thought we had a future.

>>18255374
Maybe tell her the problems you've been having without saying "I think we should break up." Give both of you the opportunity to work on your issues with the relationship.

Instead of starting sentences with "You", try "I feel like". This helps keep her from feeling defensive and keeps the focus on you and how you're feeling about all this.

As for her being all that you have, that's an issue I'm working on too. I've been trying to make sure that I do things on my own so that I'm not left feeling upset if he dozes off without telling me or drives somewhere without texting me and letting me know.

Even with promises of love and money I still just want to die. I still don't see myself getting out of bed.

I just want to die. I don't care anymore. Just fucking kill me... please.

>>18250878

Guess Ill vent..by putting a very large wall of text

(Sorry If my english is janky, non-native speaker.)

Just got 24 years old, but nothing really to celebrate.

Finished education as an management assistant in office communication (the irony that followed)
I only took that education because I dont want yet another year without any education
Never really liked talking to a lot of people, even talking to people I know and trust is exhausting for me to say the least.
I can hardly approach people, I would always end up as a stuttering/muttering mess that couldnt look to other peoples faces while talking, or even form a coherent sentence and the sheer thought of holding an conversation on a phone or even picking one up is almost too much for me.
I talked to my parents and my friends about it, who just brushed it off.
My parents kept pushing me to apply to jobs despite what I describe above.
Of course I kept getting rejections from the companies I applied.

One day I just couldnt take it anymore, visiting psychologist and a neurologist.
I got diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. Im taking pills now.
My parents still keep pushing me to apply to companies.
It was around that time when my tendons in my feet start getting inflamed due to overweight and flatfeet, walking is painful now. Psoriasis showed up on my body
I rarely leave my room.

>>18255476
Took a course for people who have issues (either mentally or physically disabled) yet are still somewhat fit enough for the job market.
It didnt work, got now a recommendation to move to some institute with people who are mentally ill. It would also mean I get away from my parents, so I took it. My parents still keep pushing me to apply for a job even though at my current state its completely useless.
I was in there for 10 months but then got kicked out because I was recovering too slowly for them. It had an 1 year recovery phase (mentally) and then an 1 year recovery phase where I would be in an internship of my choosing.
I got sent to an institude with people who have even further issues, no timelimit there.

It was THEN when the pain in my feet got too much to handle, all previous attempts (medical gymnastics, feet and leg massage and orthopedic shoe inserts) failed. Had to leave the institution for surgery.
Not a lot happened afterwards, after my first surgery (and rehab) I had my second one this year. Now im learning how to walk normally with normal feet.

Nowadays I can atleast hold a small conversation without me getting terse and in overall im more relaxed when around people, however im far from beiing a social person, talking to a lot of people or going to crowded places isnt just for me.
And while im more at ease with myself, I still feel down at times, like right now.

>>18255482
What makes me especially sad is that I have NO idea what to do with myself.
A job that is about interacting with a lot of people is out of the question.
So are any about crafts or trade. Why im thinking like that might have something to do with my father.

He is a very impatient guy and frankly a very bad teacher. Whatever project he brought me in ended up beiing finished by him alone while Im just standing there and getting belittled by him for making a lot of mistakes.
Drywall installation, gardening, building a small garden shed, coating wood with paint, to name a few of his projects that ended up beiing a very bad experience for me.

Now im just sitting there, not having a single clue in what career I should go in. And my biggest wish beiing far away from my parents.

"id like to be more open. im here for you. it feels like I don't even know you sometimes."

why am I panicking over these past few days? ever since like last wendesday, you've been awfully quiet and its concerning me.

I really don't want to play anymore. I want the game to be over.

I just want you all to be straight with me. I want someone to knock on the door and give me some fucking facts. Some honest answers.

Why can't you guys do this? You're making my depression considerably worse... and you want me to somehow find the motivation to go out now? To start exercising? To get a job? To stop taking drugs? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I know we all irritate other people at times, but I fucking hate knowing that I've made someone annoyed with me. I sent a message to a friend that probably came across as too neurotic and needy, and they haven't responded despite reading, and I'm sure they just rolled their eyes and put their phone down or possibly even bitched to their SO about how I'm getting on their nerves or something, and that's just something that happens sometimes to just about everyone I'm sure, but I hate it. I hate having anxiety. I hate worrying that my best friends secretly hate my fucking guts and that that fear is amplified by even the slightest of snubs. Ugh.

I want to die. I feel like no one wants me around anymore, I'm in love with a 13 year old, and I'm mad at myself that I missed said 13 year old accidently putting up a nude picture on a public forum. I hate myself and sickened that I want to see it. I want to kill myself just to stop this feeling, I want to, but my religious upbringing prevents that. I want to talk to someone about my problems, but I know that I'll be reviled, and that I would really be shunned, if not right out beatened to death. Maybe that's the key. I'm not human, I want to die.

Dear Jenn,I hate the fact I wasted 10 years of my life on a nigger loving whore.I hope God gives you the karma you so deserve..

I suffer from mental illness. My likely diagnosis is some combination of generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, and an affective disorder that is probably bipolarity. In light of the newest DSM, I'd be interested to know exactly my diagnoses are. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist soon after having from Texas back to Ohio. I guess the important part of this post is that A) I'm medication dependent B) my illness and medication side effects can impact things like mood and cognition. This can be serious in its outcomes. Serious in the sense that things some people take for granted like task saliency, executive functioning, anxiety and mood state can be affected.

My problem is that I want to find a career that dovetails with the reality of my situation. I need a steady job career that offers time off, good benefits (health, vision and dental), and a livable wage. I'm thinking something in education or accounting.

Any insights on either career? I'm not ineligible for disability it's just everyone I know that's gone down that path is miserable. I'd rather not draw SSI/SSD and live a marginal life. I'm not knocking those that do. It's just not for me. More particularly, there would be little help for me as most of my friends have moved on and I have a tiny family that can offer me little material help.

I see a therapist and I see a physician and I'm going to see a new psychiatrist soon. They will and can help me but I'm looking for an outside opinion.

Education absolutely dovetails with my interests. But my grades may not be good enough to get into a top flight academic program. Are grades the only factor? Am I barred from going further. I have a solid 3.0 and my bachelors in English. I wanted to teach but like I said it can be highly competitive.

Accounting on the other hand seems to be a friendly career alternative in the sense that I don't have to deal with endless people and endless conflicts albeit I will have to work like an animal.

There's this girl at work.

I see her every two weeks because we both only work part time.

She's fucking beautiful. Shorter than me, curly brown hair, big brown eyes, great smile. Tiny hands too, that's a plus (makes everything look bigger).

I spoke to her a few times, but not much. I barely know her.
And when I did speak to her, I had my usual "mask" on, so to speak. I wasn't really being myself. I was "work me". Fake me.
I was fairly distant, didn't really care, all superficial. Kept things mostly formal.

But then I noticed she'd be staring at me every now and then. I'd occasionally wave when I saw her, and she'd wave back.

I get on well with her dad, and he talks to me alot too, I'm pretty sure he even gave her my number.

I'm pretty sure she likes me, but I'm also sure that the window is closing before she gives up and moves on. So I need to do something.

And now I can't stop thinking about her.
But she makes me nervous because I'm not used to being watched. It's got me on edge.
And now I actually care about her opinion, so I can't just lie and wear my "mask", acting around her.

I can't "just be myself". Myself is a shy ass autist with a bad sense of humour who'd rather sit in a dark room than struggle to talk to people. I need the act, but I don't want to lie.
I can't act around her (lying is difficult for me when I'm actually interested in a girl. When I don't care, I can be pretty smooth) but if I don't, I might put her off, or she'll get bored and move on.

This sucks. Two weeks before I see her again, maybe, and even then I struggle just to find a way to talk to her.

>>18255832
>solid 3.0
In the sense my GPA is the bare minimum needed for grad apps. Most of my experience is in post-secondary education, but I'm open to k-12. Most men don't get into prek-3 typically. Post secondary education is the dream but getting tenure is like playing pro baseball for a little leaguer, a steep dream.

On the other hand, there is a masters in accountancy at my local college which I am eligible for and that would be more of a career changer than anything else and would allow me to become licensed for the CPA

I might have herpes any of you catch an STD? How'd it affect your life?

She was crazy about me last summer and I fucked it up by never reciprocating that interest. At least not in the way she wanted me to. Now she's moved on and I'm still fucked up over it.

I think about her all day, every day.

She'll text me occasionally but she's moved on. I've never felt that happy about someone. But I was too busy fucking around, not making a move.

She was at the tail end of a toxic relationship at the time and I was afraid of it and I didn't know what to think about it. I wonder if she was wanting me to save her. I'm pretty sure she was. And I should have. But I didn't.

Regret is a motherfucker.

I am going to a job fair tomorrow, and I've worked for a professor with a PhD. How do I reference them with their title on a card?

Dr. John Doe, Doctor of X
John Doe, Doctor of X
John Doe, X Doctor
Dr. John Doe, PhD in X

>>18255860
John Doe, Ph.D.
That's it typically.

I still love you K, I don't know why you pushed me away unfortunately for me i still really love you. I hope you will talk to me again someday. - J

>>18255870
Danke

Ugh, you make me puke.

>>18255875
Bitte

Stop smashing yourself with the negative things that can bring the future, because that is your brain playing games with you, to not getting out of the comfort zone.

If it happens, you have to deal with it, but until that time comes, don't think about the bad things, be positive all you can.

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505KB, 750x1334px

I thought you were the perfect girl. My first girl I slept with. We did everything together. You started pushing me away and I realized it but couldn't make myself drop you. I saw all of the signs and knew what they meant but I still kept believing you. I see you every day I pass by you and I act like I don't care but I really fucking do. You try to apologize and want to be friends but I just can't do that. I wish you weren't such a slut and I wish you knew what you threw away. Stop acting like I'm the asshole.

>>18255834
I can relate heavily anon. I have found that shifting between your fake formal persona can be off-putting. Chances are she has only known this side of you and a complete shift to true you can scare people off. Find the happy in between. That's the best advice an old fag can give you who has lived with this all his life.

>>18250878
I should have killed myself back then I don't know why I didn't. I thought I was doing the "right thing" but that's apparently not the case at all.

Life has stolen even that option from me because if I killed myself now I would just be admitting defeat and allowing myself to drown in a sea of shit whereas before it would be more like leaping into the unknown or turning away from something.

I'm so god damn mad I want to fucking MANGLE something, but I want for that something to be resilient enough that my attempts do not succeed and I want for someone to care enough to view me and my shortcomings compassionately for once instead of rationalizing them, disregarding them, exploiting them or using them to hurt me. I feel as thought if this happened JUST FUCKING ONCE it could start a chain reaction where I could learn how to ~love~ again like in some tacky bullshit movie. But it won't, it won't. The new ideology of the now is that we're all adults who are obligated by society to push each other around and for those who aren't adults life is quite literally hell or a simulation or has no meaning or some other insane bs. All resources were tapped out a long time ago. There's nothing left at all.

>>18255946
I know the feeling sometimes. What's got your goat? Failed romances? Up to your eyeballs in debt? Limited opportunities? I get the impression its the failed relationships piece myself.

I have this inchoate, nebulous idea that when we're young we treat each other like shit and then we get older it's too late. One is too hurt and too burned to love back or to let down the walls and guards, but I HOPE I am wrong.

Fuck you all, ive been a good friend to all of you, I always try encourage and am sympathetic to your problems. I'm supportive will do whatever you ask and never ask for anything in return.. I've done this to all of you since we were teenagers.

You all talk too much shit because your body and mind are weak. You act like females and I know you secretly take pleasure when I fail..

Why? Is because i'm better looking than you, stronger, taller? You all know I could fuck you up if I wanted..

Oh well, Living will is the best revenge and this what I shall do. Goodluck faggots. Ur gonna need it.

>>18255907
you are worth more than that bro. I got mind-fucked by a girl like that too, but one day i realized i deserved perfection. I stopped caring about the slut just like that, and then the perfect girl who i also thought was perfect came along. The perfect girl for you who thinks you are perfect exists and she won't respond to knowing you by becoming a ho. do everyone a favor and let the ho go. it's been over 4 years since our breakup and she's called me every day the last 3 days. I'm not interested at all any more, but being her friend is worth it too. Stand up tall. be one of the few to look up to. She's worth less than you, unfortunately for her. Her road ahead will be a lot harder and sadder than yours. She'll need you as a friend and you will be fine. You'll be better than fine. just say fuck it and wish for someone better, and she will come and then leave and then you'll know...you should only wish for perfection and nothing less. you will get what you expect

I have a loosening crown and I don't have insurance and I do not know what to do. It is one of my two front teeth so if (when) it drops, it would be immeditely noticeable.

On top of that, I have a misaligned jaw and cannot afford corrective surgery. I want to die. I cannot even afford to have my wisdom teeth pulled. I wish I did not live in a country with monetized healthcare.

>>18255977
Thanks man, really means a shit ton that someone responded desu.

the longer i stay here, the worse off i am.

>>18254468
I did it. I told her.

I'm the lowest scumbag I can imagine. Do to this to her after everything else she's been through, to let down myself, my family, all my friends, everything I know is good and right.

Anons, it's such a simple thing and one I hope few have to deal with. NEVER LIE. I see that I have become a pathological liar over my life. Be better than me. Be trustworthy. I can try to fix it, others can stop it before it gets worse.

I threw away the best times of my life for something I hated every second of. Something I never imagined I could do. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BECOMING. There is a monster in every person.

Anon thank you I have learned so much. I hope others can learn it without the cost.

It's hard to imagine life without her but she hasn't said anything yet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UffUNl7DLQ

>>18256017
Keep us updated.

Being honest, I want to die or at the very least want my depression to die off. I've been having these fucking negative thoughts that won't fucking go away. The only reasons I haven't killed myself is because some people actually give a shit about me even though I know they'll be out of my life in less than a year. Every time I'm happy, it usually lasts less than a day and I'm back to being fucking depressed again. I hate this feeling and I can't do shit about it.

I wish I knew how to handle intimate relationships. I was so fat and unattractive for so long that I never learned to make all those mistakes in school like I was supposed to. Now that im in my mid 20s I'm fitter and apparently was quite attractive under it all. I've gotten into sexual and intimate situations that I can't seem to navigate. A drunken/high hookup that I liked that came out of nowhere, how do I engage it again? How do I text women to keep them interested when I only know how to text to set up social hangouts/events? How do I know when someone wants something casual and when they want a relationship? If I want one thing and they want the other what do I do?

I feel so lost and my newfound confidence after losing the weight and getting my shit together falters and I close up and simply don't want to deal with it because I dont know how to without feeling like an awkward shit. I hate it and I hate myself for it. All I want is to feel like a normal person that can deal with these things like every other person in my life and after struggling so long to reach the point where I am now that it's like the final barrier for me and I'm afraid if I dont learn this shit now itll be too late.

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thanks mom and dad for legitimizing all feelings of shame and guilt throughout my childhood and turning me into a fucking emotional husk

especially loved when you would infantilize me and never show me how to become my own person with my own thoughts and feelings
i especially loved how dad would verbally abuse us in public and mum would never stand up for herself ever without crying afterwards. a house filled with fear and guilt really rubs off on a young kid
i just wish literally anyone could have at least given me social skills, but everyone in my family all seems to be as fucking weird as each other. and what terrifies me the most is being seen as the same as them

i hate being so unhappy and constantly having to ruminate and figure out why im so fucked up

I hope I keep this tranquil state of mind forever. Or at least get to these moments more frequently.

Until then

Somewhere out there, a nice 30 year old Mormon wife is making dinner for her nice Mormon lawyer husband and 2 kids.
Little does she know he spent an hour of his lunch "break" eating my 23 year old sweet little Puerto Rican pussy out.
I'm so fucking turned on again. I hope he kissed her hello with that mouth.

>>18255541
feels on wheels that never ever ever stop turning
I want an excuse to hang myself in the woods during a temperate autumn day or something like that
fuck everything that ties us down, man, even the good shit

>>18256033
>I close up and simply don't want to deal with it because I dont know how to without feeling like an awkward shit.
I feel this strongly too. I think the thing that causes the most dissatisfaction in my life is that I can't make conversate unless someone else initiates and leads, but I constantly navigate through social situations with people I'm not already close to in a way that gets them to shut up as fast as possible, and so even if I'm presented with new opportunities, I end up dismissing them, otherwise the anxiety eats me alive.
God the anxiety is the fucking worst. I've started to become aware of insecure behaviours I display that are very obvious, but if I don't get to do them I feel like I'll just freeze out of panic. Having to resist freezing up and freaking out for no fucking reason whenever unwanted social situations occur is emotionally rotting.

Wish I had positive advice. Just wanna say you're not alone.

https://youtu.be/i_SWoseprUE
//
Tonight was a clear sign, I'm going to do it.

>>18256008
o shit a two for one deal on feels that I know
life is just a slow descent into madness!
fairy tales and imagination are actually the sanest things in existence, you can tell because adults think they are stupid

>>18256048
I suffered from an anxious, depressed mind and slowly worked my way to moments of tranquility. I can never seem to make it last, but I do notice that those moments come more frequently and last longer over time and that's a result of keeping my mind positive and constantly improving my body and health.I don't know if any of that is relatable to your experience, but I dont think those periods of tranquility can be, nor should be permanent. Just realize that those moments are achievable and workable toward, and because you lose them now doesnt mean they'll be lost forever.

Katia,

Im not the most handsome or nice or funny guy. I know that. Your smile lights up my day, and I think i love you. I only hope that you feel the same.

-bent

I sacrificed part of my self or soul when I was little to prolong the life of my goldfish, but im not sure who answered the prayer, God (who I was prating to) or Lucifer.

How do I tolerate a schizo? He only comes to visit my grandparents once in a while. I'm temporarily living with them. I have heart failure so I'm moving back out once it improves. Anyway he's been discharged from the ward and not sure he's taking his meds. He was in there for murder. It's just an uneasy feeling being around him only because I don't trust him. I don't think I can defend them if anything happens because of my heart condition. what do?

>>18256021
She's talking to me about it.

>>18251439

It's never too late you know. I was fucking useless until I was 20 years old because of chronic depression. Got on meds. Holy shit. Now I have a life. People who knew me before say it's an amazing transformation. I wish I hadn't been scared of meds before. But I've been on them for five years. No dose increases. No side effects anymore. Not right for everyone but people should at least try it before offing themselves. And different meds for different people. SSRIs made me more depressed. Wellbutrin and a stimulant work. They don't make you happy they make it possible for you to be happy.

im scared to call my girlfriend anon. I didn't do anything but shes just a bit concerned about stuff and me and its best if we just talk about it instead of text.

I just want to make this work, its been so good as of recently and want to keep it going.

IM FUCKING SORRY LINDSEY
I completely ruined your life, abused the shit out of you, and made you a slut. I played mental games. I would literally slap the shit out of you. I used you. You did nothing wrong to me but I did everything wrong to you. I actually loved you but not enough to control myself. You put up with a lot and if you're doing well you're one tough bitch. I understand why we're distanced. If it makes you feel any better some kike from reno cucked me into raising her kid. And some 9/10 heroin addict from indiana tore my heart to shreds for no good reason other than I smoke pot. I learned my lesson, and got what I had coming. I see what i've done now. I'd kill to have you back in my life. Its almost been three years. After you left the drugs hit hard. Im getting better now. My life is complete shit now and I know how I got here.
Now, Meridian you dumb slut I swear to god if you don't stop stalking me I will fucking end you you subhuman kike cunt. WHO the FUCK do you think you are, before I knew about the cuck meme I was trying to fucking help. Not one shred of appreciation for what i've done. thats when I changed. I was trying to do good from my wrongs and you thought it was some kind of game. You femnazi whore, did anyone tell you that you can't just make shit up? Me and your mother would cringe when you started on the fucking pansexual bullshit. By the way you owe me $1400 you LYING KIKE!

I just want to be a father.

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The only woman to ever show compassion and care for me is going back to her home country in 4 weeks.

In 4 weeks the woman I love will be in the other side of the earth, and I will never see her again.

My life is like an old Bob Dylan song.

You gave yourself problems because you found real life boring without them. You are deeply deeply fucked up on a level even beyond the one you tell yourself you're fucked up at. Like bro, you need help for realz, but yeah, I know, we're never actually gonna get it cause, rofl, this is way more fun then playing this stupid game called life by the rules, and they never really applied to you anyway, so, might as well play the game for all it's worth right? fuck it, yolo, swag, 420blaze it homie. Fuckin' right,

Also, AR is cool and if you will it hard enough the dream with her will come true but like, don't worry about it man, you might find better somewhere along the way, but I mean, technically speaking that's impossible but like, you know, HAVING a girl even if it isn't her is better than having no one cause you were waiting like a dumbass. Just make sure that you take the opportunity that presents itself, no matter what, okay? She did better than any one else ever did at the test, so like, there's that, but just chill man. Just fuckin' chill.

Me @ Myself.

>>18256198
Follow her?

I've given up on any hope of a normal life or relationships. I truly have no emotions and my mind is a hollow void of sickness. I've disliked every person I've ever met including my parents who have nurtured me and who I've never had a reason to fight or disagree with them whatsoever. Maybe one day I'll pick up a girl and smash her head in with a shovel. I want to see if it feels good. I no longer aren't about myself or my future. I have liberated myself from the fear of pain, death, and disappointment. No punishment would ever affect me. I want to be the person that ruins lives. And I want most of all to feel like I have made some impact on this world no matter what. I'm about to go into law school and become a lawyer. That's should give me all the funds I need. I'm going to become something great absolutely detached from empathy, morals, and other people. Because this is what I want to be. A bad person

>>18256176
nevermind. shes going out to drink.

I don't know what the fuck is going on with her being so quiet but this really hurts for some reason after her playing the "im sick, I have to study,etc." card this weekend.

>>18256212
You need to drop acid and stop being an edgy little fuck

>>18256214
Hate to break it to ya bro but theres a Chad on the other end of the line

>>18256233
well aware of it at this point now I guess.

you what kind of balls it takes to talk to other guys while youre having sex and you say you love each other? fucked up shit man.

>>18256239
It happens. Ive had it happen. It sucks. You learn to get over it. The one that's meant to be wont do that. Ive learned that one too. I promise anon. Just make sure that the one you fall for, the one that makes you the only chad, put a fucking ring on it those don't come by often.

>>18256212
... Ted Bundy?

I thought Florida zapped you to death

>>18256254
thank you friend. I needed this.

>>18256201
The test? Curious..explain Anon.

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>>18256177
>first half of story
>beats gf because he doesn't get tendies
>second half of story
>becomes /pol/lock because he doesn't get tendies

>>18256301
>oversimplifying down to a shitty meme
>>>/reddit/

looking for advice from a male or female doesn't matter which

why do broke guys/cheapskates completely turn me off? is this shallow to say? i'll give some context

>dated a guy for 2 years
>guy never bought me anything or surprised me with anything
>always made me pay for my dinner when he invited me on a date
>mad because i always bought him shit even though i was paid much much less at my job than he was
>got sick of this along with other things and left him

>flash forward to now
>start talking to a lower middle class type working guy
>i'm upper middle class but currently in school
>decide to talk to him because he has a decent personality etc
>as time goes on he starts complaining about how broke he is
>asks me if there's anything he can "do for money" because he's broke
>always rejects going on dates with me to places because he doesn't want to spend anything
>ask him if he wants to go to the thrift store with me because i like going there for fun and everything is cheap
>says he can't because he doesn't have money


basically, being this broke is an absolutely huge turn off for me. i'm all for give and take relationships, but i feel like i've been doing all the giving in every relationship i have. are most guys this stingy with money or do i just pick the wrong ones? does it make me shallow that i'm turned off now by anyone who doesn't have money/is a cheapskate?

>>18256327
Cut the second guy some slack. I'm a mechanic, luxury doesn't exist in my life, it probably doesn't in his either. Also, no guys like shopping.

>>18256327
>falling for the class meme
Is this India or something?

So, your insurance won't pay for the estimated $3k in damage to my car because apparently your policy wasn't in effect on the date of the loss. I don't recall you mentioning that after the accident, haha.

Looks like I'm just gonna sue you if your company doesn't pay up. Tough luck, pal; shouldn't have been speeding.

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>>18256327
>he's working, probably blue collar
>you're in school, preppy basic
You'll never guess which one of these will have a comfortable retirement and who'll be in debt!

>>18256327
>>guy never bought me anything or surprised me with anything
>>always made me pay for my dinner when he invited me on a date

Fucking retarded cunt, you're not entitled to a man's money. Glad that posts like this remind me not to spend any money on women.

>>18256363
>preppy, basic

if studying to be a nuerosurgeon and having no friends is basic, then i guess i'm basic.

>>18256374
you're a piece of shit lmao i always surprised the guys i dated with stuff/bought them stuff and got nothing in return. men are literal pieces of shit

>>18256337
i'm not expecting luxury. i didn't say "lobster dinner". i'm not picky. if he dropped off an 89 cent slushie at my house i would be happy but nobody ever goes out of their way for me

>>18256380
>the guys i dated with stuff/bought them stuff and got nothing in return
So you only do stuff to expect something in return? You're the female version of a 'nice guy'.
Kill yourself.

>>18256375
*neurosergeon my bad it's late

>>18256382
never said that. i just constantly did stuff and never ever got anything that showed the guy cared even after two years. shit feels bad man

You don't know how lucky you are. You've hit it big twice. TWICE. Most people don't even get that once. But you've run two different social media outlets under two different names, each with its own significant following. And you give both of it up to pursue a degree in computer programming? You're nuts. If I had just 1 of those successes, I would milk it for all it's worth. I'd quit my job and become a memer.

Dude.. I can't believe I picked on you when we were younger. I mean, I guess you kind of picked on me too, but still. Literally every fucking person I've ever picked on has turned out to be a better person than me, except for the retards who literally can only repeat their own name over and over. Dick is a freelance artist. Doc isn't even freelance, but her talent is so strong I know she can go pro. John.. oh god, John's living my dream right now. And T is a great voice actor, even if he is a bit hammy. What am I? I'm nothing.

>>18256380
Go back to tumblr so you can virtue signal that you've never had to struggle for money, and Cleetus is such a misogynistic POS for being poor.
Protip; you don't have to remind someone who's poor that they're poor. They're well aware of that and they don't have time for your daddys credit card bullshit

>>18256393
>don't have daddys credit card
>make money on my own
>don't have a tumblr
>not a feminist
>just want a nice fucking date with a guy

why do all of you assume women are one of the same?

>>18256375
>LOOK AT MEEEEEE
>IM ENTITLED TO A JOB BECAUSE IM IN SCHOOL FOR IT
have fun with that heroin addiction when things don't go your way

My dad has been being extremely passive aggressive about my girlfriend lately. He found out that she was trans somehow (I'm honestly still not sure how; she's extremely passable, maybe he overheard her and I talking about it or something) and as a result he has started dropping all of these little hints to let me know that he's disappointed by asking me questions like "do you two have sex?" or "are you going to marry her?" or "Are you gay?" or, this one's my favorite, "why should I have to put a shirt on when he---I mean she---comes over? He's seen shirtless guys before" and so on. He's trying to be accepting, but he obviously has a big problem with this and I just need him to understand that he needs to fucking knock it the fuck off. He always responds to my disgust with "I'm worried about you, son" or "I still love you anyway". He doesn't seem to understand why this is such a shitty thing for him to be doing.

She hasn't really ever spoken to him, because she feels very shy, and when she comes over she usually just goes straight to my room without saying anything. They've never really had a conversation. She's been coming over almost daily for about four months. I kind of want them to talk to each other just so that he realizes that she's really cool and good for me, but I'm also terrified that he's going to start saying some transphobic shit. He means well, but I don't understand how to get him to realize why what he's saying is insanely fucked up. I kind of wish I had just told him that I was gay instead of saying that I still consider myself straight, because at least then he wouldn't have this stupid idea that he can convince me to dump her for a cis girl, or something. I feel like that's what his end goal is by asking stupid questions like this: he thinks that he's going to make me stop loving her.

I'm sure this post is just gonna be met by a bunch of transphobic assholes spewing verbal diarrhea everywhere, but is there anyone who's had to deal with this?

You're all acting like children.

>>18256397
Because of your gibs me dat attitude. Its really that simple you normie garbage.

>>18256402
you just assumed that things have always gone my way before. it wasn't all daisies and rainbows to med school. i've been clean from drugs/alcohol for 4 years. when things don't go my way i deal with them.

>>18256412
do you really feel that bad about yourself that you have to tear other people down looking for advice? this isn't high school

>>18256415
No but it's 4chan. You can't handle criticism then get out.
>>18256413
>4 years
Oh so I was right. Ya have fun with that relapse.

I want nothing more than to stop you, but what's fucked up is that it's barely even about the people you're hurting. It's because I want to finally feel like I deserve to be on this Earth. And if I'm a hero, then my existence will be justified, right? Not that it matters. I'm at an impasse. You're free to continue your dirty deeds and I can't expose you without getting blood on my hands. You fucking monster.

Hey, at least I'm not as bad as you.

>>18256406
I've thought about sitting down and talking with him about it, and trying to get him to understand that I love her and that I find these questions hurtful and wish he would stop, but I'm terrified that he's going to come to some conclusion that he needs to stop being nice about things and instead take a shittier approach by not allowing her to come over or something. I honestly don't know what's going on in his head. I know it's probably a generational thing.

Also, to clarify, he's pretty blue pilled, and watches documentaries about trans people on TV and such and seems to have pretty reasonable opinions on such things. He's just hung up about this because I'm his only son and he has gotten the idea that he can change my sexuality (I exclusively like trans women, although I'm never going to tell him this; growing up, he'd always ask me if I was gay over and over and would imply that he wouldn't have issues if I was, but this obviously has convinced me that he probably would).

He's been pretty decent throughout this relationship thus far but once he found out about that he started to fuck things up and this is killing me because I've been suicidal for years because I kept trying to date cis women that I wasn't really attracted to and I hated myself and was completely miserable, and I finally found someone I love with all my heart who likes the same internet websites and games and everything as me, and now that I'm finally happy he's trying to act like I must be miserable. He doesn't seem to understand that I'm finally happy for once in my life, and he has no idea what I've gone through emotionally on the path to get to this point. If I hadn't met her, I'd probably be dead right now, and that's a really scary thought.

>>18256423
there will be no relapse. i've had mental health problems in those 4 years and never relapsed and never will for the sake of my family

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>>18256424
Same, anon. Same.

>>18256431
You're the bluepilled one for falling into that bullshit. Just accept you're gay, or a shill. Then people will stop raising an eyebrow and take pity on you for being this autistic

>>18256441
We can tell.

>>18256450
Haha, razor sharp edge. How miserable must you be to waste energy on hating people? I pity you, homie.

>>18256461
Degenerate

>>18256448
..What part's the same? There's no way your exact situation's the same.

>>18256477
Probably not, my double digit friend. I'll share my story if you share yours.

>>18256485
Kiddy diddler targeted a friend of mine who can't do anything because her father is an arab who believes rape victims are sinners. She'd get thrown out if she came public with her story, if not killed in a rage.

>>18256198
Feels anon, I went through this too

>>256021

She called me a cheater and a liar and hasn't said anything else. But I feel like we can get through this.

>>18252475
Oh man iktf
I knew an A in high school who would give me bear hugs and lift me off the ground
Don't think he was aware that I had a massive crush on him, cause when he found out he avoided me like the plague

Those are quite seriously the best hugs I have ever had and nothing can compare. Having one of them again would be very nice.

I kinda dig crazy chicks. Ou, ou, ouuu-ouu

>>18256630
Me too but they can break your heart at any moment but the thrill is like no other.

>>18255317
hang in there anon
it gets better

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I'm going to fucking kill my shithead parents for cursing me with cerebral palsy. The real question is, should I shoot them in the head or draw it out?

I knew we had problems. We always did. For years I tried to communicate with you, to get to understand you better. To see from your point of view. These things don't come easy. They take time and effort to achieve. A good relationship needs tending. I always tried to get you see this. You made it clear that you wanted things to just work. With no work involved because talking about things like this made you uncomfortable.
It's funny that in the end your excuse was that you wanted someone more mature. I'm not sure how running away from your problems is mature.

In the end, after months of self-reflection I came to realize I wasn't in the wrong. Sure I made my mistakes but damn if I didn't try to be a good boyfriend to you. All the things you blamed on me, all these negative traits you pointed out, you are becoming. Or maybe you have always been this way and I was so blinded by love that I never how immature you are. How much avoid things that may upset you.

Sure us breaking up after so many years together hurt, a lot. I'm sure you are still slightly hurt from it too. There's much you blame me for, but I no longer see a reason to continue apologizing for things. I have done enough of it, it doesn't suit me. All I can do is continue learning from those errors and making myself a better and happier person. Maybe someday I'll find someone that is willing to work with me as a team. Maybe some day you'll finally grow up. Maybe I'll win the lottery, fuck knows. But for now, I need to keep trying to live day by day. Some day the sun will rise again on my cloudy life.

I simply wish the best for you. You don't deserve it, but I don't wish you I'll at least.

>>18256290
I haven't been keeping up on the thread, apologies.
I have a lot of mental problems, like a shit ton dude, and basically, I need to make sure of 4 things for it to work out.
1. Generic girl has to be at least as self aware as I am. She has to be crazy for sure, but she has to KNOW that she's crazy and like think of it as a challenge to beat, instead of victimizing herself for it.
I straight up get bored of non-neurodivergent people, so I'm literally attracted to crazy, the kind you're supposed to not stick your dick in. It's a curse, but I can't help it.
2. Generic girl has to have certain, extremely problematic, qualities, for me to like be interested in her. Laymen would call these issues like, Daddy issues, intimacy issues, ect ect. Reality of the situation is that I'm just really into borderline chicks. Shitty eh? Now actually having the actual disorder isn't necessary if the symptoms are there, but like, again, normal people get boring so they're always fully crazy.
3. Generic girl has to be smart as shit. She has to be aware of "the game" that we're playing called real life, and she has to be like actually down to take a step away from it as an idea to manage it in the best possible way. She has to be like a fellow disconnected being, capable of separating herself from the idea of "real life" and become aware that like what she is capable of doing is entirely governed by her.
4. She pretty well has to have the same mentality as I do when it comes to connections. I had two incredibly close friends, seriously, they were family to me, that I dropped in a heartbeat because they started to cling to me too tightly. She has to be able to understand that I might dip, and she ALSO has to have that kind of "I legit might disappear at any time" vibe about her.

This chick completed my test 11/10. It's better than love man, I don't even feel shitty about not being with her right now, it just feels natural for me to be going through my life the way I am.

>>18255317
hey dude I'm in coquitlam, how old are you

>>18256779
Edgelord with daddy issues detected

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I'm using NAC to treat some undiagnosed mental health issues and I've been experiencing nightmares each might I take it. Currently taking 600mgs of the gnc brand. Anyone else have any experience with NAC? I have noticed tremendous improvement when it comes down to having delusions, I don't experience them anymore. Things feel real to me now and I'm no longer irritable and moody unless I'm on preworkout but that wears off in 2 to 3 hours.

>>18255374
So I wrote this hours ago and then went to his house and basically we broke up then conceded and decided I needed a few days without contact to think about things. Thing is i didn't need that much time. After saying all that I regretted it. Especially since it came off more like a mental breakdown than me letting him go. I thought leaving him would solve my problems but when he said " why do you need to leave me to deal with your depression" I realized how stupid my reasoning was....I'm gonna reply to this with what I'd like to say to him tomorrow in a text.. if anyone has any advice please Let me know

>>18256950
I don't need a few days to think I've made up my mind. I'm getting back on my antidepressants starting today. I thought I could live without medication but I went about it all wrong. I'm going to get a job and find ways to busy myself because for so long I've felt like I only exist if you acknowledge me through texts and that's no way to live. None of this was ever your fault, it's been in my head this entire time. I shouldn't have put so much dependency and value into you by mentally having you replace my friends and social contact. I've been holding you to standards you couldn't possibly live up to for the past few months and I feel like I've made myself a burden by being needy. I am so sorry for making you cry. It hurts to see you cry like that. I'm sorry for putting you through this emotional roller coaster. I've hurt this relationship with my insecurities and paranoia and l want to fix that. We've put too much time into this to throw it away over something that can be fixed. Slowly but surely it will be fixed.

I love you so much (name) and want to be with you I don't want to break up. You were right that this doesn't have to end for me to properly deal with my depression...

That being said I don't want you to feel like you have to stay with me. You don't. If this isn't worth it, if this is all too much to deal with...if you've had it with my depression, paranoia, and neediness please just tell me. I love you but we don't have to stay together if you truly don't want to. I want you to be happy and if you'd be happier without me then that's how it will be.

Does this sound okay?

>>18256906
has more to do with severe emotional abuse from my mom, my dad is an alright guy. I make no denial about being an edgelord however, it pretty much just comes with being severely cluster B affected.

>>18256963
you should do some research into borderline personality disorder.

>>18256974
I've already talked with 2 psychiatrists both for several years and they say I don't have it I don't agree but they're the professionals and I don't want to self diagnose. But yeah not the help I was looking for tho

>>18256986
that's a pretty mature way to go about it, but you should do your best to objectively think about what you saying this means, and like, how legitimate it feels to you. Cause if he was able to basically make you ignore your rationalizations, immediately, even if he IS right, you're basically admitting to us and yourself that you need to develop better faith in yourself. You probably don't need to break up with him to deal with your depression, but ultimately, unless you learn to deal with your problems personally and in a healthy way, nothing will change and you'll both find yourselves in this position again. Trust me, trying to use other people to fix yourself is a problem, and it doesn't solve anything. If you genuinely do love this guy, it's not about seperating from him "for the benefit of each other", it's about actually asking yourself if you can grow personally while you're dating another person, or if your idea of being with them will stop you from achieving that growth.

>>18257054
This is incredibly healpful thank you. I have some thinking to do..

Hey.
I just realized you blocked me on facebook. No, I don't stalk you. It was through sheer coincidence that I found out.
Don't know why you blocked me, either. We haven't spoken in months. Coming to think of it, it's been exactly a year since it all came crashing, hasn't it?
I sincerely hope I didn't accidentally hurt you yet again. If this is what you need to move on and/or to have a healthy relationship(although I have my own opinion on the matter), then so be it.
Just rest assured I have not left you messages or contacted you, so if you were upset over something, that was not me.
Be happy, yeah? It's all I ever wanted for you.

With everlasting love,

I have absolutely no idea why my friends and family love me. I cannot fathom how I got into this great job. And I dont think anyone will ever quite understand me or make an effort to.

https://youtu.be/rTlqY9i7Gn4

>>18257168
Not that guy, but I envy you.
Work on your depression. It seems like you care for this person, I know your feelings.
Your confusion and constant fears that you are only in the way because of how broken you are.

Hopefully you don't deal with the same thing I've had to.

I broke up with her, and she finally gave up on me. I realized my mistake instantly. Now there is nothing I can do but change for the better if possible.

I wish you luck anon. Hopefully you and yours find the strength and patience to carry on. To fix things. Communication is a powerful tool. It leads to understanding and actual love.

Depression, anxiety and apathy are hard to work on, but you must or else have them take everything you loved.

Good luck.