>seems like my boyfriend doesn't care as much as he used

>>18234723
This may not be the best answer, but be happy with what you have. In this day and age most people won't want to have a girlfriend that is mentally ill and that needs help. There are only a few cases of goodies trying to help girls out and rare cases of people going in relationships with them. Think now, if you leave him, it will take you much more time to find a new one that you can not be sure is good. Maybe you can find a better one, but what are the risks of being alone?

On the other hand, what mental illness are we talking about? It is also important.

this just happened:
>tell him "I'm really not doing well with food again, I don't know what to do. I don't want to have dinner."
>he doesn't look away from his video game and says blankly, "Just have dinner."

I have an eating disorder and he knows it isn't a simple "just eat". He's never once said that to me in the year and a half we've been together because he knows that isn't how it works. I just feel weird and confused because he just feels cold compared to how he used to be? Maybe I'm too needy, I don't know. That's why I'm here.

>>18234732
Depression, bipolar, anxiety, ocd, eating disorder. I'm a handful but he's always been so good about it. I don't know why it's changed.

>>18234735
At this point, after a year and a half, you can't just keep not changing and blame your illness for everything. You also have to progress, he at least expects you to advance a bit, and at this point complaining that much would be nitpicking. You can't just not change yourself and expect people to be the same with you all the time. Fool them once, shame on you, fool them twice...

>>18234746
I've definitely improved A LOT since I met him. I was doing loads better until about a month or so ago and I've had a bit of a rough time lately. It's just odd to me that he seems so different about it. It's kind of disheartening because I've always considered him the one person I could always go to but now I just feel like I'm bothering him so I try not to say anything. It feels so lonely. It sucks.

>>18234754
The illnesses you told you have, you got them diagnosed by a doctor or?
To be honest, he won't always be there to babysit you (at least I think so) so maybe it is better this way so you can figure out stuff on your own without needing to have people to understand you all the time.

>>18234723
Get some professional help and ask him to be there for you as u get better. If you cant i fear he will continue to grow disillusioned by ur bouts of mania and exit the relationship

Ya OP it sounds pretty clear from your posts that the novelty of taking care of you has worn off and hes giving you the cold shoulder now. I dont blame him desu. You really should try to get better, its not rly fair to him. Also what illnesses did a doctor diagnose you with

>>18234759
Yeah, all professionally diagnosed. Maybe I am too clingy and just need to figure it out on my own. It was just nice feeling like I had that one person to always go to when I needed to.

>>18234762
For a while I couldn't afford professional help but I've just started to see someone again. I don't see why he'd leave as I've been with him through his shit.

>>18234735
>I have an eating disorder and he knows it isn't a simple "just eat". He's never once said that to me in the year and a half we've been together because he knows that isn't how it works. I just feel weird and confused because he just feels cold compared to how he used to be? Maybe I'm too needy, I don't know. That's why I'm here.

This might sound aggro but, have you ever considered there might be shit going on in HIS life?

Maybe there's not, but this whole topic is pretty much:

Me, me, me, me. Woe is me. Why isn't my bf paying attention to me.

I get that you have a mental illness
I get that you feel like you need support
I get that you're going through a tough time.

But the world does not revolve around you, and his support shouldn't be taken for granted.


I say this as a guy whos girlfriend has PTSD from being sexually abused as a child. Who still gets intermittent panic attacks, night terrors, and triggers. And who is on medication for them. And who loves her regardless.

I understand what it's like to be there for someone, but part of being there for someone like that is knowing not to coddle the shit out of them, both because they need to be able to stand on their own, and because in the long run--whether you want to admit it or not--you will eventually get fucking tired of being someones caretaker when it's always about them, but really it's supposed to be about the both of you.

Thankfully my girlfriend knows that, and has always taken the stance that she is her own person, who must support herself, not rely on others. And so me lending my support never feels like a burden.

>>18234767
Said all my illnesses in an earlier post. I AM trying to get better and HAVE, but am having a little relapse period I guess?

If you're on the market, I'd treat you better.

>>18234770
I do consider what's going on in his life. I've been by his side through his problems. He's not the type to talk about his problems though. If I want to know I have to pry it out of him. But I really try to be there and listen to his problems.

>>18234779
>I do consider what's going on in his life.

I meant more like maybe he just had a long day at work and is just tired.

Or maybe he's just heard you say the same thing so many times, and he's just run out of original ways to say the same sympathetic sounding thing, so he just kind said eh fuck it and auto-pilot responded because it sounds like the same old same old.


I'll put it this way: after being laid off, my girlfriend has gone through 5 different jobs in the last 2 years, always after like 3 or 4 months with it looking pretty good, but then some random thing would happen to the company (I.E. her last just the CEO literally died) and she'd have to go hunting again.

But at some point I ran out of original or motivational sounding things to say. and was just like.. Uhh... sorry?

>>18234794
Makes sense. Just kinda sucks, lol. I think I might just take things to heart too easily. Thank you for explaining where he might be coming from!

>>18234723
How frequently have you been looking to him for support?

>>18234826
Whenever I don't feel well. Probably too much in all honesty. But he's always told me that he loves to baby me and that he wants to take care of me so I never considered that it was too much. Past times I've been feeling really low I've not said anything in fear of being too clingy or annoying but he can tell when something is wrong and he's always convinced me to talk to him about it. Every time that's happened I've told him that I don't want to be too much, and that I don't want to complain every time something is wrong bc what if it starts to annoy him? Every time that's happened he's told me to always tell him when I need to talk, because he wants to be there for me and that I could never be too clingy or too much. I don't know why that's suddenly changed.

>>18234831
Numbers, how many times a day/week/month do you go to talk? What about the eating disorder in particular, how (in)frequent is that?

Either he bit off more than he could chew as far as 'babying' you, or he's going through something himself, or it's just slipped his mind lately. Or a combination of the three.
Do you have any other sources of support? Family/friends?

>>18234846
I'm sure I complain at least once a day about how I'm feeling but I don't expect a talk out of that. I'm currently in the process of finding the right medication to stabilize my mood so right now mood swings are definitely happening. Probably once a week or so I have a little breakdown and all my pent up emotions come out and I cry. That's when I expect him to comfort me and talk with me.
My eating disorder is usually worse at the beginning of every month (in my mind the beginning of a month means a fresh start, which means I need to stop eating) and gets less intense as the month goes on, but always gets bad again at the very end of the month because I'm worried about the beginning of a new month. Maybe twice a week I have a day I really don't want to force myself to eat, those are tough and I'm sure he notices.
Maybe this relapse that's happened this past month or so has just been annoying and he's over it. Maybe I just need to say something to him about how I'm feeling? Maybe nothing is even wrong and he's just not thought that I'm having a really rough time. Idk.

I have my family for support, I'm really close with my mom. She's always been there for me regarding my mental illnesses. She's going through a lot right now so I've been kind of trying to not stress her out with what I'm going through. Maybe because of that I've been complaining to my boyfriend more than usual and it's too much.

>>18234855
>which means I need to stop eating
that isn't really illness related, probably just means you're a fat cow. You don't own the world, he is not your slave, appreciate what you have and out of what you said you are getting enough attention, you don't need more. The stuff you mentioned to be honest is things everyone has these days, you are not a special snowflake, deal with it, not everyone is made just to babysit you.

>>18234862
That's obviously not the only symptom of my eating disorder, and I haven't really spoken about my mental illnesses, so I don't know what causes you to believe that everyone deals with what I do, but alright! I don't think I'm a "special snowflake" nor would I want to be. I don't want to be babysat, I want to feel like my boyfriend supports me. I personally don't think that's too much to ask of a significant other. Have a nice night, anon.

>>18234862
Wew that's flame-material.

>>18234855
Yeah there's no way I'd be able to keep up with small weekly breakdowns, a twice-weekly exacerbation of the eating problem & monthly retreads of the same, plus whatever else.
He might mean well but unless he LIVES for it, caregiver fatigue is a thing. It takes energy to listen/comfort/talk.

You can try talking with your mom a bit more, but it'd be better for them if you can find an outside group- people who deal with the same thing & can help share the load if you're willing to do the same.

>>18234872
I had a friend I saw like once a week. She was nice and likeable, but the thing was, that when you spent an evening with her she'd have some kind of break down and cry in the end. Since our friend group mostly spent the evenings on weekends together we'd see her cry or be very very sad at the end of the evening. At first we cared, then grew tired and eventually stopped giving a shit about her. If you have a breakdown every week and he has to comfort you every time I can fully understand why he would stop giving a shit

>>18234884
>>18234892
Yeah, I think I'll lay off the complaining. I'll write it down or talk to my mom.

as someone who's been in a similar position to your boyfriend before, i find that after attempting to comfort someone time and time again, it isn't that i stop caring but i start sort of losing hope and having my own insecurities especially if the problem keeps flaring up and doesn't seem to get better, it feels like all the times i tried to help or be a shoulder to cry on didn't really help at all or mean anything if it's just happening again. however valid or not valid that feeling is, it's discouraging. when he's tried to comfort you in the past did you let him know that you appreciated him being there at all? your illnesses may be affecting him as well. it's hard to try and make someone feel better when you yourself feel equally terrible

>>18234937
Again though, try an outside group.
They'll understand.

>>18234945
I've always let him know that I appreciate him being there. I thank him for it every time. He for sure knows that it means a lot to me. Before he seemed like he didn't care he was saying that he felt bad that he couldn't fix it and make all my problems go away. Maybe what you mentioned is happening.
>>18234946
Thank you for your advice anon!