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So /adv/, I'm at a juncture in my life where I'll be moving on from college into a life of adulthood and independence, and my girlfriend of 4 years has just started to talk to me about marriage and babies more frequently.
We've talked about these subjects before occasionally, but the amount of times its been brought up has been exponentially increasing each week since my final semester has begun.
A big reason why is because I've been talking to my gf about moving in with me at my buddy's house after graduation. Currently we both live with our parents, and I thought it'd be time to try out living together now that I'll be able to work full time and able to live independently... but her mother and sister do not think so. They've been telling her that I should be marrying her before we do this. Her mother is Christian and her sister is Jewish, she's confused on the matter of religion, but is fairly spiritual and superstitious, not surprising coming from a family of mexican culture.
She obviously feels a strong pressure from them to seek marriage with me before anything else happens. I somewhat understand their side of the argument, but I am just too uncertain on whether or not it would last or be worth it. I'm just happy being in our current status right now, I think that there's no reason to get married for quite a while longer. I feel like I could see her as a wife and mother one day, but I can't be for sure.. I am more preoccupied with starting my career.
Perhaps a bigger reason why is that she's depressed and has told me about wishing to commit suicide a few times over the years. She's not usually like that, but when she gets in ruts, it happens... I can't trust problem solving like that. I've told her this and she got quiet and began crying. We are usually a fairly lively couple, we have fun together and reasonably comfortable, but there's not that much excitement, especially with our sex life.
I'm very stuck right now. Any advice?
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Also, the last time we talked about it she said maybe we should "take a break". And joked about dating other people.
I took it kind of seriously... it seemed as though if I don't marry her soon, perhaps within the year, she will break up with me and date others. Were both 26, I get she's trying to hitch before she hits the wall, but this desperateness is not helping. Should I just end it? She could use some time alone to help fix her depression, but her family sucks. The source of it stems from her childhood when she and her sister was molested by her mother's ex ex husband. Her mother knows, but denies it to both her and her sister, when they obviously should be confronting it and defeating it.... So I don't know how well she'd heal without me... Im very sad over this.
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Shit, I think I'm going to break up with her... I'm just now realizing this after writing this out... Holy fuck.
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>>18234689
Now this is a sticky situation OP. Easily one of the better adv posts. Ur in a reeeeal pickle OP. Its pretty obvious your about to start a very exciting part of your life with a newfound independce and a decent source of income. From what I can read your simply not rdy for marriage but do want to eventually tie the knot with a great gal. From my experience getting married out of an obligation, be it kids or some sort of desparate attachment,(in this case depression and rapid loss of fertility) is a bad idea and both parties will end up regretting it.
If your not rdy then well, ur not rdy. She sounds like she has her own issues she needs to work, especially if she intends on being a mother. In her current state do u genuinely believe she would be an ideal mother to your children?
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>>18234713
>In her current state do u genuinely believe she would be an ideal mother to your children?
Heavily leaning toward no. She's a great cook, very compassionate of others, loves children, is fairly smart... but knowing that her major issues are unresolved and may lead to further issues in a family structure scares the fuck out of me.
I just said,
>>18234700
but I teeter totter between this a lot. I realize I can't fix her myself, and simply waiting for her to figure her life out with my slight hand of guidance may not be enough either... I wish it were easier. I do actually like her family, and she does mine... there's just so many more issues that could effect us on her side unless we move far away from them.
And I've told her I feel backed up into a wall, she doesn't seem to understand what I mean...
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>>18234733
You should commumicate to her you have issues with her state of mind in a family structure you want for your children, it sounds like she'd understand. I dont think marriage is the solution to your problems but it sounds like you really care for her. Like i said op this is one of the harder adv posts ive read
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