>girlfriend and I break up >dated for 4+ years >lived

>>18233815
If you're not comfortable being friends, don't do it. It's kind of selfish for her to want this, i think.

>>18233815
It isn't selfish if you think you can't deal with it.

If you want her in your life, get over her first.

Explain to her what you told us, she'll get that.

It isn't a divorce with kids, there isn't a reason to be on any sort of terms with one another. If you look at the situation logically, it makes little to no sense why anybody who is remotely romantic would keep in contact with their exes.

Take the no-bullshit approach, OP. Zero contact with your exes. It is the fastest track to getting over her and a key ingredient to keeping your life simple.

Chances are that she is just trying to save face anyway. People do this shit all the time: "yeah, I'm breaking up with you but I don't want to feel like I've let you down in any way, so I'm just gonna text you occasionally and you better respond so I can feel validated". Even worse is if a person ropes you back in for little flings then spits you back out after a week together. I've seen friends fall victim to this and it is honestly pathetic.

This isn't to say that if you saw her in public, you would just flat-out ignore her or something. You would be friendly. But the point is that you are not to text her, call her, respond to her texts or calls, or try to hang out with her again.

Thanks for the feedback.

So I'm definitely not going to support this friendship thing. She can get a dog for that shit.

HOWEVER, let's just say hypothetically she contacts me with the purpose of banging. Dare I say, a bootycall. Do I go along with it just to have sex? I mean I'm getting hard just thinking of sex with her. Even after 4 years of banging, we never grew bored of it and yes she is the type to initiate sex.

>>18233920
That's up to you. I wouldn't do it, but I'm the sappy emo sort who would cry after.

>>18233920
No. Your goal should be to get over her. Fucking her is probably even worse for that then being friendly with her.

>>18233815
Be honest, she's the one who wanted out.
She's putting herself first, and encouraging you to get with that program.
She's not going to do what's best for you any more. That's your job now.

Go four months like she doesn't exist. No contact, no facebook, no mementos, no photo ablums, no favorite songs.
When you realize she hasn't crossed your mind in a week, you'll be ready to revisit this question objectively.

t. six months ahead of you (we dated five years and cohabited four)

>>18233950
Damn dude. If you don't mind me asking, what happened?

>>18233920
I"d personally do it but im able to easily distance ppl emotionally due to my upbringing and know i wouldnt try to pursue her again after having an unfruitful 4 yr relationship. It might help if you were banging tinder sloots on the side desu. Either way this friendship situation sounds like a bad idea and you should do whatever you can to get over her ASAP. It sounds like she wants to string you along for the attention tbqh

>I'm too in love with her to just be friends. Is that selfish of me?
No, it isn't. You need to do what's best for you. You can't be her friend, it's not your choice, and she will understand that.

>Do I go along with it and keep a good friend or should I just avoid it since it's not what I want out of the relationship and it's sending a bad message.
Pick the second one.

>>18233815

Shit OP, my bf did the same thing to me.

Lived together for 3 years, beginning of this year he told me he never loved me the way I loved him and he wants to pursue a serious relationship with this new roommate we had, who a the little sister of a previous roommate. A young sophomore in college who started living with us cause it's cheaper than the dorms. I can't understand for the life of me why he thinks this is the girl he can be serious about when she only just got out of her teen years 3 months ago. Still wants to be friends and live together. Says I'm like family I'm that important to him and he still feels so close to me, he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life and so on. Still gets hard when I hug him and everything. I...I just don't get it.

I moved out officially two weeks ago. Texted me a few times to talk but I haven't heard a peep from him for about 5 days. I'm like you, I love him so much and still do, so even though I want him in my life I know I can't handle seeing him with the other girl, especially when I feel my trust got so betrayed by the two of them and my feelings so disrespected. Having to live in that environment, faking my okayness with everything, was complete emotional torture.


I'm a depressed wreck living with my parents in a town with no friends. Don't put yourself through that torture. If you can get over her, for the love of yourself, please do. Don't pretend to be okay as just friends if you aren't. You can be polite and friendly about it, but make sure she knows she doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.

Thanks for the feedback. Truly appreciate it.


BUT damn she was a good friend to have though.
She understands me in a way no one else does.

Like how am I going to see a movie in theaters now? I don't have any friends to ask.
What if I want to try a new restaurant, take out?

She's my best friend. Am I really going to lose my best friend over pettiness against her deciding to the end the relationship part. Who care's she's using me for attention? Am I not using her in the same way friends exchange companionship?

>>18234017

So was mine. No one knows me as well as he does. That's the result of any relationship that has emotional intimacy. Ask yourself this though... Are you going to be okay when she starts looking at other guys?

If the answer is no, then try your best not to. Not until you don't see her in any romantic light.

>>18234005
Sounds like his life goals werent compatible with your guys' relationship. He obviously loved you enough to spend 3 years with you but at some point he decided building a life with you wasn't an option. I'm guessing it involved kids/religion/job related and the 20 yr old roommate started to draw his eye while his feelings toward you faded. At least he didnt cheat, right? Either way its a dick move to string ppl along in a friend situation after being lovers in a LTR. Those intimate feelings arent going to go away overnight, even worse so if you stay friends and keep in contact.

>>18234017
What happens when you start seeing her with a new guy on facebook or at a party. How are you going to feel when she starts looking at him the way she used to look at you? Your mind starts to wander and you can picture them fucking missionary with lots of eye contact. Will she give up the ass for him like she wouldnt for you? She'll start seeing you less as she becomes more and more platonic with the new guy. If that doesnt make your stomach turn then maybe you are over her and just want a friend as cool as her.

>>18234058

I guess so, But I still feel cheated. He was hanging out with her, going to the movies and dinner and playing games exclusively with her and sort of flirting right in front of my face, but since he was still ending his nights with me and still seemed pretty passionate with me sexually, I decided I was just being paranoid. He would always treat it like it was nothing serious to worry about. As for kids, religion, and work, we actually have nearly identical goals and values. If anything she is the one who is different.

Pretty much all of my life goals aligned with his in one way or another, regardless if we were together or not. But whatever, I guess not in his eyes.

>>18234017
>She's my best friend.

No she isn't, she's your ex-girlfriend.

see >>18233857. You aren't going to get over her unless you follow the no contact rule.