>female >25 >from a religious household that repressed

To add onto my post, I could really use some reading material for people who experienced what I have gone through or some kind of support network. If you know something that I can get into, please tell me. I'm looking for a network to help people who were sexually abused as children.

go to a shrink

Your situation calls for nothing less than professional advice. You're not going to get any knowledge of value from here. The only help I can even think to give you is to GOOGLE the names of people close to you who can deal with this and set up an appointment. And find reputable online sources that can show you how to deal with it.

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>>18229529
I am currently under going therapy with a clinical therapist and it is still in the early stages.

I don't know if it would help, but I feel like I want someone to hug me and tell me that my body isn't disgusting and that it's going to be okay. I want that so much.

>>18229517
professional help probably, but make sure the psychiatrist/therapist has an understanding of those difficulties unique to leaving the Mormon church. Those fuckers basically fuck your whole life in any way they can, simply for doubting.
I don't know ifyou left that ridiculous faith yet, but having someone who understands the cost of doing so is critical, in my opinion.

As to the masturbation, sorry you haven't been enjoying it. It's awesome, when done right.

>>18229537
Do you want comforting lies? Or genuine affection?

If you yourself find your body disgusting, you need to improve it, improve your perspective on it, or both.
Probably both.
(/fit/ assholes can help with one of them)

>>18229537
you're in a loving relationship right? ask your partner to do that

>>18229541
For me it was never the lack of faith that I had that disturbed my religious grandmother so much, but that she was afraid that I was interested in my own sexuality. She thought very little of women in general, and to make matters worse, she revered my brother as a kind of saint that could do no wrong.

You're absolutely right that I should mention this to my therapist. I'll probably just screen cap all of this thread and show her at our next session.

>>18229546
Well it's not that I'm fat or something. I look at myself in the mirror and think "yeah I look pretty cute". I'm 109 lbs, but I could get more /fit/ and see if that helps me.

Rather, it seems to be when I'm about to orgasm that I get this sudden charge of disdain for myself and my enjoyment. This reaction is so strong it almost causes me to gag.

>>18229561
Your therapist can't watch you, or help you masturbate (ethical guidelines, I mean)
Keep this in mind...their 'help' has arbitrary and sometimes stupid boundaries.

Make sure you remember that YOU are the boss - therapist your employee and advisor.

>>18229546
Do you think it's a lie to tell myself that I'll get better? Is this going to be my life forever?

>>18229572
Very true. I'm not sure how I can get her to help me with this... It's pretty much only with masturbating. With sex I don't get this feeling.

Well, you realize that you have problems and where they stem from, so that's the first step.

Second is you need to find a way to deal with irrational feelings, so you need to confront them and not suppress them.

I used to have alot of guilt and anger issues as a kid and teenager, and a mixture of going to the gym, LSD, and Zen philosophy helped me with that. Of course my situation was not as bad as yours, but it light still apply.

Fap as much as possible until you love me

>>18229569
Spend a few hours a week (I suggest 7) working on your fitness. From nutrition study/meal planning to a few hours cardio and an hour resistance training.

If it doesn't work, you will still benefit hugely. Better cardio means EVERYTHING else will function better. More strength is more strength.

>>18229575
'It gets better' is a STUPID slogan. I prefer 'make it better'. You can't wait around for improvement. Try something. If it doesn't work, try something else.
Keep trying. Die trying.

>>18229578
Have you tried masturbating with a partner? You could rub each other off, then help each other, then do it FOR each other eventually...at least see where the ill feeling begins...

You should see a professional. There isn't any tips anyone can offer, you have been through some traumatic shit.
Good luck!

you have a partner, share this stuff with him

>>18229583
I have been interested in going on the tread mill for awhile now and I think I'm going to give it a shot this week. You are right. It's not going to get better unless I make it better.

It's funny that you should mention the mutual masturbation. My boyfriend has suggested that for years, but I have always refused to let him see me masturbate because of my shame. You really think it would help me?

>>18229586
I am seeing a professional, but it only seems to go so far. It is a relief to have someone tell me that what I have gone through is traumatic though. It makes me feel like my feelings and anxieties are valid and that I'm worth compassion. I am aware that this is incredibly pathetic.

>>18229517
Wait what.... Women can masturbate at the age of 7?

>>18229620
This is OP, and I work in education. It's normal for children of that age to be exploring their bodies just as a baby would begin to notice their hands and fingers at around 3 months. It's not necessarily "masturbation' in that it's intentional, they're just curious about their own parts.

>>18229598
I'm some creepy old guy on a message board. I think it would help ME.
You misunderstood me anyway.
>1. Jerk each other off (you jerk him/her, they jerk you) Should be no sick
>2. Touch yourselves a bit while doing this (after a few successes)
>3. Progress to touching yourself
>4. Profit

>>18229628
How old were you when your uncle molested you for the last time?

>>18229517
>>from a religious household that repressed woman's sexuality (mormon)
No they don't. I mean you don't have to be Mormon or love them, but they don't "repress" women at all. You are telling lies to construct a victim complex. Mormons, of all people, don't deserve this sort of defamation.

Sure maybe your life has problems. Maybe they're not your fault, fine. But at some point you need to accept responsibility for the things you can control instead of blaming others.

>>18229676
I was 12 and my siblings asked me to not tell my mom because it was either stay in my uncle's household or be homeless. We stayed there for half a year and the molestation occurred almost every night.

>>18229569
>Rather, it seems to be when I'm about to orgasm that I get this sudden charge of disdain for myself and my enjoyment. This reaction is so strong it almost causes me to gag.
Did it ever strike you that you're acting like a fucking money by doing that?

What separates humans from animals? Do you ever think of that?

Maybe you're RIGHT to feel that way, it's your HUMAN MIND telling you something... did you ever think of that?

I think not. I think you feel self-righteous for whatever reason, and believe you should succumb to the lowest, basest forms of pleasure whenever and wherever you will. You know who else acts that way? Dogs.

You don't have a masturbation problem. You have an entitlement problem.

>>18229706
I know this might seem fucked up to ask but did you start enjoying it? Like did you ever look forward to your uncle doing it with you or was it just disgust every time. And you probably came while with your uncle right? Trust me I'm going somewhere with this lol. Also how old are you now

>>18229703
I don't know what kind of church you went to, but my ward put a huge emphasis on chastity and being pure for our future husbands. The young women's society regularly passed out CTR rings to women to encourage avoiding temptation, including the sexual kind.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_the_right

>>18229725
25 and no that never happened. I would stay awake in the bathroom and sleep in the bathroom because it was the only room in the house with a lock. I developed insomnia because I tried to never ever sleep.

>>18229611
This isn't pathetic, it's a valid need for reassurance. I hope you find what you are seeking.

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>>18229724

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>>18229725
i'm a good sport about most things but people who want to know a little too much about someone being molested never fails to rustle my jimmies

>>18229749
Thank you anon. I hope so too.

>>18229753
Agree. Quite creepy.

Thank god I was never molested. I feel my shame afterwards like a normal healthy adult.

See a therapist. Particularly if it gets in way of relationships.

>>18229759
So what?
This is a 'safe place' for both the creepy, and the creeped.

I am neither party, but don't see the harm in letting a creep learn what kind of fucked up things happened...(as long as the story doesn't hurt to tell)

>>18229742
Yeesh that sounds harsh. Do you ever think of your uncle while having sex?
>>18229753
Sorry if I'm coming of as creepy, just want to help I guess. I'm a highschooler at the moment so you don't have to picture me as some creeper on 4chan, honestly just curious

>>18229561
>I'll probably just screen cap all of this thread and show her at our next session.
lazy cunt

>>18229772
Fair enough.

>>18229772
>you don't have to picture me as some creeper on 4chan
too late. creepers have no age limit. trust me.

>>18229772
No not my uncle, but I did develop lolicon, exploitation, and molestation as part of my fetishes. I don't think about these things during sex with my partner, but I do think about these things during my private masturbating sessions. Anon you might be on to something here...

>>18229736
I didn't. I happen to know some mormons and understand them.

Everything you just said isn't "repression" or anything. It's just basic, fundamental human decency.

I've been reading your other posts. You are obviously a rotten person. Best of luck to you, and all your mastrubatory endeavors.

>>18229778
Aw come on, I dont want to be labeled as a creeper.
>>18229782
So you masturbate to rape and lolicon? Do you have any problems with rape role-play or loli porn? Also rape is one of my fetishes too, I have no fucking idea why.

OP, the most important thing to remember is that 4chan is full of people who *most likely* aren't going to understand your situation whatsoever. Even someone who's been in a similar situation to yours can't fully understand how you feel.

I don't have memories of being molested, but I've gone to therapy and there's a lot of signs that point to me being molested and repressing the memories. I also have guilt surrounding my pleasure, and it took me years to work through it.

You deserve love OP. You're a worthy human being, and you deserve all the love and pleasure you want. There's nothing wrong with you, you're not a slut or a horrible human being. It's not your fault this happened. It's not your fault it continued to happen. You are a good person. You are worthy, and you are enough.

>>18229802
If you believe that masturbation kills your "spirit" and your connection to the heavenly father, then that's your belief.

Just because you have Mormon friends and understand that they aren't bad people doesn't mean you can't challenge them about their beliefs. You don't have to 100% support everything the LDS doctrine says. Some mormon doctors will refuse treatment to gays for example because of their doctrine. These stances should be challenged.

>>18229822
I don't have any problems with that form of porn and my boyfriend and I sometimes do rape roleplay.

>>18229831
Thank you so much. This post made me feel warm.

>>18229868
I can't really see what's the problem is then. Youre not disgusted with the porn you're watching so that's put of the question. Does anything pop up in you'd mind before you get turned off while masturbating? Btw chikan porn is best porn imo

>>18229890
Yesss I love chikan. Sometimes I fantasize about going to asia and that sort of scene happening to me.

It's like a jolt of shame and all enjoyment goes away. I think men have a similar experience when they orgasm right? You orgasm and then have 100% disinterest in sex. After a few seconds of feeling shame about myself, I think about how sad my grandma would be. God rest her soul.

>>18229903
Ok, a man starts to grope you in a train, what do?


And I'm a Christian Baptist and whenever I go to church, sometimes they preach on pornography and masturbation. They always say porn is the gateway to an unhealthy marriage or relationship. So yeah I guess I see where you're coming from. Whenever I'm done masturbating, the emotion I get is guilt then a nice long uggghhhh. Maybe you feel like your grandma's watching. A lot of my preachers say God is ALWAYS watching, so I sometimes just stop in the middle of masturbation because the feeling that someone is watching.

>>18229517
>male
>31
>had an attempt of rape around 9-10 years old

It got me curious about child-adult relationships and wondered if they were a thing. Started browsing cp around 14-15 years old because of said curiosity. Got older, confessed to my mom what he did, she still remained with him, at this point I was pretty Atheist, though I was raised with mostly Catholic family. Needless to say, I resented my mother, her choices, but years and years went by and we were able to forgive one another for a lot. Today, I believe in Jesus, but I don't really go to church.. work on Sundays too.

>>18229917
It's a little different with Mormons because, religion is more of a career and lifestyle for them. Elders aren't allowed to masturbate especially and they especially can't engage in sexual activity.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuality_and_Mormonism

Forgive them.

>>18229581
>Fap as much as possible
This part doesn't sound that bad actually. OP got indoctrinated to view normal stuff as something wrong and disgusting, turning it into normal stuff again by repetition sounds reasonable enough in theory.

>>18229802
Nigga, you cray but at least have the decency to keep your assholery to yourself from time to time.

>>18229867
There is nothing wrong with refusing treatment for gays.

Your self-righteous stances should be challenged. Like, who are you to tell people what to do? Fuck you people are stupid.