When I was 13 my older sister got a job as a Hooters Girl. Previously

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When I was 13 my older sister got a job as a Hooters Girl. Previously I had recognized her as attractive in the non-sexual way that most brothers with attractive sisters do, but seeing her in the tank top, booty shorts, and tights numerous times a week eventually changed that.

Many nights she'd come home when our parents were already asleep, take her socks and shoes off, and crash on top of her bed still in the rest of her uniform with her door slightly ajar. I could easily sneak in and lightly fondle her legs and feet while kneeling on the floor next to the bed jacking it. I'd always blow my load into the same dirty pair of her tights I swiped from the laundry and stashed away because it both contained the mess and felt amazing. A few times I managed to slide her shorts down and grope her ass while sniffing her crotch, and each time I did I had a hands-free orgasm. She usually worked long shifts so she would be out cold.

I used to be the typical bratty little brother before this, but after discovering these urges I started easing off with the teasing and being friendlier. I guess she just took it as a sign of maturation because she reciprocated. Eventually we became really close friends and I stopped my late night sessions out of guilt, but the feelings didn't subside.

Now we're in our 20's and she considers me the model brother and one of her closest friends. I keep up the facade but it feels like a lie because of my past actions I've kept secret as well as my sexual feelings for her that never did manage to fade. I truly love and care for her and regret what I did.

Part of me desperately wants to tell her how I feel, even though that would more than likely ruin everything. Another part thinks she'd be better off without me, but if I lost her for any reason I'd probably off myself. Yet another part thinks the facade is better than any possible alternative. I'm lost and terrified of how much knowing what I did could hurt her. What should i do?