I'm in a difficult situation, /adv/. I'm dating a polyamourus

Your thread reeks of desperation and self-loathing.

You need to learn to love yourself.

You can't make anyone love you and if you loved yourself, you wouldn't want to.

When you hate yourself, any relationship is just as likely to destroy you as it is to uplift you.

This relationship is doomed. You are smothering her as if that's something desirable or as if she's a prize to be one.

A relationship is just two people who like each other and enjoy spending time together. Stop begging and start being yourself.

Maybe she'll like it, maybe she won't. But you'll like yourself more and you may actually be able to get into a real relationship with someone who cares about you.

You're not into it, your into her. Polyamory is not something you adapt too, you'd feel naturally fit to it if it was for you.

I have a gf and we're seeing another girl, things just clicked so well that we're kinda "dating" her in a ldr. But we have never considered poly before. At the very least you'd be bro's with the other guy for it to work.

>>18216312
I am a husband in Polyamourus marriage. Accept what you are given. Try to meet her needs without seeming overly needy. No girl likes a needy guy. Sensitive, sure.

You can tell her you love her and possibly open discussion about how you feel when she's away, but this is the relationship you signed up for and will have to accept a little give and take.

Sure, sometimes my wife spends hours on end talking to her bf on Skype, but he also has to accept that she lives with me. Polyamoury is about accepting the human experience as it comes to you. Just as I know my wife loves me and her boyfriend. I'm sure it's possible for her to love you too.

>>18216312
If it's making you miserable don't do it. Maybe talk to her about it, try changing things up a bit.

I really don't think you're cut out for polyamory though. I would have thought that wanting to be number 1 is pretty destructive in that setting. I think the best thing to do would be to cut ties with the whole mess and start again.

>>18216312
Lol, cuck

>>18216351
What are the first steps toward loving myself?

>>18216361
Yes, I know that. I wouldn't usually go for it if it was anyone else.

>>18216364
Is it possible for her to love both the boyfriend and you at once?
How come none of you are jealous or anything?

>>18216413
I know she loves both of us. Jealousy happens occasionally, like when I want to spend time with her and she's spending time with him, but I also know it goes the other way around too. He and I are friends now, so I think that helps.

We're actually taking a trip all together to Disneyland next week.

>>18216413
Accepting the fact that it's harming you. Put yourself and your wellbeing in first place. It seems you're only dating that girl because she's the only option currently, and living with the downsides for the sake of not being alone.

I'm not the anon in the mmf poly, I'm in the mff one, but as strange as it sounds, it is possible to love two persons at the same time in "that" way. You can love your two parents or two of your children, in different ways but the same intensity for instance. Me and my gf found that we're both in love with our girl, but it hasn't changed a thing between us.

>>18216435
Sorry for asking that, but how will you manage bedtime-wise? Like, going all 3 of you for a trip sounds like an insane recipe for jealousy.

>>18216437
It does. But it makes me feel good as well.
She's not the only option at all, in fact. But I'm too strongly in love to give that up

>>18216459
So you have to see how much of a downside it is for you if she's seeing someone else. If you love her that much, you'll have to come to terms that she's polyamorous and accept it, otherwise it will chew you from the inside until you have a breakdown

>>18216472
Thanks anon. I suppose I would really just have to accept that.
As for the being 'ultra-supportive and emotional', is that a good thing or should I be more chill with that?

>>18216459
He lives in Canada so he'll be sharing a bed with her while he's here and I'll share a bed with our son. As for the trip, we'll be a group at some points, split off from each others, and I might even possibly see if I can pursue a fling while we're there.

We've had a live-in boyfriend though and we typically switched off who slept in the bed based off work schedules.

>>18216482
Being supportive is rarely a bad thing unless someone is self-destructive. By how do you mean emotional?

>>18216493
I constantly talk about how I miss her and can't wait to see her, and how sad it makes me and all that. I openly talk about what I feel (Depression, that I'm not worth her, sad stuff etc)

It's not all I talk about but I hide nothing except being jealous of the other guy

>>18216500
How does she respond? Is she supportive back? It's good that she knows how you feel, but too much can drag her down too.

Don't tell her that you're not good enough. If she picked you, she thinks you are. To question it is not only to insult yourself and her as well.

>>18216503
She's usually supportive, yes, or at least trying. I often talk about how skilled she is, and she tries doing the same but not as well since I'm not skilled at stuff.


Sure, I'll stop with that then.

I mean, good fucking luck if consenting to polyarmoy is really something you want to do - but I can already tell that you're not into it.

I don't doubt that there are people who well suited to being polyamorous, but it is of my opinion that those people are extremely rare. In reality, most people who claim to be polyamorous are either making a power play or simply coping because they fear the loss. My sister once thought she was polyamorous and defended it - turns out she just didn't know wtf she was doing (her words, not mine). She was just so intoxicated with the guy that she was convincing herself that she wanted it.

People are very bad at knowing what they want and really good at lying to themselves.

To the guy who is married to a polyamorous wife, I commend you for trying to tough it out but just based on what you're saying it feels like it's not something that you really want.

As far as the op is concerned, you need to leave the relationship and be right with yourself before you consider anything else.

>>18216510
That's good. So long as you're a normal human who can gauge her emotions, just try to pace your negative emotions you let out in conversation. Skill is acquired through practice if you have any skills, you will always have room to improve.

Don't be in a polyamorous relationship if it's not for you. Some people can handle it, others can't.

>>18216511
I've been married to her for years and these guys come and go. Usually they are the one's who can't handle it. I understand how with so little context it may seem like I'm not into it, but I am. I have the freedom to flirt and see other women and I you may call me a cuck, but I enjoy hearing my wife with another dude.

For a broader idea of my feelings, these are my other posts:
>>18216435
>>18216484
>>18216503
>>18216517

>>18216312
>I'm dating a polyamourus girl
well that's your problem right there buddy
polyamory is just unattractive chicks being sloots and trying to validate themselves

Isn't it all about confirmation from the other sex? Back in high school when I had a gf, many of my best friends were female. Vice versa for her. We never cheated on each other, but she was constantly acting jealous about them.

Were/are we crazy, or is this just the nature of human sexuality to show that you are desirable and that she is easily replaced?

>>18217057
I think it's about not making you obvious to her. Like, so she'd feel she might lose you.