Is it acceptable for your gf to stay friends with an ex?
I trust her alot, we both know there aren't going to be any second chances for cheating. They were friends for a long time before dating and he broke up with her. I did look through her phone and there's no suggestive interaction going on, so I really don't think anything is happening. Should I not worry about it?
>>18213397
define 'acceptable'.
everyone has different opinions.
some will say yes because relationships are about trust, and why should you date her if you don't trust her.
others will say no, because girls can't actually be friends with guys, and girls like to cheat, or girls are more likely to cheat if X or Y and Z.
so there is no actual answer. so its netiher acceptable or unacceptable. its whatever makes you feel most comfortable.
if breaking up with her makes you feel more comfortable, by all means.
Don't allow it. When you fight, she'll go to him for advice or consolation which may lead to a slip up. You obviously can't go straight out and say "I looked through your shit, stop talking to him" but if it comes up in conversation mention you don't have contact with your exes. If you did, she would likely feel a certain way. It's just not healthy for your relationship. She has other friends.
>>18213397
youre being cucked and you deserve it for being so stupid
>he broke up with her
sorry bro.
>be me
>dating girl
>end up meeting a (male) penpal who moved to the same city as me
>hang out with him one night
>weird tension between us
>stay at his place
>Crash in his bed
>the next morning wake up and were plastered together
>we start to kiss
>he starts to suck my dick
>five minutes in i stop and tell my gf what happened (omitted his gender)
>we work through it but i break upwith her 5 months later
>fast forward seven years
>waiting for bus
>that penpal walks by me
>turns out he works by my bus stop
>we catch up
>hes now living with his girlfriend
>i invite him to my place to catch up
>we end up having sex
only guy i ever slept with. point im making is people with history tend to act on their history.
what is so important about their relationship that they need to keep each other around?
From personal experience, it depends on how well you trust her, if she has never showed signs of being a liar or a cheater than I would suggest you just tell her it makes you uncomfortable. The worst thing that could happen by bringing it up is that you find out she is cheating and/or likes him and in that case you probably should move on. Some people really do have good relationships with their ex's because of the friendship they had before they dated, so it really just depends on your comfort level and boundaries that you think shouldn't be crossed.
>>18213402
This is a good answer
However in my opinion:
You need to be sure what kind of relation they have, and then you have two options. You can trust in whatever she says, which would be the most convenient one in order to avoid being jealous and overthinking things that don't actually exist. Or, crossing the line and check her conversations with him and check by yourself if they're just friends who want to stay in touch for simple things like saying happy birthday or where are you working/living now, or if there's something more.
Personally i always go for the first one, the second one is kinda tricky to do it, and for sure she will end up discovering that you're spying her and not trusting her, and you will get instadumped, and bam, you fucked up a good relationship.
However, it's always good to keep an eye on your relationship and talk with her if you don't like something, if she doesn't listen you're always able to dump her if you want.
>he broke up with her
nope nope nope nope nope
>>18213404
>if it comes up in conversation mention you don't have contact with your exes. If you did, she would likely feel a certain way. It's just not healthy for your relationship. She has other friends.
We had that exact conversation. I could still talk to my exes, but we weren't friends so I don't want to. She thinks I'm trying to control what friends she can have etc. She actually cried about it. He's shorter than me (he's 5'2") and has some condition that guarantees he dies in his 30's
>>18213437
Not sure how I would do the first thing. I met him very briefly, we shook hands, he claimed to be happy to meet me, she tells me he tells her he's trying to get girls at bars and tells her about his roommate who smacked him for no good reason.
I've been sick for 6 days and they met twice. I told her she has to let me know when they see each other and she does.
>>18213484
You're being lied to. Enjoy the sinking paranoia.
>>18213446
Apparently the reason was for being too immature. I really don't think she would cheat on me though. She's got problems in other areas, but I don't think she'd ever cheat.
I'm a woman and I'm friends with an ex. And he broke up with me. I honestly don't have any romantic feelings for him, and I'd be pretty hurt if my boyfriend didn't trust me to talk to him. Or if he were going through my phone looking through my messages. I think you're being paranoid and you're gonna fuck up your relationship if you keep on doing this.
>>18213497
Had an ex lie to me about someone she used to sleep with. Told me he had cancer and was suicidal. Turns out he just looks like death incarnate.
>>18213484
Well, in my case i wouldn't allow her to meet him because that's way too much, but staying in touch by facebook or phone is not a big issue if it's once in a while and there's nothing compromising
>>18213529
Why would it be such a huge deal for her to hang out with an ex? Honestly, you "not allowing her" is a far greater issue than her desire to hang out with an old friend. You should seek counseling.
It's a shame because alot of women are like children. You give them benefit of the doubt and the moment they see a speedbump in the relationship they misuse the trust given to them.
>>18213539
Because he broke up with her. For the reason given. That changes the circumstances so much. If your boyfriend got dumped by an ex you'd let them go out without you being there? Come on. It's so much easier being a woman in your situation because women generally don't like scumbags. If they know a guy is in a relationship they're much more likely to side with his current girlfriend because they wouldn't want to be cheated on. For the opposite gender it's completely different. It's a triumph. A masculation of taking someone elses' girl.
>>18213539
Man, a relationship is like a game sometimes, you have to make deals and respect the rules if you love the other person. We're all different and what we interpret with different situations is totally different from one person to the other, if you're expecting to find a person the exact same as you, then you're condemned. For me regularly meeting with someone you had a strong relationship when you already are in another relationship, is a huge warning sign.
tl;dr there can't be two men in a woman's heart, and if it does, someone will get burnt
>>18213397
>I trust her a lot
Lol, cuck
please don't kill yourself OP
>>18213497
>I really don't think she would cheat on me though
Lol, cuck
>>18213507
t. cheating roastie
>>18213507
Can you give more info on your situation?
>>18213507
lol get outta here you cumslut
>>18213397
It can work, but tends to cause problems. Odds are against it being ok.
I've rarely ever seen it work out well.
When will this
>u need to trust him/her
>sheesh y r u so controlling??!!!
meme die?
People cheat. Statistics say about 50% do. That's a shitton of people. Making things easier for "accidents" to happen is retarded. You're in a fucking relationship not some fwb shit. Both of you are supposed to make some sacrifices for each other, specially if it makes your so feel bad. Im not saying she should stop seeing him all together, just no crashing at his place or going out both of them alone. Being "friends" with an ex is a huge red flag anyway, if it happened once, it can happen twice.