My girlfriend has broken up with me. We dated for about 13 months.

I would advise you to focus on being a better person before you start looking for "letting go" advice.
I mean the way you described yourself as a boyfriend is pretty bad. I wouldn't take you back either. We all know once you got mad again you would call her a slut again. I would work on that first and then worry about being "alright" because you never will be if you're gonna continue acting like you did.

Relationships end, it's natural. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

If you were charming enough to get this gf you can find another. You won't be alone forever.

>>18213122
Welcome to dating and women. Never ever put your entire life into a girl unless you're financially set, have a career, etc. And even then, never go all in. You never know when she'll leave you and it will *always* be your fault. No matter how trivial a thing it may be or your desire to try and work things out, the moment a girl feels that she's done with you; no amount of discussion or acts will change that. She may even sleep with you after the breakup a few times, but that's only if the new guy or guys she's eyeing aren't working out. Is that what you want? To be relegated to a backup?

Let me put it this way. We are all human, we all make mistakes and we all hurt. If your partner, guy or girl says "You fucked up" and then proceeds to not try and work those things through with you when you ask, they're not someone worth being in a relationship with. What happens the next time you have a problem or crisis? What your'e describing(apart from the sexual history thing) is what all relationships go through after the first six months to a year when the honeymoon phase ends and you start to see the monotony of a relationship. If you don't have anything holding it together other than "That guy or girl was hot" or "We have good times together", it will fall apart like so many relationships. I've had three different friends go through breakups this past month; one a two year relationship, one a half year relationship and the other a three month relationship. They all treated their girls wonderfully and still got dumped in the end.

This is what you do: Learn from your mistakes. Accept the bad things that you did/said, but also remember the good things and start improving yourself. Girls/guys will come and go in your life. They'll whisper sweet nothings, tell you they love you, etc and one day they'll be gone. This is just life and how people are. It always feels "right" until it all goes wrong. I highly recommend you take 3-6 months and do you.

Since the breakup I've quit my hobby of playing video games and have been focusing on making better habits and taking care of my hygiene. It's become difficult to focus on schoolwork and many things remind me of her. I have many keepsakes from our relationship around. We've been texting daily (mostly one sided from me to her, essentially being pathetic) and we had plans to go to lunch today that I cancelled. Recently she has texted me "goodbye" and hasn't replied since so maybe this is the last of that.

>>18213145
That's not much of a recent or incredibly common thing, it's something that did happen more than once in our year together. It wounded her and I realize that, I know that's no way to treat someone you love and I'm genuinely sorry about ever doing it. But it was a significant contributor to this result. I will work on becoming more mature.

>>18213164
>>18213153
Thank you, I appreciate it.

I realize how inexperienced I am with relationships, and I'm aware that I'm just setting myself up to be a backup by doing this. In my mind it's somehow justified because something feels better than nothing right? But that's not correct, and I should want more for myself.

I enjoy how real you are about the whole thing and I agree with you, if we were gonna work out then we'd be willing to work out something like this. I think I've had multiple chances to bring back that honeymoon phase but failed in every regard. Long term though, realistically, honeymoon phase cant last forever can it? Sometimes it just wont fall through, pick myself up and keep on with my life. Thank you.

>>18213193
No worries my man. It like everything else in life gets easier with time. I am going through that right now as well and it's only been a couple of months, but it's still hard. You had a life before her though and you'll have one after as well. Summer is almost here, live your life and treat yourself well.

Honestly OP this is the best thing that could've happened to you. Yeah it fucking sucks, but you need this. You shat over the trust and intimacy between the two of you when you went out of your way to kick her down. That is not -ever- acceptable, and her getting back together would've only allowed you to swallow that guilty realization by fighting harder to "make it up to her" when this is something you cannot undo or make up for. Besides, it showed her something about your character, about the kind of person you are now. Who says she's even interested in hanging around while you go through your growth? She probably wants a partner who respects her from the get go and as painful as that is, it's a reasonable desire.

This is your real relationship and your first real lesson. You were not a good boyfriend. You need to do some soul-searching and change. Better to realize and learn it now than after spending more time in a doomed relationship. Take this as an opportunity to learn about yourself and grow up.

As for the heartbreak, there's nothing that works the way time passing does. You cannot simply stop longing for a person. Yes it hurts like crazy, yes it will fade, yes your interest in other women will (slowly) return.

>>18213310
I know that you are right, I know I messed up the relationship. If I didn't screw up and make her feel the way she does now then we'd still be together. I know I am immature, i openly admit that. There were many things I could have done better during the relationship. Ever kicking someone down who I love and who loves me like that is just wrong.

I learned. I learned that trust breaks when someone asks you to change your ways and you promise them you can but you fail. Or in my case, hardly put in the effort. She's mentioned before that she can't reward me for begging on her doorstep. Maybe you are right that I wont learn if she took me back.

I sat by playing video games and doing schoolwork while our intimacy faded, I know I only cut it shorter by insulting her morality. There was never even a reason for it, I would just bring it up because I was insecure or I was resentful about it. I wanted to make her feel bad about her past it in those moments, to make myself feel better. It's so fucked up.

I know I absolutely cannot blame her for leaving me, no one wants to be with someone when they will have to wait years to finally get the respect they deserve.

Thank you for the insight I think being critical about myself is what's gonna help me in the long term. Kind words will help me through right now, but I need to assess myself if I can hope to be a good boyfriend in the future.

The heartache will fade, I wish there was a way to make the pain stop sooner. It's funny how you mentioned my interest in other women. Recently nothing has made me sicker faster than imagining dating anyone but her.

>>18213360
Keep your head up, you are able to see your own flaws and mistakes and that's a stage many people never even reach to begin with. The reason I'm saying you probably would not change if she took you back isn't because I think poorly of you personally but because changing is hard and takes time and that blissful feeling of being together with her would fade, you would grow used to it and then the real challenge starts. Most people just need more than that - more time to think, more time apart from a set dynamic that's hard to change from within - to move on.

Critical assessment WILL help you move forward because it will give you self respect if you know yourself changed, and it will make you confident that you won't have to worry about your next relationship ending up like this one. Making yourself into a passive victim might seem tempting to some people but really you are reaching the conclusion "I hope someone else is kinder to me" which is far from empowering.

It's normal to not want anyone else. Or well, different people cope in different ways (but I assure you some of those guys talking casually of their rebounds felt shitty during or after) but it's a very normal response.

Best of luck.

>>18213381
What you're saying seems very logical to me; it wouldn't be as easy to change my mentality in the midst of the incredible relief I'd feel if she did take me back. I feel as though I've learned quite a lot already but in the weeks to come where I'm gonna be incredibly lonely without her, all I can do is self reflect on how I failed her. I always imagine that if we did get back together, if she gave me that chance, that I would make the bliss last forever but that seems far too good to be true.

That's seemingly the problem I was having before, she would point out that I was failing her and I would apologize profusely for a day. Then that week of relief where I kept it all together and I cherished her more than ever, that feeling would again get normalized and things would fade to the old without me changing myself. I never took her out to make memories, I never went incredibly far out of my way to show her my love, not in the later half of our relationship anyway. I took her for granted. I wish I could change that.

I got a lot out of you not babying me. Thanks.

>>18213428
The self reflection on what you did wrong is fine and very healthy for growth, but do not think that she was perfect. Write down all the dumb things you did, then write down all the good ones. Then do the same for the positives. You will quickly realize that she had just as many dumb things going on as well.

>>18213310
For awhile now I've been thinking along the lines of "How can I make her want to take me back?". Your line:
>this is something you cannot undo or make up for.
really struck me. I'm expecting that if I simply apologize enough she will forget how I made her feel when I flung such insults in her face for no reason other than to shame her. When I think of her as a human and not some separate entity from myself that I'm trying to win over.

Standing in her shoes for a moment, that is permanent damage. No amount of flowers or I'm sorry is going to make that feeling of, "He thinks I'm a slut, I can't go back, there's nothing I can do about it, he will forever think I'm inadequate." Go away. I really messed up.

I'm realizing now that every time I made fun of her or made her feel foolish, made her feel like she's lesser than other people. Which wasn't all the time, I wasn't super abusive like that but it did happen, in fights mostly. That sticks with someone, and every time I did it she loved me less, she left me for a good reason.

Jesus, I complimented her all the time, all the time I would compliment her. But at the end of the day what is she gonna remember, when I called her cute for the millionth time or when I called her degenerate that once? When I talked to her all night long, or when I blew her off completely. It hurts realizing how hurtful I was. I wish I could go back and do it right. I wish there was something I could do now. I really hurt someone.

>>18213632
>>18213608
she was never some saint just taking it and never dealing it back though, that's important to remember. But yeah, that's certainly how two people fall out of love.

>>18213632
Couples fight. Couples say some crazy shit to each other. The ones that understand that they're both human beings and will say or do things at times that they'll regret, are the ones that make it. Look I'm not saying stay in an abusive relationship or anything, but if someone apologizes and TRIES to make up for it and then actively doesn't do it again; then that's all that matters. Jumping from person to person every-time there's a problem isn't a way to live. I'm glad to see you put yourself in her shoes though, you'll find a great girl and treat her well with that mentality.