How do you succesfully have a LDR? I'm in one with a girl

>>18209723
You dont. Either move closer to each other or break up. You will save yourself a lot of time, loneloness and stress.

Also get girl closer to your age. Young ones dont know what they want and once they figure it out, they will break up with you.

>>18209740
>You dont. Either move closer to each other or break up.
Not possible at the moment, although she is deciding to move closer to my town (would still be about 100 miles) to study
> Young ones dont know what they want and once they figure it out, they will break up with you.
prevention?

>>18209723

by knowing the endgame. if you dont have an endgame than its not a long distance relationship, its just role playing.

a long distance relationship is a bit of an oxymoron. romantic relationships require intimacy. so the only REAL definition one can have is more of a 'planned' relationship, an arranged relationship.

btu that only works if theres a clearly defined goal. is one of you going to move closer to the other? what makes this relationship special enough to pause your life for so long?

>>18209723
>ld""""""""""r""""""""""
Lol

>>18209723

As others have said, you only have a long distance relationship successfully if there is a plan in place for this to not be an LDR for long. You need to plan for one of the two of you to move close.

If that's not in the pipeline, end it.

>>18209760
>>18209746
why does the whole relationship evolve around one or another moving in with the other

>>18209761
Because an actual romantic relationship requires physical contact and intimacy

>>18209763
that i know, but if the current situation is just the way it is for now?

>>18209744
>prevention
Ask her what are her future plans. Dont allow her to say
>i dont know
And realize that whatever she will tell you, in few years she will most likely change her mind because that is what growing people do. Yes even in 21 almost nobody know what they TRULLY want.

>>18209761
Because sex. Do you even do sex bro? And pervese hand holding fetish. Nobody likes being lonely.

>>18209770
>Ask her what are her future plans. Dont allow her to say
she doesnt want to, she wants to study in a city way nearer to mine as it is now
>es even in 21 almost nobody know what they TRULLY want.
i guess, but thats sad not giving a relationship a chance atleast

>>18209767

sure, but if you dont have a plan then 'for now' simply means forever. if they arent willing to move in with you now they are just going to find someone nearby that better suits their needs (re: living where they live) and have no reason to be with you.

spoiler alert: love DOESNT conquer all. even if it did, love in person would conquer someone claiming to love you from a distance.,

>>18209778
i can't ask this girl to move in with me when were only 2 weeks in this relationship

>>18209723
Ask her to move in with you. If she isn't feeling it or refuses, don't bother investing time any further. I lost my virginity to a girl I was in love with, it was long distance. Shit basically crushed me when she left. Had I asked her to move in with me then, I know she wouldn't have, and I sure as hell couldn't move in with her. We both lived with our family.

But I did love the hell out of her, so I struggled to rip her out of my heart/mind for 5 years. Till I finally took celexa to stop me from going insane.

Don't go through the unecessary shit I experienced.. either she is there, or she isn't. Either you go be with her, or she moves in with you.

>>18209790
>>18209781

we know each other and had something going on last year, but that was a bit messy

>>18209775
Dude, you are combining two high risks at once in this:
Young partner and ldr.

If you both were young, there would be no problem, but you are older, you will plan future with her and she will break your hearth HARD.

And ldr is shit.

>>18209781
You know each other for just two weeks. Find somebody who lives in your area!

>>18209796
>You know each other for just two weeks. Find somebody who lives in your area!
don't have that much time

i'm moving out finally and i was going to tell her that she can visit me anytime in that situation
she even proposed to stay at my flat while im at work ad we meet up after that

>>18209781

then why are you long distance dating her? what do you actually get out of it? romance is about being close, and you can't have that if you dont see each other.

you had something nice, let it be just that instead of swearing to not date for each other with no plan

>>18209761

You don't have to MOVE IN TOGETHER as soon as you're close, but you need to be within at least an hour (max 2) of each other, so you know what it's like to be together both physically and emotionally in the same space. You can't replicate that over Skype or Facebook chat.

I HOPE this "LDR" involves actually traveling to see her at least once a month at this point, because if it doesn't, you're not in a relationship, you are role playing over the internet.

>>18209781
You didn't mention that it's only two weeks in. But again, you haven't mentioned much of anything else. How did you meet? Is this a shitty online relationship where you've never met in person but just on some video game or something? Because if so, Protip: you're not in a relationship.

>>18209794
Up to you to decide how much of yourself you are willing to invest.

But know this. I invested 100% of me. Every bit of my peace of mind I slowly lost, in a back and forth learning experience that destroyed two very compatible people.

The goal is moving in together. ASAP. Or watch your whole shit scar you.

I was essentially emotional support for my ex, meanwhile she moved on just fine.

>>18209800

what? dude if you're moving out then just find someone new to date in your new place stop creating imaginary problems for your self.

>>18209803
because when we are with each other, theres this fire between is, hard to describe anon.

>>18209804
we already are at most 2.5 hours away from each other, where shes moving to study is like only 1.5 hours away from me

>I HOPE this "LDR" involves actually traveling to see her at least once a month at this point, because if it doesn't, you're not in a relationship, you are role playing over the internet.
yes of course, she visited me a week ago for 4 days
i'm gonna spend the next 4 days at hers come weekend

>>18209806
i'm not going to invest 100% because that would be foolish

>>18209807
i don't want to though even if it sounds like an idiot i spent a year staying in contact with this girl because we didn't get the chance to see where things would go if we'd be together

>>18209810
Good luck. All I can say.

>>18209818
thanks anon

>>18209810

okay so basically what you're saying is

>im going to date this girl
>who i will literally never see
>and will literally not have any plans to ever be close to or near
>but i expect you guys to give me advice on how to make this work

spoiler alert: she leaves you within 3 months for a guy she can actually touch.

what are you expecting to somehow last YEARS without actually dating?

>>18209824
what? you've got it wrong anon

>>who i will literally never see
we see each other for a couple of days every so often
>>and will literally not have any plans to ever be close to or near
she was thinking about studying in a town near mine, found out it wasn't that close but decided to do it nevertheless
>what are you expecting to somehow last YEARS without actually dating?
i'm expecting to give it a try that is all

>>18209830

>we see each other for a couple of days every so often

define 'every so often' becuase you said you have only been dating for two weeks and if you see each other for a couple days 'every so often' thats a big pattern to appear over only two weeks.

>shes thinking of being 100 miles away from me

thats not close.

>im expecting to give it a try that is all

GIVE WHAT A TRY? what do you get out of this? what could you possibly get out of forcing your self to be single so you can roleplay with a girl?

>>18209834
>define 'every so often' becuase you said you have only been dating for two weeks and if you see each other for a couple days 'every so often' thats a big pattern to appear over only two weeks.
we had something going on last year for half a year in which we saw each other for 4-6 days during 3 months
she stayed at mine for 4 days last weekend and i'm going to stay at hers the coming weekend for the same amount

>thats not close.
no it isnt but its closer than 250 miles

>GIVE WHAT A TRY?
"us"
>what do you get out of this?
why shouldnt i try anon? life is about risks and i know that if it doesnt work out then thats that but not even trying is like giving up because im too much of a coward to risk this

>>18209838

>us

thats not a fucking answer you fucking moron, you can't just keep saying vague non answers.

there is no 'us' there is no giving things a try, if you dont define what those fucking things are. saying 'us' just means roleplaying at this point.

but fine, go for it, date the woman, see how well it goes.

>>18209848
anon isn't that clear what i mean? "us" means me and her in a relationship, giving that a try