How the fuck do you deal with family which keeps justifying asshole

I could understand the "preparing for real life" if it was once or twice and if some of the scolding were after honest mistakes, but this shit has been going on so consistently (continuing until today) I'm not even sure what to make of it anymore. From what I can tell, most good, "normal" families don't do shit like this to each other.

I got some news for you. Someone somewhere else in the world has it worse than you. If a bunch of words and slander bother you just think about the people who actually get physically abused by their family members.

Be thankful for who they are (no matter how annoying). I've gone through the same deal as you and you will realize with age that you just get used to it. And before you know it, you will be doing the same kinds of things they do to you with younger generations. That is the reality of growing up. You will eventually replace their shoes, so, just let it go and put on a smile(fake or real. Doesn't matter). It will make you the better person in the end.

How do you deal with them?

Simple: you don't.
Don't go to family gatherings. Move out if you are still living with your parents.

Basically become independent and tell them to go fuck themselves.

>>18204444
It destroyed my cousin's self esteem. I fail to see how it made her any better.

I work in the "real world" as they call it and on average people, even in business, don't treat each other even half as shitty as they treat me. Yeah there's a few assholes here and there but that doesn't mean my family has to go out of their way to be them. If anything, you would think that family should be a refuge from such assholery, not the source.

I can tell i will never subject any younger relatives to that shit.

>>18204445
That's the last resort but it's looking more likely every day.

>>18204431
>step 1
Talk.

>step 2
If step 1 didn't help, time to cut them off.

>>18204444
Come on, that argument is silly. Yes some perspective about the bigger picture doesn't hurt but in the end his family do act like cunts. Should kids that get psychically abused just take it and get used to it because other kids get physically abused and raped?

>Doesn't matter). It will make you the better person in the end.
Or a worse one. If you're surrounded by assholes, it's more likely that you'll turn into one, just like most domestic abusers experienced the shit as kids too.

>>18204431
Oh that sucks.
They have the best intentions of preparing you, but they're stuck in a qaisy- old-fashioned-mixed-with-ulterior-motives mentality.

The best bet you all can do is raise money discreetly, bank it if you have to, and move out with a decent plan of action.

>>18204444
You can abuse someone by attacking their psyche. And if you tell them to toughen up, then people who get physically abused should toughen up too.
This isn't some double standards trick either. Your body is responsible for you psychological health, and vice-versa.

>>18204471

Fucking this. Yeah, family is family - but not if they're legitimately fucking cunts. It's one thing if the op or his cousin were spoiled brats, quite another if the relatives are entitled, condescending pieces of shit.

Are you from some kind of Asian family, op? Most of the experience I have with that kind of crap comes from friends who come from rural families. The aunts and uncles and whatever are always dumb-as-rocks, insecure country bumpkins who don't have anything to fall back on except their age/seniority so they treat the younger generation like shit to maintain some sense of social status or position.

I'm glad my dad doesn't stand for that bullshit. He's always had a libertarian streak and passed that on to us.

Op, tell them to fuck right off. Sometimes you just need to rise above the cesspool and not let them drag you down. Hell, maybe you'll even help your cousin recover if she sees you tell those pieces of shit to go fuck themselves.

Goddamn even just reading your post makes me mad.

>>18204471

>>18204546
Fortunately they don't financially support us. The most we ever got from them is some small errands and "emotional support" at funerals. There's still small pocket change gifts at birthdays, graduations, and christmas, but if I were to sum it up from the time I was born until now the total amount would likely not be over $20000.

I'm not so sure about the "best intentions" bit anymore considering most of the "children" they treat like this are deep into or have graduated college and are working now. It just feels like they are using the "preparation" as an excuse to shut down any criticism whenever someone calls them out on their behavior.

>>18204607
You guessed it, it's an Asian family. Is this assholery common in Asian families?

My mom used to be pretty good at keeping us out of their bullshit since they treated her pretty shittily too. She used to call them out all the time too. For whatever reason over the last few years she started getting closer to them. It's getting downright scary how she's now saying that it's right to kick around those socially lower than her. She never used to be like this and I know she's getting this mentality from them. I don't think she will protect me, my brother, or my cousins from them anymore.

My parents were selfish and irrational shit heads while I was growing up. I left home at 17 because I couldn't handle it. It wasn't until I was about 22-23 or so that we started to spend time together again except this time it was without so much negative expectations from both sides. I can see now that they were trying to do the best they could based on what they knew and had experience of even if it wasn't particularly great from my perspective. I think they struggled to come to terms with their own roles and positions in life as I got older and became more independent, they wanted to set good examples and teach me how to win at life, but they wouldn't or couldn't acknowledge that their experiences were quite sheltered and developed in a world which no longer existed and were not suited to the one I was growing up in.

Once I was independent and no longer reliant upon them that was no longer an issue and we are able to enjoy each others company, but the only connection is basically a shared past and shared experiences, our relationship now relies on us doing things together that we all enjoy which means spending time together because we want to, not because we feel we have to.

Basically anything built and motivated by negative expectation or obligation is doomed. I'm never going to enjoy hanging out if it is because I'm supposed to because otherwise I'll be a bad son and I owe them because they raised me and I should be grateful and if I'm not I'm a bad person and how could I shame them by clearly being a bad person despite all they have done. That was exactly the kind of shit thinking I escaped from. Instead we'll hang out, but if they pull that I'll tell them what I think and ask them to respect boundaries and try to set a better example if they are playing the 'adult' card because at the moment they are being manipulative for child like reasons.

I imagine it is hard as a parent. You want your kids to be better than you, but remain subservient.

>>18204611
>We are teaching you about how the real world works.
>What is the lesson?
>Try and get away with acting like a complete tool as much as possible because it is fun and profitable.
>Uh I don't want to do that?
>Your loss, but are you still going to put up with it? If so then the lesson is continuing.

>>18204646
I see them 3 times a year max. I used to just take it since it was just that infrequently and at least I would get food and money for my trouble (and my mom would keep them in check), but now that they seem to have gotten to her I don't think I could take it anymore.

>>18204640
>I should be grateful and if I'm not I'm a bad person and how could I shame them by clearly being a bad person despite all they have done

That's exactly what it feels like sometimes. I don't know how I'm supposed to ask them to "respect boundaries" considering I know the response will be something like "what are you going to do to me"?

>>18204662
If you've decided that this is it, you either resolve the situation or you cut them from your life without shame or regret then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by engaging them in debate. Tell them how they make you feel and why this is a problem. Tell them if they don't care that that is a problem for you. If they ask what you are going to do, say nothing physical because as adults that shouldn't be all that restrains us, but if this conversation cannot resolve the problematic behaviour, our connection will fade away with time as it should. We ultimately die alone, but we hope we don't die alone and they are staring down death more than you are.

Or face it. If they laugh at you, if you do not give a shit about your feelings and your opinions, if they take what you say and mock you for it, then why would you want these people around who do not care for you, do not respect you and seek to exploit you to make themselves look bigger and cleverer than they are?

Say your piece, debate it with them, move on knowing that at least you tried and should hold no regret if it fails. You have an expectation as to how family should act, it came from somewhere yet when trying to hold them to it you are struggling. I'd examine that and if it came from them I'd tell them I'm holding them accountable for my disappointment and frustration at what was sold vs what was received. You weren't raised to be inconsistent and irrational and to disrespect family right? They should be happy to raise someone with the conviction to do what they say, not what they do.

>>18204633
Remind them that if you piss off every single grandchild you will rot in a nursing home once they become too old to care for themselves, and die alone.

Korean, I'm guessing?

>>18204431
Its called control freaks they are evil people and you should try to avoid them; my family is like that. They sound sadistic and get joy from emotionally abusing you; they are sick fucks anon.

>>18204431

by simply ignoring them when they say such things, getting up and leaving if they wont stop, and doing your own thing anyway.

the only way to prove someone wrong is to actually prove them wrong, not convince them you might maybe one day prove them wrong.

>>18204444

It's people like you that fuck up people like OP.

>>18204431
You cut ties.

If they won't offer you respect, you don't offer them any.