ITT: You help me write a letter for my ex so we get back together

>>18194138
Wait til you're sober

>>18194151
Lol, don't worry, mate. I'm not drunktexting her. I just want to get some ideas.

>>18194169
There is no reason to say, "Dear (name)" if you're texting her. She knows the message is for her, it's being sent to her phone. This just makes you sound tryhard and autistic. In my opinion, the briefer you are through text, the better. Just say you miss her and want to hang out again sometime

>>18194138
Hey,

I would lie if I said I haven't thought about you frequently since we broke up. I miss spending time with you even those moments had become scarcer during the last months we were together. Before we started dating we had been great friends and you've always been so easy going. However once we started to date it felt like you had less and less time for me which has left me feeling taken for granted. I want you to know that I understand your reasons for not being ready for sex yet, and that I am totally ok with that and even though you have put it back on the table, I would never want you to rush something that you are not ready for. Over time I got the feeling that you were feeling guilty about it and sent nudes to compensate, but I just want you to know that I've always seen us as a team and am willing to support your decisions. I have been thinking a lot lately and would like to give us another shot, but this time I need you to understand where I am coming from in my life so we can give this a honest shot. I enjoy spending time with you and it's important to me that we are always honest with each other, and I know I act strangely at times, and I want you to know why. At least once a week since I was young, my dad has belted me with a set of jumper cables. This has left me scarred and alone. It's because of this that when you started spending less and less time with me that it affected me so deeply. I want you to know that I truly want to give this another shot and in my mind, that takes me opening up about this with you and I hope you don't think of me any different for it.

With love,
Anon

>>18194138
You're a drunk atm?

Can I have all your money?

But you said.....

>>18194322
That's just instead of her name, Laura in this case.

>>18194363
I kek'd hard. There are very good bits, though.

>>18194138
call her, be fucking genuine, and if she still wants to be with you, you will figure it out. god speed.

no need to write a fucking novel.

>>18194454
Even better, meet her in person. A relationship should always be about the people involved wanting to work together and accepting the shortcomings of each other. If you want to truly hash this out, do it in person, don't be such an autistic faggot and just open up to her and be honest. If it doesn't work out, then clearly you were never going to get on together long term and should move on to someone else.

If you are just wanting to get in her pants its a different story and you should tell her 73% of what she wants to hear tell she gives it up.

Don't be a dickhead though. Remember that you have to live with the mental consequences of your actions.

>>18194454
That's what I thought first but she's always said she likes when I write an email or a letter to her. Besides, whenever I call her I never manage to say everything I have in my mind.

>>18194467
That's pretty much a phone call. You can either write dot points and be a scripted robot. Or just hang out with her like a fucking normal person. When it comes to situations like this, body language means a lot. If you're committed, see her in person. Every girl loves getting a letter, but everyone involved knows it doesn't really solve the deeper issues at play.

>>18194466
I get what you say. Perhaps I should've explained that our relationship got to a breaking point when I started being really permissive with the way she treated me. It's not that I only want to fuck her; I simply got over my sexual frustration and now I'm not ashamed to ask her to fuck me (which was one of the biggest issues back then). The only thing that I don't want is that if we go back together she thinks that it's going to be the same as before, because that would make us both miserable.

>>18194485
If she's not ready, she not ready, and you should move onto someone else that is (which it sounds like you already have). No need for this pussy conquest you seem to be going on where you gotta hit every pussy you can. Take a deep look at yourself and ask if you are doing this because you want to be with her, or if you want to fuck her. If it's the latter, remember that she was once a friend and maybe she doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

I fucked an enemy out of spite (it was complicated), and I still feel horrible to this day about it. I can't imagine the guilt if I did that kinda thing to a friend.

>>18194435
>That's just instead of her name, Laura in this case.
No, don't say Dear Laura because she knows you're addressing her already

>>18194518
I don't think the issue was about her being ready or not; she changed her mind every other day and the fact is that maybe we just didn't have a proper chance (we live about two hours away from each other, so we didn't meet on a daily basis).

When we got to talk after the breakup she said that I had to be more open about the things that bothered me. Our lack of sex was one of it and until I managed to overcome my frustration I was able to understand that I never expressed it out of pure embarrasment.

If I'm trying to be persuasive with this letter, phone call or whatever, is not out of anger or revenge, is because now I understand that I needed to be more assertive from the start.

>>18194546
Ok, point taken. That's just the way I always start a letter.

>>18194555
Persuasive? Assertive? By the sounds of it, you should just continue to be solo faggot until you grow the fuck up. Don't be a controlling twat.

>>18194568
Ok, I'm kind of confused by the double standars that one may find not only here but in the real world. When I lacked the courage to speak my mind and express my needs I was called, both here and with friends, cuck, beta, whipped and so on. Now that I know what I want and I'm no longer afraid to express it, I'm suddenly a controllong twat.

>>18194138
>>No sex at all. (She's a virgin).
Oh, that's all I need to know. To deflower a woman is one of the strongest urges a man can have, but the fact that you didn't have sex in your relationship either is a huge red flag. What the genuine fuck is her problem?

Don't go back, abort mission immediately.

>>18194609
That has always been a puzzle for me. Her "official position" is that she has some kind of pathological fear of getting pregnant; something that led me not only to tell her many times that such thing wouldn't happen, but to inform myself properly and purchase all the contraceptives I could get my hands on.

>>18194602
Letting her walk over you and making demands is very different. If you want to go back into a relationship with her, accept that sex is not likely to be on the table and wait till she is ready for it. You aren't being a whipped beta for respecting her decision, make up your own mind for fuck sake.

>>18194625
>is that she has some kind of pathological fear of getting pregnant
Of course, I don't know her but I'd say that's bullshit. Don't forget women are as lustful as men, and if they're attracted to someone they want to get their brains fucked out. How long have you been together? Does she have friends? Is she good with men? Maybe you've been the best man she could get her hands on, but isn't really attracted to you, and is rather in fear of being alone, that's why she even put sex on the table despite her "patholigical fear of getting pregnant"; think about it.

Relationships are a messy and irrational matter - I can you provide an outsider's perspective, and from the information you've given, I draw the conclusion there's something inherently wrong with her, since there's a good hand full of contradictions already.

Tread carefully, better abort mission though.

>>18194637
All right, I agree that there's no need to see things as black or white here. I have always respected the way she feels and you're right; stating my motivation to go back together as "just being her first time" is shallow and selfish.

>>18194647
That thing about not being attractive for her was one the things that fucked me up the most, but deep down I know that it wasn't the case. Looking back to the scarce moments we spend time alone, it was her insecurities, combined with my own -which were probably bigger that hers- which didn't let us go through it. I understand that I should be cautious if we manage to resume what we had, but for me, this might be the last chance we have to see if we work as a couple.

>>18194690
>combined with my own -which were probably bigger that hers- which didn't let us go through it
You don't need to make excuses on behalf of yourself. After the breakup you managed to get laid, didn't you? So stop rationalizing her behavior with your supposed shortcomings. These are two entirely different things.

Deflowering her is your sole motivation here, and I can understand your urge perfectly. But judging by your white-knighting for her and her brashness to treat sex as a resource is telling me that here's a disproportional imbalance between you. You had more than good reasons to break up with her, but the nostalgia clouds your judgement tremendously now, and understandably so. I've been through that myself, but after a couple of weeks I sobered up and realized how messed up my relationship was with my ex.

The fact that you are willing to rationalize her obscure behavior is just a symptom of a bigger problem you might have when you feel affection for a woman.

Do with that information as you will.

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OP, was my reply (>>18194713) helpful or too much of a stretch? Please respond, I need confirmation for my usefulness.

>>18195949
OP here. Things look different when you're sober, lol. I think that you're spot on in a lot of things. Making excuses for myself is indeed a bigger issue that I haven't adressed properly.

However, I do believe that besides me wanting to "deflower her", my desire to go back together derives from the fact that I want to see how things play out now that I feel confident enough to take the initiative (not just in a sexual aspect).

Perhaps I'm being naive or, as you say, I'm just rationalizing. The truth is that I don't want to feel like I could have done more to save the relationship or that I was too harsh by not giving us a second chance. I know I can only speak for myself and that maybe she'll be the same as before, but if that is the case, at least I'll be relieved that I did my best.

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>>18196054
>Perhaps I'm being naive or, as you say, I'm just rationalizing
That's probably the case, be it the former or the latter; probably both. Anyways, since I cannot prevent you to act upon your drive, I'll remind you of something you've written before:
>>Also the least empathic person I've ever met (realized that until we started dating).
Dangerous territory, and you know it. Tread REALLY carefully - I have more than enough experience with that, I tell ya.