Ok, so I know by posting this I am putting myself in hot water

so, what's exactly the problem? you get off to childporn and you want to stop?

>>18193913

Yes. Please help.

Go see a therapist, man.

But whatever you do, don't let society shame you. You were just born with (or developed a problem). You're no better than some sociopath or sadist. you're not some sick, twisted, or evil. As long as you're not actively trying to live out your fantasies IRL, you shouldn't feel ashamed. You know it's wrong and that's enough.

>>18193907
Try to think what's behind the images not just about the images themselves.

>>18193907
>Is it possible for me to be normal?
Nope. Pedo is same as being a faggot or hetero. Not changing what your dick likes.

>Should I get rid of my computer?
What good will it do?

>Is it possible for me to have a healthy life on the internet?
Sure, just need to learn to control your impulses. Obviously easier said than done but it's doable so no need for permanent shit like suicide.

Also yeah, state the exact problem.

Having access to the porn is better than diddling actual kids

Which you might resort to if you get rid of your computer

>>18193921
well, i mean, how did that happen? did it develope over time, as in, you watched porn and it got worse increasingly or have you always had pedophile tendencies?

>>18193934

It developed over time. I have always watched porn. I can even get off to normal porn.

I should also mention my computer is an immense source of comfort to me as I suffer from extreme anxiety and bad panic attacks.

>>18193942
so it's more a "i need a bigger kick" thing than an actual drive to have sex with kids? i'm asking because i have some very weird porn tendencies too. and it is always a cycle. i start watching porn and it increasingly gets worse. so far i have always stopped the moment i found myself disgusted by what i just orgasmed to. then i usually go a good while without any porn and start all over again. i think porn is very dangerous if you have that tendency. you need something even more fucked up every few days and it is basically a bottomles pit if you have access to the right stuff.
have you ever been able to break that cycle? how did that go? how long till you went back to it again?

>>18193947
i don't think getting rid of your pc is a solution.

>>18193973

Well I always say to myself "thats the last time im doing this" it sometimes lasts a week maybe longer.

Just stop watching it. If you downloded Tor and went on those sites, delete it. Delete all of it. Start running, get active, and as with any unhealthy thing, if you relapse, don't stop trying to stay away. You can also talk to your mom or dad about it if you are close to them. I had a problem with it myself, and I finally told my mom what I was watching and just how fucked up my life had become over the years, I cried even. I started researching this stuff as an early teen, because around 9-10 years old I had an attempt of rape by one of my moms ex bf's. It made me wonder how common child-adult relations were, so I began researching to know. Eventually it became another porn problem like any other. You gotta make a conscious choice to stop.

>>18193984
do you get horny and then watch cp or do you get horny, watch porn and slip into it slowly?
also, the fact you can go a week or longer without it is good.
do you do dangerous stuff like save it on your pc? i think it also depends on what kind of cp you're getting off to. is this teens (let's say 12-15)? is it kids (8-12) little kids (6-8) toddlers (2-6) or babies (0-2)? is it soft porn or the really bad stuff?

>>18193988

Thanks for the advice anon. Please know its appreciated. Unfortunatley I cant tell my dad because he would kick me out. The upside is im moving out sometime next year and will try therapy of some sort once im away from where I currently live. I'm also going to try being more active and eat more healthy.

>>18194001

I dont think I have ever saved it on my pc. And the age changes sometimes it really young other times its like 15 y.o.

>>18194001

And SOMETIMES its the bad stuff. Its been getting worse lately. I do watch normal stuff with adults occasionaly.

>>18194007
Good luck bro. I don't condemn you.. life isn't a cozy trajectory for all of us. But you can try your best to stay away from shit that hurts you.

>>18194011
i knw you don't like answering my questions. but they arenmt mere curiousity. i'm trying to get to the bottom of it to give you actual advice. pls bear with me.
you haven't answered all my questions and that's not helping me help you.

>>18194015
ok. so, can you tell me more about the panic attacks and the anxiety please?

>>18194015
also, if you watch other porn, what's it?
can you try to make kind of a timeline of how it usually happens that you end up watching cp? like, with what do you start out and what are the steps leading to it? please try to be honest, this isn't about painting a favorable picture of yourself. i'm trying to find out what's going on in your mind once your horny and how you could break that.

>>18193907
Just dont "harm" any children and your golden, your just as good as anyone else

>>18194024

Well, im not sure what triggers the panic attacks but when it happens its bad. Had to stay in the hospital overnight once because my anxiety manifests itself physically. I get pains in my stomach. i have had anxiety all my life I take meds to keep it under wraps.

>>18194034
so, do you also get therapy or how do you get meds without therapy? what are you taking?
when did those attacks start and do you have any idea why? what makes you anxious and how does it look when you have a panick attack?

>>18194030

well, Im gay so I like guys. The porn I watch is usually muscular guys who dominate other guys. Maybe Im attracted to kids because its kind of a power thing?

>>18194038

I used to get therapy in highschool but stopped because it wasnt helping. I think im taking something called effexor (?) For my anxiety. My anxiety starts off with me pacing around and the gradually turns into something like a mental break where I start screaming or cradling back and forth. I usually end up vomitting for awhile afterwards.

>>18194048
oh, that's interesting. have you always had gay tendencies or when did that start?
are you openly gay or is it just a porn thing? what i mean by this is, have you ever had a gay relationship or even just a sexual encounter irl?

if you watch gay powerplay, do you usually identify with the sub or the dom?

>>18194059
can you try to tell me what goes trough your mind when the pacing starts and what makes it escalate into the screaming/cradling?

>>18194059
also, do you feel like the medication is helping?

>>18194064
>>18194064

Im gay openly. I identify with the sub. And no lol I have never had a sexual encounter or even a boyfriend for that matter.

>>18194079
have you always been gay (as in, you knew it since puberty) or is it something you realized later on?

>>18194076

The medicatiom has helped tons. What happens before my breakdown is I usually think of Everything that could go wrong. Its hard to explain. Sometimes even I dont understand what Im so afraid of. All I know is that im afraid at that point in time.

>>18194079
if you watch cp, who do you identify with then?

>>18194092
so you're basically having an existencial crisis. is it more practical thing that "could go wrong" like your car breaks down, there is a natural disaster, etc or more stuff like "i am a failure, i will never get my shit together, this is all pointless"?

>>18194087

Always been gay.

>>18194097
can you tell me a bit more about your childhood? was it a happy one? any traumatic experiences?

>>18194093

Honestly? The kid I think. Im not sure. Sometimes its the adult? I cant recall who identify with I just try my best to block out that im doing something wrong. I dont really want to remember.

>>18194103

I was adopted. My dad said someone at the daycare tried to touch me. I had some sexual experiences with my brother. He got rough one time i think. I dont remember correctly.

>>18194108
just what i though.
i get that it's not nice to go into the details. but it might be highly important to see the construct that is driving you to watch it in the first place and accordingly how to get the upper hand again.

i know you will hate that wuestion but can you try to pinpoint what it is that captures you? is it the fact that there is a huge power gap? is it the "destroyed innocence"? the fact that it is "so wrong"?

>>18194113
yeah... those are some very botter pills to swallow. doesn't surprise me you got issues now.
how has it affected you, knowing you're adopted? what do you know about your biological parents?
how's your relationship with your family, especially your brother, now? at what age did that with your brother happen?

>>18194115

i think the destroyed innocence paired with it being so wrong. Even the power gap. I dont like explaining this sorry.

>>18194126
thanks for trying. let's give this topic a break.
can you try to briefly describe your mom and your relationship with her?

>>18194118

I avoid my brother. Honestly it was my fault though. It was my idea to begin with. I may have been 10 or 7 when this happened. Maybe even 11. I only met my biological parents recently. By phone and letters. Havent met face to face yet. Probably never will. My mom was missing for years.

>>18194136
>>18194136

im sorry I dont know her. My relationship with my adoptive father is great. Sometimes we argue though but we get along.

>>18194137
is your brother older or younger than you? do you think this incident was traumatic or do you think it's no big deL? (i've done sexual stuff with my sister too and i don't think it had any real effect on me or her longterm... but i can acknowledge that it coud be pretty traumatic depending on the corcumstances).

do you like getting to know them?
your biological mom or the one who raised you?

what about your adoptive dad?
any other siblings?

>>18194142
is he the one you're living with atm?
how old are you?

>>18194144

My brother is older than me. i dont think of it as traumatic but it does disturb me. The only other sexual experience I had was when I was 12 and at camp and messed around with someone younger than me. Getting to know my biological parents is difficult they are both drug addicts and cant always get back or reply to you.

>>18194147

Yeah im living with him. im 20 turning 21 on the 29th of this month.

>>18194155
do you have an explanation as to why you went trough puberty without any sexual experiences? also, this might be rather offensive, but how do you know you're gay if you never had any sexual experiences after childhood doctor play?

>>18194164
>>18194164

I was self conscience and a very shy person so maybe thats why? Idk. I always had crushes on boys when I was younger. I played with barbies alot too. Mostly friends with girls.

>>18194173
can you tell me more about he fact you don't know your adoptive mom and how she's been missing for years?

>>18194185
no my real mom has been missing for years. She has been in and out of jail alot because of drugs and such. She at one point attempted to take care of me but found she was not capable.

>>18194193
oh my... at what point was that that she tried to take care of you? at what age did you get adopted?

what about your adoptive mom? how is she?

>>18194199
>>18194199

She tried to care for me when I was just a baby. I dont have an adoptive mom. Just a dad. Hes done his best I think.

>>18194199

i was put into fostercare at age 1. Moved around all the time.

>>18194208
well, that's uncommon. how was he able to adopt as a single parent? is your brother adopted too?

>>18194210
at what age did your dad adopt you? can you remember the times in foster care?

>>18194211

Yep. I have two brothers but one wasnt adopted. We tried with him for awhile. Hes a little dangerous.

>>18194213

Im not sure what age. And I can vaguely remember the times in one of the homes. It was mostly a positive experience from what i can remember. I was incredibly young so I dont remember much.

>>18194217
so, to get this straight:
there's your dad, who has a biological son (who is the oldest?) and then there's the middle brother and you who are both adopted? what about the biological son's mom?

how are your brothers doing in life?

what do you mean by "he's a little dangerous"?

>>18194221
ok, that sounds like you got adopted as a toddler. which is definitely a good thing.
i think we're starting to be able to circle in some stuff. thanks for bearing with me and my millions of questions...

>>18194224

Not biological. Hes my half brother. My mom slept around. My brothers are consistantly in and out of jail. One of them is missing. He hit me over the head with a pipe once.

>>18194229

Its okay. It helps. Really. i am a little less scared now.

>>18194235
my god, only real life write such stories...

so you two have the same biological mom and your adoptive dad adopted both of you.

what are they in jail for, usually?
missing, how? how long? what do you think has happened to him?

what does your dad say about his two other sons being in jail and one being missing?

>>18194237
that's very good! i don't think you need to be scared. you've been trough a fucking LOT. it is very understandable that that has some effects on you.

>>18194242
>>18194242
>>18194242

He doesnt say much about it. We dont know one of their dads. We have tried our best to get them well. He just kind of dealing with it.

>>18194096
can you please answer this one? it might be important...
and can you briefly tell me your dad's general relationship with women?

>>18194244

Thanks anon your too kind.

>>18194252

My real dad or adoptive dad?

>>18194249
what do you mean "we"? it's not your responsibility to raise your brothers, you know?
this sounds like you are the one all your dad's hopes rest on. which is a huge load to carry.

>>18194254
your adoptive dad

>>18194256

Oh no. i actively say out of my brothers life the best I can thats why im moving to the city. i want to start again. Maybe break contact. My dad has done his best.

>>18194253
it's the truth. you should be proud of yourself actually. i don't think many people would hold up in your shoes.

what does your daily routine look like? do you work? go to school? what do you do with your free time? how's your physical health?

>>18194261

He doesnt have any real relationships to be honest. i try and invite him places but he just goes to work and comes home and plays his facebook games. I have someone come and take me places once in a while cause its hard for me to get out.

>>18194268
yeah, maybe starting fresh is a good idea.
i don't doubt your dad tried his best. it just could be that the fact you're the only one that isn't in jail might result in him hoping you will do better, which in turn might cause you to be a ball of anxiety since you don't want to dissapoint him.

>>18194271
I dropped out of highschool. i have a hard time with things like math and english I was in special ed. My free time consists of playing games and sleeping. I take care of my health well I think. I have a goal that once I move out im going to start working out.

>>18194275
was he different when you and your brothers were growing up?
do you know what his reasons were to adopt the two of you?

>>18194280

Thats a good obsetvation. I do often worry about living up to his expectations but I am still learning that I Am me and I cant be what he wants. I think cutting contact would give me so much peace.

>>18194282
can you tell me how your and your dad's financial situation is?

i actually work in special ed and i know a few kids with similar experiences.

>>18194284

He was very different. He used to take me out and fly paper airplanes in the fields and stuff or catch butterflies and frogs. My brothers were athletic and liked skateboarding and snowboarding. I just liked reading my manga and listening to music.

>>18194289
is your plan to cut contact alltogether? even with your dad?

do you have a plan on how to get the money to move out?

>>18194295
when and why did that change? do you think he's depressed? do you miss spending quality time with him?

>>18194291

We are very poor. I do get disability benifits. Christmas is hard on him. I try to buy things myself Im still learning how to work the cash machines (haha).

>>18193923
I agree with everything he said

>>18194301

Very much. He doesnt even make eye contact when talking. The conversations are always interesting but kind of lifeless. Im not sure when he stopped playing with me but it was a gradual kind of thing. He eventually just stopped.

>>18194296
Not OP but Anon, have you ever thought of doing therapy professionally?

You ask all the right questions and present statements/suspicions in such a clinical (in a good way) manner.

Mental health profession needs people like you,especially in delicate subjects like OP'S

>>18194302
that's nothing to be ashamed of. it's good you're learning stuff and are trying to be independent.
so, if you get disability money, then you probably have a social worker or something that's responsible for you, right? how's your relationship with them? can you talk to them about your plans to move out? are they supportive? do they tell you about the possibilities you have?

>>18194306

Planning on it when I move out which is next year for sure. Just saving atm.

>>18194317

i think its a social worker. She takes me out to eat and stuff like that. And yeah I have told her my plans to move out She suggested asisted living but I want to be totally independent I value privacy.

>>18194308
do you think he's going to be ok or is he suffering a lot? do you feel like you need to take care of him? (i have a dad that was homeless and suicidal at some point and i know how burdening it can be to feel responsible for a parent)

>>18194312
thanks anon. i do work in a social field (special ed kids) and i love my job. but i don't think i'd be the right person to actually do therapy. i have too many issues myself. i wouldn't want to project them onto others.

>>18194328

He has a hard time cleaning up. i took the lady in once to show her the messes. We do get food bugs. Its hard cleaning up all the messes its constant. It smells too. I still love him though. I broke a wall talking to him about it. He doesnt get that it should be clean. The dogs just go everywhere.

>>18194327
i get that you are not thrilled at the thought of asisted living. but give it a serious try. i've worked in such settings and so does my mom. there are different levels of asistance. there are some that are apartments with a few people living in it and some being there to help with daily stuff. there are some where people live together mostly independent and get daily visits to see how it goes. there are some where you live alone and you have someone drop by weekly to check in on you. i'd suggest something like that since they also help with all the paperworks and fiancial stuff. and it might be very good to have someone check in on you since this is a huge step and you might need some help here and there. they also have the goal to get you completely independent so they will help you achieve that. it can't hurt to have such a setting as a starting point. better than move out and have it end in a disaster, if they and you see that you're doing just fine without asistance, they will gladly let you be independent completely.
they also won't invade your privacy. they are professionals and they know that people NEED privacy.

Can I say that I am really happy about how this thread went?
You're nice people.

OP, I hope you can find a good therapist and recover soon.
Million question anon, you're a good person.
Made my day.

>>18194348
>>18194348

i guess I could give it a shot. Ill try anything at this point.

>>18194339
yeah, that's no good... what did she say?
it's impossible for clinically depressed peiple to do simple tasks like keeping their homes somewhat clean. is there a possibility he could get help? like therapy/medication/ someone check in on him and help him with chores? i think it would lift a huge burden off of you to know he's going to be alright if you move out.

>>18194351
so am i... i'm really glad op hasn't told me to stop it with the questions already

>>18194351

Thanks anon. Im going to try my best.

>>18194356
that's awesome! you can say you don't want it anymore at any point. but giving it a try is a good idea.

when do you plan to do that? what are you waiting for?

>>18194358
>>18194358

The lady said it wasnt normal. My dad seems fine to everyone else. I went through a phase where I was quite messy as well but gree out of it. He did do therapy but left. Im thinking of cutting contacts because it seems like hes content living like this. All the yelling and screaming at him seems to fall on dead ears and im so tired and want peace. When I finally have 12000 im out.

>>18194362
>>18194362

i dont work atm so im waiting to have enough money in my account so I can buy furniture for my apartment. I think I can get by on benifits. Maybe not in the city but certainly somewhere.

>>18194367
obviously. you can't scream and yell someone out of depression.
have you thought about moving out and not cut contact completely?
why do you need 12000 to move out?

>>18194362

And next year is when it should happen.

>>18194373
>>18194373

12000 for furniture and stuff. Im not too great with number but that should be enough to furnish i think.

>>18194371
don't make yourself such a stress with the furniture. your social worker will definitely help you with all the stuff you need for an apartment. you will get money for this and she will help you find stuff that doesn't cost too much. maybe you can even get an aparment that already has everything you need in it to start with (lots of those asiated living apartments are already ready to live in). you really don't need to save up more money to do that step. infact, i would call her today and ask for an appointment to discuss you moving out. tell her what you need/want. tell here were you want to live, what kind of asistance you could imagine yourself being comfortable with, etc.

>>18194373

i have thought about not cutting contact but im afraid my dad will tell my brothers where I am and I really just want to stay out of their drama.

>>18194392

We did talk about it but im on some kind of waiting list and it could take awhile to get funding. Its been like 2 years and im a little sick of the waiting.

>>18194394
oh ok, yeah i understand that. maybe you can just keep visiting him every once in a while and not tell gim where you live? or call him every now and then/write a mail? i just think it might not be the best idea long term to cut out your father completely. but you know your situation the best and can judge more accurately.

>>18194405

i think letters and phonecalls would work. Maybe holiday visits and stuff.

>>18194400
ah shit, yeah that sucks... maybe tell her that it's urgent? she knows how the conditions are in your dad's home. maybe you weren't clear enough about how badly you want to move out.
and besides, when i first moved out (at age 15...) i had NOTHING. and i still survived. you don't need a lot of things. a matress with a pillow and sheets plus something to cook and eat with is really all the furniture you need and that might not even cost you 100$. the rest will quickly come together, i promise you that. i had a fully functional household within a year and i just bought whatever i was missing when i needed it. ofc i was always looking for cheap way to get it but i never felt like there is something i DESPERATELY need or i couldn't survive.

>>18194410
you can still cut contact later on. but it sounds pretty scary to move out and cut ALL ties simultaneously.

>>18194413

Yeah she knows its urgent and that im pretty stressed. She says shes trying her best. I think waiting for the 12000 will help though. i know I can get through this if I try. It seems not many people are able to help but thats okay because I still know that one day I will be out and Free.

>>18194415

i dont think its too scary I may not be mentally smart but I do know enough to handle things i think.

>>18194427
well, it sounds like you're set on the fact that you need that money to move out. which is alright. it can't hurt to have some savings for such an endeavour. just know that you could move out any time if you can't take it anymore.

how are you, op?
i know we haven't really adressed the issue that made you put up this thread. but i feel like it isn't as urgent as other things you need to work on. you're not harming anyone and you are avtively trying to get help. what i would STRONGLY advice you to do is get therapy. not for the cp, but for all the other stuff you have to deal with. i can imagine that if you adress some of the underlying issues, the need to watch cp will vanish with it.
my plea to you is that you go into therapy with th right mindset. they aren't going to "fix" you. what they will do is try to get you to come up with your own solutions and they will help you understand why you do what you do and why you are how you are and maybe how to cope with stuff like your anxiety and panic. the point for therapy is not that they will tell you what to do. and "talking about it" won't solve your problems. the point is that you go there to understand better so you can take charge. see, if you understand WHY you have certain behaviours, you can consciously choose to not give those reasons any power anymore. you aren't a little kid anymore. you're an adult and you decide.
a little example: if a toddler's parents constantly fight, the kid assumes that's his fault. that's just how children's minds work. so he will try to find out what he's doing wrong to cause this. maybe it's because i spill my cup at dinner sometimes? so he tries his best to never spill his cup again at dinner. but, SURPRISE, his parents still fight. simply because the reason they do that is that they might have fiancial issues and suck at communication. it never was the spilled cup to begin with. but the kid obviosuly can't grasp that. so he goes on and on

cont

>>18194455
, trying to find out which of his behaviour is causing the disturbance. at one point he might come to the conclusion that whatever he does, it will NEVER be good enough and that the reasons his parents fight are simply because he is not worthy of love. this is a core believe that will be planted DEEPLY into the kid's mind. it will fester there and grow into a really ugly thing.
later on in live, he might have a lot of issues with relationships since everytime he finds someone interested in him he suddenly loses all interest. why? because someone interested in him must be a fucking idiot since he is obviously nt worthy of love. see the circle here? it makes no sense to think he is not worth of love and bash people for taking an interest in him. but it is a core believe at work. and what you need to do is find out what kind of fucked up core believes YOU have and then realize how they can't hold up and were crafted by the very underdeveloped brain of a little toddler. and the circumstances you grew up with have CERTAINLY left a whole bunch of pretty unhelpfull core believes behind. therapy will help you identify them, understand them and change them so they have no power over your adult self anymore.

>>18194455

Thanks for the in depth reply. i had a little trouble understanding it but I got the gist of what you were saying I think. But, should I still own a computer or no? And again I really want to thank you for your help its nice to know im being heard.

>>18194469
i do think that you should own a computer. see, it's like someone having weight issues. you can't just stop eating. you need to find out what's the cause you are overeating and then find a new, healthy relationship with food. same sith your pc. if you try to be without it, you will relaps and end at the same point you started. you need to learn to deal with the temptation. but the only way you can do that is to adress the issues that cause you to seek comfort in such unhelpfull ways. you will not be able to stop out of sheer willpower. that is simply not possible. those core believes are insanely powerfull if not ripped into daylight and eliminated. you can't gloss over them with discilpine. and tossing your pc our or trying to quit porn is like trying to fix a house by piling tiles on top of the roof instead of adressing the water leakage and mold issues in the basement first.

>>18194469
i hope i could help a little bit. you're not a lost cause by any means. but you really need to take responsibility for your mental health. and you need to realize that getting professional help is no shame. i actually think that every person would greatly benefit from going to therapy. most just have a really wrong idea about it and that prevents them from benefiting from it in any way.

>>18194481

Thanks for the reply. im happy to know people like you are there to help me. It makes me happy. Im sorry im kind of tired im going to sleep.

>>18194497
good night, anon. please take care of yourself.

>>18194492

You helped alot. And it helped me to talk about stuff that was kept inside for so long. Its like a weight has lifted.

>>18194504
if you feel like it, make a follow up thread sometimes. chances are i will see it anyways since i come here often. sleep well!

>>18194007
You can do therapy now. Doctor-patient confidentiality means that if you don't want them to, your therapist can not discuss why you are seeing them (unless you directly tell them you plan to harm yourself or others).

>>18194356

Hang on, this anon is saying some weird stuff.

If your social worker genuinely thinks assisted living is a good idea for you and so do you, go for it. But from what you've said on here you seem intelligent enough to manage things for yourself.

>>18195515

Didnt expext this thread to be up still. The only problem I would have living on my own is money since I have trouble with math.

>>18195515

And shes not a social worker more of a support person for mental health i guess.

Just a little update. i relapsed today Im going to try and do something else like read or play games if I get urges again.

>>18193923
Uh no, he can help himself. It's called self control. Fuck! Can no one take responsibility for their own actions nowadays?

He literally said that he can get off to normal porn. Just stick to normal porn and you are fine.

I like sex with women. Does that give me a free pass to rape women? To cheat on my wife? Fuck no, I just use *self control* and resist the urge to fuck random women.

>>18193907

I feel I understand it as much as one possibly can while not being a pedo. Im a psychology nut with some uni education on the matter (the medical kind. Not the sit on the couch and tell me about your dad kind).

Pedophilia is as natural as homosexuality or weird fetishes. Its your sexual wiring. You didnt choose it, and as far as I know, its not cureable but im not an expert or doctor. Its just if weve had to come to accept things like homosexuality is a thing that happens we must assume the same for pedophilia.

But unfortunately acting in it can inflict a lot of pain on others, as well as get you into prison. Its a shitty life hand for you to draw, and im sorry.

Had you been born in another era or culture where this stuff is cool youd be fine, but unfortunately its not the case.

Now the advice bit: understand and embrace psychology has come a very long way, and that treatments exist for a lot of things.

They can teach you skills and thought exercises that will help repress your desires, provide therapy, and possibly even offer medication that dulls your libido. No one on adv can actually help you. This is a matter for a professional. They may tell you to stay away from the internet or throw out your computer, they may not.


Also if i can give you some hope with technology i admit i dont fully understand, or know the implications for, follow crispr.

Theyre learning to manipulate genes and change people from the inside out. If sexual preferences turn out objectively to be genetic, you can bet theyll find a way to shut off or even change your sex drive around.

If it turns out objectively to be learned behaviour, then surely they can use therapy and rehabilitation to help you change your preferences.

There are options anon. And again Im very sorry for the life hand you have been dealt.