So I've started scratching into my left arm. I know it's

Yes you are rambling, and I think you went to the therapy with the wrong mentality : it's not just about opening up, but about improving one's relationship with self and the others; being able to expose ourselves is very important in order not to feel lonely even in good company.

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>>18190650

>>18190688
Well in that case, it failed. My therapist is a really nice and interesting guy; he was a ranger in Vietnam, and I'm sure his psychology PHD helped him grapple with that, but in this end I wasn't honest with him or my parents. He diagnosed m with aspergers, which is probably correct, but outside out our inital session I never really improved. Talking about my problems was hard enough. My dad even revealed that he's had suicidal thought (there's a history of mental illness in his side), but it's not enough to break that barrier.

First off I'm sorry you're dealing with this pain. My heart goes out to you.

What helped me was just realizing that my body doesn't deserve this self inflicted torture. I don't want to hurt anyone else. So why should I hurt my own body, which has entrusted my mind to care for it. When one starts to notice how much effort the body takes to HEAL itself one can see the evil nature that goes into self harm.
I used to cut, scratch or slap myself. Now I find it more productive to imagine positive things. ..Like hugging myself or talking soothing words to my aching heart. We are a product of our own thoughts. So please know, you are love and nothing less.

PS Dem beauty marks <3

>>18190718
I've got no moles on my face. Only arms, chest, and legs.

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>>18190650
Just some simple jealousy and unfair self-judging, you'll be fine. Time to start finding a different way forward, it's your only choice. That or sit and fester in your tantrum until you actually do end it.

I'll be pissed if you go the
>things didn't go exactly how I wanted
>better kill myself lol
Route though. That's some basic bitch shit.

Don't do anything stupid in the meantime,and start finding your new path. This is what makes life an adventure, not a railroad. I believe in you.

>>18190749
I know my parents love and support me , but there's the oppressive ever present feeling that'll I'll end up a disappointment. My brother is going to do important research while making a shit ton of money, while I'll be the black sheep of the family. Grandparents on my mother's side, for example, are simple country folk. Parents haven't really talked to them about my condition because they know they (grandparents) won't understand it

>>18190650
i haven't self-harmed physically (e.g., cutting) in two years, but i have taken to other methods, such as drinking to excess most days of the week.

please don't be like me. be honest with your physicians and your parents. you don't have to tell your parents the whole truth yet; you don't have to tell them the WHOLE truth ever. but if you refuse to seek help so satisfy the people around you, it will come at your own expense, and eventually that will be a greater expense to those people than you could have imagined in the first place.

and please, be honest with the medicinal staff treating you. don't let the stigma of personal abuse, substance abuse, or psychological disorder get in the way. they are there to treat you, let them treat you as best they can.

i was the "smarter kid" in high school. my older sister constantly annoyed me about it, even though she got a 4.0 and is now doing exceptionally well for herself. i'm now a sophomore in college, and if i were on track, i would be graduating this year. my single mother did so much for me, i think i can no longer feel nothing but regret. if i could do it all again, i would have told her everything from the very get-go, would have kept my finances in order, would have tried to make amends with all the people i hurt.

btw, w respect to >>18190780, just politely ask your parents not to involve their parents in this for reasons you've explained. you don't need the additional weight of family grudge bearing down on you. please meditate on what it is you need to do to get out of your precarious situation, and do whatever it takes to do so. good luck.

>Hi guys I'm a liberal and made some liberal choices in my life, why is everything so shit??

now you know why the catholic countries built the modern world while gypsies drown in a pudle of their own filth
traditionalism is not some meme, it's real life technology that when applied leads to success

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>>18191489
>the catholic countries built the modern world