How do I deal with being too tough? I am 19 years old and I am

Fake being considerate and receptive, even if you genuinly are already.

Thanks for the blog, asshole.

"Letting people in" is pretty easy. Stand up straight, slow your roll a bit, and if you meet eyes with somebody, give them a greeting. A nod, a smile, whatever, and just relax.

It's easy to come off cold if you act like you're on a mission for every little thing, and people think you're more liable to push them out of the way than wait.

You just have to learn how to read people. Learn when other people are being open, and learn when other people are being cold. Treat them in kind.

>>18188438

Yes, I have tried faking it and I have improved! I no longer speak agressively or in a monotone voice, but I still get told the same things. Some of my aggressive behavior, the way I speak or the way I think, I can't seem to change no matter what I do.

i don't know if you should try to change this. i'm basically the same. i'm not a stone, but i t takes a trustworthy person that i feel is worth it to be let in. imm not convonced that you should strive to carry your heart on your sleeve. i get accused of lacking empathy and being distant. and that's true. i can't rev up my empathy engine for people with victime mentality. i keep whining people at arms length because i can't stand people who collaps at the slightest inconvenience.

i don't see a problem with it, honestly. it might scare off some people bit those people are ones that would annoy me to no end anyways.

>>18188447

Yes, that part I already do, that's why I have friends and people who like me enough to tell me about my faults.

>>18188461

I also have that doubt, I don't think I should try to change all of it but part of it yes, while defenses are good, it's bad when people tell me that these are the traits that define my personality or when I am told that I am very noble person but look and act like I am someone else that's not good at all.

>>18188483
if someone criticizes you, take a good look at who's talking and THEN decide if you should seriously consider their critique. some people just want everybody to be inside their comfort zone and you definitely don't need to cater to that wish.

you remind me of my brother a lot. he can seem intimidating but he is the most loyal, helpful and loving person you can imagine. he just doesn't offer this on default. you have to earn it.
that's actually how it usually goes with males and respect. they don't feel like you deserve their respect just because yoj exist. you have to prove you are worth their respect. it's only today that the female version (everybody is entitled to my respect until he does something to lose it) is held up as the shining example. i'm really unsure this is the right direction our society should steer towards.

>>18188502

I agree, but when my mother tells me that, it fucks me up, it's usually older people that tell me this, people who have good intentions towards me. Then again those people are pretty adapted to society, I know I won't adapt to society because I am different in this way, and I get very angry at some things that are seen as normal, so I am joining the Armed Forces, it's just that I feel like I could really use some support from someone else right now, and I can't have it because I am like this and everyone my age is going in a different path because it's safer I guess. I don't hate anyone for it. I just wish it was different.

>>18188564
well yeah, if it's your mom saying this, it hits deep.
what exactly did she say and in what context?

don't forget that she sees the world from a female perspective. it's quiet different to the male one. she holds you up to her ideals, which might not apply to you since you're not a girl. is she, by any chance, a single mom?
who else has voiced anything in that regard?

you will find people with alike mindsets. it might just take a while since obvioulsy it isn't easy for two stones to open up to each other. but once you do, those will be the real deal. maybe the armed forces are a rather good place to start finding like minded people (my brother is in the army too...).

>>18188592

She just always told me that I am a great person but my heart is fucking frozen. My ex-teachers said the same thing pretty much, my driving instructor who I made friends with too.
My closest friends have hinted at it too.

My mom isn't a single mother, but my father left when I was 3 and was never around after that except for a very rare visit maybe, we are in different countries, and from age 3 to 8 I didn't see my mother either because she was working in a different country to help me go there and have a better future. Women are women, even though I don't feel very connected to my mother, I respect her a lot more than my "father", she was missing, but she was working for me to have a better chance at life, my father never even tried to be a father, and started another family with another woman many years ago.

I did also know a girl years ago, my first love I guess, we had "similar mindests", she was the only person I had "opened up" to I guess, even closer than my family and she turned out to be a sick slut, so that's that.

I have had many great friends though.

Same circumstances, but I don't care.

I walk very alpha and get respect from all types of people.
In the ghetto, I've never been fucked with.

What I think your problem is though is the fact that you come off as very antisocial.

There's a difference between intimidation and antisocial.

Do you make eye contact and if you do who breaks it first?

If you break it first, you may just come off as a creepy little antisocial.

Usually people break it first with me or they give me a head nod.

I still get laid, still make friends, and people at work listen to me like puppets.

>>18188642
so, the people who told you are mainly female? look, i'm female myself. but i would really not take this too serious.

have your friends told you on what ground they accuse you of having a cold heart?( have you killed a puppy or what?)

well, that IS a single mom. i asked because i was one myself for a rather long time. and it's dangerous to raise a son without the balance of a man in the family. a lot of women who raise their sons without a man can't comprehend that sons need a whole different set of values than a daughter would. normally, you'd get this balance from your father. but he was absent and so you were left with only the value set of your mom. which might habe been ok if you were a girl. but you aren't and it seems that she fails to acknowledge that.

you're very young still. chances are you will get across other girls like that in your life. problem is that a lot of them will be sluts. it's easy for girls to drown their issues in sexual approval, and when they are young and weak, they often don't realize how devastating the impact on being a slut will be later on. i won't advice you to give them a go anyways, once they have matured a bit and realized how stupid that was, since this will just cut a shitstorm lose. all i'm saying is that in you situation, it might be beneficial to look out for girls who had a rathwr rought childhood too. you might never be able to sympathize and connect with sheltered females who never had to endure anything. you will only be disgusted by them.

if you have great friends, i really see no reason why you should change your ways. do you?

>>18188674

If someone stares I stare back, but usually people look away when I look at them. I don't have a very friendly face so I try not to participate in long staredowns.

>>18188677

My friends joke about it, stuff like "damn you have feelings?" or "i bet you couldn't stab one of us"

My mother tried to replace my father with another man she's married with, i just never respected him very much, never got along

>if you have great friends, i really see no reason why you should change your ways. do you?

The reason why is because we are getting older, everyone's moving on, going their own way, with girlfriends, studies and I am not. I am alone, tired as fuck, and society makes me angry.

>>18188677

>it might be beneficial to look out for girls who had a rathwr rought childhood too

yeah the girl I was talking about before was like that, I'm not sure that's good thing

>>18188731
oh well, that's just banter. you might ofc be rather cold. but i wouldn't read into it all that much.

yeah, if you couldn't respect him, then he was in no position to give you the male balance you would have needed.

you're 19, right? this is seriously very young. i know you feel very mature already. you probably are a lot more mature than people your age usually are. but believe me, you will mature a LOT more in the next 5 years.
you're not missing out or being late to the party. go to the armed forces and then decide what to do next.

>>18188747
because it changes a person. i'm in a relatio ship with a guy who had a very sheltered childhood and i can tell you it's not easy. sometimes i want to tell him to suck it up or to not be such a whiny brat. but it isn't fair. he actually never HAF to endure anything so the smallest shit is a huge drama in his books. it takes a lot of work for this to be functional. ofc you could also date a girl with a saner background. but i suspect it's even worse and more difficult the other way around.

>>18188816

Well, I am 19, but I don't feel very mature, I feel like an idiot. I've already burnt out like a motherfucker many times, and had to give up on pretty serious goals because of it.

Thanks for all the advice anyway!