My boyfriend keeps mentioning his ex. I asked him twice to stop,

>>18188201
Don't break up with him. But tell him, that he needs to let go.

>>18188207

Break up with him. He's still holding a torch for his ex and she's still the primary thing in his head. He should be thinking about his own preferences, or maybe even yours, but not his cheating exes.

>>18188207
>Don't break up with him. But tell him, that he needs to let go.
I told him twice. He does it multiple times a day.

I honestly am okay if something major happens or if he wants to share things like "I've been cheated on by my ex".
But I don't give a fuck about what his ex's friends did, what his ex thought about feminism, what his ex's dad did for a living or about her preferences for food.
It just annoys the shit out of me that he has to mention her whenever something happens.

>I have to switch birth control after the summer
>"Oh, my ex took this and she gained weight"

>I booked a flight for Spain for a very cheap price
>"Oh, my ex was great at saving while travelling"

I mean.

>>18188201
tell him if he does that one more time you're gonna go and fuck the biggest blackest guy you can find on Tinder

>>18188214
I don't like black guys much, tho :(
Can I fuck a slav?

>>18188212
Yeah, that's what I am thinking.
I don't understand why he'd be dating me if he's still not over her.

>>18188213
Here's an idea.

It's called "training"

Every time he pulls that shit, you say/do something that pisses him off.

In addition to have to blab about his ex he will now also associate it with a displeasurable memory. Imagine that happening every. Single. Time.

Or you could break up I mean it's a completely understandable reason and make him realize how much he fucked up.

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>>18188222
>slav
i guess.

Sounds like a faggot who can't think for himself.

>>18188226
I don't want to resort to mind games, I'm genuinely not a passive aggressive person... but I've also never been with someone who needs to be told the same thing more than once or twice.

It's like telling him upfront "I dislike discussing about your exes unless it's relevant to the discussion (as in: we're talking about our exes and I asked you something), it is an important thing that shaped you as a person or if they're dying" didn't have any effect.

>>18188234
He generally isn't, which annoys me even more.

Obviously she was a big part of his life, so a lot of his stories involve her and a lot of his thoughts are influenced by her too. It's understandable that he'd talk about her, but he also needs to understand that it's not normal to talk about her so much.
If you've been clear with him that this isn't okay and he didn't take any notice, then you should just decide for yourself whether it's worth putting up with this to be with him.

i've been in some ltr's before and sometimes i have to sit on my mouth to not accidentially tell an anecdote involving my ex. but it's possible. because the other option is inconsiderate and rude. if he can't controle what slips out of him or if he doesn't see anything wrong with this, he's not mature enough to have a relationship and you should move on.

>>18188248
I'm sure he is, I'm influenced by my ex as well - but I don't feel like mentioning him every 40 seconds. If he talks about her every day, multiple times a day I feel like he thinks about her all the time and it makes me feel like shit.
I don't want him to pretend she never existed, just don't bring her up every time I mention I did something.

>>18188252
>i've been in some ltr's before and sometimes i have to sit on my mouth to not accidentially tell an anecdote involving my ex
See - I don't even mind being told an anecdote that involves his ex. I'm fine with it. They've been together, it's normal that a part of his memories involve her.
I don't want to be told random pieces of information about his ex. It's not relevant, it just annoys me to know how she liked her coffee or about her problems with period pain.
I don't genuinely give a shit. It just makes me feel like he's stuck on her.

>>18188253
Honestly it sounds like either he's not over her, or he just can't think of anything interesting to say that doesn't involve his ex, both of which would be deal breakers for me personally.

>>18188201

How long were they together and what is the context when he brings her up?

If its exactly as you said and the only contributing factor to the conversation was to let you know his ex liked a certain hotel for no reason at all then you probably have a problem here... But I can understand saying something about an ex in context, like for example if she liked a certain hotel so he told you so you can avoid booking it together because it makes him uncomfortable.

>>18188201
My sister had the same problem with her boyfriend. She went tit for tat and told him about her ex whenever he told her about his. Took like one day and he stopped after she asked him how he liked her talking about her ex and that it would always be her first response if he came up with this stuff again

>>18188267
>How long were they together?
2 years, I think.

>What is the context when he brings her up?
Randomly.

>I like to sleep in hostels, I don't like to do couch-surfing
>Yeah, me neither. I usually go for airbnb if I'm short on money and there are no hostels available.
>My ex liked doing couch-surfing and forced me to do it.
>Okay.

I brought it up again and he said he's making a conscious effort to stop talking about her because he knows it bothers me.
Heh.

>>18188268
Kek. I like your sister.

>>18188294
Your boyfriend sounds like a weak,needy and goal-less bitchboi. Forget about just the ex he needs to man up.

>>18188301
>Your boyfriend sounds like a weak,needy and goal-less bitchboi.
He isn't, at all.
He's a great guy, very driven and ambitious, very hardworking and a great person.
This is probably the only thing that annoys me about him.

>>18188314
Just slowly emulate his previous gf OP. It's as simple as that

>>18188315
I'm too thin for that :^)

God, I'm bitter.

>>18188294
Seems like he is so comfortable talking with you that he thinks it wont bother you. You should talk to him again before doing anything dumb like sleeping with a slav :)
I see it as a sign that he is really into you. Sure he is not over her rancid behavior yet but that is part of the deal. Once he understands that opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference, he will mend his behavior. Dont ruin something good because impatience. Ask yourself, what would Anne Frank do? She would be patient!

>>18188319
Also, if nothing else works, do the 'sister trick' explained above by anon.

>>18188316
Ba dim tish! I like you :-D

>>18188316
What does this tell me about you OP? That he idolizes the previous chick, who was a fatty, over you. I'm guessing you have a bitchy personality

>>18188319
Nah, I wouldn't sleep with someone else to piss him off. Cheating on him to get revenge because he talked about his cheating ex seems a bit too much even for me.

I'll try to be patient. I just take it very personally, even if it is a silly thing to do.

>>18188201
>Do I break up with him? Do I stab his toe while he sleeps?
DING DING DING
Both are the way to go. He obviously isn't over her, and he takes you for granted, therefore has no problem disrespecting your boundaries. I think there's nothing you can change about it.

>>18188314
When he cannot give his own opinion and just constantly goes to "muh ex" I have to disagree. His ex was clearly wearing the pants and she cheated on him because she had to wear the pants. Guy is definitely weak,needy and goal-less.

Just think about it: who the fuck talks about hotels and goes back to what their ex liked except for a bland undriven nigger? Anybody else is going to go on about how they want it to be nice,clean,have a 1200" TV and a hot maid they can fuck.

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>>18188324

>>18188332
I got your back femanon. I'll be your white knight. If you decide to break up with him, I will go out with you. I am navy seal...gorilla (sic) warfare...etc.

>>18188294

Hmm well it depends how often he does it, if most of his recent memories include his ex then its hard to avoid the topic and still be able to contribute to a conversation topic at times. If he's praising his ex or simply telling you how she liked things then I would worry about that. But if he brings her up in a neutral way or "Yeah I did that with my ex already and didn't enjoy it" then I don't see a big problem with it.

My ex did a similar thing at the start of our relationship, it fizzled out over the months and I tried to be sympathetic because her ex was a big part of her life and a lot of what she knew and did involved him.

I think if you start being directly compared to an ex especially negatively or if they seem to be using any excuse to talk about their ex then its probably an issue.

>>18188322
Thanks :)

>>18188324
>I'm guessing you have a bitchy personality
Oh, yes - I'm a bit of a bitch. Mildly mean, stubborn, will argue for the sake of arguing whenever we talk about politics even if I fundamentally agree with him.
But I do care about him, and always make sure he's feeling loved, and take care of him as much as I can.
He's a good guy and a great boyfriend, and I try my very best to be a decent girlfriend.
I'm not perfect, but at least I am mildly attractive and don't suck someone else's dick so I've got something going for me.

>>18188330
I don't think I could stab his toe. I'm mildly disgusted by male feet.
I'll try to see if he's really not over her, but it'd be a shame.

>>18188335
Thank you anon *tips fedora*

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>>18188324
>fatty
I really doubt she's fat. If OP says she's skinnier the ex is probably 9/10 thicc girl with a pretty face

How has nobody ITT just suggested talking to him about it up front? Seriously?

"Hey, anon. I know you two dated for a while, but I get uncomfortable over the fact that you mention your ex so much. What's the deal?

Just be an adult and communicate. Jesus. Obviously it could imply bigger issues with him, but if he's a great guy otherwise like you claim, then it's worth at least trying to fix before you just dump him over it

>>I'm guessing you have a bitchy personality
>Oh, yes - I'm a bit of a bitch. Mildly mean, stubborn, will argue for the sake of arguing whenever we talk about politics even if I fundamentally agree with him.
>But I do care about him, and always make sure he's feeling loved, and take care of him as much as I can.
>He's a good guy and a great boyfriend, and I try my very best to be a decent girlfriend.
>I'm not perfect, but at least I am mildly attractive and don't suck someone else's dick so I've got something going for me.
>

You also have a good sense of humor sprinkled with sarcasm. I think you are keeper.

>>18188348
>>18188322

This is fucking cringe to read

>>18188347

this.

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>>18188342
>I'll try to see if he's really not over her, but it'd be a shame.
It is, but outsiders are the best for giving advice on relation matters since they can judge them objectively, without any emotional commitement and personal involvement.

>>18188347
I already did tell him twice, we already talked about it, and I just brought it up again literally 5 minutes ago.

He reduced the number of times he mentions her, but he still does it. And he says he "never mentions her since I told him not to", when he did mention her yesterday and today, and is now not replying to my texts (but it's probably unrelated because he's at work).

>>18188354
Yeah, I'll bet he's at work. Sly dog.

>>18188354
How serious were said conversations? Did you REALLY establish how obnoxious it is and that it makes you think he's not over her yet?

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>>18188347
>How has nobody ITT just suggested talking to him about it up front?

Because she's already done it and it doesn't work.

Besides being an adult isn't about communicating. It's knowing that communication doesn't do shit to change people,how to judge what's good for you and to stick to your own judgements without falter..

>>18188361
>communication doesn't do shit to change people
Strongly disagree, but the rest of your post is true as well

>>18188201
He can't just FORGET a massive part of his fucking life. She is going to be brought up... a lot. She was his best fucking friend and spent all his time with her.

It takes time for someone that important to simply pass from memory.

Not to mention the insecurities brought out from being cheated on.

>>18188361
>Besides being an adult isn't about communicating. It's knowing that communication doesn't do shit to change people

Then you aren't communicating effectively enough. Communicating isn't communicating for the sake of communicating, when you are communicating you should be trying to communicate what you need to communicate. Communication is about more than simply talking, communication is about listening as well. Not just verbal communication, but the communication of the body. To communicate effectively, you have to understand communication. Everything, even a disinclination to divulge nuclear launch codes, is a form of communication. Communication is a wonderful tool, but you have to know how to communicate properly for proper communication.

>>18188352
I know.
It'd just be a shame to leave him.

>>18188360
The 1st time I mentioned it jokingly. The 2nd time I talked to him about it seriously in person, told him how uncomfortable it makes me feel, I cried, he felt bad, I felt bad for making him feel bad.

Now I sent him a couple of bitchy texts because I was pissed off, and then I told him "I understand that you share a lot of memories with her and she is important to you, and I don't think you bring her up purposely to hurt me or it is your intention to upset me. I don't doubt your feelings for me in any way. But, on the other hand, it makes me feel very insecure when you mention her, I feel like I never be as good as her or give you as many good memories as she did. I understand it's my fault, but if you could please stop doing it unless it's necessary I'd appreciate it".

>>18188371
It was 2 years ago, and they dated for just two years. He didn't spend 20 years with her and she didn't die 2 days ago.
I don't expect him to forget about her or to pretend she never existed, but I have feelings to and he can shut the fuck up about her.

>>18188373
Don't forget that it's scientifically proven it takes men far longer to get over relationships than women.

How old are you? If he was with her from late teens forward than yeah, shes going to be a massive part of his life. So many fresh, important, adventurous memories are made during that time of becoming an adult.

It's hard for me to talk about anything during that time without my ex being included... because I spent almost all day for 4 years with her. Every memory I made was with her. It takes EFFORT to find a way to avoid bringing her up when talking about things in my past. Especially because I had insanely fucking jealous girlfriends... to the point if I said "Yeah I had a lot of fun going to Lido beach..." then my other gf would say "YOU MEAN YOU HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH YOUR EX?"

>>18188201
hes clearly not over her, bring out the dump truck

>>18188388
He's 25, he was with her in his early 20s.

I dated the same guy for 8 years, we broke up last year. I do share a lot of memories with him, he was the most important person for me for most of my late teens and my early 20s. And I do understand how it feels to have someone so important to you and wouldn't be bothered or blame him for mentioning her every now and then, but it's the... unnecessary citations? that bother me.

If it was relevant to the story that he was doing something with his ex, I wouldn't have issues with him mentioning her. But if he mentions her randomly, it's annoying.

>>18188400
You might just have to give it some time. When it genuinely makes you feel insecure, let him know. Otherwise, just focus on making better memories with him.

>>18188400
I don't know a lot about you or him so don't take these as attacks.

How social is he? Does he have a lot of friends? Or is he more like me where... he just latches onto one person and they become everything to him?

What about partner counts? You and him?

His ex, even though he wasn't with her for as long, might have had a much stronger connection than you had with your ex's.

Yes, it's super fucking annoying when your partner mentions an ex. It never bothered me personally EXCEPT when it was in a positive light. I say there is a difference between "Yeah I went her with my ex before." and "My ex always chose the BEST places to go." The difference is subtle, but the latter seem like they are comparing.

The cheating thing sucks super hard too because... he might just be looking for clues in your actions that you're going to cheat as well. So now he will naturally think more of his ex to guard himself from that pain again.

That doesn't mean he isn't over her though, it just means he doesn't want that shit to happen again. When someone get's cheated on it really really fucks with their ability to trust and is extremeeelllyyyyy hard to forget.

But that's just what life is. The older you get, the older the people you are with. The older someone is the more life they have lived... the more baggage they carry around.

The cheating thing is a much bigger issue than you think.

>>18188426
Sorry, got super busy out of nowhere.

>How social is he? Does he have a lot of friends?
We're both pretty introverted. We don't have tons of friends but we do have other friends and other things going in our life.

>What about partner counts? You and him?
2 for me, 3 for him. Including each other.

I don't honestly care if he mentions her in a bad or a good light. It's mostly neutral or bad light.
We share a stronger bond than he did with his ex, or at least he says so. We're really crazy about each other, talk all the time, enjoy spending time together. He's much more affectionate with me than he ever was before, much more sexual, much more anything.

So... I don't know what to think. Maybe I'm overreacting because I've never dated someone who had an ex girlfriend to talk about since my ex and I were each other's firsts. It really triggers me tho.

>>18188201
Tell him that it is not normal to mention his ex too often. Its fine to mention ex once a while but not like every week

>>18188201
Start talking about your ex's turnabout is fair game

>>18188973
It's multiple times a day.
If it was once a week, I wouldn't give a shit.

>>18189056
I try to avoid it as much as I can.