I can't get my roommate to do anything without asking him

>>18185695
Are you directly asking him or hinting at it? Are you being clear about how much this bothers you or are you using a nice tone?

If the cleanliness is a problem be direct about it and tell him it's bothering you.

>>18185695
Holy shit dude wtf. Are you the same dude about asking your roommate to pay his rent and do your dishes?

>>18185707

I'm being direct. Three times this weekend, I pointed out very specific things that I needed him to do by today. We have a potential new tenant coming in to look at the house, so I asked him to clean his bathroom. Hasn't been done. We have a bug guy coming in to spray so bugs don't come in during the spring, so non-large items need to moved from the wall (like his mound of shit in the corner of the living room), and trash needs to be picked up. I asked this Friday night. I reminded him Saturday. I said it again Sunday. Today, he has done none of it, it is 11:20 AM, the bug man arrives at 1 PM, and he is still asleep.

>>18185714
I'm the same guy, but really hoping to tackle a different issue. That's a long-term concern about this guy, and that wasn't him doing MY dishes, it's his dishes I wanted him to do. That had been in the sink for three weeks.

>>18185729
Wake him up and tell him he needs to do that. You can't control what he does, only what you do. Let him face the consequences if he doesn't want to do anything.

>>18185735

Well he doesn't have any "consequences" to face. We don't get a new tenant, he doesn't have to share a bathroom, the bug guy just doesn't spray around his pile of shit, he wins... I guess? I don't know.

>>18185754
So then don't waste time stressing out about his actions. Tell him what you need done, and if he doesn't do it then he doesn't do it. At most you can do it for him but that's not what you want I'm assuming so stop wasting energy on this guy.

>>18185763

Well, I don't want my house to be a shithole. I want to be able to bring people over here and I want to be able to live here in peace with this guy without resenting what it's like to be home.

I guess really what I'm looking for is peaceful ways to hold someone accountable without building resentment. This guy was bad enough that my roommate of 7+ years and one of my best friends decided to move out and I wasn't being assertive enough to solve these problems before the guy had already found a new place.

Now I'm super salty at him but I'm stuck with him until I can find at least one new tenant.

>>18185776
You can't control him or this situation though, all you can do is basically yell at him. You have two options: accept that he won't change and make the best of the situation or move out.

You want a clean house but don't live with someone who is clean. You've said you've tried convincing him to change but he won't. The next option is then moving out.

>>18185729
This is the 3rd thread, that I know of, on this dude, op. (Am I being an asshole, how do I kick roommate out, and now this)

Honestly what do you want from us that we haven't already told you?

>>18185776
stop being a pussy ass bitch and do what has to be done. Get rid of him now.

>>18185776
To be honest at this point I would just clean everything myself, bring a potential tenant to check out the sparkling clean house (while it lasts...) then once they decide to move in, kick out the guy who doesn't do anything.

>>18185786

Well, the "am I being an asshole" thread basically devolved into "wait for him to pay rent or not and then kick him out," which is essentially a fine answer, but I can't really afford to kick him out. I don't think I asked how to kick him out, so I don't know if you're confusing this issue with another thread or not, but this is the third thread, so whatever...

I'm really just looking for ways to light a fire under this guy that's being a manchild, WITHOUT making my life hell in return. I don't wanna spend 24/7 with some guy who is just going to passive aggressively do shit to annoy me, because I've lived that life before.

>>18185801
Sry I think the 2nd thread was 'how do I get my roommate to go to work(uber)/get a job. Not kick him out.

You sound like his wife/mother lol

>>18185805

Ah, yeah, I mean, that's still an issue, and still an issue today. Homeboy shouldn't be asleep on Monday morning in Vegas when people need to get out from their weekends and missed flights back home.

He made a whopping $55 dollars all weekend and then had the audacity to complain to me about his girlfriend that's fucking other dudes and say that he spends every additional cent he has on her, buying her jewelry and dinners and shit like that until his bank account is zeroed out every paycheck, then he comes to me with a sob story on rent day.

The guy is a shitbag but until I have another tenant I'm not comfortable saying goodbye to an easy $500 each month.

>>18185817

That's what I feel like. It's not like I need the house to be spic and span, I'm not the world's cleanest dude - but there's really simple shit, like picking up when there's maids/bug guys/etc. coming over that he doesn't even have to pay for, or not letting your dishes rot in the sink for three weeks, or replacing the laundry detergent every once in a while, that are just part of being a normal human being.

When I was a child my mom said that if I didn't clean my room she'd take all my toys that were still on the floor and throw them into the garbage, and she fucking did it too. I learned my lesson. Tell your roommate that on Sunday 1pm you will throw out EVERYTHING that's on the floor or in the sink, and then fucking do it. The guy is an overgrown child, so treat him like one. Hide all your valuable shit in case he tries to get revenge.

>>18185695
Only tell him to do something when you can make eye contact. Make sure you get 5 minutes a day of face to face communication, as a a house policy.

>>18185695
Have you asked him why he isn't doing these things? He's probably depressed.

>>18185998
I've been in situations like this before. I've been living with my partner for three years, and there was a period of about six months where I was extremely depressed; I didn't have the willpower to do anything except for laying in bed or playing video games.

I didn't get better until I sought out mental health care in the form of a therapist and psychiatrist, for tag-team therapy and medications.

Most of the suggestions in this thread would not have worked if it was me. When my partner reminded me multiple times to do something that I hadn't done yet, it just made me feel worse. It's not that I didn't want to do it, I just couldn't find the energy. I knew I needed to do it, and I was already beating myself up and feeling horrible for not having done it.

>>18185998

He's probably depressed, yeah. He's eating bad, sleeping more, he lost his job without being given a reason, his "girlfriend" refuses to define what they are, won't put any effort into seeing him, is hooking up with other dudes, and he's the kind of guy who wants to see her 7 days a week, 24 hours a day...

I mean, I'm bitching up a storm about him, but he's a nice guy at heart. Wouldn't hurt a fly, good intentions, just immature and irresponsible. I know that I could have it worse in terms of roommates, like someone that deals drugs, or is really loud, or brings over questionable people, etc. I had a roommate in the past that did that shit.

>>18186094
Offer to work out with him and try to get him to start eating better; the endorphins combined with better nutrition will clear up depression in most cases.

>>18186201

I've been going to the gym, but sorry, this isn't my girlfriend, I don't want to spend time working to get this guy in shape or encourage him to eat better. He can fix his own problems.

>>18186568
if you see someone failing and feeling bad and your first reaction is "not my girlfriend, he can fix his own problems" you're probably a shitty person

you don't deserve my advice.

>>18186965
I'll help my close friends to the ends of the earth. I will reasonably take steps to help out a person in need - hell, I'm helping this guy by not booting him out of the house when he has nowhere else to go but acts like a child.

But I'm not going to go out of my way to take him to the gym every day, spend an hour and a half with him, teach him exercises, and then hold his hand through cooking healthily and lecturing him when he eats cheeseburgers all day, because that is a ridiculous burden to put on myself for a guy I probably wouldn't ever see again if he decided to move out tomorrow.

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>>18185695
Literally nothing. You cannot make a person do something. You have zero power over them and understanding that is the first step in getting them to get their shit together.
If you give a person a command who you have no authority over (you don't) they will blow you off and subconsciously not do it.
If the dishes have gone unclean for 3 weeks tell me why you havent done them. He's wondering the same thing. Theres what you can do and what you can't. I had a similar issue in college and heres how I dealt with my college roomies.
If your shit in is the living room when I clean up it goes where ever the fuck I want to put it. You lose all right to complain if I mistake your backpack on the table for trash or shoes out in the open. I obviously threw small stuff away first like nalgene bottles and cheap stuff but it got the point across. Same with dishes. Do not use my dishes if you aren't going to wash them. If your dishes are sitting in the sink for extended periods of time I am going to assume you don't want it. The only real thing the sucked was I couldn't get them to clean up the shit stains they left in the bathroom. But you have to take L's where you have to.
tldr; dont take on fights you can't win. You are going to lose and look like a bitch doing so.