Depression took long enough, but came. Life is a opaque, monotonous

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Also, sorry for righting like i'm rambling. I'm just tired.

You can try going to a doctor, if you can't afford it, try an emergency room at a hospital. You may have to wait hours to get help, but eventually you do get help; probably a prescription for an antidepressant.

>>18185406
I suggest you to get anybody who is willing to listen and talk to him. Therapist sounds like good start. As for your bad dreams, it is your subconscious.

The worst thing you can do is to pretend that you are ok when you are not.

>>18185486
>>18185485
Problem is; i already take an antidepressant for the OCD. Luvox. It's been more than an year.

Dreams should not be feared, they are your subconcious telling you how you really feel in the best way it can. Whether it's worry, stress, anger, loneliness or pain.. your brain has a remarkable way of unlocking this through dreams or nightmares. Even thoughts and feelings you have conciously buried can come out in strange, abstract or alarming dreams.

What you need to do is understand what your mind is trying to tell you. It's usually some unresolved experience or trauma.

Rape, killing etc these all point to pain or suffering. It's not about you commiting those things, again understand its a depiction not a reality. It's about you being victim to those emotions.

So what's now? I would say the first stage is to speak to a therapist. You need to make peace with all the emotions you have inside and explore how you really feel about the last few years. A therepist can help you do this in a safe and structured way.

This may take some time but its very important. Once you feel you have made progress you need to start balancing your energies. It sounds like some wierd new age thing but its not. Simply put, energy is energy, it can be shaped or used positively or negatively. The aim is to maintain balance. Lashing out of breaking things is energy expressed negatively. You need to be able to restrain and be in peace and stillness as well. Some would say by meditating but there are many ways of balancing your enegies, even in physical activites which require care, concentration and patience.

>>18185730
><cont>
I don't have all the answers but I hope this advice will help you find peace.

>>18185738
>>18185730
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.

Bumping once more.

>>18185406
Go to your doctor, tell her you have severe depression and would like to be referred to a therapist and a psychiatrist.

Between rigorous once a week therapy and medications like SSRIs, it is hard to stay depressed.

Here are a few other things you can do:
- spend more time in your evolutionary environments, like parks, hiking trails, nature reserves. Studies show that if you spend more time in these environments it makes you a lot happier.
- Eat healthier!! Avoid processed food.
- Exercise. The endorphins released by physical activity will boost your mood and focus for a couple of days following your workout. If you work out regularly, this benefit becomes permanent. In the long term, it even makes you more intelligent; studies find a significant increase in brain matter in college students who run for 30 minutes every other day for at least 6 months.
- Keep your living space cleaner. Feng Shui is a load of crock, but the basic principles are intact: the way your environment is arranged influences what thoughts will come into your mind. A dirty living space will dampen your mood, and living in a place you can feel proud of will help boost it.

>>18185406
This sounds like a new manifestation of your OCD, specifically, harm OCD. Look it up.

>>18186244
Thank you for your input.
>>18186253
Maybe. I've looked, and in general OCD is one of the shittiest mental illnesses, rivaled with schizophrenia and dementia-likes. I'll go to a medic and see what i can do tomorrow. For now, i will refrain from killing myself.


One last bump for possible more advice.

>>18185406
This might sound like a joke but smoking weed helps with sleeping. I smoke one every evening so that i can sleep without waking up from my bad dreams. You dream less strong and forget dreams even. As for depression seek professional help. It's not to be taken lightly and an advice board won't fix it. Tell people you are depressed they will reach out and try to help. Let them know it hurts. Sometimes you need to show weakness to recieve kindness.

>>18186716
http://www.npr.org/2015/01/09/375928124/dark-thoughts

This is an episode of a podcast that discusses Harm OCD as well as different types of therapists and therapy, and its quite good. If it sounds anything like what you have going on, don't worry, there's a happy ending.