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>gf of 2.5 years acts seriously stressed out past week
>suddenly bombshell conversation
>she's infatuated deeply with a friend but also loves me
>nothing has happened but she realizes she needs to make a choice
>is still stuck in choosing
>we've spoken so far, and we've decided to move on together
Lately we've been having some troubles, and it's mostly about me shutting down due to stress and not really talking to her about it. She felt very lonely because of it. Doesn't justify anything, but hey, there you go - I really did shut her out. We've agreed that we're going to fix it. Our relationship is really solid other than that; first relationship 'crisis' in 2.5 years.
She's going to notify him of her choice later today. I hope. She remains very unsure. She loves me deeply, but on one hand she fears that it's not going to work out between us and she fears she'll have burned both bridges... Emotionally she's very confused and I don't blame her.
I love her deeply and I wish none of this happened. I think I want to work it out, but I feel nothing. I'm so incredibly fucking numb. I can't believe how hollow I feel right now. What mostly goes through my head right now is that I want her to pick me and that she tells the guy so "I'll win". Then I might end it myself. But... a relationships will have ups and downs. It's normal to be infatuated by others. We're only human beings. It's not like I don't look at other women. Much depends on how you're willing to go at it together to beat these obstacles. Or not, and flee.
Any general advice for situations like these? I just can't think clearly and I'm so so nauseous.
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>>18182142
It's normal to be infatuated by others, but it's not normal to tell your boyfriend that you're stuck in choosing between you and some other guy. I think I would drop her.
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>>18182142
she had given him the time to get infatuated. I have a LDR of 6 years and I have met a lot of people, but never gave them the chance to get them/me infatuated. Just my opinion.
Maybe she is just justifiing her actions by this "shut in" wall.
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>>18182150
What this guy said. You shouldn't have to compete with another for the heart of someone, not only is that toxic to yourself, but it's also unnecessary stress and anxiety. There are plenty of women who would be unconditionally in love with you and would never give a second thought to leaving you for someone else (provided you're a well adjusted, healthy adult who treats partners right)
If she has to make a choice, tell her to pick him because you shouldn't have to deal with her fucked up indecisiveness between you and some new guy.
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>>18182150
>>18182158
>>18182161
I'm thinking really unclearly at this point, and my post reflects that.
At the end of our first conversation, she gave me two options: I would end the relationship, or decide to move forward together.
Then we spoke some more, and she was really honest about the infatuation itself and things got a lot more muddy again. The OP is more reflective of the latter conversation.
Doesn't change much, I guess, but it's a slight nuance. Either way, fuck my life.
The thought still prevails that I want to 'win' in all of this, though. Not sure what that means, seeing as my life is in shambles now...
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Let her be happy with him since you sound like a fucking life drainer. Good god, that's the least you can do for her since I highly doubt you're offering her anything other than your numb shit. Let her be properly loved. Let her go.
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>>18182142
goddamn OP your relationship is over, she letting you down little by little and hoping you get the message and leave on your own. You realize she'll go fuck him today and you're done.
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>>18182150
/thread
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>>18182142
This >>18182150 is some solid advice OP. Don't play these games.
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