I fucked up hard /adv/, my mind is all over the place. I was

yes sex is 1000× better in a relationship, no you're not still a virgin, yes there is hope, no you didn't fuck up

stay away from the feminists, they're not worth your time

what gives you trouble when it comes to talking with girls?

>>18179850
I dont know, I just freeze/mumble or talk fast when talking to girls im interested in. Heck, im too scared to even ask to hang out. When it is girls whom Im not attracted to i just act cold and they will leave me alone. Actually i do that too with the ones im interested in.

For some later i come to regret not asking out. Flashbacks of realisation of what i shouldve done happens and the same shit feeling happens.

I got to say, i can tell (at least i think) when a girl takes interest in me. They would usually smile and laugh in a way that i suppose we can tell. Or share eye contact or try to have a glimpse e.g. Looking without or trying their best not to turn around their heads.

I guess im a very shy person. Girls in general are shy too i think.

Why stay away from feminist? I think i know why but could you explain? What about hiv aids stds, what are the chances?

Sorry for the long text.

>>18179903
hmm. k try this for a while: once you determine you're interested in a girl, tell yourself you aren't ever going to actually get her. not "i can't get her", just change what your goal is in talking to her basically. if you're talking to her only for the sake of talking to her and not because you're hoping it'll lead somewhere between you two, that takes much of the pressure off. if it turns out you don't connect, so what? you just wanted to talk to her; mission accomplished. if you spill your spaghetti somehow, so what? you just wanted to talk to her; mission accomplished. and etc etc.

approach it that way for now. you'll get yourself comfortable with talking to girls you find attractive. when you feel ready to pursue something further, do it. trust your instincts.

feminism fills girls' heads with a bunch of conflicting ideas that have little to no actual grounding in reality
>women are victims of oppression
>women are stronk and capable of anything
>women deserve special treatment and provisions and protection
>women and men are completely equal in all regards
as some major examples. then there's all the nonsense about slut shaming, fat shaming, gender identity, "diversity", etc. then the disdain for marriage and celebration of single motherhood. those aspects all contribute to fucking shit up on a societal level. on a personal level, what's going to derp relationship dynamics is the attitude of:
>you're acceptable exactly as you are and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise
that they take on. that's a great way to set a person up to be incapable of EVER even considering they might be wrong, and to feel entitled to treatment and rewards they did nothing to earn, and to find it immensely difficult to consider things from any perspective other than their own. feminism a shit.

>>18179903
oh and the hiv aids stds chances thing- there's always *some* possibility of course but you're probably fine. you used a condom. no bareback contact. just the one instance. statistically you're likely fine. get tested to be sure, it'll give you peace of mind and is the responsible thing to do anyway.

>>18179835
>They took advantage (no bare backed blowjob, only sexual intercourse but paid right amount)
That's not taking advantage, you should be worried if she let you do shit without a condom. If anything, she did you a favour.

>>18180023

Alright, ill do my best trying that. It sounds easy but difficult in practice. Once i get used to approaching that way, how should i approach next?

feminism today huh, it used to be for a real cause, like voting and fighting to get an opportunity for education and jobs/careers.

It seems you are avoiding the std question though, should i be worried? How should i explain losing my virginity if i get into a relationship?

Thanks for the replies anon, youve helped me alot. (Not being sarcastic!)

>>18180038
Thanks for clarifying, i will get myself tested. What were the chances of herpes would you say. I dont want to have random cold sores; god, that would be embarassing. Its already bad enough i regret this experience, its like losing my innocence.

>>18180055
I was disappointed when she wouldnt blow until orgasm i suppose. I mean, I went as paid for it so might as well.

>>18180062
as normal. it's more of an internal mindset thing than an external expression thing (though it of course affects external expression). it's not about hiding or masking any feelings or intentions that arise, which would essentially be deliberately friendzoning yourself, it's about not caring when you go into it whether you'll come out of it with her or without her. it's a lot easier to relax and engage in a conversation when the goal is "have conversation" rather than "try to get attractive girl attracted to me via having conversation", that's all. if you happen to connect with someone along the way, don't stick too rigidly to this and botch up a chance at something. trust your instincts.

ehh it's been a subversive force riding behind the banner of a noble cause right from the start lol but that's another thread

re: explaining how lost virginity thing...dunno really. frame it as a one night stand and be vague on details? be honest and give no fucks? keep private matter private and prefer not to say? depends somewhat on the girl. just go with one night stand.

yw anon, glad to hear it's helped

>>18180077
far as i'm aware herpes gets passed on during an active outbreak and herpes sores score pretty damn high on visibility. so if you didn't see anything that looked like a herp/sore/whatever you're probably alright. emphasis on the "as far as i'm aware"; i'm not 100% certain & could be giving you faulty info here. wherever you go to get tested will be able to give you solid answers though.

>>18179903
Talking to girls gets easier the more you do it. So just try and if you say something weird or akwarrd just take it as a learning lesson.

>>18180023
This is good advice. It is just girls. What is the worst that can happen?

In the end you're gonna look back at yourself and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Obviously you're no longer a virgin. You're not a virgin if you've had sex, simple as that. Yes there are sexual experiences out there (physical and psychological) that you have not experienced but that applies to virtually everyone who just had sex for the first time.

As for sex being "overrated", please. Realize that condom sex with a random hooker you have zero feelings for compared to amazing sex is like fastfood is to haute cuisine. Dick in pussy isn't inherently amazing. (Although even then, you can have a better or worse fit, she can or cannot flex her vagina around you, not wearing a condom and her sincerely being wet for you personally also helps a great deal) It's the package deal of physically amazing (fluid, practiced sex with someone you know inside and out) sex with someone you adore that is bliss. Not the bare mechanics of the situation.

>>18180038

>statistically you're likely fine.

Also a virgin here. As OP was with a hooker, I'm guessing there was no kissing or oral sex by OP.

But I've always wondered - in casual hookups (from town; tinder etc), is it not protocol to include kissing, and unprotected oral sex both ways? Doesnt the statistical risk of HIV or other STDs increase in this scenario?
I would assume it does, but the people I talk to who have lots of casual sex seem to indicate that protected oral sex is something that only hookers do - not everyday people. Is the risk not as bad as unprotected PIV, or something?

>>18180293
Kissing is absolutely mandatory. Very few people want to have sex with someone who won't kiss them. Not to mention making out is simply the most common way to escalate from flirting and being touchy to taking someone home.

As for oral sex, yes the risk is much lower. Eg in theory you can get oral herpes from going down on someone with genital herpes. But they are both unlikely to give it to you if they don't have an outbreak (which is easy to see), and the viruses have developed for their own ideal environment. So even if you do get mouth sores from genital herpes, chances are you only have one or a handful of outbreaks in your lifetime because it's not a good fit.
You can look up more online for specific stats etc for oral sex.

Having said that, it is much less uncommon for people to not give oral sex to a stranger, simply because it is more graphic to get genitals shoved in your face than to fuck while facing each other or not even facing each other at all. It is seen as more normal/expected for the girl to go down on the guy as foreplay than the other way around... and also happens that the girl doesn't feel like sucking the random dick but doesn't know how to say no if he just takes it out and essentially makes her do it. If the guy particularly likes giving oral he might return it.
So oral sex being included or not included in a ONS are both "normal". Not kissing, less so.