So I fucked up. I was sad because depression, and was taking

Just break up with him.
He's probably a narcissist who has your mind twisted. You sound exactly like my cousin when she was with her sociopath husband.

>>18176630

Firstly, how old are you?

I can relate to your situation in a way.

When you say that you take your feelings out on him - what are these feelings regarding? What is it you're so upset about when you take it out on him?

I'll respond further if you're able to answer :)

>>18176630
>be woman
>be sad, dont want to break up, act like bitch and suggest to break up
>say A, think B, expects C

GG, well played.

>>18176636
It's mostly insecurities related to us. Like I'm wondering whether we're gonna hang out later or whether he's going to message me. Yes these are stupid worries, because he DOES do those things. And then I just message him and talk to him and get progressively more sad worrying whether he actually wants to talk to me, then I tell him about how I feel sad and insecure, it gets worse, etc etc. My original insecurities are ungrounded and I used to handle them better. Yes I'm young and stupid and 18.

>>18176637
How do I stop doing that
I don't deserve love do I
I just want to keep all of my sad thoughts bottled up and ignore them until they go away so that I don't say something I feel in the heat of the moment and then don't mean

>>18176642

Well, this isn't very healthy but it's extremely common behaviour. For the record, you're probably not "depressed", you just sound anxious because you're in a relationship and are starting to realise that you cannot control this other persons actions which could lead to you getting hurt.

The best way of dealing with this is probably to take a break from this person. No matter how much you want to change your behaviour, you're probably not in the might mind frame to do so.

You might stop the outbursts for a few days, but as soon as you're settled back into the relationship, the same thing will happen and you will have broken your boyfriends trust again.

The more sensible thing to do would be to take some time to reflect on your behaviour and your reactions. You have to work out what triggers you to act in a negative way and take steps towards improving this. CBT can be very helpful but ultimately, it's about being aware of your feelings and actions, while also taking responsibility for them.

Also, drop the depression excuse. You're 18yrs old, you're more than likely not depressed and using that as an excuse for your behaviour will only result in ten years of detrimental and toxic relationships.

>>18176646
You cant stop being illogical female because that would be against nature order.

But you can learn how to be person with balanced mental health and think before you act. You gain this skill by mostly growing up.

I bet you cant salvage this relationship anyway because how swiftly he agreed. He would try to struggle a bit if still loved / liked you.

Anyway why do you even want boyfriend? Because if it is only because evrybody around you tell you to do, it is wrong reason.

Fix your life before you drag others into it. Godspeed femanon.

>>18176661
That sounds wise but I do love him. Is love really not enough... you're right, I won't use the depression excuse. But that is a good characterization of my anxious feelings. Is there no way to work through them while in a relationship?

Are your bad feelings because of him? If so can you get over them? If your bad feelings have nothing to do with him, can you get over them also? It's not fair to him if the bad feelings have nothing to do with him. If the bad feelings have something to do with him, did you talk about it? If you did, was he understanding? If he was not, that is the problem. Some girls are more emotional and don't deal with it properly until it's too late. I had a problem with my guy, got really emotional about it, took it out on him in a bad way, and before I knew it we had a big problem. He still to this day 4 years later makes me pay for it. I had legitimate reasons for my frustrations about him but, he doesn't care. I hurt him and now I have to pay. If you think your situation will turn out like this, don't go back. If you think he can forgive you and realize you made a mistake and you're not perfect and he won't hold a grudge and make you pay, go get him back.

>>18176646
Then fucking learn!
Jesus fucking christ, man.

"Oh I'll just bottle it up!"
Yeah, that never fucking backfires, right?

"Oh, I'm in a welding shop and there's gasoline all over the floor. I guess I'll just bottle it up!"

No. Ignoring problems doesn't make them go away. If the problem has legs, it might walk away, but you can bet your ass it'll bother you again another day.

FUCKING WORK THROUGH YOUR SHIT. COMMUNICATE.

Did you ever watch Frozen? How the fuck did that shit go for Elsa? Huh? Bitch practically killed everybody she ever cared about, and destroyed an entire COUNTRY.

You want to be sad, then be fucking sad! Be sad until you can't fucking be sad anymore! If it's something that's going to continuously make you sad, then you should re-evaluate how that thing makes you feel. When shit don't work right, fix it.

>>18176666

You have to try and separate out the relationship from how you feel. If you fix these issues purely to stay with him or keep him happy, it will fail. You're acting the way you are because you find it difficult to handle a certain aspect of the relationship, and that isn't going to disappear.

This is why it's better for you to take a break and work out a game plan. You need to be out of the relationship because at the moment, your mind is consumed by it.

>>18176697
So I'm not taking your advice of breaking up, because he agrees that he wants to stay together. But I do want to work on my triggers and everything like that. Like I truly love this person and before, he loved me, and I'm sure he still does, even if trust is killed. Anyways, I'm going to be working on that game plan anyways. So far I have: meditate on what exactly caused me to be sad in the first place, come up with exact steps to take when I'm sad to avoid thinking about the relationship, taking my antidepressants again because they had been helping me not cry, and write a mantra that doesn't involve my relationship so that I'm not consumed by it. Also yesterday I was at home doing nothing which probably sparked restlessness. I am making plans of what to do when this happens. I am going to start running and biking again when I am not busy with classes and assignments, like during the upcoming break.
Is there anything else I'm missing?