Does anyone else get bothered when someone tries to be motherly

Yeah you're kind of a dick. Try to appreciate that someone is expressing sympathy/care for you, even if you're not a fan of the particular mode of expression.

Also, this is a glaring sign that she's into you. Getting nurturing is a really, really big hint. Reconsider how she treats you, it sounds like she has a crush.

>>18174576
And for the record, not trying to say that this means that you should take them up on these offers, particularly if you have no romantic interest.

But many people like to take on a vaguely parental role for someone they like. It has nothing to do with insinuating that they would not work something out on their own. I'm sure that if you date a girl you like to "take care of her" in some ways, without that being condescending, just an expression of tenderness and affection.

These women are essentially trying to wriggle their way to a more intimate and romantically charged level of interaction. Exactly because it would technically not be necessary or socially expected, they just want to go the extra mile for you.

>>18174563
You're a dick, allow people to help you

>>18174576

I'm not into her, but this tends to happen to me a lot. Maybe it's because I'm so gruff about this kind of thing, and girls think it's cute to be the kind of girl that I let in, but it really annoys me.

One of the reasons that I dumped my last girlfriend was because she was too caring. Every time my stomach grumbled, she made a big to-do about it (I have a Crohn's-colitis situation going on), but I never complained, so it was frustrating.

>>18174594

I don't particularly like to "take care of" girls either. I don't really have that instinct in me. I mean, I like to help accomplish goals, or buy people thoughtful gifts, but I don't like to do things FOR people, or be nurturing, if that makes sense.

I'm very much of a "take care of your own shit" kind of person.

>>18174598
Yeah, that could absolutely be it. Guys aren't the only ones who can get lost in these romanticized narratives that rarely ever fit real life.

Either way, people have different ways to express love and different ways in which they like to receive it. I am biased because I mother the fuck out of my lovers and could not go without that, but I do think it's worth reflecting upon a bit. I understand not wanting a girl who makes a big deal out of every little non-event to do with your health, but most people like to at least on occasion pamper/nurture their partner. What's more, from what you say it sounds to me like you have some deeper hang ups that go beyond finding it irritating (feeling like you are being looked down upon if someone expresses care for you, feeling like you immediately owe someone if they do you a favor - that's their choice, and the idea is that you get something out of that nice gesture yourself as well, it's not a favor anymore if you expect something back).

Basically, it's fine that you don't like it generally, you can be upfront about it (though I would express it in another way, like feeling smothered or just wanting to be alone when sick and focus on yourself) but realize that there are understandable and well-intended reasons why people want to do this. Particularly once you are in a relationship.

>>18174604
Not in any way at all? You don't like to give your coat to a girl if you see she's shivering? Or cook her favorite food as a surprise?

I do think it makes sense, though, there's nothing (including cuddles or sex) that everyone likes equally. That you are in the minority doesn't necessarily mean it's unheard of.

>>18174613

No, this stuff doesn't really occur to me or give me any satisfaction. Like, if my girlfriend is cold, I'm not too autistic to know I should probably offer up my coat, or that cooking her something she likes on Valentine's Day is probably a smart idea to not get in trouble, but I don't get the warm fuzzies from doing it. Similarly, I don't like it when a girl I'm dating cooks for me (because of my stomach issues though, I have a weird relationship with food, so I think that's probably an outlier).

I mean, so far I sound like I'm soulless, but I do get warmth and great feelings from sharing great moments, or wonderful conversations, or laughs, or a bunch of other things. It's more just shared moments, rather than nurturing moments.

>>18174638
Nah, I mean, I can't relate and it would not be compatible with me, but this is just the way life is. There is nothing so universal that it gives everyone fuzzies. I think hating to cuddle or something is still (to most people) a step beyond this in terms of seeming cold/distant to people who can't relate.

This happens with all kinds of things. For some people it's incredibly important to literally hear that they are loved and considered attractive and what not. For others verbal expression of love adds nothing and does not come natural. There's even a whole "love languages" test couples can do to see what suits them most (ranging from touch or verbal stuff to acts of service) to help people with conflicting ideas of expressing affection in a relationship to understand where the other one is coming from.

As long as you realize and respect that while it doesn't do anything for you or is not even that related to love for you, someone doing these things within their own frame of reference means they care for you. Which never hurts (unless they are outright bothersome).

>>18174563

i get it. the best advice is if you dont want help. dont talk to people. home sick? just dont answer your phone.

its a myth that we need to answer every text we receive.

You are no more a dick than they are for not seeing you don't want to be bothered.

When people do that to me, I just do it back harder. I crush them in guilt. I will become their world, I will consume their thoughts, and drive them insane. They can never escape.

Did you have kind of a controlling or overbearing mom or something?

>>18174563
Shit is annoying. they're probably not even acting like they care because they actually give a shit about you, it's just that they want to feel like good people and therefore "help" you even if it's unwarranted or unwelcome. Kinda like all the selfhelpfags on /r9k/, it's all just a game to make them feel better about themselves.

>>18175334

Yeah, I actually did have a super overbearing mom. She was always up in my shit, and still tries to be to this day.