Why doesn't my bf want to be dominant? He's generally

>>18169403
>be woman
>behave like bitch, feels bad about it, expects partner to turn dominant
>behave A, think B, expects C

Have you tried to COMUNICATE about your wishes with him?

>dominant
In sexual life? In general? Tried to play games in bed? Roleplay? Master&pet?

>>18169403
He wants you to peg him in the ass with a strap on

>>18169422
Yeah i was going through a really bitchy phase and bad mental health patch for like a year and feel like the damage can't be undone... I feel bad about it and don't really know how to change a persons current "natural" disposition.. How do you suggest communicating? He knows I like ageplay type junk so dominance in and outside of the bedroom fits my fancy. It's hard because I am naturally a bit bullheaded and know part of it is something i need to work on. How can I come off as more... dominate-able?

>>18169424
oh man my lady boner just jumped into my body and died.

>>18169434
>damage cant be undone
It can. Like start by telling him that you are sorry for behaving like a bitch and you are sorry and want to make it up to him. With a bit of luck you can be lovely couple like you were before. Just treat your partner with care and expect the same on return.

>dominance in and outside bedroom
You can choose two paths:
>direct
Just tell him whole story and that you want him to be the man in the relationship. But i bet even you yourself dont know what you want.
>to treat you like a doll / bitch?
>would you like if he came home and tell you that you are moving with him to new country?
>that he decided to have 5 kids and you start with first today?
It is easy to say "be dominant", but you have to set up boundaries and separate kinky fetishes and real life issues.

>indirect
You just make him feel confident. Make him indirectly to make decisions. Ask him if he wants something. Make favors for him. Behave like obedient wife or whatever strikes your fancy. Make his pleasure in bed top priority. Etc etc etc. It all depends on what you really imagine in "being sub dom" thing.

Bit seriously the key to success is to comunicate and not behaving like bitch.

Newsflash, your guy is a person, not some hot wax you can knead into your ideal partner. If you communicated that you are very submissive and he has done nothing with that information (assuming you were explicit enough about your desires), he probably is just not interested in this kind of dynamic and you should find someone who is if you cannot go without it.

Obviously you can tell him (regarding your examples) that he doesn't have to handle you with -that- much care and that he should feel confident to make his own decisions. But he might just be indecisive or acting the way he'd also like for you to treat him. Not saying this is definitely the case but don't act surprised if turns out he acts this way because that's the kind of person he is.

>>18169487
Alright, thanks anon, this helps set up some sort of groundwork. It's hard also because he's definitely a huge "giver" in our relationship. When I told him about my kinks he just sort of went with it. I can never really tell if he's actually into it or doing it because he knows I like it/trying to make me happy. And when confronted about it he says he does, but i don't know. The proofs in the puddin' ya feel? I've asked him what he likes and he usually just makes some vague statements similar to what roles he knows i like in a relationship.. I know he's a great guy and my family all love him but theres certain aspects that i crave in a partner that just doesn't come out through him... :T Am I being picky? Or unrealistic?

>>18169403
I have this same disposition, the real reason he may not be dominant towards you, is because he's always dominant outside of the bedroom or your company. As a 6' 180 pound man, I'm not very small at all, so it's expected of me to dominate a conversation and be an alpha male. It's a breath of fresh air when the opposite happens inside the bedroom, but as several other anons have said just communicate with him.

>>18169502
It stands out to me though since this ultra timid vibe of his is generally recent. We've been together 4 and a half years and I would say this past year is when he started getting super sheepish. He used to fill more of a dominant/caretaker role.. whether or not it was completely genuine or a front is i guess up for debate. Or maybe he's just changed in that regard. I'm unsure.

>>18169513
completely opposite with my guy actually. He's actually 7 inches shorter than me. I'm worried that i may be intimidating to him or make him feel insecure. Maybe I've been widdling down his confidence.. I feel terrible ...

>>18169519
Might be important to include that in your question. As is it reads like you are essentially complaining that you don't like the personality of the person you got together with, which can't be helped.

It's hard to say from the limited info. If you had mental issues perhaps he is afraid to make things worse or trigger anything in you. Maybe he is just less happy and confident than he used to be. But as for what you say regarding the sex life, if you are having sex with a person and you cannot tell whether what they're doing is turning them on, it probably isn't, at least not a lot.

>>18169519
Very likely that you just aren't being objective.

Not to sound misogynistic but women tend to perceive things differently depending how they feel about the thing.

>>18169403

0/10

Terrible bait, OP.

>>18169558
Protip, humanity as a whole is real fucking bad at perceiving anything "objectively". We're talking about a species that finds someone pleasant if they let us hold a warm cup while talking to us and less friendly if we are holding a cold cup.

Some people might be more reasonable than others but there's no such thing as "objective" people.

>>18169561
Not bait brah, thanks though :)

>>18169558
but yeah i feel ya, its possible that I've just been telling myself that those are the ideal relationship roles i would like to play out.. Maybe i just have to get a feel for myself instead of what I think I should like. Part of it is just me trying to make him feel happier, and I thought it showed more through him when we were living a more dom/sub relationship. But maybe the instances are unrelated.. People are hard :T

>>18169594

>Not bait brah, thanks though :)

A super submissive girl in a relationship who comes to 4chan and uses the word "brah" huh?

I wish I could give this less than 0/10 now.

Being dominant is a trait of someone with high confidence. Confidence is the core of how you view yourself and if you don't naturally have it, to obtain takes a significant life outlook change, and focus and willpower over a long gradual period of time.
For the life of me I don't know why there are suddenly swaths of guys like this. Could be estrogen in the tap water, feminism, technology, all of the above who knows.

>>18169507
>actually into it or doing it to make me happy
That sounds like ideal bf material doing whatever it takes to make his girl happy and you behave like a bitch :-D

>i crave in a partner
Jezus woman, fucking tell him. We men are simple creatures, we are unable to decipher your
>tell A, think B, expect C

And yes you are somewhat picky. But I believe you can build up his confidence and with a bit of push to make him feel like a boss. Just dont expect change over night.

>>18169604
Yeah i'm kind of androgynous in the way i act. Its sort of a current insecurity of mine so thanks. I'm pretty ugly though if that helps in your suspension of disbelief... >.>

>>18169605
That actually makes a lot of sense. During my bitch mode phase I was really hard on him. Like painfully horribly brutally hard on him and feel really guilty. I guess reap what you sow is pretty relevant rn then.. Plzkillme

>>18169605
I think rather than estrogen, feminism or technology the biggest difference is that guys are no longer forced to socialize throughout their youth (lots of escapist options for the more introverted and/or anxious boys) where they have their first little power struggles and what not. Then instead of potentially being a soldier and definitely being forced to work hard either at a job or another education, they can dick around for years especially if they're smart. There is no external force anymore helping to turn boys into men. Combine that with general lack of male role models..

>>18169614
>>18169605
How can I build up the man's confidence do you think anywho?

>>18169621
That and how being a closeted comic book geek is almost glorified in today's day in age. And outgoing Jock types are the oddball out. You almost have to be well versed in nerd shit to have some sort of conversation. And getting well versed means staying closed in. Sort of a catch 22 of sorts