I've been dating this wonderful guy for a year now. He's

>>18165384
I love you is implied through embodied action. If you need the words for validation you should've stated it. Do you even relationship?

You are affected only by the words, or lack thereof, spoken by those people you let affect you.

You should have mentioned much, much earlier than a full year into the relationship, that he was hurting you by failing to tell you that he loved you. If it wasn't a common phrase for him, how the fuck was he to know you gave a shit about him not uttering the phrase?

>Guy didn't read mind; guy is bad

>>18165418
I did tell him. He told me that he can't say it back to me and doesn't know if he ever can.

Love is more than words.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrIiLvg58SY&channel=ExtremeVEVO

I think you're ruining a good thing over something extremely petty. You probably won't fully realize this for years. I have a girl in my life whom I tell "I love you" all the time. She never says it back but she shows it through her actions, and I'm okay with that. I would never want her to say it out of obligation or my neediness.

>>18165426
Way to leave that important nugget out of your OP, OP.

You should talk to him about why he doesn't feel that he can say "I love you", maybe talk to a psychologist about it, because that's not normal.

Unless, of course, you don't really mean that he can't say it and you'll post again to clarify what you really really meant...

What's his twitter acct? I may want to suggest he break up with you...

>>18165447
I am breaking up with him

>>18165384
>/adv/, if you have an important person in your life, tell them you love them once you feel it and don't wait. Time will never go back. Like feelings, grasses need to be watered to stay green. Love the people you love when the chance is still there.
I am going to take this advice with me, thank you.

I want to ask for some advice from you. I am the same kind of guy you fell for. My relationship ended exactly the same way. I felt so bad, i got so deep in depression, depression turned schizo, schizo turned reckless.
Then i saw a girl, she works close to me. Every time i went to the store to buy something to drink, i saw her. I started dreaming about her. Later friends told me that she really likes me. My dream turned reality.
I was getting happy again. But when i started getting happy, i realized how deep i am in my shit. I started doubting myself, what if she can be happier with someone else? What if i am the one that is going to hurt her? She doesn't know she got me out of my deep depression. I have a lot of respect for her. I don't want to hurt her, i dont want to waste her time, i really want the best for her. If her best is being with me, its with me. If its with someone else, i dont mind.
We started talking, actually she sent the first text. I got so nervous, my dream was about to get true. I asked everyone for advice, the advice started to messing with my head. I talk to her, and at that moment i think "FUCK i fucked up fml fml" and get sad. But when reading back it looks all fine. But today she said good morning, i wished her a good morning as well and asked how she slept. On that she said "goood i think?". since im insecure as fuck i dont know how i should treat that. She sends me a heart emoji and i ask others how the fuck i should respond. She was really enthousiastic at the start, she started to respond kind of enthousiastic but not as much as before, it has only been 2 days talking to her. cont

>>18165450
No you're not, that's why you're here. To be told how stupid you're being and to be talked around to staying with him, because he is so good for you despite your bratty selfishness about NEEDING to hear three words that he's uncomfortable saying.

Have you asked him about it? Maybe he has some deep-seeded trauma that is possibly more important than your desire to hear some bullshit every so often IN ADDITION to actual, tangible evidence of love.

>>18165460
But im no player, i never have been going after girls, i have never been fucking sluts etc. I have 9/10 looks, 9/10 future, 9/10 personality. I don't know how to handle all these things, im shy as fuck(which is a good thing when having a relationship, but this shyness will never get me a relationship)
I think i might be in developing phases of love. Since she is in my life, i start picking uni's and work up again. She has had such a positive impact on my life. When i thought i was at the end of the ride, she came in my life.
I don't know how to talk, what to say and what to do. I want to make this happen and make her happy. Can you give me some advice?

holy shit you're retarded

>>18165461
I am breaking up with him because I don't want to waste any of our time.

Well the way he explained it is that he can't say it because it felt alien in his mouth, that it's because he never heard it from his parents or the people around him. I was his first girlfriend.

You'll regret it soon, don't worry.

Learn to work on your relationship. One year is nothing.

>>18165476
From that, you can't understand why it would be difficult (to put it mildly) for him to all of a sudden start using the phrase?

This is actually quite close to home; as a diagnosed full-on sperg, I had never said "I love you" to my family or friends; I've said it to four people in my 30+ life: my GFs, my wife and my daughter.

If you can't get over your own inconvenience about this and try to work through it with him, he's better off without you.

>>18165476
This is exactly why you should be more understanding.
People are raised differently. How pu parents behave has alot to do with how we percieve love and affection later in life. It took him time to be certain and there's no shame in that. You're terrible if you want to leave now. They're fucking words and he stuck with u all this time.
Apparently you never loved him if it's so easy for you

>>18165464
People are different, I don't know what your crush likes or dislikes, but shyness isn't necessarily a bad thing. I find shyness to be endearing too to some degree.

All you have to do is to do all you can. Contact her as much as is comfortable and not creepy. Don't listen to game bullshit and trying to look cool by distancing yourself, because you wouldn't want to make her fall for an illusion. You said you don't want to waste both of your time, then be your real self.

Just don't be afraid to show affection when it's due

>>18165476

Honest question: Would you rather someone tell you that they love you, even though they never show it, only to find out later that they never did and that they were only saying it to string you along? Or would you rather not be told by this guy that he loves you, even though he's shown it throughout the last year of your relationship?

>>18165482
>women
>regret
Doubtful. She'll get back on the carousel in no time. Got a free ride for a couple of decades. The regret comes later when she goes to hop on in 5 years and realises her ticket expired.

I do sympathise with the idea of something souring things from the background and damaging things over a miscommunication tho.

>>18165496
I do love him. That's why it wasn't easy for me. I loved him dearly and stuck with him even though telling him again and again that I loved him without hearing anything back fucking hurt. I thought what we had was enough until today made me realize that now it's my turn to be unable to say it back to him.

>>18165384
>sweet
>adorable
>wanted him to say i love you but told him it doesnt matter but it actually mattered the most

woman
>say A, think B, expects C
Never change you mysterious creatures.

And your advice is double edged sword. If you say to your girl that you love her first, she may dump you because you arent that alpha male for her anymore.

>>18165500
I would rather be in a relationship where I can have both. No one has to choose only one. There are plenty of people out there who can show both. I've showered him with both throughout our relationship.

>>18165507
>I liked the chase
>once I had won him over I realised I didn't want it

>>18165511
>alpha male
Sure. Keep on believing that when you're 40 and weary through losing people you could have true connections with

>>18165507
If this isn't bait, you really deserve to die alone. Great job wasting a year of some poor guy's life.
How shallow can one person be?

>>18165514
I'm 28. I know from experience that that kind of shit doesn't apply to me. I thrive from people showering me with love and not interested in people who withhold affection.

All men who read this thread, let this woman be a lesson to you.

It matters less what you do than what you say. You can be an asshole but if you are a smooth talker and say what they want to hear, women will ignore it. On the flip side, if you're a nice guy but are not smooth, you will be left behind.

>>18165507
>spamming "I love yous" constantly
>wanting him to tell you he loves instead of acting like he does
>breaking up with him after he finally gets over his fear of saying

kys please, and next time get with someone who will constantly say it while cheating on you, that seems like a much better fit for you

>>18165519
You have a point but so does he. Depending on his age he is 100% correct. During carousel years appearances, both reputable and physical are important. Not looking like a loser, in other words.

Once the ticket expires it's about how much they can provide. There is a canon of research on the duplicity of female dating. Providers and Mates.
Baby makers and care takers.

Perhaps he has enough pride to want to fill both of those roles and have a meaningful connection beyond his bank balance and reliable cooking skills.

>>18165520
I don't like her either but like, fair is fair, if she doesn't like him she doesn't like him.
He's no longer mysterious or interesting for her. He fucked up gauging what she wanted. He should never have told her he loved her until later, when she was actually settling down.

>>18165507

I feel like you're being petty because it makes you mad that you had to wait.
Love takes time sweety and right now you're acting like a spoiled brat.
Just because it didn't go the way you expected (muh disney romance) it doesn't mean you should crush the heart the man you "love". Men have a harder time expressing emotion to begin with.
Society always shits on them for being soft.
The fact that he waited until he was absolutely sure is admirable. Some guys claim to love a girl the first night they fuck her and then decide they didn't.
If you leave him now he's going to hate those words and probably women in general. You are the type of woman that breeds the men of /r9k/

>>18165535
>He should never have told her he loved her until later, when she was actually settling down.
How's about he says what he feels, when he feels comfortable saying it?

Fucking mind games.

>>18165535
Her feelings died the instant she finally got from him what she had always told herself she wanted.
I've been in that guy's shoes before, there is no winning with this type of woman.

>>18165537
Maybe if he had done it from the start. He set a precedent for this chick.
Read her posts. She was consumed with the idea that he wouldn't say it. It defined her for a period of time. Why? When?
He fucking captivated her unintentionally. It became, over time, something foundational about her interest in him.

That's fucking retarded, yes, but so is not just parroting back ily after a week or two of being pestered regardless of how you feel.

>>18165524

You know he loves you, though. In your very own words, he shows it in the way he treats you and the sacrifices he makes for you. If not saying "I love you" until the anniversary is "withholding affection", despite everything else he supposedly does, especially for a guy who has trouble with the words due to never hearing them growing up, then you're right, you really are a bratty and selfish womanchild, and this man deserves someone who can understand where he's coming from and appreciate the love he gives.

There's no way this isn't bait. You can't possibly be 28 years old. This is the kind of shit I'd expect a high schooler to say.

>>18165526
So I should've told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to fuck her later rather than just getting to her apartment, tossing her on the bed and take her clothes off?

I was never much of a constant texter or nonsense communicator

>>18165536
>if you leave him now he's going to hate those words and probably women in general. You are the type of woman that breeds the men of /r9k/
Quite probable. Depends on his social network and the people he's gonna have to rely on in the wake of this bullshit.
If he's a lone it's like 50/50 he'll be a bitter man. He'd have to be autistic already to be /r9k/, that's a special kind of jilted.

I would advise reading the book "The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. He explains that there are primarily five ways in which we show love to each other:

- quality time
- gifts
- words of affirmation (this sounds like you)
- physical touch (not sex - more like pat on the back, reassuring by rubbing arm, etc.)
- acts of service

Chapman explains that if we wish to have a successful relationship, we should learn to speak our partners love language. So, you have a responsibility here: either you leave everything due to a lack of communication, or you bring up the topic that both of you have a responsibility to do effort with each others love languages. I wish you both all of the best.

>>18165545
Help girlfriend with lots of life-skills shit

Fix her busted kitchen drawers, sharpen the dull knives, help her paint her apartment, teach her how to not get fucking lost when out hiking

Get caught up at work, get back 15min late to when we were supposed to go to the store. I arrive to a bitchy "you're late" and bullshit attitude

She's about to go on a trip "I just want to know that you care" What? I have made your life better since coming in it and you don't like I care about you?

Frustrates me

>>18165564
Treat her like shit for awhile. Just do whatever's easy and rather than actually contributing to her life meaningfully make whatever paltry offering of assistance a grand gesture complete with song and dance.

Solved.

OP I think you're overreacting. I've felt this way about my boyfriend before "I don't love him anymore, it's over" then give it a couple days and things are back to normal.

>>18165571
I hope so. Maybe I'll give it a week.

OP, well done for standing by your convictions. Nobody can say whether you will regret this in the future (your relationship certainly sounds like a fulfilling one for the most part) but I understand your reason for ending it.

It seems like your boyfriend realised early on the impact of this phrase and decided against committing either way.

I've been in relationships where it took several months before any feelings were discussed, but when I met the first person ever truly fell in love with, I wanted them to know so badly that I blurted it out almost immediately. Luckily the feeling was mutual but if they had chosen not to say it at that point, I would have understood, although I would have felt a bit silly.

I don't use the phrase easily and agree that it isn't a race to get to that stage (people say they love each other all the time and still do horrifically selfish things) but it still means a lot to hear It, especially if you were brave enough to say it first.

The flip side of this is...we spend a fair few months of most relationships in infatuation mode, which can trick a person into thinking they're in love when they're not. What happens all too often is that people declare their love at this early stage, naturally fall out of the infatuation stage, realise there's nothing there but stay in the relationship because of the pressure brought about by those three little words.

It may be that your boyfriend wanted to be completely sure he felt that way before declaring his love, which I think is very sensible, albeit lacking romance and impulse.

I would suggest you think about things carefully before making any decisions. Maybe you built it up too much in your head and when he finally announced it you were so underwhelmed that you failed to realise the significance of it.

Well from my one and only experience with relationship I have is that once we started dating my girlfriend told me real soon that she loves me and I said "you're nice too." I didn't have previous experience of romantic relationship so I didn't exactly know when I was in love with her. She continued to tell me that she loves me and calling me "dear, honey" stuff like that and the first time we went to see my parents I told my gf that "if you call me dear or honey, don't expect me to say it back to you infront of my family. I'm not used to it" she was okay with it at least I believed so.

It took me 3 months to say that I love her and it was a new years eve midnight. She probably knew it all along that I loved her, but only then I was certain of my feelings and when we broke up only then I knew exactly how long I was in love with her because it hurt me so much.

>>18165384

OP I am to lazy to read all the replies what how old are you? And how confident is he?

Depending on those two variables I see two different situations:

>A. He loved you, but felt to insecure to say it, he then felt like he ruined it and he had to make up for it through some unrealistic romantic gesture. And because of his insecurities/perfectionism he wasn't able to do it.
>B. He didn't love you, he wasn't that serious about your relationship, and he didn't want to go as fast as you did.

>implying im going to take advice from someone who needs to be validated all the time and can't see past words
>implying this isn't just another case of blaming the other person for your decisions because you are a child that can't deal with guilt
>implying this is an /adv/ thread
I wish I could sage and report