I'm 22 years old and a girl. Not the most extroverted lady

You don't... just be a nice floor mat and let her walk over you. While you're there, might as well get used to it because everyone will walk over you for the rest of your life. If you were a guy I'd call you a pussy

Give it to her straight. Sometimes you just gotta let the other person know what you think. She'll listen.

>>18165365
yeah, you're probably right.
but i really enjoy her and she does enjoy me too, but those two things are problems with me. how do i bring this up with her in the healthiest way?

>>18165369
if she reacts angrily, is this a sign we shouldn't hang out as often?

>>18165376
You are definitely autistic too
I'm sure you got other friends in the short bus

>>18165380
anon, why are you even on this thread let alone this board?

it's an ADVICE board not a "shit on your character flaws" board.

you a really a sad person maybe i am too, but at least i'm trying to change

You: "Dude we listen to this song all the timee"
Her: "wtf this is new we never heard this before this is some new XliteralfuckinggarbageX"
Y: "Oh. Can we listen to something else?"

>H: "Bitch nah"
This is where you make a decision for the future of your friendship. Don't have to act on instant but the time you spend together can trickle to a friendship with someone else

>H: But it sounds good so far!
Give the rest of the song a chance or atleast pretend like you are. You're forced to listen to her music assumingly because it's her car/room/device? Just tell her you didn't like it and ask if you can get the next song. Rinse repeat as needed so you don't go insane.

>H: Yeah okay. You want to listen to something else? You got anything?
Hope for this outcome although I doubt it'll be the case given the context provided.

What are YOUR music tastes?
Ever think she listens to her own music all the time because shes overcome with a vomiting sensation when you listen to Paramore or AFI?
Perhaps she believes that she found a middle ground of enjoyment because you haven't protested.

>>18165373

Like they said, just give it to her straight. You don't have to be harsh with her. Just tell her how you feel. Tell her everything you told us in your OP. If she gets upset, try to figure out why and work it out. If she doesn't want to work it out, it's time to go your separate ways.

If they can't see this from your point-of-view, then they're probably not right for you. Having such a juvenile and frankly racist view of music (and I would assume media in general; pardon me if I'm wrong) is unhealthy, anyhow.

just bring some music next time and be like "yo i listened to this new album its so good check it out"

>>18165400
thanks anon.

actually, we are usually in my house so I definitely feel she shouldn't always dominate my speaker.

She has no idea what I listen to. I do listen to a variety of music so I try to pick more accessible songs for her (i.e. she listens to hiphop/trap/rap, okay maybe I can play this Miguel song that I enjoy because it meets both of our needs)

I need to be assertive for sure, but is it wrong of me to feel like she should be more considerate knowing we are in my car/house?

>>18165404
you are right.

we only see each other maybe once a week or so. would this be better to just text it to her or should this be a face to face talk?

i don't want it to come off as a serious problem, but i do want her to understand she is not being very equal.

>>18165414

Given how much it appears to bother you, I would recommend talking about it face-to-face. Matters of importance are better discussed in person rather than through text. I use text to make dinner plans or flirt. If I've got something really eating away at me, especially for a while, I'll take it to that person's doorstep.

>>18165412
You shouldn't be afraid to bring up music of all things in a friendship but I'm sure you know that. That's why you're here.
If it's your house, your device you absolutely have authority but you're both different types of people it seems. Different upbringings. That's why this is a sensitive issue for a number of reasons. Reality has to hit at some point unless you intend for the friendship to nose dive. She has to realize how you act in someone else's home.
But like I said, hope for a misunderstanding.

>>18165421
I would avoid direct confrontation as it seems that this relationship may have been formed on alot of passive behavior. Sudden acts may show signs of "enough is enough" or "that's it, that's the last straw" and cause unnecessary confrontation on something that isn't even a big deal.

>>18165427
not to mention, i politely ended our session early because (while she is right) i tend to have a voracious appetite and was going to snack on my cereal. but she yells at me to put it back (aggressively but also motherly) but i also knew "okay i cant even eat my own groceries without her policing my diet."

>>18165414
Dude just bring it up casually like I suggested. Like you said it isn't a big deal so don't make a thing of it. That might just make things awkward.

>>18165437
i think it has. i am a very passive person. i am trying to change but in that process i am learning that i have to rewire current relationships with others that ive built on being passive.

>>18165446
You shouldn't do what someone tells you to do to avoid confrontation. You're setting yourself up for alot of confusion later on in life. If she acts sassy just act passy. Passive sassy. You can't go outright and be like no bitch this is my house so you have to do things gradually.
I agree though, unless if you're a bit softer or you're vocal about wanting to lose weight or look a certain way she doesn't have the right. She must have been raised differently. Is she an only child? The oldest sibling? Youngest?

>>18165465
im of a normal weight. 5'8 at 138lbs. no it's because she wants my food to last as long as possible i think but at the end of the day i bought it.

she is like me. both older sisters but i grew up with affluence while she sends money to her mother every month so i understand that may be a part of it.

passive sassy? elaborate?

>>18165483
By passive sassy I mean half assed jabbing or banter. You'll find yourself holding back with sheltered people. It's a matter of life sadly.

>>18165522
okay so for practical application,
what that scenario happens again,
she says "put that back! are you eating again?!"

the appropriate response would be?

>>18165542
The appropriate response would be "Back off, I bought it so I can eat it! *HISS*"
But seriously, tell her the truth
Just say you're hungry. If she's really going to argue you feeling hungry like saying "but you're hungry all the time!" Thank her for her concern, though it may be WARRANTED and she thinks she's actually helping, then go on to say something like "Wow rude! I don't ever tell you to stop eating. How aren't you eating?" If she still insists you really have to be passertive and laugh as you fix up the food you fucking bought.

Just to iterate, you aren't hard up on food are you? You aren't trying to stretch out a bag of Very Berry Captain Crunch for a work week or two?

>>18165565
oh yeah those are good ones yeah.

no i can always get more. things have been a little tighter and i should try to keep my food going for as long as possible but again it's my house

>>18165580
Don't take the fact that you own the food and misconstrue it into a belief that you must consume. This is something else that can lead to issues later on in your life, especially at your height.
It sounds like problems with your passive nature could be rooted in the fact that you aren't assertive with yourself.

>>18165590
sorry anon, can you clarify. i don't really understand what you mean here about "you own the food and misconstrue it into a belief that you must consume." and the part about height.

thanks

>>18165629
Just because you have something it doesn't mean you should take advantage of the fact more often than you should be. This is with all things; moderation.
Being a smaller build its alot easier for you to gain weight. If you don't get a hold of your self control now rather than later it can lead to health and weight issues, especially with garbage like cereal. If you have to eat something, eat something individual. Like a yogurt cup, a piece of fruit.. Single serve stuff. It's alot easier to control an eating habits that way because when you finish something regardless if it's less than a bowl of cereal you will have FINISHED it. Gorging on multiple snack packs will likely lead to regret but it will also leave more evidence of how fast you eat the food you buy. It'll lead to you thinking "Do I really NEED to eat 1/3rd of my fruit cups? Am I eating because I'm hungry or am I feeding a fixation?"
Please don't think I'm accusing you of being addicted to eating, I'm purely taking all of this from context you provided.

>>18165735
thanks for the in-depth response.
i definitely eat A LOT
and it is more a fixation rather than because im actually hungry.
maybe she is just looking out for me in terms of health and my wallet

>>18165735
Also I'd HIGHLY suggest investing in a blender. Fruit smoothies are both filling and healthy for you.
Another suggestion if you find it to be a problem, surround yourself with less instant food. You'd be far more likely to eat something without having to go through the process of prepping. You'd be far more likely to make a decision of whether or not you're truly hungry when you have to put forth effort.

>>18165369


Read "How to win friends and influence people".

People don't like to be confronted. Usually it makes them defensive and no one gains a thing. This doesn't mean you should let her walk all over you though. Have some confidence in the things you like. Put on music you like, and tell her why you like it. If she doesn't agree, just continue with telling her what you like about it. And if she is irritated say something that makes her feel good about herself, try to be a little creative and be genuine.

If despite your efforts she keeps treating you like a doormat, go and find other friends.

>>18165394
/adv/ isn't your personal safe space. Learn to suck it up, sweetie.

>>18165757

So for example

>She puts on music
>You listen, you tell her it sounds good
>You say "Ok, now I am going to put something on which I really like"
>She says "nooo let's listen to this"
>You say "yeah it's good, but let's list to it later, I want to list to this, it's really good, just give it a try"
>You put on the music
>She reacts like she doesnt like it
>You tell he what you like about it
>She doesnt respond
>You ignore her, and instead look for something nice to say about her
>After the song is over, you put on more music
>She starts to bitch again
>You say yeah we can listen to your music later, I just want to put on a few songs I like
>After a while of being more "assertive while remaining nice" she should get the point and stop bitching
>profit

>>18165358
>hanging out with niggers
>doing drugs
>female """problems"""
>ld""""r""""
>doormat
We're hitting not giving a shit levels that shouldn't even be possible

>>18165779
That's a great formula to not enjoy your own music through passive aggressing hmming and hawwing by the friend. You can't force feed someone something they don't like so the best course of action is to take turns.
OP you have more broad of a spectrum in music interest so chances are she'll find something that doesn't make her want to jump out the window. It's all trial and error but don't let her complaining force you to avoid playing what you really like on occasion.

>>18165801
uwaow /pol/

>>18165815
Dude weed lmao xD

OP say I'm sorry I need to have an intervention, we will play my music this time. Make sure to download the opera by R Kelly. It is a black person song that sounds white so maybe you will both like it and she will be like WOW.

>>18165820
Dude unnecessary misguided anger stemming from self loathing and belief that your own problems are more important
News flash, your problems don't make another's less important. You don't eclipse other people no matter how hard you try. The issue at hand is greater than you imply but you got triggered. You're a selective reader. I'm not going to tell you to go away, just try to provide constructive criticism for once.

>>18165839
Give some constructive criticism then, huh...
>stop hanging with niggers
>stop doing drugs
Her problem will be 100% solved following this simple 2 step advice.

>>18165812

How is this aggressive? You're just avoiding whiny debates by being assertive while staying nice. Yeah maybe she will ruin the first song, but if you keep being assertive she will start to respect you, and accept that your interests are valuable too.

The key point is to NOT become passive aggressive while doing this. Don't say this shit with a fake smile, and some under your breath bitchy remarks every now and then. Awake some genuine positivity inside of you.

>>18165845
/pol/ sounds like a racist father figure
Do yourself a favor, troll or not; Don't give advice. Or don't put the effort into pretending like you're here to do so, as meager effort it is
>>18165851
It just isn't a good idea to pretend to be an immovable object when you're traveling toward a wall (seemingly)
There are steps that have to be taken unless you want to derail the situation into something you DEFINITELY can't handle.

>>18165873
Sounds like she could have used a father figure since she hanging with black people and doing drugs.

>>18165873

I might be too "assertive" with certain friends sometimes. And if one of them would come up to me and ask me if he could take turns playing music I didn't like, I will 99% make sure it didn't happen. I am not a dick in many ways, but sometimes with small stuff like that I am, because I know I can be. The only way to change my mind will be to show some balls, either in a negative manner or a positive manner.

>>18165906
You don't just go out full linguini and say LETS TAKE TURNS
You just say let me get the next song
You might like a favorite song of mine
You didn't like it? Maybe you'll like this one
You don't like that either? This is the music I grew up with/work out to/enjoy. I don't like everything you put on