I'm 26 and in my first relationship (and I'm a girl)

>>18162047
>I'm kind of really sad I couldn't have had my first relationship when I was younger, back when everything was exciting and I had huge crushes on guys
>I was too ugly and fat to have had a boyfriend when I was young
Tough shit.

>How do I get over what I missed out on?
By realizing life is finite and often injust, and that there are some good things you just will never experience, because you're too old, or too poor, or not enough of a X person. The only thing to do is focusing on what's within your reach.

>But now everything is underwhelming. It's like there's no point in it.
Well, there are other reasons why you'd appreciate being in a relationship, but if it's not doing it for you, maybe there's no point to it? Excitement in general is a pretty fleety thing anyway. And the person that can best entertain you is always yourself, even though at 26 you're probably starting to get more responsibilities and less free time.

>>18162122
> The only thing to do is focusing on what's within

But what's within my reach seems to underwhelming and not worth it that I just end up feeling suicidal

>>18162127
That feeling is called depression. It's a bitch to live with.

>>18162047

If it's underwhelming and you feel no excitement when you're in a relationship, it's not with the right person.

I've known my partner years and we've been together over a year and I still feel butterflies when I look at him or think about him. I love spending time with him and even after spending a few hours apart from him while I'm at work, I always feel excited about seeing him.

It's not normal to feel underwhelmed in a relationship and it's probably more a lack of attachment or disinterest, rather than something wrong with you. Perhaps you might want to think about ending this relationship and looking for something different which appeals to you more.

If you were too fat and ugly to get a boyfriend when you were younger, it's highly likely that you have settled for this person now you consider yourself to be good enough to date. Possibly why you're not excited by it.

>>18162137
>If you were too fat and ugly to get a boyfriend when you were younger, it's highly likely that you have settled for this person now you consider yourself to be good enough to date. Possibly why you're not excited by it.

So what is the solution?

He's never going to be as good as the guys I had crushes on when I was younger, and I'm not the hormonal tornado I was back then either. So how would I ever be able to find a person to be with who I can be excited about?

>>18162144

Just find somebody who you genuinely find attractive. I'm not saying that you've actually settled, just that it sounds like you have low confidence in yourself so are more likely to settle, especially if you avoided relationships until you were 26.

Relationships in your teens and early twenties almost always end in heartbreak or drama and to be honest, cause more damage than any good. Yes, you do tend to be more impulsive when you're younger but this is rarely a good thing and usually ends up with you looking back and cringing like a motherfucker.

The relationships you develop when you're older tend to be ones based on stronger foundations, as you have an understanding of what you truly want with another person. This is why they tend to be much more mature and enjoyable than the ridiculous ones you have when you're younger which tend to be full of games and bullshit.

So look at it this way, you've skipped what is often the most awkward and painful part of dating. I guess you need to work out whether the relationship you're currently in is lacking because of how you feel, or because of how you feel about your partner. It's okay to lack chemistry with a partner, especially so after the honeymoon period is over. It happens. But make sure you're aware of the reasons behind why you're feeling underwhelmed.

>>18162165
>especially if you avoided relationships until you were 26.

I didn't avoid relationships! Nobody wanted me, I wanted a relationship so badly but nobody wanted to be with me

There was no honeymoon period, he was the only guy who wanted to be with me, that's all

>The relationships you develop when you're older tend to be ones based on stronger foundations, as you have an understanding of what you truly want with another person.

I didn't get to have the experiences most people have that teach them 'what they want'

>you've skipped what is often the most awkward and painful part of dating.

I've also skipped the most euphoric and exciting.

>I was too ugly and fat to have had a boyfriend when I was young
That's the fault of whom, if I may ask? Now you're complaining about it on 4chan instead of finding a potential match, deja-vu all over again.

>>18162192
Don't you get it, finding a potential mate right now seems pointless because I can't get as excited over guys as I used to

Woman, just be happy that you're IN a relationship. You could have been me, 31, single, crushing on some girl who doesn't give a fuck about me, working a shit job and living alone.

Ride that dick and be greatful.

>>18162202
Have you always been single?

>>18162201
not him.

but listen, same 31 yo guy as above. if you're not happy with this guy, don't think for a second that you wont feel strong crushes or love again, you will. you will!

>>18162209
no, but it's been 9 years now, I've tried in between, but depression, other shit got in the way.

>>18162201
Well if you're so disheartened and you find it pointless then ditch the guy you're with and focus on whatever else you have going for you, it really isn't that hard when you get past the mentality that you need to be focusing on dating for all eternity.

>>18162218
But then I'm still missing out on the best thing you can experience in life

>>18162187

You sound like a bit of a bitch to be honest. I'm sorry you were fat and ugly as a teenager. You're overanalysing and romantacising something you have no experience of. There's literally nothing you can do about this unless you invent a time machine.

>>18162217
OP here, I'd totally trade places with you, I wish I could have experienced relationships when I was younger

>>18162227
Why do I sound like a bitch?

>>18162225
Honestly, you've thrusted yourself into a rock-and-a-hard-place situation, if you want to cry about your lack of interest in riding some guys dick then no one can help you and GTFO. It's a conscious decision of a simple nature: occupy your time with other things instead of dick.

>>18162230
I lost my virginity at 22. So we're kinda in the same boat.

Sure I made out with an ex gf when I was 16 and fingered her, but all my relationships were short lived, and left a depressing bad taste in me, and they were all so many years apart, that frankly, they didn't leave the solid memories they could have. I had anxiety most my teen years. Still kinda do, but it doesn't stop anything, just always been alone.

>>18162225
It sounds like you're romanticizing this whole "young love" thing. It's as dumb as the /r9k/ guys who go "I'll never get to fuck a virgin, my life is shit".

Love is love+what you make of it. You can have an exciting love life when you're older (in fact, there are some aspects where it's easier - you have more independence, more disposable income, you and your partner know themselves a little better). It just demands effort, and finding the right person.

>>18162262
Only one of those relationships was truly strong. I was 22. And she was literally a first and last time experience due to distance.

Life can be way sadder than you imagine. I know a woman who developed cancer in her womb. She can't have kids, and she's mostly disabled. Imagine that.

>>18162047
You can't. Teenage puppy love is only for stupid teenagers with stupid ideals.

You're an adult. This is what adult relationships are.

The things we do out of desperation backfire on us. If you're not happy with this guy, find a guy you're happy with.

This is why women treat men like a cruddy job, soon as they apply for a better one, poof, they're gone. Because you were never in love.

You should leave sooner rather than later if you don't have strong feelings, later it will be harder for this guy to recover.

Simply say you're not fully invested in it emotionally as he is. And that you don't want to do him a disservice by pretending to be in a fulfilling relationship. Which is what you're giving some of us the impression the case is.

It is so much harder to find love than people think.. you are more likely to find someone you can respect, before you find somebody you truly love. If you respect this guy though, and he's good to you, that is also something to consider pretty great, but don't think for a second you wont feel like you're in love again. I thought that way for years, I felt like I was broken. But your mind is just echoing back to you your very own dissatisfaction.

Easy just break up and date a 18 year old or whatever lol

Dating is fuckin simple. There's a winner and a loser. Sometimes there are two winners or two losers but there are just a million things to win or lose at. Who's had more sex, who does more drugs, who has more friends, more money, goes out more, feels stronger toward.. Everything

Had you dated you'd have either been the clingy one or dealt with the clingy one and it's not hard to imagine how that would feel. All your feelings.. You never really know what it's like on the other side and that's what's getting you. Nobody really wonders what it would be like to sit at home but going out and having relationships is so perfunctory that everyone doing that is wondering what it would be like to be with somebody else even though it'd probably be the same

I've basically been the less caring one in every relationship unless they play hard to get which causes me to just go totally insane. Relationships aren't fun. Fun is fun. No fun and relationships suck. Take your guy out. Go to a concert and drink with friends. See what crazy shit happens in your head. It isn't too late to have dramatic bullshit

>>18162047
Please tell me your name isn't Sarah.

>>18163034
It's not Sarah

>>18162227
OP does sound kinda like a bitch tbqh

>I was ugly and fat, why can't my only boyfriend be as good as the guys I fantasized being with when I was young?

>>18162238
using exclamation marks when talking to people who are trying to help you.

Which means, you are not humble or thankful.
A quality that is very hindering in heterosexual relationships. But you also lack the insight to make use of this
So you just come here to discredit all useful advice you get on here and keep on whining about things you have no power over, saying "...but all the emotions i missed out on"

there is no way to redo things you missed out on, wasted potential cannot be undone. But if you still think more about your past than about your future, you are missing out on even more and even greater opportunities.

>growing up SUCKS how can i be a kid forever uhm?

>>18162047
Anon you and I are a bit similar. Didn't date/get my first boyfriend till I was 21. I'm 25 now and haven't dated anyone since. You've just got to accept that those younger years are gone and you can't relive them or anything. Life isn't a romcom movie or anything. Even so it's possible to meet and date someone that makes your heart beat faster and that cliche shit.

Don't give up and don't settle just because you feel like no one will ever want you or whatever. You're doing both yourself and the person you're with a disservice by staying in a relationship that you're not engaged in.

>>18163729
>, you are missing out on even more and even greater opportunities.

I can't see any opportunities in my future except more boring adult relationships with no good feelings to them

I was really awkward when I was young and missed out on SO many opportunities. Girls literally throwing themselves at me.. Threesomes.. back when I looked like I could lead a boy band. Now my looks are leaving me with this raccoon mask. I can't do anything about it.

>>18162047
>But now everything is underwhelming. It's like there's no point in it.


Leave the guy be and unburden him of your shitty presence in his life, you mentally ill defective human being. Personally I'd beat the shit out of you for saying these things behind my back.

>>18165169
>I can't see any opportunities in my future
and you are fucking ok with that?

If I were you I'd be pissed that past me didn't set a path for an interesting future

if you look indifferent into the future, you will not get any feelings other than indifference and despise out of it.

>>18165215
So what is the solution

>>18162047
It's what a lot of guys here have gone through, myself included. I was never "too ugly" but my social awkwardness sabotaged every would-be relationship and as I get older, I feel rather numb to the concept of being with somebody because fuck it, I've been alone for so long. It might as well be for the rest of my life at this point.

>>18162137
>it's probably more a lack of attachment
Lack of attachment is actually a personal problem though, or at least could be. There comes a point where even women have to put on their big girl pants and own their shit. If you're blocking out intimacy, consider it might be your own hangups and work on fixing that, instead of dumping your guy because he doesn't work tirelessly to fix it for you.

t. someone who routinely loses interest in people quickly after meeting them and realizes the problem is likely with me, not with every single woman I've met for not inspiring completely unchecked desire straight away.

>>18162047
Actually now that I think about it, many overweight women I know are in relationships. Perhaps your key part here is supposed to be "ugly" but from experience overweight women can get sex too. Perhaps not with the top 10% of men you wanted but it was possible for them.

If you really think you're settling, go ahead and dump your guy, but realize that no man on this earth is perfect and all these crushes you had were based largely on either expectations, pure physical desire or simply not knowing the guy well enough. In time you'll realize that while feeling attracted to a partner is important, it's not the only consideration to make, unless all you want to do is hook up. Those guys you had crushes on may not have even been the best for you, and I say this as a guy who routinely got over crushes after I realized that they weren't really the best fits for me.

>>18162137
>we've been together over a year and I still feel butterflies
>a year

Cute. Call me in another year and a half from now when you'll be gagging on another cock. In the meantime try embarrassing yourself less.

>>18162047
It sounds like you want to whore around a bit. Hey man, you do you, but let's not beat around the bush. You want all the model type guys to fall head over heels for you and becoming babbling idiots in your presence. It's doable if you have the looks. Just because you lost weight doesn't make you a model. Post a pic or something. For all we know you're some 180lbs fatty who lost 10lbs and thinks she deserves the world.