>family is asian >cousin getting married in 3 months >fiance

>>18161405
Marriage is that point in relationship where romantics and dreams ends and hardship reality begins.

Stay cool and wait what will happen. They have 40~60% chance to divorce anyway.

Keep your mouth shut, choose no side, ride it out and let people live with the decisions they've come to made.

If fights break out, THEN, choose a side and do what you can for your side to come out on top. If there's no sides yet don't go around creating factions. First wave leaders always will get stabbed in the back.

>>18161411
>>18161413

I know I'm not in it, but this pattern of controlling/over-critical behavior to her and each other has been going on since before I was born.

My mom was a first born and in our culture it's expected that she take care of the whole family. In her case, she was providing financial support while (and even for a significant time after) they got established in the US. There was an incident before I was born where they noticed she made money on the stock market (somehow by trading her employer's stocks) so they asked her to set up a brokerage account for several of them. Predictably they lost money and blamed her, fighting with her for months and accusing her of misleading them. She gave them the first bonuses from her job (several 10 thousand) to them to get them to stop.

Relatives also pressured my mom into marrying my dad which resulted in me, which largely worked out fine but he was still not her first choice.

>>18161413
I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not. My mom and I don't have much of a close relationship with our relatives since neither of us enjoy going to family gatherings only to be endlessly criticized. However, she does have a much higher opinion of them than I do despite the things she's told me they've done; she seems to think it's normal for whatever reason.

I know for a fact any criticism I make will be met with how they were there when my dad was sick and when he died and therefore that absolves them of everything.

>>18161427
I believe that people have ability to think for themselves and are capable of deciding if supporting their family and following family tradition is worth it or not.

Also your family is always your safety net and it is always better to think twice before you burn all bridges.

If you dont really like them, you can always cut contact, but then you will be alone. Take care!

>>18161445
I don't intend to start fights, but it's still disturbing to see people who are supposed to love and care for each other unconditionally act like this, especially when they're related to me.

>>18161453
Yea world isnt fairy tale. Who could have tell?

:-D

>>18161453
This is reality, most families go through this stuff. My paternal grandfather hated my mother and thought my dad was marrying down. Created a scene at the wedding too.

From a practical standpoint, there's nothing you can do. You're best off just minding your own business, unless your cousin comes go you and explicitly asks for your help.

A bad wedding doesn't mean shit anyway, it's not a big deal.

>>18161427
Sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Being too harshly disciplines since a young age, cultural pressure, limited self determination, anger, loss of your father. I'd love to listen to all of them if you posted your tits.

>>18161472
>>18161476
I'm afraid they're coming after me next. I'm the first born son of the first born so they probably expect me to take care of them after my mom is unable to. They're already putting pressure on me to date (with the intention of marrying) some girl of one of the family friends. Neither the girl nor I want to. They refuse to listen to anything other than what they want to hear.

>>18161483
Don't let yourself be manipulated, make your own decisions, and most importantly have your own source of income so your not dependent on them.

Pursuing what you want is the number one priority even if it costs your family, although it probably won't come to that.

>>18161405
Say, are you Chinese? The traditionally stiff ones? If not, my bad. I am one though, and aunt behaved like that too.

My cousin's marriage been a mess. His wife feel like she was bought into our family and shit. They're only married for 3 years but already fight regularly, even to to the point of domestic violences
His wife confided to me she'll run away from home if it continues and she already prepare some money to "buy" her freedom back, or some shit like that.
My loudmouthed aunt also badmouthing me for my choice of fiance, since she's not from a wealthy family and just a kindergarten teacher. I have to face my aunt's arrogance every time she visits my family.

Despite all anooying shit, I don't burn the bridges on all of my relatives though. I still keep bare minimum contact with them, and I keep focusing my attention to my immediate family and siblings here.

>>18161510
My mom and I are not dependent on them for money or anything. It's just that they're family and it feels bad having to fight them. They shut down any attempt at discussion of the idea that people can choose anything other than tradition by calling their opponents "ungrateful" and "irresponsible to the family". It's like there's no way of getting through to them.


>>18161888
Not Chinese, but family has been historically mildly traditional at worst, as in they would prefer that everyone follow tradition, but they would respect your decision not to tow the line. They've become more rigid in recent years for some reason. I largely blame one of my aunts' husbands (who married in), who is hyper-traditional to the point of obnoxiousness, for this shift.

The loud relatives are also the hyper-traditional ones and they have a tendency to gang up. The family members who I know who aren't that traditional aren't willing to argue back or back each other up when one of them becomes the target.