When me and my boyfriend have disagreements, heated discussions

>>18155155
Sorry to hear. Maybe you should leave him and focus on yourself until someone better comes along.

How long has this been going?

>>18155158
All else is good though. Just this. Just wish he would realise how it hurts me. Maybe he doesnt care. Tbh i think he does it as he knows it hurts.

>>18155164
4 years.

>>18155172
You seem to develop Stockholm Syndrome. This toxic behaviour will never go away. He will always berate you. He will crush your self-esteem in order for you to control you. Does he get really sweet after you're having a fight?

The worst things ive said which are very bad and totally not true is that ive fucked someone else. Ive said this less than 10 times and only said when we are at rock bottom as i know that is his trigger. Ive stopped saying and wont ever say but the things he has called me are pretty much on a weekly basis yet he says me saying that is way worse. My Dad is dead and he even said cruel things about that. But the fact i said ive fucked someone is worse. If i had then yes it is but they were just words and a tiny percentage compared to all he calls me.

>>18155176
Yes. Tells me im perfect and amazing and sorry etc etc

>>18155183
That's a very typical behaviour for abusers. They will taunt to crush your spirit and makes you feel sorry for him for acting like that. You need to find a better partner.

>>18155183
Also are you seeking professionel help?

>>18155187
We are probably as bad as each other but in different ways. Just feel i cant take it anymore.

>>18155158
This

>>18155176
This....

>>18155187
and this /thread

>>18155191
No we are not.

>>18155194
Interesting that you say we instead of I, it seems that you are afraid to let go. I was talking about you seeking a therapist or psychologist and not couple's therapy.

>>18155194
You OP should get help to get out of this unhealthy relationship. Do you really think that every single poster here is wrong or "just doesn't understand"? A counselor can't fix if he's an abusive and selfish asshole.

Please realize that you let it crush your self-worth so much that you're making up excuses in your head. Don't allow this to happen any other day. Seriously, those words you listed what the fuck is wrong with him? A relationship should be filled with love and even during fights there is always a respect for each other there. No fucking exceptions.
Leave him before it's too late and you start saying it's your fault that he comes home and beats you etc. And well, if you're afraid of this, seek help please.

>>18155206
I actually thought posting this would have guys on his side or saying it doesnt matter. I think i do blame myself. He is actually horrible to me and im the only who can do something as its clear he wont.

>>18155219
Sorry but if he has no interest in getting better, then he won't. Do you feel like he is the only one that is able to love you?

>>18155219
Exactly, the ball has been in your court for the longest time now but you are frozen at the free throw line waiting on permission to shoot.

>>18155226
No i dont feel that at all.

>>18155233
Okay then, but you need to consider that he is not a good person to be with. He is not being supportive to you, a lover shouldn't use such harsh words against you. You need to build up strength to leave him

>>18155244
I can be very insecure and get upset at things that lead to me asking him.questions. He does that to me also but not as much. This is mainly when i get the abuse which makes me worse. Im not being mean. That is my way of wanting reassurance. So then its me saying sorry. Im a fucking idiot.

>>18155258
That is why this ship is shinking. You're not good for each other. Hurting each other intentionally or not is not a way to manage a relationship. You need some space for some soul searching.

>>18155258
It's okay, at least you're not in denial. It's a very good first step that you are realizing this.

I think you got to the point where talking doesn't help. What I would do is manage to get all your stuff that is over at his place back, and then say you want to meet with him at a public place, like a coffee shop. He won't have any power over you in this setting and can't basically blackmail you by keeping all your stuff.

Tell him that you are not willing to endure this abuse and do not want to be "friends" or be with him in any way. Be clear about that, and try to keep it as short as possible.
He will probably use his abusive tactics of faking empathy and being all sweet and so on. But don't fall for this trap. He will legit be sad, but that is because in those relationships the abuser is also dependent of his victim of getting his nasty affirmation and self-worth by making others feel bad because he doesn't know how else he will get this feeling in future then.

Do not give in, and maybe ask a friend of yours to pick you up at a certain time, like after 15 min. or something, so that you have a time limit and someone who cares. If you don't have friends than at least your parents or something.

>>18155268
All my other relationships have been a lot more peaceful. I think overall it is a bad relationship. I dont think he would be like this with someone else.

>>18155266
Ty for your good reply.