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I'm stuck dealing with an abusive ex and I don't know what to do.
Dated this girl for a year and some months. There was a lot of good in the relationship, however she has a severe mental illness that she leaned constantly on me to help treat. She refuses to disclose to even her own family that she is suicidal, and she will randomly become intensely angry at me and shout all of the things she can think of to hurt my feelings before becoming repentant a few hours (or minutes) later. I broke up with her in September of last year, but she was very persistent with me to continue hanging out, and she has me on the hook to speak on the phone almost daily, hang out twice or more a week. When I can't meet that expectation, she blames me for a bout of depression. It's an enormous use of my energy, and I genuinely care about the girl, so it remains hard to see her in such a state, despite it ruining my chance at having a normal dating life.
I thought I had a way out. I got myself a job far out-of-state for the summer, and thought this would be a good way to cut down the physical aspect of our "friendship" to the point where it may even normalize or dissipate into nothing. Well, when I told her about my plans to relocate, she became hysterical, threatening to kill herself if I sleep with anybody out of state, saying she can't trust me, pulling her hair out of her head, cutting herself. Just total chaos. In trying to comfort her I suggested that she can visit me. The thing is, this is a seasonal job that lasts 5 months and is done. I am not comfortable asking for an excess of time off (I still have to ask for time off for my sister's wedding). Now every day she's harassing me to get on the act of asking for this time off, from a job I haven't started yet. I am worried if I do find a way to bring her out, that it will be a disaster where she sabotages my job and friendships with my coworkers. I don't know what to do.
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>>18154609
>I'm stuck dealing with an abusive ex
No you're not stuck, you just don't have the balls to kick her psycho ass to the curb. You're her emotional hostage and its 100% your fault.
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>>18154644
Maybe he doesn't want to see a girl die? I've been this girl. I am this girl. And it is completely unfair, but sometimes you only have that one person who can make you feel whole again. COMPLETELY the wrong way to treat this person (in your case) but people get desperate.
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>>18154651
>Maybe he doesn't want to see a girl die?
Using the threat of your own life to force people to do what you want is hallmark of deep psychological disturbances and requires immediate psychiatric intervention.
It is absolutely 100% not his responsibility nor his duty to endure a myriad of emotional and psychological abuse because he's being blackmailed with suicide. She doesn't need her ex, she needs a mental hospital and a team of skilled mental health professionals.
>but sometimes you only have that one person who can make you feel whole again
Depending on someone to make you feel whole is called codependence, sweetheart, and its what people who are sick in the head do.
>I've been this girl. I am this girl.
Oh I can tell, seeing as how you completely failed to see the undeniably dysfunctional overtones to your reply, basically encouraging this guy to endure her erratic behavior and abuse for some extended period of time because somehow in your mind, if he doesn't feed into her disorder and answer her ever beck and call it'll be his fault if she cuts or harms herself.
Fuck that, this girl threatens to kill herself and you call the cops and have her committed. Period.
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>>18154676
>>Have her committed
Tried that once, she got out of the hospital after lying to the social workers and took a cab right back to my place.
I am worried that if I do cut all ties with her, the retribution will be against both me and herself. I really don't want to see her permanently handicapped from a suicide attempt.
I have considered writing her mom a letter detailing the shit I've been dealing with and illustrating the severity of her condition. I think this could end the friendship completely, which probably is for the best.
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>>18154688
>I am worried that if I do cut all ties with her, the retribution will be against both me and herself.
That isn't your problem. She is mentally ill and needs mental help. You sticking around and enabling her dysfunction by letting her manipulate you is making her worse.
>I really don't want to see her permanently handicapped from a suicide attempt.
This is not your responsibility. You CANNOT allow yourself to be blackmailed with suicide. If you let her sink her hooks into you like this and she learns that all she has to do is threaten to hurt herself and you'll give her anything she wants she will be terrorizing you for the rest of yours life.
What you're doing is damaging her. You're teaching her to deal with her issues by blackmailing you into giving her what she wants and the only reason this situation has continued to go on is because you've let it.
Get a restraining order if you have to. This woman is clinically psychotic and your presence in her life is only adding to her sickness.
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