How much do you trust a new significant other who has a longtime

>>18144372
In general, I don't date people I don't trust. If you cannot believe them, just dump them and move on.

I do believe that friendship between men and women is possible.
I think that it can be 100% platonic, but even if it isn't it isn't a huge deal - it is very possible to be friends with someone you think is cute.
You'll meet plenty of people who are sexually attractive, cheating or not cheating on your partner is mostly a choice. If you don't want to cheat, even laying in be naked next to a top model won't make you cheat.

On the other hand, if two people are truly friends and they've been friends for many years, they probably already had many chances to be together and choose not to be, so that's reassuring.

>>18144372
do the other person have a partner? That could actually simbol that they are just friends. Idk.

>>18144372
No, cut that "just friends" bs. Many women have guy friends, but not ones they hangout with like they are bff. I don't know if you can trust your woman, but you can trust biology. And biology tells the guy friend to fuck your girl's brains out. Unless he's provenly gay, then it's okay, and there's your loophole.

>>18144372
>>18144565

One of my closest, best friends is female. She's been a very beautiful girl her whole life, and has a lot going for her. But you know what? I don't want to fuck or date her.

Why? Because after 20+ years of friendship, I know ALL of her bullshit. I know how shitty she treats guys in relationships. I know she drinks like a fucking fish and throws up her food in private. I know that sometimes she just pitches a bitch fit for no good reason at her boyfriends, but in my case, if she gets moody, I can say "alright fine I'll see you later" instead of having to worry about sharing a bed with her and making up.

A girlfriend, and even fucking, is a much different investment than a friend.

Plus, I'm not desperate, and have other women I'm fucking, so I'm not out of my mind sitting next to her while we watch a football game.

I have a friend I have known since I was born, who I consider to be like a brother. There is no way I could ever see him as anything other than a friend as it's programmed into me to see him as a sibling. However, he has made several passes at me, always when we've been drunk.

Because of this, I feel I cannot see him while I have a boyfriend. This isn't because I don't trust myself, it's because I know that it is likely that there are some residual feelings on his side, and it isn't fair to run the risk of him making a move on me.

I would have course tell my boyfriend if this did happen, but it's easier just to limit the friendship to online while I'm seeing someone, unless my friend is happy to come and hang out with both me and my boyfriend.

So...although I'd like to believe that guys and girls can be just friends if they've had a long lasting friendship, my experience of it is that there's always a chance that one will have feelings just due to the moments shared together. I wouldn't feel comfortable if my boyfriend had this with a girl but I wouldn't stop him from seeing them.

>>18144579
> I'm not desperate, and have other women I'm fucking
And this is what keep you away from your female friend. For now.

>>18144372
>things are never truly 100% platonic in the purest sense when they're THAT close

Yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's inaccurate to define the relationship as a "friendship."

I hear you in that it seems like your whole thing is basically just wanting a significant other to "call it what it is from the beginning and then everything will be cool." Problem is, you don't seem very clear on at what point you'd consider it disingenuous for someone to casually call their relationship with someone "just friends."

Like, are you gonna get pissed if your gf has a close dude "friend" and she tells you that back in high school they made out once when they were drunk, completely agreed it was awkward and a mistake and never did it again? Are you gonna accuse some girl of not being forthcoming with you if she eventually tells you that her and her best guy friend played with the idea of dating for a while but nothing ever came of it and they agreed it was better to be friends?

If it's never truly 100% platonic, what % non-platonic is the point where you'd say "this is more than just friends and you needed to say so?"

>>18144595
You are making this too complex for yourself and everyone else

>>18144586
She gets it right.

Women and men can't be friends(without the risk of sex)

>>18144586
>I have a friend I have known since I was born, who I consider to be like a brother....However, he has made several passes at me

This is like the very definition of what OP is talking about. Like, do I really need to point out the problem here?

>"We're just friends!
>...except for when we're drunk and he tries to hook up with me"

>>18144592

There never will be anything past a "for now." This is the way it is. If the well dried up in me getting laid, I'd know she's still crazy.

You know most normal, well adjusted people have sex, right?

>>18144600

It's a massive shame because I really get on with this guy, we have a lot in common and he makes me laugh. I just can't justify hanging around him while I have a boyfriend because there's always that chance he'll try again. If that happened, it would be awkward, would ruin our friendship and it would be partially my fault as I would have known this was a possible outcome. It would also be disrespectful to my boyfriend as I'd be hanging out with my friend knowing he once had feelings for me (judging by his previous behaviour).

The last thing I want to do is give the impression that I'm available to him, now or ever. The idea of him being some beta orbiter makes me sad for him, so the easiest way to combat this is just not to hangout (at least until he gets a girlfriend).

>>18144611
Youd be more well adjusted if you stopped lying to yourself

>>18144600
>You are making this too complex for yourself and everyone else

Speak for yourself. Made perfect to me and he's right. It's fucking autistic to act like someone lied to you just because they didn't tell you every single detail about their history with someone if it doesn't really matter in the big scheme of things.

>>18144607

Did you read the rest of my post or just jump on the bit which supported your agenda and ignore the rest?

I don't see this person because of the fact that he made a move on me and changed the dynamic of the friendship. I won't see them again until they're in a relationship. I couldn't agree more that in most cases, men and women can't just be friends.

It doesn't change the fact that I consider him a friend and like a brother to me. I'm not going to change my definition of what he is just because he decided to come onto me when drunk. I just made the most sensible decision I could at that point and stopped seeing him while I was in a relationship.

>>18144653
Huh, youre talking like him being drunk is the only time he wants to make a move on you. That's just the only time he dares to do that.

>>18144658

Why is that relevant? I was answering the question that OP posted, not asking advice myself.

>>18144653
>It doesn't change the fact that I consider him a friend and like a brother to me.

And this is where we disagree and why I focused on the part that matters. I respect that you've removed this dude as a factor while you're in relationships, but there's a huge difference between how you feel about someone and an accurate depiction of the nature of your relationship with them.

Just because you regard him as a friend doesn't mean that's what's actually going on between the two of you. And if a SO were to ask about the "friendship," they're clearly asking what the nature of the actual relationship is between you two, not how you FEEL about things.

>>18144677

I've been perfectly honest with my boyfriend (and previous partners) about our friendship, how he feels and how I couldn't feel more different. I should add that each time he has made a move, I have clearly and politely refused his advances.

I can't really avoid how he feels about me, I can only make it clear that the feeling isn't mutual. I personally would refer to him as a family friend - how would you suggest I refer to him if asked?

>>18144677
anon, the femanon just has a woman's opinion on this whole matter. a man has different opinions, but we can all agree that it's not cool to hangout with a guy, whatever the relationship is called, if youre in a relationship.

>>18144694
Ok, then you're fine. You hadn't said anything about actually communicating this to your bf other than being willing to tell him if this dude made further advances towards you.

As long as it is made clear that this person has clearly non-platonic feelings that you do not share and that you want your SO to know about the situation, you're golden. Call it whatever you like as long as you're actually being completely honest about the realities of the situation.

>>18144579
I second this. I have a girl friend who's been for 5 years or so, initially i wanted to fuck her but after talking and spending time knowing her i dropped out that idea because i know all her flaws and i can't be arsed to put up with that.

Sometimes happens i remain friend with the girls i fuck but that doesn't last long unless, say, we work together or frequent mutual places.

I wouldn't mind my gf having male friends, as long as they know their place and don't get thirsty with her.

>>18144595
This.

My best friend is female. Known each other going on 13 years since college. She has a bf she's seriously considering marrying, I'm seeing someone, we are absolutely just friends.

But we're close and there's history there. We absolutely played with the idea of being more back in our early 20s, and even in the last year or two she has broached the subject prior to seeing this other dude. I have told my gf this because I want her to know that things aren't 100% platonic, that my friend has always had some sort of torch for me, but that we respect the boundaries and I certainly haven't entertained it as anything more than a friendship in like 7 years.

"Friends" is accurate, but it would have been a lie to call it "just friends."