How the fuck do I flirt? This question has probably been asked

>>18141923
Practice. Literally. Lots of it is nonverbal so practice in person. Use lots of subtle innuendo.

>>18141923
Things one type of girl finds creepy, others find ok. You need practice so you can learn when what you're saying seems weird to them and you can shift the conversation. Until then, you'll fail and be awkward every time.

But that's okay, even if you were great at flirting you'd still get rejected a lot, it's very common for guys to get rejected. So get used to it, and jump back into the fray after each defeat, learning more about what to do each time. That's manliness, by Jove.

Still here OP? Don't want to spend the time to write this shit down if you're not monitoring anymore.

>>18142047
yeah

>>18142071
Alright here we go. Yeah it's been asked a million times but whatever, it's more difficult social interaction. Mostly because you need to improvise, be very in tune with what dynamic you have and so on.
Asking how to flirt in itself is kind of like asking how to have a conversation. There is no golden way to do it. What's appropriate in one context isn't in another. What's sexy to one person isn't to another. What comes natural to one person feels awkward to another. So it is about finding both your own (signature) style, and how to adjust that according to the situation and the person you're interacting with.

The first step is realizing what flirting really is. Flirting is essentially playing for adults. You are not necessarily signaling that you want to fuck someone. You are more covertly pointing someone's attention to sexuality, to the sexual potential that exists between the two of you (like it does between all people), or even just the possibility of finding each other attractive. It's just a cheeky little nudge. This is generally speaking, of course. Flirting can be used to downright seduce someone or even for business arrangements. But generally speaking.

The way you do this is by implicitly showing that you have either interest in this person, or just interest in sex/women itself, without showing your hand and spelling out that you want to date/fuck her. That's boring. People like to chase, they like to wonder and fantasize. If you make it clear right away that you are into someone, you appear on their radar as a ready suitor, and people just do not find that as exciting/sexy as having a build up where you're still a free man who might like them and might not like them. Sexiness has quite some to do with emotional risk, which is why sex tends to stall as a relationship grows safer and more comfortable in other aspects.

>>18142136
So what you are doing by flirting [assuming for a moment you are flirting because you like her and want to date her] is allowing her to contemplate you as a potential boyfriend, a potential lover, before being an available option to her yet.
People tend to think really simplistically about falling in love, they think that person A chases person B and then something might happen. In real life it's a dance. People like people who show interest in them and are friendly to them. And are nicer to people who interest them and they find attractive. So it's like a cycle where being attracted to someone makes them more attracted to you - because you treat them better, you smile more, you pay attention to what they say, you pay closer attention to how you present yourself. Plus mere exposure effect (people are more likely to fall for someone they see a lot, like a neighbor or colleague). So most often person A does something tiny (smile at B). B notices and appreciates this so next time B will ask A if they also want coffee if they're getting anyway. Person A thinks, how nice, looks at B's ass while getting coffee, and so on.
Flirting is another way to sort of push this whole process forward. By flirting with someone well you can put yourself on the map even if your looks alone (or other stuff about yourself) didn't instantly garner their attention.

I promise all this stuff is important because only if you realize what you are exactly trying to do you can fully analyze how you do it, why stuff went wrong and so on.

Next part is, okay, this is what flirting does, but what does it look like. Well, it comes in many different forms.
This is because people have their personal style that they are still bold enough to do, or that turns them on the most, or that otherwise comes most natural to them.

The most common, universal way of flirting is not hiding your natural signs of attraction.

>>18142152
Most people feel vulnerable and a bit embarrassed to like someone they harbor feelings for someone. They feel stupid or like this person is out of their league. So what they do is they make sure to not look at them too much, to break off eye contact before it gets "weird", to -really- watch themselves when it comes to checking out her body.
Most normal flirting is to not do that. Let her see that you look down at her mouth from time to time while she talks. That you look into her eyes more and longer, that you stand just a little closer. Touch her in little ways (safe options are tapping her shoulder/arm before asking something, or nudging her to something interesting going on - make sure to touch her fast and lightly). Don't hide that just looking at her face makes you smile a little.
If you can tell she's into it - bit flushed, big pupils, leaning forward, touching you back - you can amp it up. She complains about her clothes or body? Do a quick but deliberate up and down and tell her "looks great". (Or "you look great" depending on just how enthusiastic she is.) Look at her ass when she's walking away. If she turns around don't act like you were watching something else, throw up your hands or give a "you caught me" kind of grin.

This is essentially "vanilla flirting". Another example of this is simply being extra nice - doing her tiny little favors, remembering the little stuff.
There are many other ways. Will try to get into them in a bit but before that, let me get to your question about discomfort.

The idea with these things is that you see if she wants to interact with you like this. You try something small and elaborate on that if it works and you can tell she's interested in flirting back. If not, you back off. It's not like you go from 0 to 100 out of nowhere. There's ample time to realize that the chemistry isn't there. People are awkward and try to avoid explicit rejections at all costs. Her real, initial rejection will be painless.

>>18142172
That will take the form of a lack of smiling, acting like she doesn't get the joke or provocation, not looking you in the face. Only if you turn a blind eye towards her non-verbal signs that she's not interested in this shit, will you get called out and have an uncomfortable situation.
There's always lunatics but again, by far most sane people would themselves feel embarrassed to call you out and would much rather not even let it get to that stage to begin with. So they hope you take their cue first.

Other ways of flirting. The only thing they all have in common is that you are essentially singling a person out and not hiding that you are singling them out. Whether you are singling them out by complimenting them or by playfully insulting them doesn't matter much. This is a matter of what you feel most comfortable with and what works best in your own experience.

Let's look at "insulting" flirting. This might seem confusing at surface level, but I like to compare it to banter among guys. What you have to pay attention to is not that at surface level the guy is calling his friend a pussy (or whatever). What matters is the underlying implication: they are good enough friends that he does not have to treat his friend "politely" all the time. That they both know that at the end of the day, they like each other a lot.
Being vulgar and/or "mean" is like an extreme form of being informal, in this case. If you are standing with two co-workers, and one says that qt is going to do x job, you saying "Qt?? With no supervisor??" with exaggerated shock does not tell her that you think she's incompetent. It tells her that you like to rag on her and that you trust she'll know your intentions. That you are inviting her to fuck with you (not even literally, necessarily), inviting her into a more playful dynamic where they don't stick to office etiquette necessarily.

Note how the examples I mention aren't particularly smooth or quoteworthy.

>>18142188
Sure that's partly because I'm making them up on the spot, but also because real life flirting is often kind of cringeworthy or lame/corny to outsiders. It resembles infatuated love babble a lot in that regard.
The thing is: picture a really pretty, cute girl giving you a compliment. Would you be thrown off if that compliment was a bit weird? Fuck no, that would be endearing. In real life the very fact that someone is showing (sexual, romantic) interest is so exciting that it changes the way you look at what's actually said. In a movie where flirting is all cool and witty, the viewer doesn't have those emotions so it needs to be a lot "better" to feel as exciting as normal flirting does in real life.

Either way, back to flirting styles. Try a lot of things. Everyone has things they can do while feeling comfortable and self-respecting, and things that make them feel stupid. Some people can wink unironically, others cringe just imagining it. So start out with stuff that is still within your comfort zone and try to expand that comfort zone. Nothing but practice will make you more sensitive towards the cues that someone else is flirting with you, that they are enjoying it (or getting bored), that you have gone too far or can actually go much further.

Anyway I have completely lost my initial train of thought for this whole monsterinfothing but I hope this is helpful. If you have specific questions I have not addressed I'll lurk for at least another twenty minutes or so.

>>18142200
Okay thought of two more things I forgot. The easiest way to know whether someone flirts with you or not (if you are not that experienced yet) is looking at whether you are the exception for them, whether they single you out.
A girl giggling and playing with her hair around you could mean she likes you, or maybe it's just what she does. What she does or does not do in absolute terms (assuming it isn't straight up kissing you or inviting you over) matters less than how that compares to how she treats other people. Some people can't flirt at all - if a woman is really sociable and extroverted around everyone, but shy and flustered around you, that's a great sign.

And secondly, just realized that most people think more of sexual jokes/comments when they think of flirting. Those absolutely can be incorporated. If you have a more bold flirting style you can like to drop a sexual comment to a woman - not even necessarily aimed towards her, just, actively putting sex on her mind and making her scramble for a reply. For most people this is way too much to ask/pull off confidently, and explicit sexual references are more something for a further stage when sexual tension has already been established.

Oh and thirdly, you can get away with A LOT as long as you don't act like it's a big deal yourself. One last example: a woman is in your bed after sex, she grins at you, lazily rolls over to kiss you and purrs into your ear "oh by the way I totally lied about being on the pill, I'm going to steal your sperm and everything, how do you feel about that mister?"
Second scenario: she's sitting on the bed giving you a slightly twitchy smile going "h-heh wouldn't it be funny if I lied about being on the pill...? I could steal your sperm..."
First is playing around between lovers, second is CREEPY as fuck. People are not that great at separating how people present themselves from who they actually are (and it often does save time) so if you are nervous you look guilty.

>>18142213
Damn pls tell me you had that copied somewhere or at least wrote this exact thing so many times it's memory

>>18142312
Haha it's largely from memory, yes. This one was especially elaborate but I have said this numerous times before. Actually just saved this version just now so next time I don't have to start from scratch.

>>18142213
Not OP

Would like to ask your insight on how to approach a specific scenario though:

> I'm 27
She's 36

> Though not completely autistic, I only have a handful of experience with women and very little physically. Also am still trying to settle on a long term career plan.
She has been married once and is settled in her career.

She's also my yoga instructor, and a damned good one so part of me doesn't want to make a good thing awkward. Had it been someone else, I'd have just asked them out by now but I just want to be sure of this one before I make any concrete moves.

Anyway, I've been talking to her frequently after classes lately and she's delightful, always smiling, bright eyed, easy to talk to and sort touches me on the wrist sometimes when we're talking.
As far as I can tell, she is really attentive to most people she talks to though, so I find it difficult to get a read on her but she's shown a few moments of thoughtfulness like putting together a little reading list for me after we had a discussion of potential literature.

I know it's difficult from an outsider's view, but do you think it's now the time to just ask her out for a coffee or something?
Do you see any ways of more definitively gauging interest?

I'm also a little worried there is too much of a disparity in where we are in our lives for me to be an attractive option for her in a purely practical sense, at least right out of the gate and I keep telling myself, maybe I should wait a few months until I'm in a better job and back at uni.

>>18142329
Don't wait. It's never a good idea to put your life on hold because you are hoping for something out of your control to fall into place. Ultimately it is up to her how she perceives you and she will already see you as younger than her and more of a "rookie" in life, whether or not you have a better job won't change that. Being a student certainly won't.

The literature thing is the most obvious starting point for me. Not just because it is a shared interest but because you can very easily show off insight, intelligence, romantic sensitivity and so on while discussing novels.

I would start working on reading her list, chatting her up about it after class, and giving her a low key opening to jump in. Something like "I would like to go over [how elegant the plot was, how much my expectations turned out to be wrong, how much I recognize this writing style from other author with similar theme/background] but I'd need a different setting and a lot more time for that". The trick is to make it just perky and close-ended enough to not raise suspicion if she isn't interested, eg don't do the infliction of a question but rather of a statement.
If she is actually interested in that, she will make the conversation not move away from it immediately. Either she says right away that that's an option, or you can go back and forth and you can probably tell whether she is enthusiastic or not. If she is, tell her after playing around a bit that it seriously sounds good to you and whether she'd be up for that.

If an option like this (throwing a little bait and seeing if she responds) doesn't work, I'd straight up ask if she wants to talk about these things when you both have plenty of free time. Good luck!!

>>18142213
Thanks man, I really appreciate it. I actually really think this could help me out because i've been doing the opposite things of what you've suggested and i've only now realized how retarded im being. Thanks again.

>>18142358
Thank you anon

>>18142364
No problem, hope it proves helpful to you.