>TL;DR I mistreated my ex, should I apologise or leave her

I got involved with her despite not really wanting a committed relationship because something about her drew me in. But I pretty much used her for emotional support while I fucked other girls (which she had agreed to, but only reluctantly, because I made it clear the only way we'd be together was in an open relationship). I feel like I manipulated this girl, who is honestly one of the most genuinely kind hearted and sweet people I have ever met. (I'm just glad I didn't take away her kindness.) For example one time she helped a random blind guy take his shopping home, carrying his bags and guiding him with her arm around him, just because she felt someone should help him and nobody else was. This kind of behaviour is typical of her. Other examples include making sure a guy puking in the street was only drunk and that he had somewhere to go, or even getting between an arguing couple because she feared the guy would hit the girl. She's a really decent person while I'm selfish and only occasionally kind.

I'm sure we're better off apart - I want to sleep around but she's a couple years older and wants a relationship after having banged probably a fair number of dudes (never asked for specifics but I got the impression she had a high count. I didn't care since I knew on some level how I was going to treat her anyway). She needs more stability as she has self-esteem issues - but I want to apologise for how I treated her. I have mental health issues, which she knows about, but this is where her tendency to try to help everyone worked against her and I basically played her (without meaning to).

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Should I say something or am I being selfish if I interrupt her healing process to clear my own conscience? She was really deeply in love with me but I'm basically a narcissist who can't really love others, even though I tried my best. I care about her and want to make her feel good because I fear that she is hurting. I truly care and this is not self-serving, but maybe it is still a selfish thing to do. Maybe I should keep my guilty feelings to myself.

If I say something to her, what should I say?

I would say go ahead and apologize. The things you've said about her are very kind, and I think anyone would appreciate hearing them even if they don't come from romantic feelings. A little flattery goes a long way in soothing hurt feelings as long as it's genuine and heartfelt. I don't think it would disrupt her healing process as long as you don't give her false hope and don't tell her hurtful things she doesn't know about (it's not clear how much she knows but for example, don't go into detail about saying you loved her when you didn't mean it).

She will get over you eventually, so the important thing is to give her a self esteem boost and create positive associations with the relationship. You don't want her to look back on it and wonder if you faked every little thing, you want her to look back and remember that you thought she was a really good person even if she wasn't right for you.

>>18140285
Maybe this is an excuse for me to talk to her again and draw her/myself back in. I've been missing her a bit and might just be tricking myself into breaking radio silence because I'm lonely and part of me does want her back. I can't allow myself to get her back because that would end with us both being hurt more.

>>18140293
Maybe just give it time then. I assumed you really did just want to apologize, but giving her space is more important at this stage.

Too long didn't read

>>18140335
Yeah, I'll see if I feel guilty again. Getting this off my chest made me feel better but if I start thinking about her and wondering if she feels manipulated again, I'll drop her a message just to let her know I have a high opinion of her.

We did agree to be friends some time in the future, her idea so I doubt she has hard feelingd. I don't really befriend exes but I of course want things to be friendly between us.

Going by the TL;DR, I sort of mistreated my ex and ended up trying to apologize but she ignored me. Nothing will come of it but it may make you feel better