I got involved with a coworker at the time who was in a rocky

I had only been cheated on once before and I had mentioned it to her and how important being faithful was to me. At this point my ability to keep my mind off of things was destroyed. When we're in the car I'm not very talkative and sometimes I seem distant.
Like an idiot, I stay with her. Less than a month later she asks to use my car to go to her mothers. She drops me off at a friends on the way and we kiss and exchange I love you's. That night she barely texts and when she does it's not very convincing. She picks me up the next day and something doesn't feel right. I try to block it out and go get ready for work and she asks if she can use the car again. I say I'd rather use it for the day and later on she texts me saying she got a ride and is at friends. At this point I know there's something she isn't telling me. I text her mother asking when they were last together and it hadn't been for a while. At this point it's 10PM but I still try to contact her through text and she still insists on being with her friend. She comes home at 4AM and all of her things are packed in the trunk of her car which has yet to be repo'd. That was it for the relationship. She moves to her girl friends nearby and we still saw eachother constantly and continued to hook up. I couldn't say no to this girl. I've never been in love but I can say without a doubt this was the closest I had been.
Anyway, a few months pass of us still hooking up and doing things and she sends me a picture of herself with evidence of another man being there. It was her old ex. She admits to using my car to pick him up from jail and being sexually involved for about 4-5 months, all the while we were too. I'm destroyed. I was still very, very in "love" with her. I'm left with a decision, drop it all from my life and never look back or do the right thing and tell him she's been lying to us both. I shouldn't have told him, shouldn't have bothered with it at all anymore but I couldn't not do it. cont-

After telling him he explained that he's not seeing her anymore and how much of a liar she is, how she would tell him how I couldn't please her sexually (when I'd make her scream every night and not to boast but my head game is ridic) just like she told me how he couldn't please her anymore when we first started talking. After some time since she blew up my phone threatening me for snitching she calls crying her eyes out, begging for me to pick her up somewhere. Even to this point I still have feelings for her. I'd never felt this way looking into another persons eyes, being with a person before. Like an idiot I go to her. To make a long story short we start hooking up again but it turned out she was still hooking up with her ex, again. I dropped her from my life at that point but this entire year of stress has left me without a job due to depression, debt to multiple sources, no money whatsoever, no contact with my family because I can't stand to be around anyone and noone can stand to be around me when I get into a mood. I just sit in my room all day, every day watching streams on Twitch of people I wish I had the luck to know in real life. I break down and weep on a daily basis. I contemplate suicide almost constantly, all while having the thought of her in my head. I don't know if I can ever trust someone of the opposite sex they way I put so much trust into her. I'm an attractive guy but I have literally no self worth. I find that meeting someone will ultimately be a waste of time because I'm a shell of who I once was and I just bring people down. How do I cope? My friends don't care anymore. Nobody does.

I didn't explain earlier, she had revealed that she was a cam model but told me she only did solo shows and she didn't enjoy it. All lies. She didn't tell me any of this because she wanted me to stay and I understand the thought process.

I don't even know what I'm doing here. I think to myself why I'm even still alive. Why it's worth it. What possible events could turn the tide and if said events showed face how could I possibly resist the urge to just buckle and return to the thought process I've adopted for almost a year now

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10/10 shitstorm OP, if you are attractive start using tinder. Right now. It goes without saying you also block this histrionic automaton masquerading as a human (and her ex) and never, EVER speak to her again. Get some makeshift self-worth and perspective after a few dates, then get your financial situation under control. I figure the national guard taught you something about discipline and bottling up your emotions -- take advantage of what you've learned. If you can't avoid her where you are, seriously consider moving/getting a transfer. At this point you'll be ready to find somebody worth trusting, just know that it might not be the first person you meet.

Being jaded is better than being dead, and this bitch will kill you if you let her. She will kill you and use your death to wring sympathy out of the next man she traps in this painful sucking loop. You are better than that OP, you deserve more.

Posting this wasn't useless and we all want what's best for you, even if we call you a dumbass. You're going to look back on this and laugh at yourself, in a good way.

>>18137514
It won't hurt to try. Thanks.

>>18137300
>homewreck a guy
>get mad at guy for you stealing his girl

>"Gosh I sure hope the same girl that cheated on him won't cheat with me"

>>18137562
I know it's alot of text to sift through but I explained that she told me she wasn't involved with him anymore and they were breaking up. She told me they hadn't had sex in a month from that point and even then he couldn't get her off without the use of toys.
I REFUSED to have sex with her even for a week or so after she told me this because it didn't feel right.

>>18137276
you're a dumbass. get out of this mess asap.