How much do you think your parents prepared you for adulthood

I don't think anyone's parents COMPLETELY prepare them for adulthood and the real world, but I think my parents did a good job.

>What did they do well
Encouraged me to learn to cook
Taught me good money managing habits
Encouraged me to be independent and do things for myself
Helped my find a job in high school to help me come out of my shell and so I had work experience for the future
Didn't spoil me materially and made me work for things that I wanted but didn't need
Pushed me academically, but never criticised me if I wasn't the best of the best
Let me grow into my own person, didn't try to make me into a mini-them

>what did they do poorly?
They were a bit restrictive in terms of me having a social life. I'm a 'extroverted introvert' though, so it's not as big of an issue as it could be

>>18136406

i feel like there isn't much they can actually do to prepare you. all they can really do is instill the basics of good habits and hope that they carry over.

with the exception of cooking i guess...

My parents did an atrocious job, they only ever taught me what not to do.

>>18136428
Would you have listened if they tried to teach you what to do?

i really believe all parents do the best they can. Biologically humans have a nurturing instinct so I don't believe your parents want to intentionally cause you harm. Unless they're just fucking dicks.

>>18136453
>i really believe all parents do the best they can
Yeah but if they don't know what they're doing, it's not much better than them not doing anything at all.

>>18136449
I don't know, you're basically changing the entire way they would have acted from day one, it's hard to imagine that.

>>18136458
no parent knows what they're doing. Most peoples intentions are "my parents did that to me, so I'm not going to do that with my children"

that's as deep as it goes

>>18136462
>Most peoples intentions are "my parents did that to me, so I'm not going to do that with my children"
You would honestly be surprised. "My parents did this to me so it's normal and everyone's parents must do it to them" is a just as prevalent, if not more prevalent, attitude

>>18136472
sounds like absolute braindead thinking and should only be reserved for those who pushed the incinerator button during the holocaust

>>18136406
>What did they do well

They gave me necessary access to resources I need to learn.
They always encourage me to try and learn new things.
They always be there when I fail/learnt my lesson.
Teach me "who works shall eat"
Teach me there's no thing such as free lunch.
Teach me to suck it up and look at the bigger picture of my goals when I'm stuck.
Teach me that little details made a difference on each person.

>what did they do poorly?
They don't give me any sibilings. (I'm the only child). It's because my mother had problems with her womb, and they having me itself is kinda a miracle, but still... sucks to grow without siblings.

>>18136481
I find it hard to believe that everyone does everything the complete opposite way to how their parents did. And if they did, then every second generation would act and think the same way.

Think about it: how much stuff do you do, just because that was how things were when you were growing up? It doesn't have to be big things, it can be as simple as whether you keep ketchup in the fridge or the cupboard.

>>18136487
I do a lot of things without realizing it because my parents did it. This includes both good and bad things. My Mom reads books and so do I because she made it look like a normal thing to do. However my mom is also extremely paranoid and thinks everyone has some scheme against her and I've unintentionally developed this trait too which I struggle to keep a hold of because it makes me lash out against people who aren't trying to fuck me over.

>>18136487
Generations act differently because of how the world changes over time. Unless everyone grew up isolated, it's pretty difficult to avoid other people.

Well I was raised by a paranoid schizophrenic who my entire family abandoned so I pretty much grew up on my own with the occasional chime of complete madness swinging in to turn everything I knew upside down.
So because of that I pretty much knew how to survive alone since I left my mothers custody at 16.
But at the same time I suffer from a lot of isolation issues and a general poor state of mental health.
so iunno

>>18136501
What about your other parent?

>>18136517
Left when I was 4 because my mom tried to stab him, she thought he was part of a cult and trying to kill her.
The child welfare dicks couldn't have cared less that she wasn't fit to raise a child. Since our foster system is so underfunded and over crowded, and she was still willing to raise me (since I couldn't run away like everyone else); they deemed her "fit".
They denied my dad custody because he was a refugee and ended up deporting him soon after this ordeal.
I have a brother, luckily my grandparents were young enough when he was born, to take him in most of his life. The way my mom and his dad ended their marriage was very similar to the story of my dad leaving.
We're both fucked though. Independent and isolated people with a history of drug addiction and poor mental health.

>>18136590
that sucks mah nigga. Come chill over here homie we'll play some GTA V or some shit

>>18136483
If I fuck your mom, you'll definitely have another sibling.

When I was very young, my parents moved from a village to a city and weren't prepared for urban life that was much more complex. They were naive and didn't adapt well. I grew up clueless and didn't become "aware" until much later than most people.

>>18136860
What do you mean by aware?

My mom put in effort, my dad didn't really. He had a well paying job and was around the house, but didn't put any effort into parenting. He was never involved in punishments, never talked to us about our lives or plans for the future, never tried to teach us anything. He would sometimes take us to the movies or dinner, but otherwise he just sat on the couch.

>>18136406
My dad's very educated and knows money very well. He helped me get educated, motivated and I have a job and house out of it.

He also is oddly antisocial and avoids people. He worked at home and I always had to be quiet and not talk to anyone, that alone fucked me up a bit.

Feeding me lies and false hope.

My parents were nice but completely failed at raising me. They were overprotective and spoiled me, but neglected to get me professional help even after countless incidents. Angry rampages, sexual misbehavior, straight up telling my dad I thought everyone hated me and I wanted to kill myself at 10, everything ignored. It's left me a depressed, anxious, angry shell who never developed any life skills.

>>18136406
They didn't prepare me at all, honestly. I left home with no idea how to do fucking anything. I couldn't cook, didn't know how to send a letter or a package, didn't know how to write a resume, didn't know how to talk to girls (or anyone, really), balance a checkbook or write a fucking check, change a tire, make a hotel reservation or pay my taxes ... I couldn't do shit.

They DID provide a very loving and safe environment for my first 18 years, and always emphasized that I needed to think for myself and that it was OK to make mistakes, so I guess they prepared me to pick up all that stuff pretty quickly. I still can't change a tire, but I live in the city, so I don't even have a car.

They did do one thing really right, and that's read to me every night as a kid. I think I'd be substantially worse off if they hadn't done that. In the balance I'd say I lucked out.

They were authoritarian which gave my sister """"depression"""" but changed to permissive because they don't want their precious little snowflake to kill herself (which would have been better in the long run), so I picked up bad habits because they were way too soft on both of us.

>>18137206
Well, don't you sound like a peach.

I agree they fucked up with you, but in different ways than you probably think.

>>18137217
Whatever you say, but when a spoiled brat is draining your parents for makeup and a bunch of shitty useless luxuries and acts ungrateful for everything, uses mental illness as an excuse to just lay on her bed and do nothing but eat junk and sleep, and when your mother is trying her best and connect with her child and the only thing that comes out of that little shit is silence or just saying "I don't care are" or "I'm apathetic to everything that has to do with you" it makes me just wish she never existed

My mom prepared me as good as she could, withouth her I would be a complete failure. Its a shame that she had to pass so early. My dad however is a lying coward. I just learned not to become like him. The only positive influence he had on me was cooking and eating healthy.

>>18136498
Is reading books not a normal thing to do? It's just a hobby like any other man.

>>18137219
How old is she? This is normal for teen girls, she'll probably grow out of it.

>>18137242
I don't think a lot of people my age are regular readers, I'm 22

Well let's see.
>hiring a babysitter who physically, sexually, and psychologically abused me for abt 8 months @ age 5
Fail

>moved successively over a 4 year period destroying any peer-bonding development
Fail

>years of mom drinking herself into a blackout while dad went on weekly business trips to China n shit.
Fail

I could go on

>>18138111
go on

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>>18136866
My parents were good people. But they were naive and had a poor grasp of unspoken rules and norms. They must have been raised in a time and place where everyone had integrity, and took for granted that everyone else did too.

They were unaware of their ignorance, and consequently not only unable to teach me what they didn't know, but also left me with no indication that I was missing key information and skills.

They prepped me to live on Sesame Street, not in Detroit: City of Tomorrow.

>>18136406
my parents were great people who loved me. I got super lucky.

HOWEVER- they didn't prepare me for shit. I honestly have no idea how I cobbled together a sweetass life when I left at 17. I wasn't taught about laws. Credit cards/money. Jobs. Cooking. Sex.

They didn't make me study or push me into extra curriculars. We were broke as fuck, so that taught me to be grateful I guess.

I knew how to clean/laundry from chores.

I want to say great things about my parents but it would be a sad lie. They were decent people, but not great.

Pros:
>taught me to be conservative with my money
>taught me to avoid lower morals like drug use (I take drugs though, but I can't blame them for that)
>They had strong work ethics and always did what they had to do. Their dedication was actually pretty impressive, unluckily it didn't rub off on me very well.

Cons:
>Super religious muslims which fucked me up a bit because I don't enjoy ritual prayer, the morals in a religion is enough for me. I struggle a lot with my religious identity now. I honestly wish I was born atheist or into a 'weakly' religious family that didn't take the retarded parts of Islam so seriously.
>Mum had her own issues and took it out on my dad and sometimes her kids, I can tell she was unhappy with her marriage and watching the shitshows daily made me an angry and defensive person.
>Overprotective and didn't let me hang out with friends outside home until I was 16 or go to sleepovers or any of the normal whiteboy shit.
>They made sex seem like an extreme taboo (shouted at and made to feel ashamed if you accidentally see a raunchy scene in a movie) and for this reason I didn't even speak to girls much through all of school, which obviously put me behind others. Lets not get started on how long it took me to not feel guilty when masturbating.
>Held us to extreme standards academically, I burnt out at 16 but I was considered a failure after that because even though I passed 16-18 college, I got much worse grades than I did at 16 in my GCSE's, and once you set the bar that high it makes anything worse look like you got smashed in the head by a baseball bat before the exam. This led to self esteem issues.


Ugh, lots more to add but I think they are actually good people, just born into bad circumstances and a different culture.

I don't like to blame my parents for my failures though, it feels wrong and I know they tried.

>>18139333
As a person who was also raised Muslim, I feel you man.

>>18139333
You come from a family of whit muslims? Where did you live?

>>18136406
>parents
lol

>>18139333
How do you responseod to Islamipobic claims. By exploiting the bad parts of Islam to claim that Muslims are just inherently evil and want to take over the world?

>>18139455
explain you nigger

I grew up with a single mom.
She stimulated my creative development in many directions. She got me into reading at an early age, I took swimming lessons, chess lessons, I went to a tae-kwon-do lesson but I didn't like to fight so I didn't continue.
I think all that made me somehow more open to new experiences in general, and also gave me a sense of putting effort into stuff that I'd be interested in.

However she, as a woman, never taught me to toughen up and be a little man, as such I've been weak of character. I am the kind that quits when the going gets though. I'm working on that though. In a way, because of the previously mentioned stimulation, I am flexible and resilient.

In a way, she did great. At the most important stage in my life she helped me develop the core skills that would allow me to trascend my character weaknesses.

>>18136406
They barely tried. They mostly censored the real world from me and filled my head with all these fears about it. Of course they'll deny ever doing this and probably claim I imagined it.

It's not that they were apathetic, they really tried but focused all that effort on the wrong things, kind of like the school system here in the US.

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>>18136406
My parents didn't do a good job. I did weird shit like all the other kids did but I was treated like an animal and demonized for being a kid when I was a kid. My parents were too broke and too busy fighting to raise my brother and I correctly. I lived a shitty life in a safe neighborhood where everyone was rich because I had a unique financial situation where my parents had insurmountable debts that can never be paid off, and if we wanted to declare bankruptcy we'd still have debt to pay for the next 15-20 years and we'd live in a small shitty apartment in a niggerfied city. To top that off someone torched my house to kill us and they were never jailed because they didn't answer their door. They threw me onto my younger brother to take care of me so he resents me to this day. I was never taught basic habits like doing homework and cleaning your room (mother was a hoarder) and they never helped me with anything. I learned to do things easy and i'm by no means stupid, my perception is fairly high and even though I have trouble judging social situations (ADD) it's not hard for me to be a charismatic and diplomatic man when the need arises though I am lazy by nature. I could go on but who cares?

At least they fed me and clothed me so they did that at least.

Papa did too many drugs to be much use.

Mama prepared me for the past.

>dad died when i was 4
>mom decided the ONLY thing i need was to be a good mormon boy

literally nothing. i mean, literally, abso fucking lutely nothing. i had to teach myself almost everything i know down to wiping my ass and shaving. needless to say i hate my mom with every shred of my existence

Not very well. They were both pushing 40 when they had me. As a child they didn't have the energy for me, especially my mom, who became sick and mildly disabled shortly after I was born. As a teen and young adult they had no idea how the world had changed from 30 years ago and couldn't comprehend that the challenges I faced were different than what they faced and needed different answers. They were overprotective and coddling, but didn't bother to get me the professional help I needed and didn't really support me when what I wanted was different from what they thought I NEEDED to do.

They're weren't totally terrible, and it could have been a lot worse, but at the same time the areas they failed were pretty critical and I'm now a miserable adult with no friends, barely any career, social and mental issues, and I'll probably kill myself in a few years.

my mom convince me to get in 100k debt for school, when I had already voiced doubts that I thought it was a bad idea. Should have trusted myself and not done it.

thanks mom

>>18136406
Positives
Taught me morals, were quiet people, mom work PRN so was always around, spent a lot time around grandparents who were very good people, taught us street smarts, weren't spoiled

Negatives
Dad worked way too much and never tried to hang out with us, Childhood obesity. I was grossly overweight and that festered into my teens. I had a speech problem too, so I was bullied. I would cut myself in middle school and would cry myself to sleep. My parents made me feel ashamed and were hard on me when I cried to them. I wanted to go see a therapist and they would just make fun of me. Because of that I never told them about the daily bulling that occurred in school which crippled my social skills and self-esstem until my 20s. I'm still bitter about being overweight as a child desu

>>18136462
Agreed. Didn't have must parental influence since I was about 8. All I learned was how not to make myself look stupid and act like a piece of shit.

My dad is a rapist and chomo to his children (2 girls including me and others by his new woman he had while my mother was trying to divorce him).
I learned nothing from him but how to be possessive to never lose who I love by physical and emotional violence.
My mom is schizo and unstable, has also chested in all of her relationships and marriages.
She never taught me how to properly do my taxes, how to properly fill out paperwork for appointments, how to build a savings account, how to be independent but to become codependent on a boyfriend or husband. She's tried pushing me off onto men before and she has done it again. She taught me with her slutty behavior how to love by not being like her. I'll give her that but I fucking resent that manipulative, self destructive cunt.
I like to think I'm a good girl but I'm damaged goods. Parents suck. I wish I knew what I do now at 16 to prepare for life.

>>18139636

>Doubts about college
>Forced into it
>Now having crippling debt

The bane of our generation.

>>18139648
>((female))
Bold statement. Post pics with timestamp to prove such a bolsterous claim.

>>18139657
I don't know why my dad never stepped in and stopped this from happening. He seems like a reasonable person, I think he just never challenges my mom because he's a bit of a cuck. Well now I'm 100k in debt and he did nothing about it.

>>18139648
>how to properly fill out paperwork for appointments
what the fuck

>>18137242
You'd be surprised at how many people don't read as a hobby. Honestly, about only 25% of people have read a book for leisure in the past year.

>>18139901
What type of books do you read?

>>18136406
Nothing about relationships or opposite sex.
They were not more strict about me studying in high school. But I do not blame them for that I was bullheaded teen.
I guess they gave me good work morale (inb4 wagecuck lol) and teached me to be financially strict, I save a lot and don't spend much on me.
I can cook and bake well which mostly sparked when my parents sometimes came home later from work and asked me to cook so that food is ready when they get home. Seeing them happy for that gave me that spark.

Though lot I had to learn on my own (and have not learned still). Mostly what gnaws inside me are relationships, I am 23 working and living at home and true kvhh. I know that my parents know I've never been into one and it bugs me, do they think I am a failure or just complete social autist (maybe I have 'tism, never diagnosed) that is irredeemable failure.

>>18136406

>What they did well:
Towards the end of my puberty my mom oblighed me to ocasionally cook, clean my own room, do groceries, help out in the garden and whatnot. Which I hated at the time, but it helped me gain household skills and persitiveness.
Apart from those things they never forced me to do things against my will.
My dad taught me how to do my finances
They never spoiled me unessicarily (good for character building)

>What they did poorly
They never discussed with me what I wanted out of life, before I went off to university. Which would have been a good thing in hindsight.

>>18140171
kvhh?

>>18136406
>What did they do well?
Taught me how to take care of myself - healthy diet, exercise, personal hygiene, dentist and general check up yearly.
Taught me how to take care of the house.
Taught me how to cook.
Allowed me to follow all my interests and be curious.
Have been very open and honest.
Supported me financially till I was done with my education.
Gave me strong family values.


>What did they do poorly?
Didn't teach me how to forgive myself when I failed.
Didn't teach me how to communicate my emotions.

I absolutely love them and they've been amazing parents.

>What did they do well?
Always made sure I had shelter and food
Meant well by paying everything for my education
Open minded when it came to friends and girlfriends
Dad's company hired me as an errand boy, good income since 14

>What did they do poorly?
Never did any chores (thus no early work ethic)
Never had any responsibilities in general
Would tolerate all of my shit as a kid
Left me to my own devices all the time
Would occasionally do my homework for me up to senior year

I don't blame them though. Neither of them had an active dad in their lives so they're gonna be pansies about this.

It's hard preparing a kid for adulthood as there is no handbook on that kinda shit. Needless to say I don't think I was prepared well enough.

I had limited contact with friends outside of school because my mother would always say I couldn't go. Thus I began socializing on the internet which got me in trouble a couple of times. I was also abused and the few people I told either didn't believe me or did and couldn't do anything about it. I was never pushed or asked if I wanted to join any kind of club or instrument. So my motivation is lacking, I never won an actual reward before either.
So yeah, I'm painfully shy and quiet, I don't trust people easily, if ever. And I've been in relationships that have in some way ruined my state of being. That being said though, I did have a big family 8+ so I don't blame her.

Paying money while living at home. Showed me life is not for free.

>>18140756
Oh. And I bought my own food and cooked for myself as well. Regarding education issues they told me I should do whatever do what I want since it's my life but I should work towards a spot such as I have all doors open.

>>18140756
jesus, what else did they do that "helped" you, stomp on your dick and tell you that you were a mistake?

>>18140763
Hmm I dunno. I tend to see the positive things I gained from that. Of course I can belittle myself and cry how I never learned how to do my taxes, filling out paperwork and whatnot and cry all my life about how miserable my parents prepared me. Well, my preferred option is to see how I learned the most valueable lesson from all of this and that I don't have been spoonfed and once I bump into some kind of obstacle I look for solutions up myself.

Yeah I worked while going to school and University, I paid rent and learnt about money and the costs of life, I learned how to make my own decision on a very early age and I'm thankful for this years later. Cooked on my own? I could eat whatever I wanted what I wanted without being picky.

Needless to say I look down pretty much on the people attending University and still get everything from momma and poppa and ask them for help everytime they have problems.

I think what my parents intended wasn't the things feel like now but I think this kind of upbringing is one of the best ways to teach someone indepence and the way into adulthood.

>>18140763
And yes. Doing my own laundry, taking responsibilty for my own pets, buying things and clothes and so on was on the list as well. Nothing to bragging about but teaching your kiddos all this is in my experience so far really benefetical.

>>18140780
my parents never charged me rent and I was still familiar with the concept. it's not that complicated, but then again neither are taxes, maybe you're just stupid.

>>18140790
>my parents never charged me rent and I was still familiar with the concept

That's pretty easy to say when you never had to work for this money yourself and just "grasp the concept" but never had to do it actually. I mean I could imagine being a music talent with 12 fingers as well but it's not like I ever made this experience first hand. You didn't for sure this kind even though you might "get the concept". It's about getting a values and a whole different value system regarding moneys worth.

>neither are taxes,
Not like you need to go to University for that.

>maybe you're just stupid.
Maybe. But maybe you're just rude and looking for some internet debates to fulfill your fragile ego.

>parents beat me
>had unhealed concussions
>brain didn't wire properly and now i'm forever broken

I can barely function, so i'd say say they did a bad job

>>18140798
>It's about getting a values and a whole different value system regarding moneys worth.
I went from living at home not paying rent to paying rent just fine, actually spent money on more frivolous things after because I was overvaluing money.
>maybe you're just rude and looking for some internet debates to fulfill your fragile ego.
you're advocating for people treating their children badly so that you can counter-factually pretend yours loved you and it offends me.

>>18140824
>I went from living at home not paying rent to paying rent just fine, actually spent money on more frivolous things after because I was overvaluing money.

It seem like you don't get my point.
You never HAD TO sacrifice your free time for a job while attending fulltime school, you never _had to_ sacrifice sweet weekends thanks your job and meeting up with your friends, you never had to _sacrifice_ anything. It was not optional, it was obligated for me. Of course you tend to value things as weekends and freetime even more so.

I could go on and on.

>you're advocating for people treating their children badly so that you can counter-factually pretend yours loved you and it offends me.

That's one way to see it. You see it as bad, I see it as some kind who actually experience this kind of upbringing as some of the best experience I made in my life. Everyone for their own. If I offend you with my stated experience (that was asked and the thread is about) I'm sorry for you. I recommend not looking in threads like this on this beautiful sunday any longer and pretend different opinions than yours do not exist.

Good day senpai

>>18140843
I most certainly did, just not while I was living in my childhood bedroom costing my parents tiny amounts of money.

Jeez, reading all of these posts shows how well this site attracts the broken and abused. Good to know I'm in such alike company; like being surrounded by people who understand.

My mom, passed a year ago, was loving but weak as a parent, permissive as all hell, even did drugs with us. Got heavy into the addictions as a teen and couldn't get away, cigarettes constantly. Lost her legs to them eventually and then her life, so.. yeah. Wasn't too great a person but she was weak, can't blame her. My pops says she worked hard with him for maybe 10 years and it seems it wasn't enough, kids weren't that drive she needed to push herself.
My pops is 62 now, getting older, still very strict. Has slowly eased since he can't beat his kids anymore, due to his age and ours, and was the moral high ground master that couldn't be denied for that childhood. Part of me wishes I could say positive things, like him putting us into Catholic school even though we weren't baptized, very odd choice. Ended up getting us treated like the demon children of the school. The abuse from not getting straight A's in everything had me sent to live with my mom after gradeschool, which soiled a lot of my formative years while my sister got to go to an all girl's private school. Once she graduated, she came to live with us, swearing she was trying to "save me" and not just escape my dad, leaving him time to cool off. Not a whole lot of lessons or anything being taught in this whole span, as you can see. Kind of just got shuffled along through life and now I'm 25 and my dad just wants me to get a job and leave.

>>18137244
That's not normal, she needs psychological help, immediately

>>18141096
She needs a good dicking

They did a great job with my 3 brothers, I guess I just refused to listen. Became rebellious, dropped out of school, did drugs and partied and lived fast, but unfortunately not fast enough to die before 25.

Now at 27 I actually listen to them. They're good people.

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I can't answer that

however I think it's telling that after college I moved back in with them and at 24 I have absolutely zero desire to move out again, ever

>>18142405
You fuck your mom probably

>>18142564
how do you figure?

>>18142579
Cause I did to

>>18142689
top heh

>>18142704
DUBS confirm