I feel so cucked all the damn time. If I work hard then I'm

So what do you do for a living?
To me work is work and it is just a means to an end.
Everything else is probably not worth overthinking. If you arent obsessed with something in particular already and working on it its likely you are never going to get far.
Just take life easy and enjoy it while it lasts.

"People". You are just projecting. You found an easy answer so you cling to it. You probably don't have anyone specific in your life to even blame. Just DO something. Who cares what it is. Fucking forge knives if that's what you want to do. You just sound autistic. You can literally google anything and learn how to do it on your own.
>all work is brain dead except for hard stem research
Who cares if its brain dead? You don't have to make work the focus of your whole being. Install internet cables if you have to. Then do something else on your off time.

me too op me too
recently I've been trying the 'I'm getting cucked all the time because I keep listening to other people' route of things
Started with my parents, and from then on out my life has been altered by people's stupid choices that I had to go along with cause I was a kid and all. 24 now, working on getting out of a victim complex and going for what my gut tells me. Going back to school because I'm so fucking bored with my job prospects, I do IT repair right now making 40k but it's so fucking boring I want to die. Going back to finish math degree and study entrepreneurship and comp sci. Might go into biotech or VR.
The what and how should be answered by you, other people will just give you shitty answers that work for them, but even the people that are closest to you don't understand your condition in life as much as you do.
You said you are too cowardly to follow your own path and tastes - this is where I feel I can relate the most to you. The truth though is that that is exactly what you need to do. So take a step back and gather up your courage and fucking do it. You aren't gonna get it all done in one go or even a few years, but keep fucking going anon. I believe at you.

also I've learned that mistakes made by my own choices are way less painful than the repercussions of choices that I made based on what other people think I should do. I've been on a 2 year depression bender and any choices I made myself that turned out bad has way less of an impact on my self esteem than feeling like I'm just a beta faggot that may as well not have any free will because I'm weak and a blind follower.
>I am too cowardly to go my own path and follow my own tastes.
Trust me OP living your life according to the doctrine of others is way more horrifying. I hope you can take this advice now, otherwise maybe you need a couple more years of getting cucked by people before you can overcome the fear of following your own path. Anger and disgust have become my allies instead of being drivers for anxiety attacks.

the problem is you think youre special but youre not. why do you think you (and only you!) sees through a murky haze to the truth in all things? how is it out of the tens of billions of humans past and present that only you have come across this quandary, for surely any others who did would have recorded their findings? the truth is, youre a rand like everyone else, grow up and get doin

you also have no self esteem and base your opinion on what others perceive you as. again, grow up