Anyone here truly /confident/? Tell me about yourself and how

>>18133829
Confidence is not binary. It waxes & wanes with time, depending on what specific thing you're trying to do, and the people you're with.

In what circumstances do you want to be confident? What are your current thoughts & feelings about those circumstances?

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>>18133829

>Tell me about yourself and how you got to that point.

All through high school I was overweight and tall and awkward and I wasn't really confident at all. I thought I was some kind of freakish anomaly but it wasn't until I graduated and became an adult did I realize that every person I've ever met has some discernible insecurity.

>Were you always like that or did you have to fight for it?

I always had the capacity to be confident because ever since a child I just didn't care. I had nerdy hobbies and an obsession with music and I ate lunch alone in the band room at school but I didn't really care because I loved it so much. Popularity didn't phase me, but women was always a point of stress for me. Something in my childhood kind of programmed me to equate getting female attention with self-worth.

Again, it wasn't until I graduated and hit my mid twenties did I finally come to terms with myself, get comfortable in my own skin and accept my shortcomings. I'm still kind of overweight and awkward but I have no problem interacting with women. I'm sure a lot of them think I'm a tubby hunk of shit but I don't really care anymore. The ones that are interested come to me and the ones that aren't don't.

Also, my dedication to music in my younger years panned out. I now tour as a fairly successful electronic musician and being a performer and learning how to entertain on stage did wonders for my confidence and ability to do what I love and be who I am without shame. Now its the girls that are nervous to talk to me and although I'll never really understand that part it is flattering and amusing.

My advice is to find something you love and dedicate yourself to it. Passionate people are magnetic people.

>>18133829
I'm confident that I'm unconfident.

>>18133894
>Confidence is not binary.
I agree with this. To rephrase what I said, I was referring to "confidence" as just a consistently high sense of self worth. In a more general sense too, not really in a specific activity or scenario.

>In what circumstances do you want to be confident?
I can't take rejection and failure. I want to maintain my confidence through these things. I'm hurt by even small things, be it relating to my job, friendships, etc. Some people seem to be incredibly good at moving on from these things, I'm terrible at it.

>>18133829
It came with time.
I was a nervous beta loser until I got a divorce. Divorce was public, of course, so everybody knew she'd been cheating on me for years. Public humiliation. I had nothing and was looking for loose coins in the seat to buy gas. House was stripped like the Grinch had come through.
But on my way home I felt happy for the first time I could remember. Did whatever the fuck I wanted.
Suddenly no fucks were given and I was confident., I honestly didn't care any more what anybody thought.
Soon got promoted. Girls love the no fucks given.
Live is good man.

JUST BE A HAPPY MOTHERFUCKER AND DONT GIVE A GOT DAYM SHIT ABOUT ANYONE. WALK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG. TALK LIKE A MAN. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE

>>18133953
YEAH WHAT THIS GUY SAID

>>18133829

im pretty confident, though one thing you should keep in mind is that confidence is not a broad stroke, everyone is confident about different things.

the following examples are cliches, but the nerd is confident that he can ace the test, and the jock is confident he can win the game. netiher feels confident in the other persons situation.

now people are more complex than 80s movie stereotypes, sure, but the idea is the same.

I'm confident in my looks because I know i can get partners that i find attractive, even if there's some rejections along the way.

I'm confident in my career because I have all the amazing things I've done at the office to back that up.

Confidence is defined as just the belief in the truth of something. so without a truth, there is no confidence.

is the reason we laugh at 'confident' people who are ugly or fat or stupid. because what they have isn't confidence, its arrogance.

but one thing you and I and most people can be confident about is the truth of social situations. and the truth is, that most of them DONT matter. very little of what we do affects our life in the long term. problems usually don't actually get solved, we just stop caring about them as no real consequences emerge.

the problem is we will obsess over them for a long period of time before that happens. a guy asks out a girl, gets rejected and spends weeks agonizing over how embarassing that is even though literally no one else cares. by the next day the girl has stopped thinking about it and by next week she cant remember it unless reminded.

but he chooses to suffer despite nothing actually happening.

last year i as at the great horror campout, where they test different fears. most of them are just mazes with people in costumes, but one was weird, it was a tiki hawaiian ruins set up and you were told to strip to appease tiki.

>>18133829
>>18134004


so most people strip to their underwear, but im ballsy so i strip naked. what i wasnt expecting was them to put me on the stage in front of everyone. i do not have a great body, not a fat body, but no definition to speak of.

so i was pretty nervous but then i realized, it literally doens't matter. some people would see me naked, and it would be awkward, but im never gonna see these people again, so whats it matter? so i had fun and shook my junk and won some prize.

then afterwards one of the dudes commended me for my bravery saying he could clearly never do that, and we actually became friends and hung out for the rest of the night (his GF was there but she left early).

point im trying to make is that there were no real consequences to being a human and doing what you want. asking out a girl, or getting naked on stage, or saying something stupid doesn't lead to any real consequence other than people who dont matter having opinions you shouldnt care about.

so at the very least, have confidence in that.