Hey everyone. I hope you all are having a good night. I was

>>18128859
Hi Anon. I can imagine your pain. I too struggle with major depression. I've had quite a few people walk out on me too. It hurts so badly that there's no feeling sometimes, like all the sadness is suffocating and choking my neck and I just want to die. For me, I force myself to talk with my counsellor and my friends. I feel afterwards and it's not easy, but there are some days that are better than others. You can get through this Anon. Your sadness and isolation do not define you. Don't forget that.

>>18128880
I dunno bro, i tried CBT before. And i was in therapy a lot when i was a kid. My parents had forced me to go. I've seen 7 or 8 therapists total, and the three that i can remember were borderline abusive to me.

They told me things like "you're a terrible person", "how does anyone put up with you" and the most recent one told me "just do it then" when we were talking about my persistent problems with suicidal ideation. Thankfully i don't have those thoughts anymore, but it was still tough to hear.

I know my experience is not indicative of all therapists, but i makes me hesitant to try again. Like maybe it's something i can fix myself. Maybe I'll try another office or something.

It feels like the isolation does define me. It seems like if there wasn't something profoundly wrong with me, I'd be able to talk to women i find attractive, and not stutter like a retard.

Thank you for taking the time to type that out to me. It means a lot.

>>18128896
I'm angry that people with the title therapists would say such awful things to you and treat you without dignity and respect. How disgusting. You're a beautiful human being even if you don't believe it of yourself. I understand what it feels like to believe you're defined by the sadness and isolation. I used to feel defined by my sadness. I'd even come to accept it as reality and tried taking my own life on a few occasions. But I was wrong. How we feel, the chemical imbalances in our brain, the words that people say to us, none of that defines who we are as individuals, as people. Only you can define yourself. I mean what I say Anon. I believe there's a better day someday. I believe that you're priceless. I believe all humans have intrinsic value but that sometimes we can't see it in ourselves because of so much hurt and pain. You're not alone Anon.

>>18128918
You're awesome man. Thank you for talking to me. I really appreciate it. And it wasn't all their fault. I'm pretty irritating to deal with concerning that stuff. Like with what you said. I mean, it all sounds great. And I'd like to believe it. But the fact of the matter is that i don't have anyone here. I Don't have anyone to make happy. I Don't have anyone to cuddle up to in my bed, who will set her alarm for me to make sure i don't oversleep for work. Those are the things i miss, and that makes me feel more alone than anything.

It's not like i specifically miss my ex either. I Just miss having someone.

"Not alone" feels pretty damned lonely.

Again, thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I'm sorry if i seem argumentative.

>>18128859
Download my fitnesspal app and set it to lose 2 pounds a week. Change your foods over to lean low cal foods like chili, chicken, chicken nuggets, eggs ect. Try to work out an hour every day or two.

If you want to be treated as attractive then just become attractive. Don't truck yourself into thinking women are super different than men, 90 percent of them are out there trying to fuck the most attractive guy they can find or the highest acceptable range for themselves.

>>18129051
>chili
>chicken nuggers
Wat

>>18129051
I've tried so many times to lose weight. It seems pointless at this point. I'm about thirty pounds lower than my highest weight. I could still stand to lose thirty or so more though.

I'll try again. I'll make it stick this time.

Just a respectful bump for the morning crowd. I know this is kind of a hard thing to give advice for, but if anyone has anything for me, I'm all ears.

>>18128859
You're overloading yourself, leaving too little you-time. If you're in school fulltime, you shouldn't be working more than 20 hours tops. If you have to work fulltime, you should take fewer classes even if that means slowing down your progress.

All work and no play. . . . .

>>18129321
I just want to be worth something. And if i stay busy, ill get there faster. Does that make sense?

>>18128943
I don't think you're being argumentative m8 it's all good. I understand your missing having someone. Does having someone make you feel worth something?

If so, having someone won't make your depression and sadness and emptiness go away. Sure, for a time you won't feel it and you'll feel on top of the world. But, trust me, from experience, it's still there. Only you yourself can accept yourself and give yourself the intrinsic value you already possess. No amount of acceptance from others is going to help you if you can't accept yourself.

I wish you well and all the best :)

>>18129867
Thanks anon. You're right. I just don't know how to appreciate myself. It seems like there's nothing worth appreciating. I'll work on that.

>>18128859
Dont do anything you'll regret cuz 'muh hopelessness' and it will go away.

You're a normal guy going through some normal shit. Don't blow it out of proportion.

>>18128859
the smarter you are the more you'll worry about shit

i dont know what the solution is, and even though i tried to fight this myself for a long time, the best thing for you is a girl that you can trust and share your life with

easier said than done

>>18130813
Nah i wouldn't do anything rash. I'm just kinda Trying to do the best i can with staying busy and just kinda wait it out. Doesn't seem to be an end in sight for feeling like this though.

>>18130746
Hey it's all good :) and learning to accept and appreciate ourselves is a bit different for everyone. Some people write out reasons why they're worthy. Try looking in the mirror and telling yourself you have intrinsic value and worth. Starting there can be the beginning of something different.

>>18131018
Sounds a little out there but I'll give it a try. Thanks anon.