CALLING ANY HEAVILY RELIGIOUS ANONS! (Nonreligious femanons welcome)

>>18126400
Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Discuss everything. Be honest. Listen.

>>18126415
This, anon. Femanon raised in religious family but secretly nonreligious here. Tell her and discuss it with her. Be clear what your intentions are.

Cut your losses. This is a lost cause- a lack of religious cohesion in a couple is disastrous.

>>18126421
Don't be so categoric jon snow

>>18126415
>>18126420
>>18126400
To clarify when I say everything's great, i mean we do everything a couple would do besides have sex and kiss. She's never kissed anyone, still a virgin, she's 23 years old and nevercuddled with anybody other than her parents until the first time in her life last week (me.)

When I mentioned it was probably a good thing I didn't kiss her she implied (vaguely) that she would've welcomed it. She's infatuated with me but doesn't want to admit it.

I've known her for 3 years in passing, because her best friend is my best friends GF. I've had sex with numerous women in that timeframe, some in the same room as my friend and his gf while they did the same. I've also been a heavy smoker for the majority of my life.

Because the girl I'm in love with is aware of all of this, she feels I'll never put God first, and any attempt I make at changing will be for the wrong reasons. I've made a personal vow to abstain from sex until marriage for my own personal improvement, but I feel like she feels I only made that change for her. The only change I've made for her is that I've stopped smoking around her, and I'd stop altogether if she gave me a chance. I've told her this but she never communicates her thoughts or emotions with me, I always hear about them later from her friends and family. Everybofy from her mother to her 3 closest friends is trying to talk her into giving ing me a chance but she won't do it.

The main dilemma I'm facing is that she refuses to pursue a relationship because I'm not Christian enough, and she dismisses any attempt I make at being a better Christian because she feels I'm doing it for the wrong reasons and don't put God first. She claims to know that I don't, and claims that my love isn't godly, when I wholeheartedly disagree.

How do I overcome this? Every bone in my body is fully aware that she's the one, I just don't know how to make the next step.

>>18126430
For the record the only reason I haven't entirely stopped smoking is because I haven't come across anything in the Bible that suggests that I should, and it's been more beneficial for me than any prescribed medicine I've taken thus far. I feel it's more of a gift from God whereas she feels it's completely wrong.

Every alteration I've made to my behavior and morality has been strictly in efforts to better myself, for myself. I just needed to see that despite everything I feel for her, my path is my own and I'm not piggybacking religion just to strengthen our bond, but simply telling her that isn't enough.

Firstly I'd pray about it, you'd be surprised at the clarity you may receieve from above and after that I'd go with what the first anon said. Talking out your problems with her is the only way you're gonna see some sort of change or progression. The last thing you want is to spend extra time with someone who isn't dedicated or wants anything more with you.

God bless and good luck anon

>>18126477
Thanks :)

Most of my prayers on the matter have been answered. 3 months I ago u would've never imagined holding her in my arms. Ik she wants more out of us, but I reallyeally don't know how to get her to open up more. We've talked about it numerous times.. the first conversation pretty much sounded like "you're just a friend to me and you shouldn't get your hopes up." The 20th conversation sounded like "I wish you would have kissed me, but idk how I would've responded because I've never been in that situation"

Comparing the two of say Progress is definitely being made, but despite praying for further guidance I just can't seem to get her to commit to us. The only answer is to get closer to God but that's the one thing that makes her question my integrity. I just feel like I'm swimming against a current

>>18126400

Hmm i come from that background OP. For all intents and purposes, I should be living exactly like your girl is now and was on the track to doing so, but my life took some surprising turns and I've turned to the dark side.

I know people like her, and I myself would have the same sentiment were i in her position. Being in the same direction ad intensity of religion is pretty important, as it dictates your worldview and life priorities, etc. She knows shes infatuated with you, but she's being logical in thinking long-term when it comes to making life decisions - like indoctrinating her kids to be hyper religious; being willing to drop everything and go do missions in some dangerous ass place. And even small daily decisions too.

Further, the Biblical place for a man is to lead. In the home, and in God. You cannot lead her when she is ahead of you in the spiritual journey. It's a similar concept as a highly capable and successful girl considering dating a not-so-successful guy with little ambition.

Testimony is important, and it would take a lot for you to get away from your past lifestyle and decisions.

I'm inclined to say it's a lost cause matey. Even if you manage to weedle her into being with you, I'm willing to bet she won't be 100% there. And are you so sure you really want to live with such an intense god-girl for the rest of your life?

I'm sorry if this is hard to hear, but this is my honest opinion. I wish you no ill-will

File: 1481162231995.jpg (53KB, 772x580px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 772x580px

based YHVH converts another one with sweet tang

>>18126501
Yeah, I get what your saying. Her devotion is honestly what's so appealing about her. I'm 1000% certain this is what I want, and I've never seen somebody strive so hard to be Christlike in everything they do.

I'll keep in mind what you said about leading. I may be wrong, but I believe you've indirectly answered my question. The progress we've made has been entirely by my lead, and she seems to be patiently and silently waiting to see what happens next, while pretending she's not interested.

I think I might just have to show her via action that she's wrong about me, being assertive rather than passive.

>>18126494
Have you ever had a conversation where you poured out your heart and explained everything you felt? Talk to her about where you are spiritually and why you're where you are, why you want to be with her, etc.

>>18126537
Everything besides that last part. I'm actually not sure precisely why I want to be with her...

Ik how she makes me feel, and I've explained that to her Numerous times. Ik I want to be there for her and help her through anything and everything. Ik I want kids with her and I feel like she'd make an amazing mother. But idk if those are reasons i want to be with her or not

>>18126517

>I'll keep in mind what you said about leading. I may be wrong, but I believe you've indirectly answered my question. The progress we've made has been entirely by my lead, and she seems to be patiently and silently waiting to see what happens next, while pretending she's not interested.
>I think I might just have to show her via action that she's wrong about me, being assertive rather than passive.

Yes, I think then you'd be speaking in a language she understands. But, once you start speaking, there is no guarantee that she will agree with what there is to say.

Apart from this, I wonder if you're truly getting it. Your comments seem to indicate that you're not.

For example, you mention doing things for self improvement, and knowing that being with her is what you truly want. This is not the thinking of a hyper-christian. The hyper-christian knows that the sole purpose of man is for the glorification of God and nothing else.

Out if the three moral categories of 'wrong', 'grey area' and 'right', self improvement within the second, and there's nothing wrong with it. But, the hyper-christian doesn't care to waste time on 'just ok' or 'grey' - they want to spend their energy on the explicitly right and good. And the definition of good is to be in the will of God. For a hyper-christian, self-improvement is only worthwhile if it can be used towards the purpose of serving God. Otherwise it is useless.

So do you see? A hyper-christian doesn't abstain from sex before marriage for self improvement, but solely because it is express will of God to do so.

In regards to this relationship being what you want, as in line with above, what you want doesn't matter. The only thing that matters with agency in life is how you can serve God and bring glory to Him.

This is what she's thinking. "I want this, but is this good for the purpose of the will of God?".
It appears that her conclusion is no.
But she *could* still be waiting for more information.

Cont...

...cont.

Tl;dr: she's a hyper-christian; you're not. She *thinks* differently to you, at a very basic level.

Paradoxically, the only way to get her would be to turn your face to Christ and be willing to sacrifice everything, including being with her. Because that's what she's doing with you. And even then it may not be God's will.


>Oh God, I'm preaching
>Mfw I haven't talked like this in years

Again, please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not belittling or attacking you or anything. Know that you're miles ahead of me - a person who has explicitly turned from God. On judgement day there will be a higher place in Heaven for you than me. At least you're *on* the journey.

I just want you to have a clear picture of the situation, and to think seriously about how you want to proceed.

>>18126591
Hmmm... I'm not sure what your situation is, but I don't believe there's any hierarchy in terms of your place in heaven. Pretty sure we're all equally loved and accepted, but what do I know lol.

You make really solid points here, and I truly do understand what you're telling me.. just being stubborn is all lol. You're absolutely right, I'm not well enough versed in how to live for the glory of God. That's the main reason I bought a bible, so I can learn to live for him entirely.. I'm just not there yet, and I can see where she acts as a distraction for me, I'd probably be the same for her and I don't want that. You've given me a lot to consider, and I appreciate that.

I'm not sure what your reasons are for choosing a darker path, but I'll pray for you nonetheless

>>18126430
Cut a contact to minimum. Dont meet her, dont talk to her on the phone alot. If she asks why make it clear it hurts you to be with her if you "cant be with her". If seperation like that wont force her to act i doubt anything will. And i speak from experience. I was similiar to her once. She needs to get her priorities straight, cause at this point sje dorsnt know what she wants herself. And trust me, no amount of convincing will get through to her. SHE has to be the one to realize that. The only thing you should tell to her aside from how you feel is about what i just wrote. This MIGHT get her thinking. Thats what did it for me. Give her some time afterwards and if nothing happens, move on...