I am a girl, 25, I've been with my SO for 10 years. I am

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Obviously not, if nothing sexual happened and you aren't catching the feels for this guy, then I fail to see what you're doing wrong.
Tell this boyfriend of yours that he needs to get a life and if he's so mad, then he should read to sleep.

>>18124683

How did he only find this after 10 years? Don't you two live together at this point?

It's not cheating, but I understand why your partner would feel somewhat deceived. Have you asked your SO to read you to bed? Have you tried audiobooks? It's totally cool to speak extensively to online friends, but it is odd that you'd see this online person as /the/ crutch to get you to sleep every night. Seems intimate that this dude is literally better than medicine for you.

>>18124715
No, no romantic feelings. We're good friends, but nothing else.

My boyfriend said it is really intimate and I shouldn't do something so intimate with someone else. I didn't even think about it as an intimate act.
My friend just says he likes reading, he isn't bothered by doing it out loud and he's happy to do it since I helped him learn my native language. He has a very nice voice and is very relaxing to listen to him.


>>18124718
He always known I love being read to, and we live together.
If my friend reads me to sleep he calls me at 1-3 AM my time when my boyfriend is already sleeping, and I go sleep on the sofa to not wake my boyfriend up. If I wake up in the middle of the night I move back to bed, but it's usually easier to fall asleep at that point.

>>18124729

So, you were sneaking around and not sharing a part of your life. Even if you didn't ever lie about it, you hid it. You never offered him the opportunity to help you, so it seems this is more about the other dude and less about you needing to be read. After all, your BF could do it.

Sorry, but I have to give this one to him. This looks sketchy as hell for you.

>>18124725
>Have you asked your SO to read you to bed?
Yes, he doesn't like reading to me. He doesn't read books almost at all.

>Have you tried audiobooks?
Yes, they don't work for me.
My friend has a very smooth and deep tone of voice, his accent is very relaxing, and he kinda whispers when he reads. Being read to and audiobooks are a completely different feeling.

We also don't talk every night, it happens less than once a week. Anyway he's better than medicine at getting me to sleep, but mostly because my medicine sucks and it makes me feel super awkward unless I fall asleep fast.

>>18124738
My boyfriend doesn't want to read to me. I asked him since we got together, he always refused.
I didn't mention it because I never felt like it was important. He knows we talk on skype.
I don't sneak around, I just move to the couch to not wake him up - talking on the phone while you're sleeping next to someone is awkward.

>>18124744

If he never found out, then you were "sneaking around" with it. I don't mean it literally, I mean it in the sense that it was a part of your life he doesn't seem to take a part on.

Ok, so he doesn't like reading to you. Fine. If you were here telling us you just had the conversation and he refused I'd be more sympathetic. But you are here because he is hurt.

Even if your relationship with Book Dude is not dangerous and doesn't threaten your relationship with your SO, do you at least understand why he feels bad?

>>18124749
No, I genuinely don't. My relationship with Book Dude (love the nickname) is not dangerous and it doesn't threaten my relationship with my SO, so why the fuck should he feel bad?
I don't feel bad when he goes visiting female friends or talks to them on the phone for hours, I never felt bad about any of his friendships.
I don't get why this seems to be such a big deal when it's something pretty harmless to me.

I asked him to read to me at least 15-20 times and he always rejected. When we got long distance for 6 months I even bought him a book of fairy tales written to be read on the phone, and he didn't even open it.

>>18124767
>I don't get why this seems to be such a big deal when it's something pretty harmless to me.

Does he have a secret with a girl? Even a non-sexual one. Just something that he does only with this particular girl and that he never told you about in ten years. Something that he does at the house you two share. Something that he does while you sleep. Something that predates your relationship with him.

Can you see it now?

>>18124778
THIS.

>>18124767
If your BF sneaked out while you sleep once a week to play chess with some random girl and you only found out know, wouldn't you be mad, or at least find it strange he never told you?

>>18124778
He knew we talked on the phone late at night when I couldn't sleep, he just didn't know about the reading thing.
I don't see how the reading thing is a huge game changer.

Anyway, yeah. I understand why he feels so bad. I still think it's pretty retarded, but I understand.

>>18124787
I wouldn't honestly give a fuck.
I don't stay up till late at night purposely to talk to my friend, it just kinda happens when my pills don't work and he is around.
If he woke up at 5 AM and he played chess with a friend of his, I wouldn't give a fuck.

>>18124778
I don't even see the secrecy as the problem. I think intimacy is the problem. Book Dude gives you something SO cannot; Book Dude has a voice that soothes you, and SO is hurt because he is just finding out that for years your insomnia has been aided--not by your partner--but by a friend that knows your medical vulnerability and is able to assist you in a way the SO can't.

Don't get me wrong: I don't think you've intentionally danced around the read-to-sleep part because in your mind it's reasonable that, if your boyfriend doesn't want to read, why not have a "just-friend" do it for you? But my guess--and this is what you need to understand--is that your partner now feels like he's failing you because you have made another person the key instrument in ridding of your health problem. A friend who reads better than paid audio actors--this friend is doing something with his smooth, whispery voice that your bf does not believe he can provide.

>>18124805

Thanks for adding to my idea. I didn't even think about that aspect of it, I focused too much on how it was discovered.

I just think that if she had been upfront about it, this discussion would have been settled a long time ago. It's blowing in her face because she kept it secret, and the more time they spent together, the "worse" it was gonna be when it came out.

I have insomnia and, if yours is anything like mine, your partner has probably seen some complete breakdowns from exhaustion. I've spent nights shaking and crying because I can't function after a night of pacing meaninglessly--and my boyfriend is helpless. I can see why a long-term partner would be upset when someone other than a medical professional solves a longstanding health problem as if it was nothing to him. And, in your place, I damn well would become addicted to my Skype friend's voice if it helped my mind shut off long enough to sleep.

>>18124801
Not either of the dudes you replied to, but this sounds retarded that hes fine with him talking to you but not reading to you. Have you asked him why he can't read to you? If its because of a legit reason other than its weird as fuck (i.e doesn't have time or has to sleep early) then you should really respect how he feels. Also, have you tried asking HIM why it upsets him?

>>18124821
> have you tried asking HIM why it upsets him?
I didn't have the chance. We argued this morning at breakfast and then I went to work. When I got home, he left for work already. He'll be home in 4 hours.

>Have you asked him why he can't read to you?
He doesn't enjoy reading. He hates reading out loud, and always felt weird about reading me to sleep. If he happens to read me something out loud he does it in a super annoyed way.
He actually would has such an amazing voice and I'd love to fall asleep to him.

I do respect him and won't ask my friend to read me to sleep again if it upsets him, but I couldn't understand his point of view.

>>18124818
I had just a couple of really bad breakdowns when my medication stopped working and I was sleeping 45-50 minutes at nights, but now with meditation, exercise, diet, medication and a lot of luck I can sleep most nights now.
How are you doing now? Found anything that works for you?

Maybe I can introduce you to my friend and his hella soothing voice.

>>18124805
He started reading to me 3 months ago. I don't think it matters much, but just to give a right context.

I can understand that. I'll try to talk to him about it. I don't want him to feel insecure over this, it was just useful and really soothing before bed.
I used some audio recordings of "night time stories" that I found online, but it's so hard to find anything that doesn't sound like DD/lg fetishism.
God damn.

>>18124869
Haven't found anything yet, but my doctor recommended to try meditation alongside everything else. This completely derails the thread, but I'd be interested in knowing how you taught yourself to meditate.

>>18124945
I am absolutely terrible at it, to be frank. My mind is kinda restless so whenever I tried for the first few weeks I was just getting overwhelmed by the fact that I was bad at it. My meditation was like *breathe in* "holy shit, I'm awful" *breathe out* "I can't even focus on breathing" and so on.

It took me two weeks to be able to focus on my breath for more than two inhalations, but eventually after a year I can resist for five minutes. It was mostly just practice. No fancy trick to teach you, unfortunately.
There are some pretty valid guides online.
I usually just focus on the feeling of flowing air in my nostrils till my mind calms down, then I do feel that relaxation and feeling of mindfulness.

>>18124956
Thank you! I'll check online. The doctor recommended that I try neurofeedback to help condition myself into relaxation, but it's so expensive and insurance doesn't cover it :/

Hope all works out with your partner!